#129. The Substandard on Incredibles 2, Pixar, and Dishwashers

2018-06-21 · 57:00

Listen to this episode ↗on Substack, where the show lives now

Dudes Chatting — Incredibles 2 and Pixar: Sonny and Vic saw Incredibles 2 (JVL did not). The film picks up immediately after the first; themes include a superhero PR campaign, a Screen Slaver villain who hypnotizes through screens, and a timelessly stylish mid-century aesthetic. Sonny: more intellectual exercise than emotional gut-punch; the Elastigirl monorail set piece is excellent; he's slightly cooler on it than the fan consensus. Vic liked it, correctly pegged the sister as the villain early, and appreciates that the capitalist brother turns out to be a good guy. The Pixar short "Bao" baffles Vic, who thought the mom ate her actual fat son. JVL then delivers a contrarian Pixar provocation: he's tired of the tearjerker formula and lists his bottom five — Toy Story (#5, "insanely overrated"), Monsters University, Cars 3, Cars 2, and Cars (worst). Sonny argues Toy Story 3 should have ended at the furnace. John Lasseter's credit in the film prompts the observation that Disney's response suggests something more than "awkward hugs" is involved. Weekend chat: JVL's new Bosch dishwasher delivered an episodic loading-philosophy monologue (handles down, like with like, knives back-left); Kate is unhappy with the new regime. Sonny's basement renovation revealed a "kill room" with a drop ceiling. Vic had a Father's Day Knights of Columbus buffet disaster (corned beef hash plus scrapple in the same sitting).

Box Office: Incredibles 2 opened #1 at $180M — a Pixar record. A Wrinkle in Time appears to have been paired with Incredibles 2 at drive-ins to help it artificially cross $100M ($6,800/screen average versus a normal $583).

Beer of the Week: Budweiser Freedom Reserve (George Washington's recipe, brewed by veterans).

Full transcript

Guest00:00:00"Did you wash your hands with soap? Did you dry them? What? Is this all vegetables? Who wanted all vegetables? I did. So, are we going to talk about it? What? The elephant in the room. What elephant?

Vic00:00:29Hello and welcome to another edition of The Substandard, sponsored by ExpressVPN and Quip electric toothbrush. I'm Victor Matus along with Sonny Bunch and Jonathan V. Last. I'd like to remind you The Substandard is available on iTunes, Google Play, and Stitcher. Just look at our podcast and search for Substandard. You'll easily find us. Please subscribe, tell your friends, and leave a review. Gentlemen, how are we? JVL, I had to scratch something off the script, which was "How was Father's Day?" and then I just had to, for some reason, that was off the script and now it's just "How are you?"

JVL00:00:59Yeah, yeah. We're buying a dishwasher. Ah.

Vic00:01:04The, uh... The Bosch. I'm not going to jump-step on the line, so go ahead and tell us about it. This is the one... Don't you already have a dishwasher? Yeah.

JVL00:01:10The Bosch has given up the ghost, as it were. The old Bosch. Do you know why? The old Bosch. Yes. I see. Do you know why? Why? Improper utensil loading. Years upon years of improper utensil loading took its toll. Look, the Swiss engineers can't account for human error. They can't do that.

Vic00:01:31Does it say on the screen, like, "You have loaded this improperly"? Is that what it says?

JVL00:01:34They can make the machine perfect. They can't perfect the person. Explain the improper and what happens. Just saying that when you load it improperly, the rate at which the soiled food particles comes off, it just extracts more stress on the engine parts than it should be. It says so clearly in the manual. There's a proper way to load it and an improper way to load it.

Vic00:01:58You ever see these commercials for dishwashing machines, and it'll be like, "Oh, you put the whole casserole dish in. There's huge chunks of lasagna still in it." Those people deserve to be shot, because I'm not doing that. Okay, so this one, tell us what makes this so... Wait, wait, wait.

Sonny00:02:13Go ahead, Sonny. I was going to tell you my dilemma. Wait, wait, wait. Before we get to that, please to be explaining the improper versus proper method of loading utensils.

JVL00:02:24Yeah, he still didn't get into that. We talked about that on the show once, didn't we?

Sonny00:02:27Probably, but I don't remember. This is our 80th show, so I don't remember. Look, it's easy.

JVL00:02:33Handle first. Utensil, the actual utility portion of the utensil, goes up. The handle goes down. You load as you face your basket, right, as you are standing on the outside of the dishwasher looking in. The back left is knives. Back right is forks. Front section, spoons. You put all like utensils with like.

Vic00:03:01Wait a minute. Like with like.

JVL00:03:03Oh, come on. Because this means when you unload, you save precious seconds every single day, not having to sort them.

Sonny00:03:10You just use those seconds, though, when you're loading it.

JVL00:03:13No, that happens automatically.

Sonny00:03:16Muscle memory. Muscle memory. Muscle memory.

JVL00:03:19And the reason you put the knives at the back left is so that you don't reach over. The tallest implement goes the farthest away from you. So that you don't slit your wrist. So that you don't reach over it. Well, they're butter knives, Victorino. Oh, okay.

Vic00:03:31You don't put your real knives in the dishwasher, do you? No, no, no, no, no. Do you have Henkels? No, no, no, no. What do you use? Wusthof. Wusthof. You don't push your Wusthof. No, no, no. Okay. But the blades, Kate, I used to have the blades up, and then Kate insisted now that the blades go down.

JVL00:03:46They're butter knives.

Vic00:03:47They're not going to kill anyone.

Sonny00:03:48I know. I put the forks down.

Vic00:03:50I can't fit them through there. I put the forks down, because ... I can't fit it in there.

JVL00:03:53This is why you're going to have to replace your dishwasher any minute now.

Sonny00:03:56I put the forks down, because I don't want to reach my hand in there ... And get poked. ... and get poked with one of the fork tines. Same thing with my sharp butter knives. Because the forks could be in any of the little baskets. You don't know.

Vic00:04:08You don't know which one they're in.

Sonny00:04:09Could be in the upper right. Because they're all jammed together in the same ... Really nilly. I mean, I've got forks, spoons, knives, just all mixed together in each of those things.

Vic00:04:16JV, I'm just so glad you're not obsessive-compulsive. Horrifying. I was wondering about you, and now I know it's not true. But that doesn't hurt the machine. Of course it does. Look, if the Bosch ... How does the ... How does the ... Oh, you put the knife in the wrong slot. The Bosch people ... No.

JVL00:04:31If the engineers at Bosch, many of whom went to whatever the Swiss equivalent of MIT is, if they thought it was okay ... SIT. ... to put the knives and forks in upside down, they wouldn't have specified in the manual that they're supposed to be facing up. What about the location? That has nothing to do ...

Vic00:04:50Well, the location is just good ... That's just you, insanity.

JVL00:04:52No, it's me further engineering and improving the product. It's user experience. UX, as we say in the business.

Vic00:04:58Well, I'm sure your family is thrilled about this.

JVL00:05:00But can I tell you about the new machine?

Vic00:05:01Yeah, go ahead.

JVL00:05:02So I, of course, was going to get another Bosch, and all that's really important when you look into this stuff is your decibel rating. Why? Because that's how loud it is.

Sonny00:05:13Is it so loud? Dishwashers can be really loud. My dishwasher is incredibly loud. Like a stadium? I kind of hope my dishwasher dies so I can get one of the quiet ones, frankly. One of the zero sound ones.

JVL00:05:24Well, you just keep putting those utensils in upside down willy-nilly and you'll be there in no time, Sparky.

Sonny00:05:29I've been throwing orange rinds in there. It's like a food disposal, right? Blacks.

JVL00:05:35Isn't that how it works? Just toss candle wax in there. Pots and pans. Pots and pans. Obviously, I wasn't going to get anything over 46 decibels because I'm not a farmer. A savage. Well, I had narrowed it down to a Bosch unit that was whisper quiet, 42 decibels. But there's a better one. There is a 39 decibel Bosch. And so I did a little research on this. And did you know that the decibel scale is logarithmic, like the Richter scale? And what this means is that a three decibel difference at, say, from 56 to 53 is meaningless, but from 42 to 35... 42 to 39, that's a pretty big deal. And so I went on there, a couple online sound testers where you try to see if you can tell the difference between three decibels at different ratings. And I spent about a half hour on one, and my score, because it scores you in your ability to tell the difference, was 100. I got every single one of these right. Every time I knew that there was a difference of the three decibel difference. And so I ordered the 42 decibel machine. And then I hated myself for 48 consecutive hours. And then I called Lowe's and I canceled the order and I swapped it for the 39 decibel machine. Because I thought it would be toxic to have in my life this machine that every time I turned it on, which is every single night, I resented it. I don't want to have resentment, but my routine is essentially you turn on the dishwasher, then shortly, like an hour later or two hours later, you're up in bed. I don't want that refractory period of my day to be filled with resentment.

Vic00:07:16Is the difference from 42 to 39 also reflected in price? Perhaps.

?00:07:22What are we talking about?

JVL00:07:23What you do is you take $100 bills and they line the inside with $100 bills to muffle the sound. So what are we talking about here? That's how the decibel-

Vic00:07:31What are we talking about here?

JVL00:07:32Okay, look. If I were to tell you to manufacture a washing machine yourself, how many man hours and how much time would it take you? Okay.

Vic00:07:43Wow.

JVL00:07:44So this is like $20,000.

Vic00:07:46$20,000.

JVL00:07:46I'm just saying that there is a mass manufacturing discount effect going on with the 39 decibel Bosch.

Vic00:07:54Is your better half in agreement with you on all this?

JVL00:07:59We had a frank exchange of views. She is not especially happy about it, but on the other hand, we have a clear division of labor in our house. She is the CEO. I am the CTO. It is a poor, poor manager who, at the CEO level, starts reaching down and making decisions for the CTO about technology acquisition for the company. My wife's a very good manager. She realizes that this decision is beneath her pay grade, and she does not need to weigh in on it. This is my purview.

Sonny00:08:39There. Sonny, what dishwasher do you have now? You have a Kenmore, don't you? I think it's a Kenmore. It's like white. Oh, my God. At worst. It really is. It's loud. And it doesn't clean. It's like having a jet turbine. It doesn't clean very well, frankly.

JVL00:08:53Why don't you just replace it now?

Sonny00:08:54Well, because I'm not wasteful. And I'm also wasting a lot of money on other things. So. Oh, you're doing the basement. We're doing the basement right now. Yeah. Which is, this is how my weekend has been going. My weekend. Is the favela gone? The favela has been demolished. It's totally gone. It's been dismantled.

JVL00:09:08It's unfortunate.

Sonny00:09:09It's so sad. But I'm excited because we'll actually have a planned community afterwards. We're getting rid of the favela, we're bulldozing the favela. Gentrification. We're bulldozing the favela and we're putting in some high rises.

JVL00:09:23What about the vibrant, the vibrant book community you had there?

Sonny00:09:28That rich tapestry is going to be replaced with, well, we'll repurpose some of that community into the new room, but frankly, a lot of it's going to be relegated to the boxes, just put away. Have to go someplace else.

JVL00:09:44Where you can't see it.

Sonny00:09:45Pretend it doesn't exist. Yeah, no, my weekend has been a lot of like, "Your patio door is an unusual size, so we have to manufacture this custom." "Your electricity, your wiring, none of this is up to code. We can't work on it. We have to replace it." Whoever. It's always the whoever. Whoever put this basement together in the first place, and it was very clearly done after the fact and somewhat haphazardly, which we knew kind of going into it. Like when we got the house inspected, our inspector was like, "I don't know who did this basement, but none of your outlets are done right." Yeah. So I was like, "Okay." Your basement was a meth lab. Basically. Before you moved in. Basically. Well, no, my basement had this very weird room that is, I would assume, some sort of murder room, because it had like ... A deep well. With a pulley up top that you could lower things. I'll tell you in a second, but go ahead. Have you ever been into a home that has a room with drop ceilings? Yeah. They're horrible. Just one room, though. Oh, just one room? Just one room. Not like the whole thing is drop ceilings, or they have the lights in a kitchen or something with the drop paneling. One room has sub these. Yeah, no, I know. Drop. It was, once again, just a very weird, obviously- Basement room. It was a basement room with fluorescent lighting, with the long tubes. The kill room. It was 100% a kill room.

Vic00:11:22Somebody used that- By the way, this is- False floor. Yeah, it's actually a grating, a metal grating. Not that it's a big deal. A sluice. A sluice.

Sonny00:11:30A sluice. A sluice. Not a big deal. Somebody used that to reenact Hostel. That's the only thing I can think. And they needed the drop panel so they could replace them once the blood splattered upon them. Yeah, of course. Anyway, my weekend has been a lot of like, "You need a new room. You need new electric panels. You need new, you know, blood."

JVL00:11:46At a certain point, do you reach a dollar figure at which the shock of it has rendered you numb and you're just like, "Yeah, okay. Throw it on the fire."

Sonny00:11:56Oh, I'm already there. I'm already- Oh, okay, good. Oh, I'm already there.

JVL00:12:00Okay, so you don't feel any pain from this. It's like- Well, it's just-

Sonny00:12:03Your arm has been taken clean off and you're just like, "Hey, okay. Whatever." I'm already in shock. It's fine. I have gotten to the point where it's just like, "All right, I'm writing another $2,000 check. Sure. That's reasonable.

JVL00:12:14But you shine your own shoes, so you will make that money up.

Vic00:12:16I'm shining my own shoes. In like three decades. Right. Exactly. But that's also a passion of yours, actually. You enjoy the polishing of the shoes. But how much does the shoe shine cost?

Sonny00:12:24The shoe shining thing is great. You have to pay for that. The shoe shining thing is great. It's a very zen thing. Ten. It's a very zen thing. Yes. I can let my mind wander. Yep. Or I can watch a movie while it takes me an hour and change to do my two pairs of shoes.

Vic00:12:38Sonny Bunch, boot black.

Sonny00:12:39And I just, I watch, this weekend, actually, I watched King of Comedy. Martin Scorsese movie. Oh, that's a great one. Yeah. Cedric Bernhardt. Yeah. Crazy. So, anyway, that's been my weekend. There's a lot of like, here are things that need to be.

JVL00:12:53How are you, Victorino? Well, I had a lovely Father's Day. Let's see. It was great. Yes. Your perfect intact family all celebrated you as the Potter Familias.

Vic00:13:03My nuclear family. We went to a-- Buffet. Please say buffet. Yes, we did. Yes. But a modest buffet, which is the Knights of Columbus of Arlington buffet.

JVL00:13:13Pancakes.

Vic00:13:14Nothing but pancakes. No. Everything. They had everything. They had a huge lineup of all sorts of meats and pancakes, omelet bar, the whole thing. And it was great, because it was like $10 for adults, $5 for kids. Are you a knight? I am.

JVL00:13:25I didn't know that.

Vic00:13:26Are you? When did you become it? Oh, a couple of months ago when Kate said we really need to join a pool and everywhere

JVL00:13:31else. Oh, no, no, no. That's not the reason why I joined. I joined because of service. No, but I said, when did you join? Was this a reason? Because I remember back in the day, was it Schmidt who was a long time knight? No, no, no. Oh, no, no, no.

Vic00:13:43Peter Lowe. Peter Lowe. Oh, Peter Lowe. Right. Peter Lowe was a knight of Georgetown, yeah. Yes. And so it's been fun. So you finally got into it. Well, they have a bar, and it's a great place to just hide away. You have the sword? No, I think that's for second or third. I'm a cadet. I'm a first degree.

JVL00:13:56I'm a first degree. Do they salute you?

Vic00:13:58Well, I ... Eventually? Will people salute you? I think if you're like Jack Heretic in our office, if you can believe it, Sonny, he's a grand knight. Question. He can do this.

Sonny00:14:08Question. Yes? Can Jack Heretic haze you now, since you're like a pleb? I pledge. Yeah.

Vic00:14:14I pledge. In your fraternity. I've gotten through that. I've gotten through that. So I'm like a first year member, whatever it is, like when you're in a fraternity. How was the elephant walk? Was that okay?

Sonny00:14:23We can't discuss the initiation, as you know, it's a big secret. But I thought it was ... How is this different from Freemasonry? Exactly.

Vic00:14:31Oh, Freemasons hate Catholics. That's how it's different.

Sonny00:14:33Well, the Freemasons get orgies.

Vic00:14:35Oh.

JVL00:14:36Yeah. And they have their meetings inside the Washington Monument. You can be both, can't you? I think Swift is both a Freemason and ...

Vic00:14:42They insist that ... I think they insist that now to prove that they're not anti-Catholic. Yeah.

Sonny00:14:48I remember ... But I think behind their back, they probably have other meetings without them. Yes. When the Lost Symbol came out, whatever, the Dan Brown book, I did a piece for the Washington Times that went to the Mason, the Mason Temple here in town on the 16th Street, the big one, the nice one. And it was very funny because they were ... Oh, yeah. Because they were ... I've never been inside there. Because he was very ... The guy who was taking me around was very into being like, "We're into all faiths. It doesn't matter. None of this ... You just have to believe in a higher power. That's the only thing we really care about." I was like, "Oh, okay." And he was also trying to recruit me. He was like, "So, maybe you want to come by for a Sunday? We can talk." I was like, "Nope."

Vic00:15:38Are you open to new things? I don't think I'll be doing new things. What are the benefits? What are the benefits? What I like is the Arlington Knights have like two bars ... Bars? Bars. Oh, my gosh. You know how much ... You can't get a bar anywhere else. No. Private bar. You know how much is a pint inside the bar at 275? That's a good deal. Is your knighthood ...

?00:15:55It's like an Eagles.

JVL00:15:56Yes. Yes. Like a fraternal order of Eagles or something. Yes.

Vic00:16:00Yes.

Sonny00:16:01Yes. Which Swift is also a member of. But we try to do good things as well. Swift is a member of all of the things. Swift is from Ohio. So, you have to remember that. He is.

Vic00:16:08That's why he scores very high on the Charles Murray test because he uses all those things. JVL.

JVL00:16:12Yes. How is your knighthood going to affect the reduced gluttony?

Vic00:16:15Well, it didn't work out at that buffet because ... Well, I thought it was a good idea to take the kids to have a practice run buffet before we go on our Disney cruise, which is in a couple of weeks. It's for my parents' 50th wedding anniversary, and all of my sister's family ...

JVL00:16:30The doctor's family takes a cruise together for their 50th anniversary with their intact

Vic00:16:34marriage. It's all the same things they have left now, all on us. But I've never done the ... You know, we've done ... You and I together have done Celebrity and Holland America, obviously.

JVL00:16:43Right. It doesn't count when you're at sea.

Vic00:16:45No, no. The internet ... What do you call it?

JVL00:16:47The high seas? It was just for you, Sonny. The high seas.

Vic00:16:51All sorts of things can happen. But they say the Disney one is very ... I'll come back with a full report, but they say it's very well done. The best. From what I've heard. That's what they say, right?

Sonny00:17:02I remember you told me ... Better than the Bud Light Pitbull cruise?

Vic00:17:05I'd do that one. What?

Sonny00:17:09Yeah. The what? It's a thing, I think. Oh, yeah. The Bud Light presents Pitbull on a cruise ship.

Vic00:17:16You know what?

Sonny00:17:17Pitbull the singer or Pitbull the animals? The singer.

Vic00:17:19No, the singer. Pitbull the singer.

Sonny00:17:21Okay.

Vic00:17:22And I guarantee you it would be like ... The Cuban musician. Yeah. And then you know what? Every guy, they see the commercial, they go, "I want to go there with all these babes," and it'll turn into like 80% dudes. Yeah.

JVL00:17:29Mm.

Vic00:17:30Well, you are at sea. No. But anyway. So back to the buffet. I said, "We can explain these things to the kids." I said, "Okay. What you do is you get your plates, use a different plate every time. Whatever you touch, you got to take. Use tongs, but you can't just look at it and put it back. Keep the silverware. Do you cut in line? Not cut in line." All sorts of stuff like that. And so the first and third trips for me to the buffet were good. The second one was unnecessary, and I just went meat crazy. It was like, I don't know, it was corned beef hash, chipped beef, bacon, sausage, and scrapple. Chipped beef? Yeah. I do the chipped ... I was curious if it would be as good as the one. Trash. Trash meat. We're not going there. Trash meat. And scrapple. And I said, "You know what? This is not necessary." And then, like 30 minutes later, I'm like, "Okay, kids, brunch is over." We gotta go home. Corned beef hash is having an argument with scrapple, and we gotta go home.

JVL00:18:26Is there like beer before liquor, never cigarette? Is there a meat version of that?

Vic00:18:30I think once you get into desserts, don't go backwards, obviously. That's one of my things. That's just excessive. That's gluttony. But I'm not sure about mixing. Well, I found out that that was it. It was a bit much, the chipped beef, because it's got the cream in it and the whole thing. Anyway, speaking of explosions, over the weekend, Incredibles 2 exploded onto the box office, just splattered the box office with $180 million, followed by Ocean's 8 in second place with $19.5 million, and TAG, which we're not discussing, in third place with $14.5 million. And in fourth place, holding steady, was Solo, with a very respectable $9 million. Box office thoughts.

Sonny00:19:20Can we very briefly discuss what happened with A Wrinkle in Time this weekend? What happened? Can you, JBL, can you just pull it up? Can you effort this real quick? If I remember correctly, I'm going off memory here, A Wrinkle in Time was added to 88 theaters this weekend. It grossed something like $1.6 million to come in third place. Or, not third place, 13th place, I'm sorry, 13th place. Which is a very, very weird number. It did something like $6,800 a weekend. Do you know why? Well, so this is, so to get it to $100 million. But this is- It is now at- $99.9-

JVL00:20:04$100,004,964.

Sonny00:20:07So they got over, they got over the hump because after, because after the weekend, they hadn't, they hadn't. But the, so here's what's very interesting about this. There are all sorts of weird anomalies here. There's the, the per screen average is enormous. It's like $6,800 or something like that, like I said. Which is the highest it had been since the first weekend it was out. And that, that weekend was about $8,000. The, the, the, the, there, something, something went on this weekend. Now, the theory that I find most persuasive- Did you see these two, by the way?

JVL00:20:39Which one? From May 4, 6? To May 11, 16? Where they jumped the theater count by 1,000 theaters?

Sonny00:20:46Well, no, so, all right, so, but no, but, but here, here, so that actually makes some sense, okay? So what they did was in, in the May 11, 13 weekend, that was Mother's Day weekend. They put it back in theaters for like a big, you know, oh, we're doing Mother's Day thing, all right? And it grossed $1.2 million on 2,000 screens. What's the per screen average there? Uh, $583. Right, right, right. Now, compare that, again, to the per screen average this week. This weekend, which is like $6,800 or something like that. So the theory, which I find relatively persuasive, is that they put it in, they, they teamed A Wrinkle in Time with The Incredibles 2 at drive-ins for a double feature. And when you do this, you can distribute the money however you want on a double feature. You can put, you know, some to here, some to here. So my, my theory, and, or at least the theory I've seen, and I find pretty persuasive, is that they, they paired A Wrinkle in Time up with The Incredibles 2, put it in drive-ins. Uh, and basically funneled all of that money to A Wrinkle in Time. Because if you just, if you just consider, like, the new theaters and kind of the revenue split there, it was something like $17,000 a screen. Something, it's something insane. So, like, the shenanigans here are pretty, like, transparent and obvious. But you know what they get to say now? Mm-hmm. $100 million movie. $100 million, first, first, uh, uh, movie directed by an African-American woman to gross $100 million. Isn't that really worth all of the nonsense they put up with?

Vic00:22:14It's a big deal. You know what that is? That's a two-page full-edit variety that comes across with the large numbers that come across from border-to-border hundred-whatever-million dollars.

Sonny00:22:22Even though everybody in the business knows better. Even though everyone in the business knows that this is nonsense and shenanigans. What if, though?

JVL00:22:28But you make, you pat yourself on the back, though. What if, though? JVL. This is really about being greedy. Because somebody's contract in there entitles them either to more money or less money if it crosses the $100 million. The $100 million mark. And this is the studio trying to screw a participant.

Sonny00:22:46Well, so this is another theory that I had heard, is that somebody in the marketing department gets a bonus if they get over $100 million or something. Something like that. Yeah.

JVL00:22:55I mean, I like to think it isn't necessarily about social justice, but could be just about dirty, plain greed.

Sonny00:23:01Filthy, filthy greed. Either way. Either way. It's very amusing. I'm sorry. I'm sorry to interrupt. But I find this very fascinating. I didn't know about that. I didn't know about that. So that is really weird. It's just, it is a, these are the, once again, when you, as I mentioned on the micro episode that we taped yesterday. Yes. When you spend every day at boxofficemojo.com, you notice little things like this.

Vic00:23:23Comes up.

Sonny00:23:24Nobody should be allowed to talk about box office numbers if they don't do this, by the way. People who tweet at me about box office numbers are like, oh no, this movie made money. I should be allowed legally. What do you do? To shoot them in the face with a gun, because I'm tired of it. At Sonny Bunch, tweet.

Vic00:23:40At Sonny Bunch. Incredibles 2. You saw it, Sonny, obviously. You reviewed it at the Beacon. I did. I did. And I saw it, JVLU. I did not see it. You did not see it.

JVL00:23:55Did anyone else?

Vic00:23:55No. See it? No, no, no. Gene's over at the Berkshires. He's vacationing right now. He's not a knight, is he? Shall it?

?00:24:04No.

Vic00:24:04No?

JVL00:24:05Shalit? Okay. Is he Jewish?

Vic00:24:07I assume. It's like Ruth Shalit, Wendy Shalit. So, you know. Not that they're related, per se. Ruth and Wendy are. Excuse me. Okay. Anyway, Sonny, did you want to talk about, did you have any more micro thoughts? Did you want to get back to that? Well, yeah. Did we talk about everything?

Sonny00:24:24Did we talk about everything we wanted to on the AMC?

JVL00:24:30Well, here is a classic week where there are two new movies that you want to see. The Incredibles 2 and Tag. Right. Hollywood is putting out so much product. So much content. That people need to consume. Because it's so high quality. That, obviously, now is the time to get an all-you-can-eat buffet. I got three a week. See, why aren't you in this? Because this is the movie version of buffet.

Vic00:24:51Honestly. But as you mentioned yesterday, there's so much crap out there. Tag is chipped beef. Could be. Could be.

Sonny00:24:58Honestly, if I were single, and if I didn't have kids, I would 100% take advantage of this. Because there's another interesting thing. There's another interesting thing, another wrinkle here that doesn't apply to MoviePass with the AMC. For those who did not listen to our mini yesterday, we talked about the new AMC plan to offer a MoviePass-like subscription where you can see three movies a week for $20 a month. That's right. That's basically. So one of the things, one of the interesting wrinkles here is that you can actually use the, you can, one of your three movies can be IMAX or Dolby AMC or, you know, Atmos or whatever. Or 3D. Or 3D, or 3D, if you're, if you're into that sort of, if you're one of those sickos who's into that sort of thing. So, but again, this gets into questions of revenue splits. Like, you know who gets money every time you go to see an IMAX movie? IMAX. Yup. IMAX gets some of that money. So like, how are they, how are they splitting this? How are they, how are they doing it? I just don't understand how it works. I don't understand how it works. Okay.

JVL00:26:07JVL. And like everything else in Hollywood, it's designed. That's not a bug. That's a feature. Right. Like all, all Hollywood accounting is designed to be as opaque as possible so that the, the house always wins, right? The studio.

Sonny00:26:17But who is the house? Who is, but here, but here's, but no, but this is where it's weird is because the house, the studios are now in conflict with the, the, the, I don't know, the exhibitors. I don't know what they would be. Right, but this is. You have two different houses going up against each other.

JVL00:26:30This is like the house playing the house. So it used to be, as you know, Sonny, but many people do not, that the studios owned the exhibition venues and then that was broken up as antitrust. It used to be Paramount. Right, and so this was split into two businesses, which are symbiotic, but also in competition with one another in many ways. And the, that was fine so long as there was no alternative, because there was no such thing as the home viewing market. But now that there is an alternative, I fear that the end result of this is the closing of a theatrical experience at the end of the day. And that would be bad because I don't, look, you can either watch it on your phone or watch it on a big screen. Those are the only two acceptable ways in which to watch a movie.

Sonny00:27:13Right. In portrait mode.

JVL00:27:15Well, right. Yeah. Are there people who watch on their phone in landscape?

Sonny00:27:18Sickos. Ugh. Perverts. Uh, does Regal have to come up with its own subscription plan? JVL. To combat this? Do they already have a premium membership thing, and are you a member?

?00:27:33Pass.

Vic00:27:34Okay. Incredibles 2. Incredibles 2. Sonny, what's happening here?

Sonny00:27:39Uh, Incredibles 2 is the latest film from Brad Bird, who we know and love from The Iron Giant, The Incredibles, other great- Mission Impossible. One of the Mission Impossible 3. Um. No. No. Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol. Oh, is it number four? Which is four. Four? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, oh, that's right. J.J. Abrams did number three. That's right. That's right. I'm sorry. Um. Uh, anyway, uh, it is- What's happening here? It, it basically... Mission Impossible 2 picks up literally right at the end of The Incredibles 1. There's no, you know, ten years later, four, five years later. Fourteen years, for that matter. Fourteen years later. It just picks up right off, right, right as the, the, the previous film ended. And it deals with a lot of the same themes. I mean, this movie is, uh, the, the first Incredibles is kind of best understood as the Fantastic Four meets Watchmen, uh, meets, uh, the Fountainhead. It's basically, you have, you, you, you have, uh, you have a family of superheroes, uh, um, who are, are forced to hide their powers and forced to, you know, be, be secretive and, and everything, because the government has banned them from being superheroes. And the, what this, the way this movie kind of advances that idea is, uh, taking The Incredibles, the, the, the family team, and, and teaming them up with a pair of industrialists who want to convince the, the world's governments to decriminalize superhero-dom. They want, they want to bring back the idea of, you know, the capes and the masks. And people saving the day, because they are, uh, they, they believe very strongly in the idea that these people do good, and they are, they shouldn't be criminalized for what they do. So, and that's, and that's basically the story here, is, uh, trying, the, the, the, the family team, uh, wants to use PR to improve the image of the, the superheroes around the world, so they can, uh, come out of the shadows and, you know, kind of figuring out where, figuring, who the villains are, and, you know, what the corporations are doing, blah, blah, blah.

Vic00:29:42And, uh, and, and the villains, uh, what, their, their, their mode is by reaching people through TVs, and through these...

Sonny00:29:49Yeah, so the, the, the villain in this film is the screen slaver.

Vic00:29:53As opposed to saver, right?

Sonny00:29:54The screen slaver, uh, entraps people watching their, their TVs, and, and hypnotizes them into doing evil, terrible things. Uh, and, you know, the, the idea is, you know, people are, people are slaves to their screens. It's very, it's pretty on the nose. They're not like...

Vic00:30:10That's right. This isn't a subtle... That's right. Even though it's like a 19... A 19... Early 1960s feel with the TV sets.

Sonny00:30:16Well, there's... Well, there's a funny thing like that. This, this movie kind of exists in a timeless space, where you have, uh, you have phones with, like, caller ID on them, right? And then you also have, like, mid-century American modern homes. Yeah. And then you have the... The cars. You have, like... All the cars. The big boxy TVs. Yeah. And you have, like, the kind of cars with fins on them. Yeah. But also, like, the technology is very much... It, it is this weird kind of amalgamation of 20th century America. 21, all kind of together.

Vic00:30:40A lot of... We're cool. Um, I was thinking that, uh, aside from using superheroes to stop the villains, there was another way that the villains could have been followed. You know how? If the TV stations had their own virtual private network. Speaking of which...

JVL00:30:54With all this news lately about data hacks and breaches, it's hard for me not to worry about my digital privacy. No matter what you do online, your mobile carrier and internet service provider are tracking it all. Comcast, Verizon, Time Warner, the list goes on. Movies like these have a record of every single thing you do. Every website you visit, every email you send. It's ridiculous. That's why I decided to take my privacy in using ExpressVPN. So this is the point where I'm actually going to abandon the read and actually testify about the product. Because it's great. Whoa, because you have it. Okay. So I have been, for about two years, meaning to set up a VPN. So what people don't understand, a VPN is a virtual private network. You set it up from, uh... Some remote place, and then whenever you are out and about and connecting to the internet, you do it through that and it shields you. It protects you from getting in and randomizes your ISP and stuff. You can do this at home, if you are even a little bit tech savvy. But it's a pain in the ass, because you got to go and get an old computer, you got to get that computer set up down, like, near your router, and you have to have it running all the time, and a normal tech savvy person could do this in a couple hours, but it is no pain. And if that computer crashes, then the truth is, it's easier to just go with a service to do it, and these services are not terribly expensive. And so I had been, I guess, two years of like, "I'm going to set up my own," and I was like, "Fine, no, I got to go and do it." But it's like making an appointment for a well-checked visit for the doctor. You know you should do it, but you keep putting it off. That's right. And then I researched. Anyway, the ExpressVPN people came to us, they set me up with it, and it's great. So if you work at Starbucks or at the library or anywhere... The ExpressVPN people, their big sell point on this seems to be about your ISP tracking you and there are people like you, Vic, who I'm sure are really concerned about the ISP knowing where they've been. I'm very concerned. Who's watching me? Yes. I am more concerned about, because I am often out working in a place like a coffee shop, I'm concerned about hackers coming and doing bad things. Absolutely. Because you really should... If you're at Starbucks on their Wi-Fi, you should not pay your bills online through your bank. That's bad. Right, it's all out there. Right. And having a VPN fixes all of that. ExpressVPN is... I mean, it took me a hot 15 seconds to install, turning it on is literally a button push, like they have like a fake power button for it. That's wonderful. Yeah, yeah, sure. That's great. It's great. I really... I heartily recommend this to everybody, actually. So you should take back your internet privacy today and find out how you can get three months free. Go to expressvpn.com/substandard. That's E-X-P-R-E-S-S-V-P-N.com/substandard. That's E-X-P-R-E-S-S-V-P-N.com/substandard. I don't know why they have me spell it out. It's exactly what it sounds like it should be. Expressvpn.com/substandard. You get three months free with a one-year package. You should absolutely do this. It's really, really good. So go to expressvpn.com today, use the substandard slash and pick up this thing. It's cheap and you should do it. This is like backing up your computer. Everybody should do it. There. How's that for a read? You like that? That was impassioned.

Vic00:34:06It was real. It was genuine, sincere, like every ad read we do for all of our sponsors at The Substandard. Sonny, did you like The Incredibles 2, though? Yeah. I liked it a lot.

Sonny00:34:17I mean, I have always been a bit cooler on The Incredibles than some of our friends who I know are very, very into it. I know people who consider it like a top-

JVL00:34:26Kat Montanetti.

Sonny00:34:27No. I don't think he was as much. I don't know. Our libertarian friends, especially, because again, it is like a vaguely objectivist sort of movie. I have always been a little bit cooler on the first one, and I'm a little bit cool on this one, too, because I consider it, it's almost more interesting as a sort of intellectual exercise than the traditional Pixar super tear-jerky sort of thing. It's not an emotionally impacting- Yeah. Film, as much as it is kind of cool to look at, and kind of cool to think about, and how all this stuff works. I mean, the set piece, the main set piece in this film is an Elastigirl has to chase a monorail around the city, and the joy of this is watching Brad Bird and his team of animators come up with various ways to kind of monkey with physics to get her to the monorail, and then to get her able to stop it, just the way- Which she can do, because- Because she's elastic- Right. She stretches out the loop. The cycle is detachable. Exactly. I mean, it's very cool to look at and think about, but again, this is kind of an intellectual exercise more than an emotional exercise. That being said, I had a great time. I enjoyed it. It was fun. I loved it.

?00:35:48Question.

Vic00:35:49Yeah. Was your movie preceded by that weird- Bow. Oh, no, no, no. I love that, but no, I was going to say by the weird appearance of Holly Hunter and Craig T. Nelson and Samuel Jackson ... Oh, no, because you went to a screener for this. No. So, they do a thing before the movie starts where they appear on screen saying, "We know it's taken 14 years, and we just want to thank you for your patience, and enjoy this movie, and we promise you this will be great. It's worth the wait." We had all these things, but we finally come back together, and anyway, enjoy the show. That was weird. I don't know. And they look ... With the exception of Samuel Jackson, everybody ... And they look so old. Everybody looks so Holly Hunter. I love Holly Hunter. I loved her Raising Arizona, and always at that time ... And Broadcast News? The Broadcast News? Was it Broadcast News? That's probably my favorite of her Holly Hunter movies, but ... That's why I got weary before the movie started, because any time you see a movie having to bring out the actors to talk about how great the movie was to do, I'm always like ... I remember they did this with Jim Carrey for The Majestic. They had commercials on TV. Oh, it's just amazing. Stop trying to sell me. Right. It's like, really? So that was weird. But the other thing was awful, awful trailers. Oh, really?

Sonny00:37:13Yeah.

Vic00:37:14Again, I didn't see any of these. Because they know, obviously, who they think the audience is, and the worst one was probably the Transylvania one. What's it called? Hotel Transylvania. Hotel Transylvania III. Three. Yeah. Summer vacation, and you actually felt like your IQ being diminished. Per minute, like, okay, it's just, come on. That was hard to get through. But it was a crowded theater, a lot of laughs, but mostly laughs from grownups.

Sonny00:37:42It is definitely, this is a movie that is 100% aimed at grownups. It is not, like, it's a movie that I just don't know will, I don't quite understand how it will appeal to anyone under the age of, I don't know, 15 or 14.

Vic00:37:55Particularly if you're a dad who, JVL, I don't have to tell this to him, obviously, but if you're a dad who has to somehow... Suddenly switch and be at home and take care of all these kids and that was very humorous and I thought it was very well done. It was very touching. Yeah. It was like Mr. Mom, but you know.

Sonny00:38:11Yeah. Right. Yeah. I mean, it's a good movie. It's a good movie.

Vic00:38:16Let me ask you about this, though. The superhero reception. Was that a little bit weird? Like, oh, all these superheroes came out because they're so glad of who they are, you be you, being comfortable and out of the superhero closet. Are you saying it's like a game? Is that a gay thing?

Sonny00:38:33I don't know. I think that's what's going on. I don't know. Maybe. No. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Not that there's anything wrong.

Vic00:38:40I'm just saying it was interesting.

Sonny00:38:41And the other, Void, she reminded me of Pink. I don't know why. She reminded me of Max Landis. She looks like, with kind of an angular face and the one side of her hair. I was like, Max Landis. This is Max Landis. I don't know. I mean, look. It was interesting. I thought it was a perfectly entertaining sort of film.

Vic00:39:02Also, instinctually, you probably knew this from the get-go, once you see ... When you meet the dev tech brother and sister team, I'm already suspicious. You know why I'm suspicious? Right. Always be suspicious of brother and sister team-ups. There's something going on there.

Sonny00:39:20Well, I was ... And I'm thinking about Superman III. Sure. Sure. I mean- With Robert Vaughn and his sister. Without- The Lannisters, Game of Thrones. Right. Without spoiling too much. I kind of assumed that it would go in a slightly different direction than it ... I don't know how to talk. Yeah, I know what you're saying. If you don't want spoilers, stop listening. Okay. So, I kind of assumed that both the brother ... So, you remember when they show the flashback to the break-in, and there are two criminals going around in the house? Oh, yeah. I kind of assumed that it would be both the brother and the sister, and the reason they were fighting about going in the safe room was, like, she had assumed that they would go down there to that, and he had told her they would, and they wouldn't ... Oh, it's very dark. But, like ... Panic room. Right. Yeah. But, like, it turns out that the capitalist is actually the good guy in this, just unambiguously. Yes, as it turns out. The good guy. Earnestly. And, like, the feminist tech sis?

Vic00:40:15Yes. Catherine Keener.

Sonny00:40:17Evil. Evil. Her whole, like, you know, we need more women ... She's the evil evil.

Vic00:40:24The dialogue she has with Elastigirl, it was very kind of ... I don't know. It was weirdly stunted, stilted, and I thought, obviously, that was intentional, because she's hiding something. And, the brother is voiced by Bob Odenkirk. Yeah. But, I thought they did a great job. And, I noticed they were drinking cocktails. You know what it looks like they were drinking? They looked like they were drinking Negronis. Did you see it? It was nice. It was orange with a nice, little orange twist. JVL. Disney Pixar Thoughts. You guys are damning this movie with faint praise.

JVL00:40:48For a movie that you both say you liked ... Yeah, I liked it. It was good for the ... You guys ... It was good for the kids. Very little to like about it. It was good for the kids. Now, am I wrong here, Sonny?

Sonny00:40:58No. I mean, I think you are. I mean, I think you are wrong. You liked it a lot. I'm just kind of pointing out ... You don't sound like you liked it a lot. You were just trying to talk yourself into not feeling bad about not going to see it.

JVL00:41:09I don't feel bad at all for not going to see it.

Sonny00:41:12You should feel bad for not going to see it. You should feel bad. Really? It's good. It's a good movie. So good. It's 100 times better than Chav King Arthur, I can tell you that much. That's not possible. I liked it better than Annihilation. Annihilation?

Vic00:41:23I think that's ... Did you see that? I can't even remember anymore.

JVL00:41:26I went to see that one. Oh, that's the one you didn't understand the end of. Yes. Sorry. You didn't understand the end of? Arrival was the one he didn't understand the end of. Arrival. I didn't understand. I did both. I didn't understand.

Vic00:41:36No. I knew the ending, but I didn't want to accept the ending of Annihilation. That's what it was. Okay. I didn't want to accept it. Okay. You know whose name was featured in the credits, of course, is John Lasseter.

JVL00:41:47They left him in?

Sonny00:41:48Yeah. What? That's why I didn't go see it. Why? What's happening? What did I miss, JVL?

JVL00:41:55Because in support, I was once hugged by somebody who I didn't want to see. I didn't want them to hug me.

Vic00:42:03You were a hug victim.

JVL00:42:04His name was Victorino Matus. Believe me.

Vic00:42:08I knew it.

JVL00:42:09That was more than a hug.

Sonny00:42:10I knew it.

JVL00:42:11You could call it a hug, but ... So Lasseter's gone. Will there be any other Pixar movies with his name on them?

Sonny00:42:18I have no idea. I don't know.

Vic00:42:20Whatever's in production, he clearly must have been touching, so to speak. I still demand to know the facts about these hugs, because there's nothing more than these uncomfortable hugs. What is involved? Is it a long hug, or is it a hug and a squeeze? There has to be. Or hands? Details.

JVL00:42:36Before I cast any judgment on anybody ... I find it difficult to believe that there isn't something real here, because he is too valuable a commodity. He is more than Harvey Weinstein ... He is worth more money to a movie studio than Harvey Weinstein was worth to the Weinstein Company. For Disney to cut him loose, there must ... Do you agree, Sonny? The idea that they could cut him loose just because he's collateral damage in a witch hunt? That strikes me as unimaginable.

Sonny00:43:03I tend to agree that there must be something there. Right.

JVL00:43:07We aren't being told it, but whatever.

Sonny00:43:09Disney keeps a very tight leash on the press. On everything. If you were to, say, break a story about John Lasseter being more than an awkward hugger, I can imagine there would be some repercussions from Disney. It's not shocking to me that we haven't heard ... Yeah. ... heard whatever the real story is, but I think you're probably right that there has to be something more than lingering, back-patting hugs. Yeah. We've barely even heard the fake story. Yeah.

JVL00:43:41Even the fake story about this was so nebulous and so thinly reported. The amount of reporting that went into every other part of the #MeToo investigations was actually pretty large. Yeah. Then you get to John Lasseter, who's the biggest fish there is in the entire thing, and you get two Hollywood Reporter stories, and that's it, which is weird. Yeah. Right? It's very weird. The whole thing is very weird. Yeah. Yeah. We got more details from Morgan Freeman. Yeah. No, but this is literally true. You did.

Vic00:44:08Yeah. Yeah. So anyway, I ... When you say he's big, he owns his own winery, right? Yeah. He has his son's run. He has his own winery. I mentioned that, I told you, he was a featured guest on Jay Leno's Garage, or one of his Jay Leno shows, and Jay Leno visits him at the estate, and then John Lasseter showed up in his choo-choo train, wearing ... Yeah. ... an engineer's outfit.

JVL00:44:32Perfectly normal.

Vic00:44:33But a real train, a real ... Not like the train in Silver Spoons, the one that goes through the living room. No, a big train, but he had the whole outfit and the whole deal.

Sonny00:44:44Yeah. I mean, I assume he's kind of a weirdo. I don't know.

JVL00:44:47I don't know. As many animation people are, right?

Sonny00:44:50Yeah.

JVL00:44:51I mean, Tim Burton got his start in animation, and he was a weird character. He got to be a character, I guess, in a lot of ways. I don't know. I'm kind of over Pixar. Okay. Is that okay?

Sonny00:45:00Well, I mean, I would say that ... It's not bad.

JVL00:45:04I'm not saying Pixar is bad. I'm just saying that I personally am kind of over it.

Sonny00:45:08I feel like this is a meme now, that people are like, "Pixar's done. It's just a sequel factory. There's nothing new or original coming out." I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that. It's Disney. Disney's the new ... We got to get back to Disney. Disney's got where all the intellectual and artistic and creative energy is.

JVL00:45:27I wouldn't even agree with that.

Sonny00:45:30You just don't like Pixar.

JVL00:45:32The Pixar tearjerker formula, which they execute with tremendous artistic dexterity, and which itself they do in varied ways, telling stories which are interestingly conceived and creatively executed, but that idea that I'm going to be made to cry at a Pixar movie, I'm kind of over. It's interesting you should mention that. I would rather have sort of like moral hero's journey types. Stories like Moana or Frozen.

Vic00:46:02Well, it's interesting you should mention that, because there are no obviously tearful moments in The Incredibles 2, partially when it's not like Monsters.

Sonny00:46:11Or why?

Vic00:46:12No, those are the ones that aren't. Monsters Rank, Toy Story 3, or the opening of Finding Nemo. The opening of Finding Nemo.

JVL00:46:17There you go. You want my most controversial take? The Toy Story movies. Insanely overrated.

Vic00:46:23That is controversial. Bad.

JVL00:46:25It's just a bad thing. Insanely. Even when we rank the Pixar movies later on. Oh. I'll tell you just what I think about them. I don't have a Pixar ranking, but.

Sonny00:46:33Go for it. However. Wait, did you like Inside Out?

JVL00:46:37I liked it fine as I saw it the first time, and then I kind of resented, after the fact, the way that I was being manipulated emotionally. Don't toy with my emotions, John Lasseter. Don't make it dusty in here, Juan. Don't make you feel things. Don't make me feel things. I am dead inside, and I will remain that way. Okay.

Vic00:46:56What did you think, Sonny, of the short bow, since you mentioned it earlier?

Sonny00:46:59Well, the bow. The bow is like traditional Pixar, where it's like, here's the thing that's going to make you cry.

Vic00:47:05Right.

Sonny00:47:06Totally. You want to cry. Except. You want to cry, cry, baby. I got a movie for you.

Vic00:47:11A movie for you. Watch this. Except for not until the very end that I realized that was a mom. I thought it was the son, a fat son, who was making the bow. The sheep bow. Racist. Racist. I can say it. I'm a quarter of those people. But I really thought. I said, what is the son? And the son had earrings. And I'm like, oh, okay. And then, but it's like a fat son. No.

Sonny00:47:31That's the mom. I thought she was pretty obviously the mom the whole time. I don't know. I'm not even going to get into it.

JVL00:47:37I was going to say things, but I'm not because I could get in trouble. Okay.

Vic00:47:42So do you want to rank them? Oh, yeah. Please. Please, JVL.

JVL00:47:46We certainly have time. I mean, do you really want to do.

Vic00:47:48Do you just want to go bottom five?

JVL00:47:51Let's just hear it. Go ahead. Because I don't have a ranking.

Vic00:47:54Neither does Sonny.

?00:47:55Go for it.

Vic00:47:56Bottom five? Bottom five. I already know what's there.

JVL00:47:59I already know one of them that's there. Bottom five. So with one being the fifth least worst and five being the worst, okay? Number one, Toy Story. The first one? Is the fifth worst?

Vic00:48:15Yeah. Fifth worst? You sit with that. You sit with that. How much of it is because of the primitive CGI? How much of it is because it's just primitive? None of it. It's story. It has nothing to do with the- Really? Nothing to do with the- Because that, for me, was a distraction. Go ahead. Go ahead.

JVL00:48:31Continue. Number two, Monsters University. I didn't think it was that bad. I like Steve Buscemi. Number three. Cars three. Number two. Oh, Cars three! Cars two. Number one, Cars.

Vic00:48:47Yeah. I like Cars. And we had this discussion before, because remember, it's a celebration of middle America, red America, the road less traveled, get away from the interstate- The real America.

JVL00:48:57Get back on 66-

Vic00:48:58MAGA America. Yeah. I don't know. Okay, I can't continue this. But the point is, I actually did like-

JVL00:49:04Everywhere is the middle of somewhere.

Vic00:49:05I was not expecting at all to like-

JVL00:49:10Do you even know who I'm subtweeting? Mm-hmm .

Vic00:49:12I'm scared. But I was not expecting to like the first Cars, and I actually did, because I got it. And-

?00:49:19SC?

Sonny00:49:20Hm? SC? Yeah. I have no real thoughts on a ranking. My official Pixar take, though, is that Toy Story 3 should have ended with the toys on the conveyor belt going into the fire. You don't have to show them tumbling into the fire, but like holding hands, just holding hands and just like cutting it fading to black as they go to their death, like all toys, like all things. However- Like all-

JVL00:49:51Do you have any toys- Like all of us. Do you have- Randy Newman music? Horrible. The worst. Anything with a score by Randy Newman. Sure. Sure. Sure.

Vic00:50:02Sure.

JVL00:50:03Not Mark Russell, okay? Insufferable. It's okay.

Vic00:50:06It's all right. Here, the question is, do you actually own- Insufferable. Do you own any toys, you probably don't, that your children have inherited from you?

JVL00:50:15I can't answer that question without delving into deeply personal things. So the answer is no. And would you like to know why, Vic?

Vic00:50:23Suddenly it's getting cold. You thought it was hot in here? Now it's very cold.

JVL00:50:26Why is that? No, I'm not going to tell you. I'll tell you when we're done taping why I don't. Because they get to find out that backstory. Yeah. Okay. Do we have any- Do you?

Vic00:50:36Do you guys have? Yeah. Like toys that you've given to? All my Star Wars stuff is, you know. Wow. Okay. The Kenner, which by the way, stands the test of time. The G.I. Joe stuff was crap because of the rubber bands. They all fell apart. We've discussed this. We have. You can fix that. You can fix that. Oh, the rubber band thing? Yeah. It's easy.

JVL00:50:53The molds are much ... I like the molds better for ... They were better molds. But there's no articulation. No, there is no. There's no kung fu grip. The arms are just ... There's no kung fu grip. You have to be a cop to have a lightsaber battle and this is what you get?

Vic00:51:01That's crap. He doesn't need to. He's just using the force. Okay. Do we have any other thoughts on Incredibles 2, Disney, Pixar? Comments, complaints, bon mots, quips. Oh, wait a minute.

JVL00:51:12What? That's another A plus. Thank you. The truth is most of us are brushing our teeth wrong, not for long enough, and forget to change our brush on time. That's because most brands focus on selling flashy gimmicks rather than better brushing, but not quip. So what makes quip different? For starters, quip is an electric toothbrush that's a fraction of the cost of bulkier brushes while still packing just the right amount of vibrations to help clean your teeth. Quip's built-in timer helps you clean for the dentist-recommended two minutes with guiding pulses that remind you when to switch sides. Next, quip's subscription plans are for your health, not just convenience. They deliver new brush heads on a dentist-recommended schedule every three months for just $5, including free shipping. Worldwide. Quip also comes with a mount that suctions right onto your mirror and unsticks to use as a cover for hygienic travel wherever you take your teeth. And finally, everyone loves quip. They were on the Oprah's O list, named one of Time's Best Inventions, and is the first subscription electric toothbrush accepted by the American Dental Association. Plus, they're backed by a network of over 20,000 dentists and hygienists, and hundreds of thousands of happy brushers use quip every day. Quip starts at just $25. If you go to getquip.com/substandard right now, you'll get your first free refill pack with a Quip electric toothbrush. That's your first refill pack, free, at getquip.com/substandard, spelled G-E-T-Q-U-I-P dot com slash substandard. Thank you, JVL.

Vic00:52:50Now, speaking of guiding pulses, the other night, oh, never mind. Just kidding. Just kidding. Not really. Okay. Corrections, additions. Anything?

JVL00:53:00Does she call you knight?

?00:53:01Does Kate and I call you servant?

JVL00:53:02Oh, yeah.

Vic00:53:03Well, you know, I mean, technically, you refer to each other as brother, but that's inappropriate. So, corrections, additions. Wait.

JVL00:53:12You went in a totally different direction with that.

Vic00:53:13I did. No, but that's the actual title, and I was thinking about that, but anyway, okay. We have a special beer of the week. Not a spirit of the week, a beer of the week. It's a salute to our troops. So, special thanks to our friend Molly Drankard at Anheuser-Busch, who has given us Budweiser Freedom Reserve, based on a recipe from George Washington and brewed by veterans who happen to work at Anheuser-Busch. It's a red lager. I thought it was very delicious and smooth, and what better way to celebrate the upcoming Fourth of July than getting some Budweiser Freedom Reserve, which I believe is limited time only, so get it while you can.

JVL00:53:53Does it have carbohydrates in it? A little bit.

Vic00:53:56You could do Ultra. Do you do Ultra like in the commercial, those people in the commercial?

JVL00:53:59I just got done benching, I'm going to have some Ultra. A sip of Michelob Ultra, and I wondered to myself why anybody would bother. It was ... I mean, at that point, just have the ... if you need a beer that bad, if you need a beer so bad that you're willing to accept Ultra, then just have a beer.

Vic00:54:19Well, that's how I feel about non-alcoholic beer in general also, I'm just drinking. On that note, that's all the time we are giving to this episode. Questions, comments, complaints, compliments, tweet us @VictorinoMatus, @SonnyBunch ... @JBLast. Again, be sure to subscribe to us on iTunes or Google Play. Just type in Substandard on a podcast, we're there. Leave a review, tell your friends. Until next time. I have a quick update, Don.

?00:54:48Okay. Me too.

JVL00:54:50Do you know who the big winner this weekend was? Who? Solo. How so? Because it was finally proven, definitively, with math, that Solo was a good movie, a total success at the box office, whose only problem was that it was released

Sonny00:55:12too soon.

JVL00:55:13Yet again. Solo released only six months after the last Star Wars. Follow me this. The original Incredibles was released 14 years ago, they waited 14 years, and this new one opened to 2.4 times the opening of the last Incredibles. If Solo had waited just 14 years, then it would have opened to $202 million in its opening weekend. All they would have to have done was waited 14 years.

Sonny00:55:41Well, you want to let it age like a fine wine. It would work out.

JVL00:55:45I'm just saying, clearly, Sonny, you and all of your doomsday mongering about what a disaster, everything's fine, Kathleen Kennedy just jumped the gun a little bit on the release. Don't worry, everything's fine. That sounds about right. Are we still going on?

Sonny00:55:58I don't know.

?00:55:59Did you want to?

JVL00:56:00I had just one thought last night. Little hair of the dog this morning for me. Did you drink hard last night?

Vic00:56:03I did. I was at the Palm. I got together with my family to see my cousin Melissa, who I have not seen in 14 years. And she came over from the Philippines and she's visiting. Oh, no kidding. How great. It was lovely. And so, last time I saw her, I guess I was 30, we were engaged. So, we were engaged. We were engaged at the time. So, we were engaged at the time. So, we were engaged. So, we were engaged. So, we were engaged at the time. So, we were engaged at the time. So, we were engaged at the time. So, we were engaged at the time. So, we were engaged at the time. So, we were engaged at the time. So, we were engaged at the time. So, we were engaged at the time. So, we were engaged at the time. So, we were engaged at the time. So, we were engaged at the time. So, we were engaged at the time. So, we were engaged at the time. So, we were engaged at the time. So, we were engaged at the time. So, we were engaged at the time. So, we were engaged at the time. So, we were engaged at the time. So, we were engaged at the time. So, we were engaged at the time. So, we were engaged at the time. So, we were engaged at the time. So, we were engaged at the time. So, we were engaged at the time. So, we were engaged at the time. So, we were engaged at the time. So, we were engaged at the time. So, we were engaged at the time.

Sonny00:56:54So, we were engaged at the time. So, we were engaged at the time. So, we were engaged at the time. So, we were engaged at the time. So, we were engaged at the time.

?00:56:59So, we were engaged at the time.

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