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#122. The Substandard on 80s Lyrics and Philip Roth
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Micro-episode. JVL reports that his wife Shannon just realized "Cherry Pie" by Warrant is not actually about pie — which he describes as a "scanners head-exploding" moment — and the revelation spread on Twitter into a riff on obvious-in-retrospect 80s double entendres: "Pour Some Sugar on Me," "I Touch Myself," "Afternoon Delight," "Turning Japanese," and "Paradise by the Dashboard Light." Vic adds the 70s disco track "Push Push in the Bush." Sonny is mostly a bemused bystander. The episode ends as it runs out of steam, with an abortive attempt to pivot to Philip Roth's death that goes nowhere because none of them have read much Philip Roth — a fact they find funnier than the intended topic.
Full transcript
Vic00:00:00Hello, and welcome to another micro-episode of The Substandard, sponsored by Casper. Our podcast listeners are invited to take advantage of Casper's competitive, limited-time, Memorial Day sale offer. Casper has three mattress lines to choose from. The original Casper, the innovative Wave, and the streamlined Essential. For a limited time, visit casper.com slash savings and receive 10% off your order with any mattress purchase. This special offer expires May 29, 2018. Terms and conditions apply. I'm Victor Matus, along with Sonny Bunch and Jonathan V. Last. Just a quick reminder, the full episodes of The Substandard are available every Thursday at 11 a.m. JVL, you were mentioning your wife had... A recent revelation. So we're driving to Starbucks yesterday to sit and do a little work.
JVL00:01:05And she turns to me, she says, you know that Warrant song, Cherry Pie? I said, yeah, yeah. She goes, I think it's actually about sex. And what was your reaction? My reaction was the scanners guy head exploding thing. I said, you what? And she was like... I mean, have you ever listened to it? I said, yes, I have listened to it. Everyone in America is like, Cherry Pie is the joke. Like when people say like, you know, hey, 80s hair band songs are all really about sex. The patient zero in this. The one everybody leaves the cherry. Did you ever see the album cover with the waitress in her décolletage on roller skates with the apron with the slice of cherry pie that has the point down hanging over her pelvis? What was it pointing to? The floor. So I, yes, I mentioned this on Twitter. It sparked an enormous discussion.
Vic00:02:07Did she not know that the cherry pie metaphor thing? Did she not?
JVL00:02:12Why don't you ask her, Rick?
Vic00:02:14I just, you know, I mean, come on. Okay, go ahead.
JVL00:02:17It was hysterical. So people were, I mean, you know, don't tell her what afternoon delight's really about or a little regular. But she says, we're sitting in the car and she's telling me this. And she goes. Is Pour Some Sugar On Me also a sex song? You've got the peaches. I've got the cream. I don't know, honey. You know, my mind doesn't work that way, of course. It was written by a diabetic.
Vic00:02:40It's a sad story. A sad song.
JVL00:02:43So it was great. One of the people on Twitter said that, she said, you know, until I was 30, I thought that a vinyl song I touched myself was about a girl who wanted to pinch herself because she thought she was dreaming about how great her guy was.
Vic00:02:54Well, this goes back to when I was, this now goes back to the 70s. I hate to do this, but when my sister got the double album for Studio 54, and I think I mentioned that, and we'd listen to it all day because it's, I mean, it's two albums, four sides, and it's taped over like two days or nights or whatever. I mentioned this on the podcast before, but one of the great songs on that was Muzik's Push, Push in the Bush. And we always thought, you know, some guy's pushing, they're pushing onto a giant bush of shrubbery, and despite the lyric. Who could say why? Who could say why? And despite the lyric, sometimes you just want a piece, piece, piece of pie. Yes. Sonny, you were going to say something.
Sonny00:03:38I was going to make a Monty Python shrubbery joke because I am totally extraneous to this conversation. I don't. Pour some sugar on me. The only thing I have to say about that is that it's the worst fraternity song because you get a bunch of dance girls out on the floor and they start screaming. And it's like, you're singing, you're screaming to this song about some dude, you know, family podcasting all over your face. And I'm just like, this is ridiculous. Summa laude.
JVL00:04:07Summa laude. Yeah. So, on the Twitter thread, somebody said that Pink Cadillac is not actually about a car. True or false?
Vic00:04:15Well, I hear pink already. That's already a warning sign. The Springsteen song? No. Is that the Aretha Franklin song?
Sonny00:04:23Isn't there a Springsteen?
Vic00:04:24Unclear. Oh, no. Okay. Unclear.
JVL00:04:27Oh, no. Wait a minute. I think. Hmm. Okay. But the one that really got me-
Vic00:04:31Wasn't that Clint Eastwood movie, too? Okay.
JVL00:04:33Was that it seems to be common knowledge that turning Japanese is somehow also- And so now I'm the Amish guy. Wait a minute.
Vic00:04:41No, no, no, no, no, no. Wait, how is that? What? In what sense is that?
JVL00:04:47I don't know. Really?
Sonny00:04:48I just assumed that if this was a thing that was not for the family, then you would know it. About Japanese fetishes? Is that what turning Japanese is about? Like Asian fetishes? Beats me.
Vic00:04:58Well, I mean, there's that. I mean, you know, it's a- Somebody got- The singer swings around a samurai sword.
Sonny00:05:03A lot of- A little bit of appropriating there. I just assumed it was about cultural appropriation and was therefore good, because that's-
Vic00:05:11I'm actually reminded of our old friend, Lee Bockhorn, who used to say when he worked at a Kroger's many years ago, they would always play on the radio station on Kroger's, the great poison song, Unskinny Bop. Do you remember Unskinny Bop? I do not. Unskinny Bop. Bop, bop. Very good, Sonny. And they have the great line in the great lyric, like, gasoline, you want to pump me and leave me when you get your fill, which apparently had nothing to do with petroleum. So that's there. Wow. Yeah, interesting.
JVL00:05:44Paradise by the Dashboard Line. Sure. Not about listening to a ball game while you're driving cross-country.
Vic00:05:51There you go. Also, I Want Your Sex might have to do with- Sexual healing, not about recovering from ED.
JVL00:05:58Okay, good. You could do that. You could do this all day. Yes. This is- Yeah, yeah. So.
Vic00:06:03All right. Well, is that it? Is that it?
Sonny00:06:06Is there anything else to add? We could do it for six minutes. I mean, I don't-
Vic00:06:10Yeah, you know, share your thoughts with us, tweet at JVLast. Should we just kill this episode?
Sonny00:06:17No, I think we should definitely put this out. This is a great episode. We've got an ad at the front, whatever.
JVL00:06:21We do have an ad, so let me say-
Sonny00:06:23Those suckers have already paid for our yachts and mansions. What did-
JVL00:06:28How was your weekend, Vic? No, save that for the main show.
Sonny00:06:32Can't go there. Can't go there. I think we should definitely keep this episode so people can understand how half-assed our ideas are on these minis.
Vic00:06:41It sounded good. Well, no, I mean- It seemed like a good idea. I'm sorry.
JVL00:06:43I thought Vic was going to come to play on this. I thought- We're doing a whole segment on double entendres.
Vic00:06:48I just did a- I got no reaction from you one on Skitty Bob because you're looking on the internet and
Sonny00:06:52cheating, and then I did my muzeek bit, and- And I was like, I don't, because I have actually not read any Philip Roth.
Vic00:07:03Talk about a human stain.
Sonny00:07:06No.
Vic00:07:07Vic, how many Philip Roth books have you not read? Now, did he do- Let's see here. No, I'm thinking of James Mishner. No, I'm not. I'm thinking of the other guy. Yes.
?00:07:20What is this even- God.
JVL00:07:22Tom Wolfe? Is that the other guy you're thinking of? I can't- God, this is really- This is really fantastic. Philip Roth. Philip Roth. You know, if the internet was good, what it would give us is a mashup parody of Tom Wolfe and Philip Roth, just like a two-page excerpt of a book that was written as a mashup of the two of them. Oh, you know what I- That's if we were on a highbrow internet, and instead we get, you know, pour some sugar on my memes.
Vic00:07:45You know what? I remember seeing the movie Blade Runner, which is based on a book, or an essay, Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep, written by Philip- Short story. Philip K. Dick.
JVL00:07:57Oh, that one.
Vic00:07:58I'm on it. Okay. So, yeah.
JVL00:08:01Sonny, who's- I know Hyman Roth. I know Hyman Roth, which is- Who's greater sign, Philip K. Dick or Philip Roth?
Sonny00:08:07Oh, that's easy. I've certainly read more Philip K. Dick. I couldn't say for certain that he's better, again, having not read really much Philip Roth.
JVL00:08:18I thought you said you had read, like, one or any Philip Roth. Philip Roth, no.
Sonny00:08:21No. This is why we decided not to do this.
Vic00:08:25Oh, I guess that's why we decided not to do this. He had a nose with a fake prosthetic nose. That's what he did. That was the human stain. What was that?
JVL00:08:34That was the human stain? No. No, that was the Virginia Woolf.
Vic00:08:37Wasn't that in- What was the name of that movie? It's not Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf. The Hours. Oh, The Hours. Yes. Great book by Philip Roth.
Sonny00:08:49Holy crap. I'm sure it's fine. All right, just stop it. Just stop the show. We're done forever. We're done. See you next time.
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