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#117. The Substandard on Rampage, Dwayne Johnson, and Georgetown
Listen to this episode ↗on Substack, where the show lives now
Dudes Chatting — Dwayne Johnson's bankability: The guys examine whether Dwayne Johnson is actually a reliable box-office draw or merely a franchise revitalizer. They land on a $30–35M opening floor but conclude he can't launch new franchises on his own — he can only boost properties that already have a foothold. A WWE tangent covers the Stone Cold/Bret Hart WrestleMania 13 double-turn and leads into a detour about Denise Richards and Wild Things. Sonny tells his story of joining a William Friedkin–led walking tour of the Georgetown Exorcist locations. JVL shares his mother-in-law doodle anecdote.
Reviews: Sonny reviews Rampage — enjoyed it despite its problems; Dwayne Johnson is charming, George the monster-ape is fun, but the earnest emotion beats feel misplaced. JVL reviews Rampage — bad on its own terms; the cowboy Jeffrey Dean Morgan character is a mess and the antidote-confusion finale doesn't work; he saw it in an almost-empty theater with his mother-in-law.
Box Office: Rampage opens at #1 with $34.5M; A Quiet Place holds at #2; Truth or Dare debuts at #3.
The episode closes with an announcement of a live podcast at AEI on May 11, and JVL recommends The Good Place.
Full transcript
Guest00:00:00Are you familiar with genetic editing? Changes will be incredibly unpredictable. Is he the only one? Oh, you didn't know about the 30-foot wolf?
Vic00:00:27Hello, and welcome to another edition of The Substandard, sponsored by Wink Wine Club. I'm Victor Matus, along with Sonny Bunch and Jonathan V. Last. I'd like to remind you The Substandard is available on iTunes, Google Play, Stitcher. Just look at our podcast and search for Substandard. You'll easily find us. Please subscribe, tell your friends, and do leave a review. Gentlemen, how are we? JVL, what's going on? Where have you been? I was up in New Jersey. I had to go up and give a talk. Oh, thank goodness it was New Jersey, because on the text you said, I was up in B.J.
Sonny00:00:57Yeah, you said B.J., and I was like, is that short for something?
Vic00:01:02And then I went to Google Image, and I said, what is B.J.?
JVL00:01:04What is B.J.? Oh, did you do Ask Siri? Ask Siri, I'm sure. Oh, really? Siri will tell you all sorts of things, too, if you ask her.
Vic00:01:08And then I went to B.J. City. B.J. City. Oh, yeah? Yeah, so it was N.J.
Sonny00:01:14I did that, and I wound up at a B.J.'s warehouse.
Vic00:01:16Oh, yeah, something like that. Yeah? It was some sort of a farm.
Sonny00:01:20You were at a house on it.
?00:01:22A farm?
Vic00:01:23That's one of JVL's favorite oldies. That's an oldie but a goodie. It's harvest time on the... On the something farm. Actually, it was our colleague, Dan Halper, who told me, I bet you it's N.J., because it's B and N right next to each other.
JVL00:01:37So, whereabouts in New Jersey? I was up in Morristown, not the other Morristown.
Vic00:01:44For those of us who live in New Jersey, that's in the northern frontier. That's near Vernon.
Sonny00:01:49No, it's near Chippenham. Morristown versus... Morristown. It was Morristown.
JVL00:01:54Never mind.
Sonny00:01:55That's where he's from. That's where I grew up. Guys, you're doing very narrow schtick here. You're doing schtick that appeals to about... Jersey people are everywhere. ...33 people.
JVL00:02:02So, I was up there speaking to some wonderful people in finance. Oh, well. From MetLife.
Vic00:02:07That sounds good. Finance people are the best people.
Sonny00:02:11Finance people are the best people, and if they ever wanted anyone from the substandard to talk about any sort of... Any time. ...any...
Vic00:02:17If this, by the way, if this radio show had sound effects, it would be the ch-ching sound right now. I would press that button. Or, alternately, the boi-oi-oi-oi-oi-oi.
JVL00:02:24I wasn't talking about substandard. It was great, and I had a lovely time, and I stayed in a beautiful hotel, the Morristown
Sonny00:02:32Gouverneur Morris. Oh, yes, Gouverneur, Gouverneur. Gouverneur Morris. Yes, of course, of course.
JVL00:02:36And I slept in a king-size bed with no children waking me up, which was fantastic, and I left in the middle of a 48-hour stomach bug at home for our eldest daughter, who was... Just in time for you. I'd say, coming and going.
Vic00:02:51Yeah.
Sonny00:02:51Which is the worst.
Vic00:02:52Oh, yeah.
JVL00:02:52That's the worst. Yeah. And it was great, and I... So I got to see my in-laws while I was up there, and it was love. I love my in-laws. I have a really wonderful relationship with my in-laws. Got to do some tech support. Did you talk about Duke? Yeah. We didn't talk about Duke, because when they're losing, we don't talk about Duke.
Sonny00:03:09And... Wait, question. Question. Is it just Duke basketball, or is it Duke basketball and Duke football? Just basketball. Just basketball. Okay. Just Coach K. Just because he does it the right way. He's a winner. Coach K.
JVL00:03:19He does it the right way. So I do a lot of tech support. I don't know if you guys are like this with your... In-laws or parents. And so a lot of it has been iPhone-related over the last couple years, because I got my mother-in-law onto an iPhone.
Vic00:03:33Oh. And... I have not even managed that.
JVL00:03:35And it's great. She doesn't listen to the show ever, so I can talk freely here. She and I have a really, truly lovely relationship. And she is this kind of saintly woman who is just incredibly patient, incredibly kind, is always looking... on the bright side of people, and like an innocent, like a naif. And I remember when I got her her latest iPhone about a year ago, I was showing her the feature where you can, like, doodle a message to somebody. Do you remember this?
Vic00:04:09Oh, yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
JVL00:04:11And so you could, like, you know, draw a heart or something like that. And so I waited until I had sent her home, back to New Jersey, because we had bought this one when she was down by here. And then once I knew she was not driving, and she was home... I doodled her a picture of a dick and sent it to her. What? And I got back to her, oh, you're so wicked. Wow. And this is the type of relationship I have with my mother-in-law. So we went to see a movie together.
Sonny00:04:38I didn't see that coming, so to speak. That's a Shyamalan-like twist.
JVL00:04:43I was like Jonah Hill in... You were just drawing dicks. Yes, basically. Yeah, super bad. So we went out to dinner with she and my father. My father-in-law was not interested in coming to see Rampage, and so my mother-in-law and I went to see Rampage together. Oh my gosh. Does he hate America? First time in my life I've ever been in a movie theater without a single other soul. Oh. And so we put our feet up on the seats in front of us, and we sat there and kibitzed throughout the entire movie. You told me there was nobody there? There was one other human being, period, and that was the person who worked at the theater. And they did a combined tickets and concession stand, and that was it. There were no others. There were human beings in the Cineplex.
Vic00:05:25Were these, what kind of theater was it? Yeah, I was going to say, what kind of theater? This was a 1980s era theater.
JVL00:05:30Oh, wow.
Sonny00:05:31So you had these stadium seating? Oh, no. Oh, nice. Oh, no, no, no. So really old school.
JVL00:05:35And so we sat there, like, taking selfies of each other with the movie in the back. I could have recorded the entire movie and uploaded it onto BitTorrent, and nobody would have known or cared. And we got to kibitz about the movie. But you would never do that. I would never do that. CC FBI. Because piracy is wrong.
Sonny00:05:47Piracy is wrong. The worst thing in our society.
JVL00:05:50People who are pirates, movie pirates, should have their eyes gouged out.
Sonny00:05:52I would actually be okay with cutting their dicks off and drawing pictures of it and sending it to your mother-in-law. To my mother-in-law.
JVL00:05:59So, Vic, do you ever do that with your mother-in-law?
Vic00:06:01With Mrs. Dwyer? Do you ever, like, send her, like, little naughty doodles and stuff? No, but we often try to get digs in on each other all the time.
JVL00:06:08Oh, so you guys are more ball busters than, like, loving...
Vic00:06:10Our relationship is mostly that. Trying to scandalize her. And then from time to time, joking around that, you know, the two of us would be great in the curling competition, that we would be a team. You know? You know, that kind of a thing. I mean, just little things like that, mostly. But mostly a lot of ball busting of each other. So, yeah. So different. Dicks are a different sort. It is. It is. It is. That was my weekend. How about you boys? Well, it was a great show in my absence. I don't remember what it was about, but it was lovely.
JVL00:06:36Chap Aquitic. Oh, that's right. Yes. It was Chap Aquitic. Yes. And you guys were making fun and ridiculing.
Vic00:06:44Because The Beacon had their field day, and we had the whole theater to ourselves, but there was 18 of us, and it was great. It was great. That's right.
JVL00:06:51And you killed Arlie Ermey while I was gone.
Sonny00:06:53I mean, can you believe this? I swear to God. So people- It was unnecessary, too. If you haven't listened to the Free Beacon podcast, Vic guest starred a couple episodes ago. I did. And he just, out of nowhere, brings up Arlie Ermey coming to the Weekly Standard office a few years back and talking to us. It was a throwaway line. Of course, Vic has to insert himself into everything. Vic is- So to speak. Usually, the person who sits in that chair. It's the Natalie Johnson chair. Doesn't talk in the second half of the show. She just sits there. But Vic was very chatty and wanted to talk about Arlie Ermey, who's dead now.
Vic00:07:31We were talking about- Who's dead now. We were talking about the Cynthia Nixon interview. And I said, oh yeah, people actually don't really care about the politics. They want to talk about sex in the city. And I said, that reminds me, when Arlie Ermey came to the Weekly Standard, and we wanted to talk about Full Metal Jacket. Vic had to be the center of attention.
Sonny00:07:45I love Arlie Ermey. Just Vic. Everyone had to pay attention to Vic. He tried to do- He tried to do Gene. I f***ing put the kibosh on that.
Vic00:07:54Yeah, but you know what? He still found- There were many puns.
Sonny00:07:57He was like, can we do Gene? Can we do Gene? And Liz was like, yeah, sure, I guess. I had the ball convinced. She never says no to anything. And I just sent an email that said no. And Matt was like, good, yeah, because I thought that was dumb too. I thought that was a dumb, terrible idea.
Vic00:08:12Matt said that was fine with me, and you scared him. You scared him into changing his mind.
JVL00:08:16Can I make a request? There are plenty of puns, nevertheless. Can I get Biff Diddle as a guest on the show?
Sonny00:08:23Biff Diddle has disappeared to the jungles of Borneo.
JVL00:08:25We don't know where he is. Well, he's got a sat phone.
Vic00:08:29We can talk about Biff off air. Yeah, that's really interesting, actually. Okay. Sonny, how are you?
Sonny00:08:34I'm great. So I was telling Vic- Oh, this is good. Oh, I can't wait for this segment. There was an event in D.C. this week. We're actually taping Thursday morning. Yes, we really are. We really are. Tuesday morning this happened. The director, William Friedkin, who directed French Connection and The Exorcist and Sorcerer and Subman- To Live and Die in L.A. To Live and Die in L.A. was in town for the U.S. premiere of his new documentary. It's about an hour, eight minutes, 68 minutes, something like that, called The Devil and Father Remorth. Up our alley. And it's basically about a real-life exorcist. It's like the Vatican's exorcist who-
JVL00:09:17Can he exorcise the commie from the Vatican?
Sonny00:09:19I don't- Well, he's dead now. He died in 2016.
JVL00:09:24You know what killed him? Communism. The communism of the pope.
Sonny00:09:29The fake pope. Well, so anyway, this documentary. So William Friedman was in town to lead a walking tour of the Georgetown locations for The Exorcist.
JVL00:09:41Did that take place at Georgetown University?
Sonny00:09:43And it was on Georgetown University. It's the first time I'd ever been to Georgetown University. I didn't know you'd not been on campus before. I've been to Georgetown, the area of D.C., a thousand times. But you go on campus? But it was on campus. And it was really lovely. I can understand why somebody would want to go to university there. It's a really nice school. They have that nice little chapel kind of in the corner. Where I got married. Dahlgren Chapel. Dahlgren Chapel. Oh, how did you know that too? We went inside and Mr. Friedkin was showing us how he did the shots. It was a very interesting talk. I'm going to be writing about it. I'm going to be writing about it for Friday, so I don't want to spoil too much. But I had quite a good time, and we kind of walked all around. We went to the exorcist steps. He went down the steps. He didn't want to go back up them. He's 82. He's 85 steps. It's a lot. He's 75. Is that right? It's steep. Yeah, it's steep. It's steep. And going down was actually scarier than going up.
Vic00:10:42I think the crew teams would practice on that.
JVL00:10:44Question. Yes. Did any rich, drunk children of doctors vomit
Sonny00:10:49on you while you were on campus? No, but I did see a Planned Parenthood sign in one of the windows. Oh, of course. Of the dorms. That does not surprise me.
JVL00:10:57That you can have, but get the crucifixes off the wall. Oh, please.
Sonny00:11:00That's offensive. What kind of school is this? I don't know if those were actually dorms, but it's like, so when you walk into the square, the quadrangle where Dahlgren Chapel is, like those rooms that are kind of lining it, are those dorms?
Vic00:11:13Yeah, they used to be the Jesuit residences, but I'm going to assume that that's not the Jesuit residence anymore. Yeah.
JVL00:11:19Can you tell them the joke about the Jezrez that Father Fields used to say?
Vic00:11:23Oh, yeah, because we would go, we would hang out with some of our Jesuit friends, and I remember Father, Kevin Wilds came in. He had this fantastic leather jacket, and I said, what'd you get? And he said, it was a gift. And my friend Peter Lowe says, whatever happened to the vow of poverty, Father? And my friend Father Barrett says, believe me, if this is poverty, bring on chastity.
JVL00:11:45The Jesuits are amazing. We had dinner at the Jezrez. I think you're only allowed one Jezrez dinner if you're only a wannabe Hoya. And I was shocked to see that the, it was, no, it was Father Shaw. Oh, that's a good one. And it was amazing, and I was shocked. A, they had better furniture than we had, but they did have the same Creighton barrel rugs that we had in our house in the Jezrez, and I just thought, this is, this is, if I This is fine. This is fine. If I was going to be a priest, this is kind of the way I would want to roll. Yeah, sure.
Vic00:12:24It's very comfortable, and they've got a fantastic view, and we go there from time to time with the kids, and we see Father, our friend Father Stephen Fields, who teaches philosophy there, and they love the dining thing, because they have, it's the little things that we think is not a big deal, but it's like all you can eat, but it's cafeteria food, but all you can eat, and they love the ice cream box, you know, the ice cream you reach in, and you don't have to pay, you get whatever you want.
Sonny00:12:46You can eat a million of them.
Vic00:12:48I'm like, I don't know where to begin.
Sonny00:12:50I would say that is like the thing that I was most shocked by when I went to college, was like, there are just troughs of food everywhere, and you can take as much as you want. And this is when you gained some weight?
Vic00:12:59No, no. No, no.
Sonny00:13:00So actually, first year of college, I like lost five pounds. I like went in at 130 and came out 125. It wasn't until my second year, it wasn't until my second year when I joined a fraternity and started drinking every night to excess that I started putting on weight. But it was, anyway, the thing was very nice. It was, and we went into, we went into Dahlgren Chapel, and there was like a little, there was like a little tub of water at the front. The baptismal font? That I like, I thought, I guess it was like to wash your, to wash your hands. I saw people putting their hands in, and I, but they played a very mean joke on me. I went in to touch it, and it burned. It was so hot. Somebody put battery acid in it, and I was like, ah, why is this hurting?
Vic00:13:44But it was just you. But it was just me.
JVL00:13:46Everyone else seemed fine. I don't know, you can have it. So it's double, I guess, a year. So your kids are basically guaranteed entrance to Georgetown, right?
Vic00:13:50Yeah, and we can't afford it, so they're never going to go. Plus, I mean, it makes no sense to go four miles and pay $60,000. As it makes, it makes no sense. So it's not going to happen.
JVL00:13:58No, even better, because you don't have to pay for housing, because they can live at home. Commuter Georgetown kids. Yeah, I know.
Vic00:14:02Nobody wants, you knew them, and they were never actually, you know, part-timers were never actually a part of the experience. That's good.
JVL00:14:08So Michael can do it, but Sabrina will live at home. Oh, yeah, she'll definitely, yes.
Vic00:14:12Right. No, no, no.
JVL00:14:12You don't want her, you don't want Sabrina to be part of the void, do you?
Vic00:14:15School for girls, as they say, but no, I mean, I guess the dream for anybody living in Virginia is UVA, which Sonny lived, because that's the best school around, and at a very, very
Sonny00:14:25good price. Best school around, very, very low price, all the smartest and best people, prettiest, most attractive. And the most right. And the most right. And the most right. Best, it's really, honestly, like, I guess I could have gone to Harvard if I wanted, but why do that when I could just go to Harvard?
Vic00:14:39Our friend John McCormick went to GW, and that is a pricey school here in town.
Sonny00:14:44Isn't it the most expensive school in the country?
Vic00:14:45Close to the most expensive school, and recently, he said, I got to take you around, because we had some lunch, and afterwards, were you with me? We were walking through, like, what, you know, they don't actually have a campus, it's just the city, you know, so you're walking down the blocks, he's like, oh, I remember this place, and I remember that place, and I said to John, I said, at which point in time, like, did you realize, wait a minute, this is in Georgetown, which part was that? He did not find it funny. These Georgetown kids. They're terrible. They're terrible. Okay, so I'll tell you what I did recently on Saturday. This is really interesting. I went, I do this once a year.
JVL00:15:19Did somebody buy you dinner and spirits again?
Vic00:15:21Besides that. I went through my closet, because Kate's like, you know, Michael's outgrowing these clothes, I'm putting stuff, we're giving it to Goodwill, et cetera, et cetera, and I said, I'm going to do the same thing, because I haven't done this in a while, where we give clothes that we don't wear anymore to Goodwill. I don't know how often you guys do it. I did it, and you just find clothes that you, in previous cycles, I convinced myself, I'm sure I'm going to wear this outfit again, and you never do. And it turns out that I'm wearing the same four things over in rotation, and then other articles of clothes just gravitate towards that back of the closet, and then you take it out, and suddenly it's from the 90s.
Sonny00:15:57Yeah, I mean, the only clothes a man needs are a light blue Oxford, a dark blue Oxford, a white Oxford, and a salmon Oxford. Oh, yeah, I know that. And you can vary these up with, maybe you get a couple button-down collar, but if you're an adult male who works in an office. You need four shirts, and everything else that you have is totally extraneous.
Vic00:16:18We should have a special segment on sartorial tips by Sonny Bunch. It would be really interesting. What about you, JVL? Do you ever go through and say, that's it, I gotta get rid of these things? Yeah, these black t-shirts I don't want anymore.
Sonny00:16:27I'm gonna put these black t-shirts on. Yeah, I mean, he's basically George Carlin. It's like, he's late-stage George Carlin. It's not like he's George Carlin.
JVL00:16:34Did I tell you when I made the jump from cotton to wool? Did we talk about that? No, no, we never talked about this.
Sonny00:16:40Yeah, that you have like merino wool t-shirts on?
Vic00:16:42Yeah, merino wool t-shirts. That's the greatest thing in the world. Supima, right? Supima cotton. Merino wool is better. Is that right? But it is funny you see- They're nature's technical fiber. Directly on the skin?
Sonny00:16:55Because I've got a lot of merino wool sweaters.
JVL00:16:56I wouldn't want to wear them off. No, there's no JV. It's softer than silk.
Sonny00:17:00It's amazing.
Vic00:17:00I don't know about that.
Sonny00:17:01So comfortable. I don't know about that. My favorite silk, sorry, just randomly. One of my favorite movies growing up, Short Circuit 2, had a great bit about a silk shirt where Michael McKean is playing like- He's playing like a- He's playing like a thug. He's playing like a hood, and he has a silk shirt, and all of the- He's like, don't mess up my silk shirt. But then Johnny Five is dying, and he rips the silk shirt apart to cover his wounds and save Johnny Five.
Vic00:17:27That's a very-
Sonny00:17:28That's a touching moment. One of the most touching things in-
JVL00:17:30Was Fisher Stevens in Short Circuit 2?
Sonny00:17:31No, Fisher Stevens was not. But Steve Guttenberg was. I think. You're kidding. If I remember. Or was it the other way around?
Vic00:17:38Or was it the other way around?
Sonny00:17:39Or maybe it was the other way around. I think it was the other way around. I think it was Fisher Stevens. Fisher Stevens was available. That's right. It picked up a paycheck. You're right, you're right. I'm sorry. I had to- Yeah, Ally Sheedy and Steve Guttenberg were too big at that point.
Vic00:17:48You know what was so crazy? That Fisher Stevens ended up with- Michelle Pfeiffer. Michelle Pfeiffer. Isn't that crazy?
JVL00:17:55Fisher Stevens is a real talent. Like Billy Joel, Christie Brinkley is one of those- Oh, yeah. Well, I mean- Fat mobile matches. I like Billy Joel. Sorry.
Vic00:18:03Did you have more close talk? Oh, yeah, yes, I did. I did, because I was taking out stuff, and I found out I have one thing that was still from Britches of Georgetown. I don't think I have any structure left.
JVL00:18:13Back before Britches of Georgetown. Because Britches of Georgetown used to be a really nice place.
Vic00:18:16Oh, that was an English hunting store. Right. Yes, it was a hunting shop. And then a couple of other things. And then I usually, sometimes I'll take something that's very dated, and I'll put it on for show, and then I'll say to Kate, like, hey, I'm going to the Third Eye Blind concert. You want to come today? Because it looks really dated. And then I found a t-shirt, and was it the horizontal stripes? I can't do horizontal. I mean, you know, it makes me shorter than I already am. You know what I mean? Shorter and wider. So I try to avoid the horizontal stripes. They make the head look bigger, too. Oh, everything. And so I showed Kate. I said, look, I think my mother gave me this shirt from, like, it was Banana or Puck, but I said, like, I'm never wearing this one, so isn't this funny? And Kate looks at it, and she says, actually, I think I got you that shirt.
?00:18:54Oh.
JVL00:18:55And I said, what?
Vic00:18:56First present she ever gave you. I said, well, it was like a long time ago. She goes, no, it might have been last Christmas. I said, uh, it was two weeks ago. I always wear it in the boudoir. It was very, it's very soft. That's what she, I thought, but she goes, but that's fine. She goes, you know, now I know what not to get you. That's okay. So I was happy that. It wasn't worse, because I thought she was going to go on a rampage. Speaking of which, Rampage took the top spot at the box office. I was wondering where he was going with that. You did. With 34.5 million. 35.7. Okay. Modest. Followed by A Quiet Place with 33 million. And Truth or Dare in third place with 19 million. What's amazing to me is, of course, Truth or Dare. Is that a horror movie? That's the Blum. Blumhouse. Blumhouse. I believe it only. Cost $10 million to make.
JVL00:19:42Three and a half million, according to.
Vic00:19:43To box office mojo. And it's going to make all this money. So horror, I guess, really is the way to go.
Sonny00:19:50Every movie from now on. That's it. But, I mean, you can even look at the Rampage results. I mean, you have a movie like Rampage, which in theory is like, you know, it's got big stars. It has an IP. And that movie will limp to 100 million domestic. And it's probably not going to do incredibly well overseas. We'll see. Randy Johnson has a bit more cash. Big in China, I think. Didn't it open big in China? Yeah. But the point is, like, it is, you know, you make that movie and you're kind of like, well, that's a miss. That's an expensive miss. And you make a movie like, you crap out a movie like Truth or Dare and it's like, yeah, 20 million bucks. It'll probably gross 40, 45, you know.
Vic00:20:31Rampage has already done 142 in China. Mostly China, though. I mean, it's mostly China. I did not see Rampage, but I believe some of you did.
JVL00:20:43So, JBL. Nailed it.
Vic00:20:46As you mentioned earlier. And Sonny, you were too busy going through your closet to do the work for the show. You couldn't pay me to see Rampage. I did not want to see Rampage.
Sonny00:20:56That's good. No, I mean, there's no reason for all three of us to see the thing that we're talking about. That hasn't happened since Black Panther. No big deal.
Vic00:21:03As long as two, you want to give a review?
Sonny00:21:07Wait, JBL, did you see Black Panther?
JVL00:21:09Out of respect, no.
?00:21:10Oh.
Sonny00:21:11Yeah, I told you. You didn't see it?
JVL00:21:12No, we all saw. Ready Player One. We saw Ready Player One. Okay. That was only like two shows ago.
Vic00:21:17Oh, that's true. Okay. Sonny, why don't you give the big boy review?
Sonny00:21:21JBL, do you want to give the review? You like giving reviews sometimes. Do you want to do the review? You hated this movie. I kind of liked it, but you hated it, I think. No, you can do it. It's your job. I don't want to step on your job. Besides, you're better at it than I am. You went to UVA. I went to a safety school. That's true. That's a good point. I mean, Johns Hopkins has its virtues, but you're not going to learn. Name one. You're not going to learn how to write about mise-en-scene. Name one virtue of that place. Yeah. Uh-huh. It's in Baltimore.
JVL00:21:50It's close to crack. It's near Camden Yards.
Sonny00:21:54If you want to score crack.
JVL00:21:55It's near Camden Yards. You got to walk off campus, and it's right there.
Sonny00:21:58Was Camden Yards open when you were there?
JVL00:22:00I'm not 70. Yes, Camden Yards was open. Camden Yards opened when I was 10 years old.
Sonny00:22:05Camden Yards opened in 92?
JVL00:22:07Whatever. It opened when? No, way before that. Was it before that? Wait. Wait. Was it in 89, 90? Yeah, wait. I was in early high school.
Sonny00:22:14No, because Memorial Stadium was open through the 80s, so it was 90 or 91 at the earliest. Way before I got there. I'd say it was like 92 or 93.
Vic00:22:24Also accessible and friendly faculty at Hopkins, right?
Sonny00:22:27Oh, yeah. None of those guys are the greatest. Rampage. So, Rampage is, of course, based very loosely on the video game Rampage, which was about monsters that go into a city, and you destroy the city, and you try not to get killed by people. That's so fun. It's one of the most fun games that there is. Midway. A Midway game, if I remember. It is totally, it is just button-smashing fun.
Vic00:22:49Which creature did you like to be?
Sonny00:22:51I was always the monkey.
JVL00:22:52Yeah, I was the same. George, I was always Lizzie. I bet you liked Ralph the Wolf. No, no, no. No?
Vic00:22:59I always, I said King Kong.
JVL00:23:01Oh, I liked going with Lizzie, who was the lizard, because you could, it was the god, he was the Godzilla knockoff. Yes, that's right. The non-branded Godzilla.
Sonny00:23:08Yeah. So, the movie starts, I mean, the movie starts in the early 90s. The movie starts ridiculously, and kind of sets the tone for the whole thing, with a segment in space, where an evil corporation has built a space station, from which they can do scientific experiments about gene editing, CRISPR technology, which is like, it is treated in this very kind of insidious, like, oh, chemical weapons, biological weapons, you know, it's evil and bad, and on this space station, a giant rat has gotten loose, and it kills, it kills Marley Shelton, it kills Wendy Peppercorn from the sandlot, very sad.
Vic00:23:41What are your classic favorite movies of all time?
Sonny00:23:44Absolutely. The sandlot is great. So, the technology falls to earth, and it infects a giant, it infects a big monkey at Dwayne Johnson's zoo, and it infects a wolf on the plains of Montana, I think it is somewhere in there. The Badlands. The Badlands. And then, and an alligator, or a crocodile, one of the two, I can't remember what they have in Florida, also gets a bit of... Gators. I don't know.
Vic00:24:12And that becomes the lizard? That becomes the lizard.
JVL00:24:14I'm not a scientist, man. I don't know. Where do the wings come from? Do you know why? Well, this is part of the movie.
Sonny00:24:19So, this is part of the movie. The gene editing technology, they have created this formula to give animals the best qualities of all the other animals. So, he has glider wings.
JVL00:24:27That's like Serpentor in G.I. Joe. Yes.
Sonny00:24:30Yes.
Vic00:24:31Very, very similar. That was where they jumped over the shark, for me. Possibly. And that and Sergeant Slaughter.
JVL00:24:36Dr. Mindbender, who was absolutely not gay.
Sonny00:24:39G.I. Joe, the movie, was amazing. You shut your mouth. Continue.
JVL00:24:43Dr. Mindbender, 100% straight.
Sonny00:24:45I don't know who that is, but... Bare-chested, monocle, a handlebar mustache. G.I. Joe was a little before my time, actually. I was like six or seven. I was going to say, G.I. Joe had to be one. I was like four or five.
Vic00:24:56Major Blood, I thought of as being a real macho man until he was voiced by a very high-pitched voice. A kind of Freddie Mercury type. Yeah, I was like, what? Okay.
Sonny00:25:05So, anyway, the movie is about these animals converging on Chicago and destroying it, kind of like the video game, I guess. Mm-hmm. And Dwayne Johnson, the Rock, is an ex-Special Forces agent. Primatologist. Slash primatologist slash anti-poaching advocate. Oh, good. Who wants to save his buddy, George, who he rescued as a child from evil poachers in the plains of Africa.
JVL00:25:33And who's fully sentient and makes, like, wordplay jokes.
Sonny00:25:36Right, right. No, who is, like, a genius super ape who, like, who understands trolling. He understands trolling. He is, like, the trollingest ape of all time. Right, right. Which is great. I actually identified very strongly with George. I was like, this is obviously deeply unrealistic, but it's also kind of how I would like to imagine a giant ape would be.
JVL00:25:54You might say he's your spirit animal.
Sonny00:25:56Exactly. Spirit animal. And they are, so anyway, long story short, there are evil villains, one of whom is played by, brother-sister duo, played by Molyneux. Melon Ackerman and the guy who's from...
JVL00:26:14That's Melon Ackerman?
Sonny00:26:15Yeah. What happened? Well, look, she just looks very different because she's got, like, brunette hair and is very severely dressed, as opposed to, say... And mannish? Well, she's always had that kind of, like, square, angular face. Like, lantern jaw and looks like she weighs 185 pounds? I'm just telling you who it is, man. Jeez. So anyway, this movie's kind of a Watchmen reunion because Jeffrey Dean Morgan plays a government agent. A government agent who, like, we think is kind of bad at the start, but it turns out he's more or less a good guy. You know, he's trying to help out Dwayne Johnson. Trying to help out The Rock.
JVL00:26:50He's just a cowboy. You know, I couldn't figure out why he was a cowboy. Or I couldn't figure out that he was a cowboy. The cowboy boots and the giant silver belt buckle and then the six-shooter that he kept flashing with a pearl handle on his hip but never actually used. And then the fact that he kept saying, you know, this old cowboy... Cowboy. Hey, this cowboy.
Sonny00:27:11You know what? The Cowboys used to say. He's just a cowboy, Vic. You missed a real cowboy.
Vic00:27:15I'm so glad I missed this movie.
Sonny00:27:17And it was... Look, here's the thing. I don't think this is a good movie. Exactly. I don't think it's high art. I don't think there's much going on. But I had a good time in the theater. I enjoyed it. It was fun. I like Dwayne Johnson. I like The Rock. I like... I think he's a solid movie star. Except he kind of isn't. And we can talk about that a bit more. The various strengths and weaknesses of Dwayne Johnson in a moment. But, yeah, I liked it. And I know JBL did not.
Vic00:27:44Okay.
Sonny00:27:45Thank you, Sonny.
Vic00:27:46It was a lovely review. Why don't you go ahead and take a break and have a drink? Speaking of having a drink, with online ordering, quick shipping, and personalized recommendations, the only way Wink could make discovering wine you love easier is if they drank it for you. Introducing Wink, spelled W-I-N-C. Wink makes it easy to discover great wine. Because Wink's wine experts select wines matched to your taste, personalized for you, shipped right to your door and starting at just $13 a bottle. There's nothing like coming home to a delivery box of delicious Wink wine selected just for you. It's the best day of your month. Just fill out Wink's palette profile quiz. Answer simple questions that your average store clerk wouldn't ask or translate into a recommendation. Questions like, how do you take your coffee? And how do you feel about blueberries? Then Wink sends wines curated to your tastes. The more wines you rate, the more personalized your monthly selections. Each month there are new delicious wines. Like the insanely popular Summer Water Rosé. No membership fees. Skip any month. Cancel any time. But why would you? Shipping is covered. And if you don't like a bottle they sent you, they'll replace it with a bottle you'll love. No questions asked. Last time on the show, we had the 2015 Rogue Admiral's Cabernet Sauvignon from Australia. Which was extremely drinkable. And the only thing missing was a nice boneless ribeye. I recently also had the 2017 Mercana Malbec from Argentina. It went in one sitting. That was just fantastic. It was savory. And also fruit forward, as we say. Discover great wine today. Go try Wink.com slash Substandard. You'll get $20 off your first shipment. That's spelled T-R-Y-W-I-N-C dot com slash Substandard for $20 off. Try Wink.com slash Substandard. So, I had a question which is on box office. Box office mojo, it doesn't say how much the movie cost, but I imagine it was over $100 million to put it together. Did it look like the money? Could you see the money on the screen?
Sonny00:29:50Yeah, sure. I mean, it's a big, giant CGI movie. I think it was in the $120 to $130 range, if I remember correctly, from other sources. Box office mojo has gotten a little more hesitant about putting box office figures in there. Lots of dashes. In their little summaries. And I'm not sure why. I don't know if it's just because they are being... It's more widely used now, and so I want to be a little bit more careful about what they say. That's interesting. But yeah, it was... I mean, it's a big, giant CGI movie with lots of special effects and, you know...
Vic00:30:24But this is not going to be another Jumanji for The Rock? No, it is not. Okay. Do you think people are just getting tired of it? Is that why... Are people just tired of... Has he reached... Because people don't say... I read these articles in Variety and in the Wall Street Journal about how Dwayne Johnson, now the most bankable... Star in Hollywood and blah, blah, blah, and yet... This is not right. I look at it, and then I'm like... No, no, no. I don't know. I think I'm getting tired of him. He seems nice, but I feel like I'm done seeing his movies.
Sonny00:30:50Here is what Dwayne Johnson is. He is the franchise revitalizer. He is the guy that you bring in to get a series of movies back on their feet. We saw this first in the Fast and Furious movies. We saw it in the Journey to the Center of the Earth movies. We saw it in... In Jumanji, which, again, is kind of a... But he has yet to launch a franchise on his own. Is this more or less right, JVL? I cannot actually think of a franchise he has launched on his own. You look at Baywatch, that was a disaster. You look at this, it might break even, but it's definitely not. Nobody's going to be clamoring for a Rampage 2, either in the audiences or in the studios. Doom was a disaster. I mean, Doom was a real disaster. San Andreas did well. I mean, it made money, but it didn't blow the doors off anyone. $150 million at home, $300 million, $400 million overseas. It did okay. I mean, I don't think he is a star in the sense that people will go see him in anything, no matter what. But I do think he is an X-factor that can make... Otherwise, like, popular or somewhat marginal properties big things again. Right.
JVL00:32:18JVL. The opening weekends for the last six movies, which I think we can claim are legitimately, like, Dwayne Johnson vehicles, are $35 million, $36 million, $18 million, $35 million, $54 million, $29 million. So this is where his... I think it is fair to say that if you put... If you put Dwayne Johnson in a generic action movie, his value of a replacement player is that he can get you between $30 to $35 million on your opening weekend. And beyond that, he's dependent upon the context in which you're putting him, and he's dependent upon the quality of the movie. Jumanji, everybody says is a great movie. Its multiple was 10x.
Vic00:33:01Actually more than that.
Sonny00:33:02It was 11x.
JVL00:33:03It was 11x. That's insane. Its final gross was $400 million off a $36 million opening. And when you put him in a dog... Like Rampage or Central Intelligence, it's going to be a much more typical, you know, 2.9, 2.5, 3.2.
Sonny00:33:19Central Intelligence lagged out, though. I think that did a multiple of four or so.
JVL00:33:23It did a multiple of like three and a half or something like that. Yeah. So he's, you know, the difference may be, A, he is a very bankable star overseas, and he tends to make movies, not entirely, but tends to make movies that are foreign plays.
Sonny00:33:38You know, I mean, they're meant for the Fast and Furious movies.
JVL00:33:40Or Rampage. I mean, Rampage is not meant, really, in truth, for the U.S. domestic market. This is a movie that is meant for China. And I think that when you talk about him as being bankable, that's really what they're talking about. A, the list of bankable stars has shrunk down to about like three people total. Nobody is bankable anymore. The properties, the intellectual, that is the real draw now. And so I guess I can see it. I just wish, I said this when we talked about it once before, I just wish he'd make better choices. When he makes good choices, movie-wise, he's really good in them. And, you know, like even The Stupid G.I. Joe Retaliation, I'm a huge fan of that movie. I think it's great for being a garbage movie. It's a great garbage movie, and he's fabulous in it. He's funny in Baywatch and charismatic in Baywatch, but the movie kind of stinks. And the same thing is, this is actually, I think, his worst performance. And I don't know if I can blame him on it so much as I blame the choices of the script. I mean, this is a movie with giant animals blowing up a city. I used to have, like, full-on real relationship concerns about him and his animals. I mean, where they play it totally straight, like, with him, you know, he really cares about George. And I was like, that's a different movie, dude. And it is, in a weird way, I wonder if this is his note, because Baywatch does the same thing. Like, Baywatch is this ridiculous movie that is a send-up of a ridiculous television show, and yet there are all these, like, really earnest relationship notes in it about, but this is really family, man, and, you know. But he and Zach, what's his name? Efron. Zach Efron, like, you know, they have a real relationship. They're trying to work that out. And it's all of a sudden not, in a movie that is all camp and is all craziness, like, you have these earnest relationship moments. And it's just crazy. Like, what are these things doing here? I don't know. I had no expectations for this being a good movie. I don't, when I say it's a bad movie, I mean, I think it is bad on its own terms. Would you disagree, Sonny? I mean, you thought it succeeded on its own terms?
Sonny00:35:41The terms on which it is trying to succeed is have a series of entertaining action beats surrounded by very broad charisma-based comedy. Not, like, Dwayne Johnson is just kind of fun to look at and be around. I mean, like, people talk about, like, who would you want to hang out with in Hollywood? Like, Dwayne Johnson actually seems like a guy who would be fun to be around. Yes.
JVL00:36:08He's the first person counting of us, too, which I can't. I can't share on the air. Why not? Say it. Because I want to betray competences. What? But a friend of ours from the cruise business. Oh, yes. Spent some, like, a long stretch of time with him. He's just phenomenal. He's awesome. I'll tell you guys off air.
Sonny00:36:26But he seems like a really, like, and that comes across on screen, and that is why I basically am down for whatever Dwayne Johnson does, even though, I'll be honest, I tend to not really like his movies. This one, I probably liked a little more than some of the others, but, like, I think the Fast and Furious movies are trash, as you know, and I, like... I actually forgot our take on that, because it's been so long ago. But I thought this basically worked on its own terms. Which, I mean, and look, look, it has a monkey doing troll schtick, which is, like, obviously unrealistic, but I thought it was funny.
JVL00:37:02Of course it was. I was totally realistic, but that's... So here's a question for you, a genuine question. There is a moment, a spoiler alert, if one must spoil a movie like this. There is a moment, I would say, the beginning of the third act, where Dwayne Johnson and Naomi Wood, what's her name, his co-star, who is the... Every scientist in this movie is ridiculous, like, including Malin Ackerman, who may be a dude, who is, like, the world's... She is... Whatever. So they steal the antidotes to turn the animals back to being normal animals. Just to reduce their rage. To reduce their rage. The rage antidotes. Did you notice them injecting George the Monkey with the rage antidote? Well, didn't they feed... Didn't they... Didn't he eat Malin Ackerman? So he did eat Malin Ackerman, and the reason... So Malin Ackerman changes costumes midway through, and she goes from having a business suit to having a red dress, and the minute they did this, I was like, oh, this is just fan service for the video game, because there's a woman in a red dress who would pop out of a window, and they would eat her.
Sonny00:38:09They would, like, you know, pick her up and drop her.
JVL00:38:11And I said, oh, so they're going to make the monkey eat her as fan service for the movie and settle down, Vic. And that is, in fact, what happened. But here's the thing.
Sonny00:38:21But they put the stuff in her purse or something.
Vic00:38:25Oh, so he ingested her, and that's how he... Yeah.
JVL00:38:28They never tell you that this is what they're doing. Like, they make a big show of, we've got these things to inject them with, we've got to inject them with the antidote to make them not rage, and then all of a sudden, George the Monkey isn't raging. Now, it may very well be that the script logic is like, oh, but she has them in her purse, and then he eats her.
Sonny00:38:47I'm pretty sure they show them putting the things in her purse.
JVL00:38:51They may, but this is a...
Sonny00:38:54You needed it spelled out more.
JVL00:38:56I'm telling you that it reads to me, or it looks to me on the screen, like something that looks like a mistake. Like, oh, we just forgot to show the shot of like, hey, George is now going to be... And there's never a reaction of like, thank God, he ate her, and now he'll be okay. Like, you just... Like, George is raging one minute, and then he's not raging the other, and everybody just keeps moving as if the script is just, you know, we've got 87 minutes. We've got three minutes left here.
Sonny00:39:19Maybe you must have missed this when you were talking, when you were kibitzing with your mother-in-law.
JVL00:39:22It's possible, but she said the same thing. She was like, when did they give the antidote to the monkey? And I was like, I don't know, Mom. It's getting hard to say. Okay. The whole thing is bad. Did you like when the alligator opened its mouth after going gigantic? Yes. Like the pit of Sarlacc, teeth inside his throat?
Vic00:39:44Was that also part of the genetic editing, that you'd have, like, extra?
JVL00:39:47It didn't happen to anybody else, but it happened to the wolf.
Sonny00:39:50George didn't grow wings, either. They had different formulas. Again, they explained this. They all had different formulas, so all of them were going to do different things. No, I'm not complaining. No, I'm just nitpicking in ways that are wrong. This was not a nitpicking. I'm okay with nitpicking.
JVL00:40:05This was a creature design comment. This was not a complaint. I've got to say, the cowboy character worked for me not at all. And it was literally like, hey, do you remember that movie, Transformers? Transformers had a lot of, like, crazy animals. They had a color character. Remember John Turturro? He was just, like, color, and he was, like, totally gonzo and playing, like, a different thing from everybody else. And he added a lot of, like, we should just do that. Let's get a man in black character, and we'll give him some character schtick. Like cowboy. And what are we going to make him? Let's just make him a cowboy. It was so, again, just taken on its own. A movie like this makes you appreciate the auteur of awesome. Michael Bay. Michael Bay. Because this is what happens when you have a cut-rate Michael Bay working. Who's the director? Don't even know. No, Brad Payton, maybe. Yeah, Brad Payton, who directed San Andreas. And when you get, it makes you appreciate what Michael Bay does. It may be ridiculous. You may not like it. You may think it's bad. But it isn't easy, and not everybody can do it.
Sonny00:41:17Also, Dwayne Johnson's scientist friend would have been a Victoria's Secret model. That would have been another big plus.
JVL00:41:24She would probably have been a Victoria's Secret model. She would have looked something like Megan Fox, probably. Slash biologist. Yes. Right, well, right.
Sonny00:41:32I reject your false choice.
Vic00:41:33There's a great tradition in Hollywood of that, Denise Richards.
JVL00:41:36You know, to be honest, I thought that Dwayne Johnson's primatologist slash scientist special forces character was more preposterous than, like, an underwear model slash biologist.
Vic00:41:47What was it? Is it Elizabeth Shue, who is Cold Fusion in The Saint? Yes. Was that she was that? Elizabeth Shue. Physicist.
JVL00:41:53It was a physicist. And we have always said, the great one of these is her versus Christmas Jones, which was Denise Richards, also as a physicist who discovers Cold Fusion. Christmas Jones. Both of whom are physicists who discover Cold Fusion and have improbable physical abilities. Is it Denise Richards?
Vic00:42:10Is it Denise Richards or Richardson?
Sonny00:42:12Richards.
Vic00:42:12Richards. I'd say one of my favorite roles I'd seen her in was actually Undercover Brother, and she just plays up that, her sort of... Oh, that's right. She is in Undercover Brother. She's very funny in that, actually. She's very funny.
JVL00:42:23What if I thought that you were going to go with Wild Things? That is her. That's a separate category. That's her best. That's a separate category. Her finest performance ever.
Vic00:42:31I'm Ron Burgundy.
JVL00:42:32There are certain things I was disappointed about in that movie. What were you disappointed about in that movie, Vince?
Vic00:42:36Well, they make you think that it's going to be, you know, her, but they don't... It's like... Was it Neve Campbell was the other one? It's like, you know, not without getting into the... What? I don't know.
JVL00:42:47What do you mean?
Sonny00:42:48I just... You know what? As if you didn't know it was Party of Five and Neve Campbell immediately.
Vic00:42:52It's the same... I mean, no.
Sonny00:42:53As if that's not filed away. I wouldn't know what I mean. The recesses of your brain.
Vic00:42:58I can't remember if it was her. Was it Courtney Cox? I don't know. Who was it? There were certain things that just disappointed me in that... Expectations? Same thing. Starship Troopers. Right? It was the other woman.
JVL00:43:12The other woman in Starship Troopers in the shower. I'm sorry. You are the only person I have ever heard in my life to complain that Wild Things did not deliver on its erotic promise. I have high expectations.
Vic00:43:24What are you expecting? Softcore porn? Well, I thought it was on Brazzers for some reason. I don't know. I just... What? What is... Oh, this is why.
JVL00:43:31Wild Things is like one of those movies that over delivers on this. I don't know. No?
Sonny00:43:38I'm with Ozzy. Sonny, do you disagree here? I don't think it over delivers, but I think it delivers basically exactly what was promised.
Vic00:43:45I'm with Ozzy Osbourne when he was on The Howard Stern Show and he was complaining about how he was in a hotel room and he turns on one of these channels, but it turned out to be more Cinemax than it was like Brazzers or one of those channels that I don't know about. And he says, you know, he goes, I'm creating my neck, Howard. I'm trying to look for the meat and potatoes. That's what he wanted, the meat and potatoes.
Sonny00:44:03I like how we've jumped right past the Playboy channel to Brazzers.
Vic00:44:08It came up recently on Twitter. Okay, that's why it was in my mind. That's why it was in my mind. Is he the most successful wrestler to become an actor?
Sonny00:44:17Yeah, by far. I mean, I don't think anybody else who would be, I don't know who would be able to become Andre the Giant. Jesse. Jesse the Body Ventura. Jesse the Body Ventura. John Cena. No, it's not. Yeah, but there's nobody, there's nobody who's even close.
JVL00:44:31In fact, you could say that he is more, you can't really say that he's more successful as an actor than he is as a wrestler because he's one of the five most important people and one of the most important wrestlers of all time. Do you, do you, yes, for a very long time under different names. No, he was always The Rock.
Vic00:44:46No. No, he was Rocky Maivia. Maivia. Yeah, but it was a different gimmick.
JVL00:44:50Different gimmick.
Vic00:44:51He had a name.
Sonny00:44:52What was he in the Nation of Domination? Nation of Domination, but that was just a different gimmick.
JVL00:44:56He was always himself. He didn't, like, he didn't go as, like, he didn't become a different person. He just was the same guy with a different gimmick. Well, yeah, yeah.
Sonny00:45:02I mean, he was, there was. But I mean, he had different names. Oh, gosh, he had different names. Right. He didn't, he didn't come out in, like, a different costume. No, no, no, no.
JVL00:45:09Right. No, no, no. Right. He wasn't. Right, right.
Sonny00:45:12But, well, he did come out in different costumes. See, again, like, when he was Rocky Maivia, he was, like, the, like, guy from the islands, and then he was in the Nation of Domination, where he was, like, the black Islam guy, and then he was just The Rock.
Vic00:45:23Because he was, he was, he turned heel, and then he.
JVL00:45:25He was heel. Well, this is at a moment when all of the most, at a moment when the heels were becoming so beloved by the audiences that, to get really, really hot, you had to be a great heel. You had to be a great heel who went face, but without changing your thing. This is what, what Stone Cold did. This is one of the. Steve Austin. I just listened to, our buddy Adam White sent me, Christian and Edge. You remember them, Sonny? They do a podcast, which is very good, and they had, like, a two-hour show where they brought in Stone Cold, Steve Austin, and Bret Hart talking about a single match. Oh, that's great. And it was.
Sonny00:46:00It was so great. Was it the 60-minute? Didn't those two have, like, a 60-minute? It was. WrestleMania 13. Falls.
JVL00:46:08It was a WrestleMania 13 submission match. Submission match. One of all the interesting things about this is that this was a moment at which the WWE had a no-color policy. You know what that means, right, Victorino? I do not know. It means no blood.
Vic00:46:20Color is carny slang for blood. Well, like in The Wrestler with the staples and stuff. Right.
JVL00:46:25So they were told how they had to finish the match by McMahon, and then the two of them were in their green room talking about what they were going to do, and Bret said, set to Stone Cold, this thing will only work if we do color. And Stone Cold says to him, I've been with the company for 18 months. I can't do it. I can't go against Vince's wishes. He'll fire me. And Bret says, well, I'll do it for you. And he says, I'll cut you. And this way, then, it'll be on me. And so this is, what's so interesting is that Bret is basically saying, I've been in the company for 25 years. Vince will get mad at me, but he won't fire me. And Stone Cold trusted Hart so much. And Stone Cold says, one of the lessons you learn coming up is you never let someone else cut you.
Sonny00:47:13You never, you always do your own work. Always do your own blade work. Yes, I have that turned out.
JVL00:47:17And he said that Bret cut him more cleanly than he had ever been cut before. And he said, when you watch the replay, he says, even knowing that it's happening and watching it, I can't see him do it. He said it was the most professional job I've ever seen.
Sonny00:47:34Bret the Ant-Man Hart is the greatest wrestler of all time. The excellence of execution. He is like, I get, he's the best. And I get annoyed at people who are like, oh, Shawn Michaels. F that. Bret Hart. It's not even close.
JVL00:47:46It's not even close.
Vic00:47:47Bret Hart is the greatest wrestler of our time. Can I say my favorite Dwayne Johnson movie is Moana.
JVL00:47:54That's not a Dwayne Johnson movie. He's in it.
Vic00:47:56But he's the great, it wouldn't be the same movie without him. His voice.
JVL00:48:00He's really good.
Vic00:48:01He can sing. Turns out he can sing. Assuming that's his voice, he can sing.
Sonny00:48:04You left the Fast and Furious movies off those box office. Yeah, and Moana. I left Moana off. Because you don't think, because he's not.
JVL00:48:10I don't count them as Dwayne Johnson movies in the same way that I don't count Moana as a Dwayne Johnson movie.
Sonny00:48:15But again, I understand what you're saying, but I do think that it's worth noting that he revitalized the Fast and Furious franchise. As you would suggest. In a very, very real and serious way. I mean, he's in.
JVL00:48:28I have to, his first one is Fast Five. I don't know if, I'd have to look at the difference between. Fast Four and Fast Five.
Sonny00:48:35I think I saw Fast Five.
JVL00:48:37I'd have to look at the openings.
Sonny00:48:38If you look at the box office chart, it's like this. It's like, it's like, it's like, all right, one, and then two, and then three. But there's more happening there, right? And then four, and then five, and then six. There's a lot, I would say.
JVL00:48:48There's a lot going on. There are more people than him. All right, move on. I think we can move on. Corrections, additions. You know, you could really say that the reason San Andreas is so high on this is because of Alexander Daddario. You could say that that is an Alexander Daddario. movie and not a Dwayne Johnson movie.
Sonny00:49:07You should watch that on the big screen. That's all I'll say. Does it over-deliver? For a PG-13 movie, all I will say is that she is in the movie, and she's frequently wearing clothes that are revealing and tight. And she just, like, exudes sex. It's just like, it just, like, radiates off the screen. It's actually, like, it was actually, like, vaguely uncomfortable to watch, because, like, it's a theater full. It's kids. I'm just like, oh, my God. This is...
Vic00:49:35Let me just say, I just need to... What did you think of it? I need to clarify from the previous conversation about under-delivering and over-delivering. A lot of these movies do, in fact, over-deliver for me, in my mind. Thank you. Like what? Can I have an example? Jesus. Okay. Speaking of kids in the room. Corrections and additions. In the micro-episode, we were talking about the only good Republican is a dead Republican. I think we were talking about that, Sonny. That was a very deep point. It was.
JVL00:50:04Very deep point.
Vic00:50:04Only good Republican is a dead Republican. The only bad Democrat is a dead Democrat. That's right. And I talked about MSNBC using Reagan's voice. It was not Reagan. I think it's Walter Cronkite. I saw the commercial again. They don't tell you who the voice is, but it's definitely not Reagan. Okay. Number two. Our friend, John Podhoretz, says, correction, Gwyneth Paltrow was four years old when he babysat her. So she was not an infant. Not an infant. So I would trust... Toddler.
JVL00:50:26I would trust teenage John Pod to handle a three or four-year-old, because that is different than a baby who, like, you've got to warm the bottle for 60 seconds. Because her diet is very specific. Even at four, it was very specific. Oh, stop. I won't listen to Gwyneth Paltrow. Okay.
Vic00:50:41A couple of other housekeeping notes here. I went on Saturday to a lovely memorial mass for Kate O'Byrne. Oh, good. It's been a year since she passed. And so this mass was at the Oak Crest School, and they established a scholarship in her name, the Kate Walsh O'Byrne Scholarship Fund for Oak Crest. Go to oakcrest.org. Thank you. But while I was there at mass, I ran into two substandard listeners. Her son. Phil? Because you told me about this from last year. Yep. And so a great guy. He listens to us on his commute. He's an amazing guy. He should be president someday. God bless him. And as I was walking- I'm not kidding, Phil. You should run for office. Sorry. And he also has a stature. I was walking out of the church. Guy comes up to me and says, hey, he's smiling. He goes, excuse me, is your name Gene? I said, no. And I said, but I totally was not in that mindset. So I said, no, it's Vic Mattis. And he starts laughing. He goes, no, no, no. I'm making a joke. Gene's shallow joke. I said, oh my gosh.
JVL00:51:36Let's get out of church first.
Vic00:51:37I'm going to discuss my show. And then we go out, and it turns out it's a guy you know. His name is Michael Collins. He's a lawyer. Oh, yeah.
JVL00:51:45And I believe he had you down at Amelia Island.
Vic00:51:49Yep. Michael's a great guy. Back in the day. Wonderful guy. So thank you very much.
JVL00:51:52I didn't know Michael listened to the show. That's funny. Oh, yeah. Huge fan.
Vic00:51:55Huge fan of the show. So thank you all for listening. Can I- Please. Can I drop something in before we get out?
JVL00:52:01A friend of the show, Timothy Lewis, who is part of the Weekly Substandard Extended Universe, sent me a giant box of meat to help me in my no-carbing. So it's all this jerky from some Kansas City place. And it's things like crocodile jerky, kangaroo jerky, venison jerky. You've got to bring that in. You've got to bring that in to share. I had meant to bring it in. You know what? I will bring it in to share next week. I tried it. It's very good. That would be very interesting. Crocodile jerky. And so I felt like I was eating the rampage animals.
Sonny00:52:31Have you ever had alligator before at like a- Like carny? Tastes like chicken. It's good. I mean, it's actually quite tasty. I have not. When I lived in Florida on the panhandle, which is like the redneck-y part.
Vic00:52:43No, you can fry it up.
Sonny00:52:43Yeah, you can get like snake meat, gator meat. I love it. You know what? It's great.
Vic00:52:49Wait, where did you live on the Florida panhandle? I love it. It's the hidden life of Sonny Bunch. You'll have these little teasers. So London?
JVL00:52:54Yes.
Vic00:52:55No, not London. Not Virginia.
JVL00:52:58Sheffield. In Sheffield. This is my- Govna?
Sonny00:53:00No, it was outside of Ipswich. It's the journeys of Sonny. I was born in- I feel like this is like a security clue.
Vic00:53:12Don't give your social security number. Don't give your social security number.
JVL00:53:15I want the Raiders of the Lost Ark style map with the red plane flying from point to point
Sonny00:53:20I'm actually imagining it in my head right now. It starts in Arkansas, then to Pax River. You were born in Arkansas? Yeah.
JVL00:53:31Nobody would have ever guessed this.
Sonny00:53:32Then to- To England, then to Florida, and then settled in Virginia.
Vic00:53:39It's just life when you're an Air Force brand.
Sonny00:53:41And lived in D.C. for a bit, and then back to Virginia. And the Gobi Desert was somewhere in there, too, I'm sure. Okay.
Vic00:53:48That's all the time we're giving to this episode. Files of Northern Iraq. Right. Digging up questions, comments, complaints, compliments. Tweet us at Victorino Matus at Sonny Bunch.
Sonny00:53:58At JVLast2Now has 17 million followers. It's very important that we keep getting that number up.
Vic00:54:03You could block him. You could block him, though. You could block him. Just add him. Again, be sure to subscribe to us on iTunes or Google Play. Just type in Substandard on a podcast. We're there. Leave a review. Tell your friends. Until next time.
Sonny00:54:29Did we want to mention that thing?
JVL00:54:31We can mention the thing, but can I mention something else first? Let's close with that so people should stay through the whole thing. Good. I watched a TV. What did you watch?
Sonny00:54:39You watched a TV.
JVL00:54:40I watched a TV. One of those things people are always talking about. The boob tube. So I was walking through our offices about a week ago, and I just happened upon our buddy Kristen Soltis-Anderson, because it's like the Mad Magazine offices where you think, you know, hey, Kristen Soltis-Anderson, just sitting there, sitting in the cafe, in the cafeteria, working on some stuff. She said that the wife and I had to watch The Good Place. She said you have to. She said just do it. She said just do it. The Good Wife?
Sonny00:55:10The Good Place. The Good Place. The Good Place.
JVL00:55:12With Kristen Bell and Ted Danson. With Kristen Bell and Ted Danson. And she gave me the setup for it, and we binge watched it, which is to say we've watched three episodes over the course of two weeks. Congrats. That's great. And I loved it. It's great. I hope to be able to. Now, there are only 13 episodes a season, and they're only 22 minutes long. And so over the course of the next year and a half, I hope to be able to complete The Good Place. But I will have you know, it's not because I don't love it. It's great. It's very funny. We like it a lot.
Sonny00:55:39I've been meaning to watch that show. I have not had time.
JVL00:55:43Vic, do you know about the show? No, I don't. The premise of it is, so the show opens with Kristen Bell sitting in an office, and Ted Danson is at the desk across from her, and she's like, hey, where am I? And he goes, oh, you just died. Oh. And she's like, am I in heaven? He's, we don't call it that. We just call it The Good Place. And I want to welcome you here, and it's lovely, and it's perfect, and it's very hard to get in, but you lived a fantastic life, and you did all this volunteer work with orphanages and, you know, in Africa, blah, blah, blah. So far, so good. And so you're going to love it here. Enjoy all of eternity. And she's like, great. This is amazing. Thank you so much. And then she walks out, and she sort of confesses to camera that she's been mixed up. She simply shares the same name as that other person, and she was just this essentially train wreck of a woman living. In Arizona, living in, who's just a terrible human being, who's been put into heaven by accident.
Vic00:56:38And the other one is in a bad place, possibly?
JVL00:56:40I don't know. I'm only three episodes in. But it's, and so the whole thing is her trying, and there's a lot of like Kierkegaard jokes and Aristotle, a lot of moral philosophy jokes. It's really funny and high level funny, I would say, intellectually funny.
Sonny00:56:52Would you say it is on par with Arrested Development? No. Through three episodes? No. No. But different. Different.
Vic00:57:00Okay. Afterlife errors are very interesting. One of my favorite. One of my favorite movies growing up was Heaven Can Wait, because that was a movie I watched when I was nine. But it was, you know, it's, it's, I love that. Defending Your Life.
Sonny00:57:11Defending Your Life is another one. I love that stuff. Okay. We do have a big announcement. Big announcement that we're saving for a minute, 58, 59.
Vic00:57:19If you manage to stay this long, it's like the end of Sergeant Peppers when we're all starting to talk backwards. We are doing a supposed, a technically, in front of a live audience, we're going to do a substandard podcast in front of a live audience. We're going to do a substandard podcast in front of a live audience on May 11, which is a Friday, at the American Enterprise Institute in Washington, D.C. We'll have more information in terms of where to go and how to get tickets, and how to attend this event. I don't even know if you need tickets or what the deal is, but it's going to be around three o'clock. We really don't know very much about it at all. We don't know, except for it's going to be that Friday, May 11, around three o'clock at American Enterprise Institute in Washington, D.C. There's going to be a bunch of other shows going on. There's going to be a bunch of other shows going on in a row. So you're going to have those other podcasts that we talk about on this podcast, and some others, all together, all part of the Ricochet Happy Family. It's kind of like when-
JVL00:58:14Will the Beacon be doing it, too? Yeah.
Vic00:58:16That's awesome.
JVL00:58:17Yeah.
Sonny00:58:17I think they're doing their show the night before, though. It's like a two-day event.
Vic00:58:21What are you talking about?
Sonny00:58:22The Beacon. The free Beacon. Oh, they're doing it on Thursday. You worked there.
Vic00:58:25I didn't hear the first word. Sorry, my speakers. But anyway, it should be great, and we'd love to have all of you and all of our supporters come out. And really fill up those seats.
JVL00:58:35I think it's actually going to be a lot of fun. We're going to do it like a different kind of format, and then I was hoping we would all go out and have a drink afterwards. No. That's exciting. Sonny is shaking his-
Sonny00:58:44Oh, yeah. I'm sure that'll be fine.
?00:58:48Yeah.
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