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#90. The Substandard on the Golden Globes
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Dudes Chatting — Golden Globes recap: Vic is back, celebrated briefly before a Georgetown-basketball-and-Patrick-Ewing tangent. On the Globes: all attendees wore black in solidarity with the Time's Up movement; The Handmaid's Tale won best drama series; Gary Oldman won for Darkest Hour; Guillermo del Toro took Best Director for The Shape of Water, which surprises Sonny. The hosts express unified frustration that Dunkirk, Get Out, and Call Me By Your Name were all shut out. The sharpest debate is over Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri: Sonny thought the first half was great but calls the second half "an absolute train wreck," while the others find more to like; all agree it did not deserve the wins it collected. The final consensus, as usual: Dunkirk was the best movie of the year and won nothing.
Full transcript
Vic00:00:00Testing, testing, one, two, three, testing, testing. Hello, and welcome. I'm back. Hello, and welcome to another micro-episode of The Substandard, sponsored by Tripping.com. I'm Victor Matus, along with Jonathan V. Last and Sonny Bunch. Just a quick reminder that full episodes of TheSubstandard are available every Thursday at 11 a.m. Hello. It's good to be here. Who are you again? I'm so glad my lawyers were able to renegotiate the contract for the following... It's much like the Kirk Cousins situation.
Sonny00:00:43Did The Weekly Standard have to slap a franchise tag on you?
Vic00:00:46They did, and that's fine.
JVL00:00:49There's somebody on Facebook right now saying, when does the content start? I would say in six minutes. I will say in six minutes.
Vic00:00:57You don't really get us.
JVL00:00:59Yes. Do you?
Vic00:01:01But welcome, if you stumbled across this video, welcome.
JVL00:01:04Joseph Tenenbaum.
Vic00:01:06Sorry. As opposed to the Royal Tenenbaum. Okay, so we're doing fine. JVL, you wanted to initially talk about football, but of course we don't watch football. I just found out... We watch real football.
Sonny00:01:19I guess. The stuff they play on Sundays. I don't watch minor league football. Me neither. I don't watch this nonsense.
JVL00:01:25And plus, I don't watch the runner-up game. We had our national champion. The consolation... The consolation game. Right, the consolation... I don't know why they put a consolation game after the real champion has already been decided. UCF, you mean?
Vic00:01:35Yeah. That's right. No, no. I don't watch because I didn't go to a college football school. I guess I don't watch college basketball anymore either, but that's okay.
Sonny00:01:44Where did you go to school? Where did you go to?
Vic00:01:48Just down the street. Down the road. Down M Street, and then you go up 36 and take a left. You know, UVA's number three in the nation.
JVL00:01:56Oh my gosh.
Sonny00:01:57We're so much better than you at basketball now.
Vic00:01:59Well, we got into... He's a new coach, and he needs... He says he needs new... You know, his kind of coaching needs new kinds of players, because these were players recruited from the old coach and the old coach's style. So I'd say about five or six years of rebuilding.
JVL00:02:10Wait, who's your coach now? Oh, Patrick Ewing. The big guy. Patrick Ewing or the guy who ate Patrick Ewing?
Sonny00:02:16Patrick Ewing. Patrick Ewing who ate a smaller version of Patrick Ewing.
Vic00:02:20There's a great gif somebody created of him on the sidelines. Not sure how, you know, his coaching style. Different people do different things. I think Thompson used to always do this. And do this. And I'm raising my hands for people only listening to the show. And somebody caught Ewing in a gif going like this.
JVL00:02:36You know, I will say this about... Squeezing his fingers. About Ewing. Unlike the vast majority of superstar players turned coaches, he actually paid coaching dues for like 15 years. Yes, he did. Like, he has been on the sidelines of basketball teams for both Georgetown and the Wizards. We saw him on the Wizards for a long time. And so he... I really appreciate... I really appreciate that he is not a dilettante just jumping in to do this.
Sonny00:03:02No, and... Luke Walton, meanwhile, is the coach of the Lakers. Right.
JVL00:03:05Are you kidding me? Is that true? Yeah. That's a...
Sonny00:03:10It's true. It's real news. Hashtag real news. Just blew up, yeah. Anyway.
Vic00:03:16But we wanted to talk about something more serious here on this micro-episode.
Sonny00:03:20Well, something more masculine.
Vic00:03:21Yeah, something more masculine. What is that, Sonny? What are we talking about?
Sonny00:03:22We want to talk about the Golden Globes, obviously. Yes. I miss... I feel... I'm annoyed... That I miss most of the red carpet, because I really wanted to see all of the fashions. The different colors? I wanted to see all of the colorful... You know, we watch these award shows for escapism and to remember the glamorous side of the better people and how they live, and there's really nothing like seeing a parade of what I could tell were funeral attendees showing up to accept made-up trophies from a garbage organization. That has no real... The Hollywood Foreign Press? Yeah. I mean, the Hollywood Foreign Press is like the fakest organization in the entire world. It really is something else. The fact that they have a whole award show that these 90 people choose the winners and nominees of is totally insane. I don't think people really appreciate how nutty this is.
Vic00:04:19So does that mean you were not surprised by the winners of the award show?
Sonny00:04:25Well, I was neither surprised nor not surprised, because I didn't... I wasn't... I wasn't playing the odds on this one. I wasn't, like, making bets on what, you know, John McCraggerson from, you know, Foreign Press Daily thinks about the award.
JVL00:04:43None of these things are official. You're like Harry Hamlin complaining about the outcome of Dancing with the Stars. Oh, I don't know if I can really endorse this, because I'm just not sure that the votes were counted properly. This is as scientific as America. America's got talent voting, or... Yeah, that's my point. Yeah. I agree. But none of the... They've all... But they are all like this, and all of them have always been like this. Of course. I also... Not just Golden Globes. The Oscars are like this. They're all ludicrous.
Sonny00:05:13At least the Oscars, like, has a much larger body of voters, and it's people who are actually in the industry and, like, have to make movies and stuff.
JVL00:05:21Less or more. Or people who were in the industry once for five years and then retired.
Sonny00:05:25It really is amazing to think about how... The only person before Harvey Weinstein who was ever, like, actually kicked out of the Academy. It's like a lifetime thing, until very recently. Yeah. The only person who got kicked out was for stealing, or for, like, reselling screener DVDs. I love that story. It's my favorite. It's my favorite story.
JVL00:05:46Which is as bad as serial rape. Basically.
Sonny00:05:49It's like, you have, like, serial rape... Just as bad. And... Selling the DVDs. Selling the DVDs.
Vic00:05:54But have priorities. I said this before, and... Don't fuck with the money. I was right about this, which is... The Handmaid's Tale. Whatever it was nominated for, I believe it won, and I remember seeing the producer on stage when they won, the big one in their category, saying that his job is to make sure that The Handmaid's Tale will never happen in this country for real.
Sonny00:06:14I hope it. Because it's about to happen. It's about to happen. I hope The Handmaid's Tale happens, just so I have to stop hearing... I can stop hearing about The Handmaid's Tale maybe happening one day. Yeah. It beat out The Godfather.
Vic00:06:24I don't know if you know that. It went up against the... And it beat... The Handmaid's Tale beat out The Godfather. But Gary Olden... Gary Oldman? That was a... Gary Oldman! That was the one nice thing, right? Everyone loves that.
Sonny00:06:32Everyone loves Gary Oldman. I will say, you know, I mean, it's... Again, it is like a fake award show, so getting worked up about who wins is kind of pointless. I was a bit surprised that Guillermo del Toro won for The Shape of Water, and I don't think...
JVL00:06:54What's that?
Sonny00:06:57Just for the sound? Well, he won. He won Best Director. Yeah. Hannah. Did Dunkirk... Don't correct my Hannah.
JVL00:07:05Be nice to Hannah.
Sonny00:07:06She's correcting me. She's woman-splaining to me over there behind the camera. It's messed up. It's messed up.
Vic00:07:13Did Dunkirk win anything?
Sonny00:07:14No, Dunkirk got shut out, Get Out got shut out, and Call Me By Your Name got shut out. I will say that I am impressed. What's that about? I am surprised that the HFPA had the self-awareness not to award the movie about the... man seducing the boy in this age of Kevin Spacey getting literally whitewashed out of... getting photoshopped out of movies as we speak. Is that wrong?
JVL00:07:42Is that wrong today?
Sonny00:07:44Define wrong. Define wrong.
Vic00:07:46Did you see... What's it called? Call Me By Your Name? Did you see it, Sonny? I did.
Sonny00:07:50It's boring. I was bored. I was just bored. I mean, it's got the whole seducing a 17-year-old boy thing. That is... That's kind of messed up. But also, just it was... I was totally bored. Totally, completely, mindlessly bored by it.
JVL00:08:07I felt the same way about Dunkirk.
Sonny00:08:09No, you didn't. Liar.
JVL00:08:12Was The Post shut out? Yes, I think it was. The Post, I think, was shut out. What? I'm not sure what's going on there. Don't they know that democracy dies in darkness? Yeah, I'm a little bit surprised that The Post has not picked up more awards season steam. It must be terrible.
Sonny00:08:27It's not, though. I've seen it. It's ridiculous. I liked it, though. I more or less enjoyed it, and I think it's the most ridiculous film that's ever been made, but it's entertaining.
JVL00:08:38Is it a bridge too far? Is it like the Tropic Thunder full retard? Is that the problem with it?
Sonny00:08:44You never go full anti-Trump. I don't know. I mean, maybe that's it. Maybe that's it. But I am surprised that it has not gotten more...
JVL00:08:54Or maybe it's an implicit rebuke to Lord Bezos from Hollywood, because Hollywood is very... Very nervous about what he's going to do to their industry.
Sonny00:09:02I don't think that's... They're less worried about Bezos than they are Netflix. Levels?
Vic00:09:06Well, we'll get to that.
Sonny00:09:07We'll talk about Netflix in two days. In two days. When we get back together on Thursday. When we go back over the bridge and we come here and we do it again.
Vic00:09:16Okay, so really briefly, Sonny, tell us about three billboards outside of Ebbing's, Missouri, located a few miles south of a gas station up the hill and down a mountainside.
Sonny00:09:28That's not the... You went too long. You should have stopped after Missouri. I didn't see it.
JVL00:09:34Three Irishmen went up a hill to see billboards and down the mountainside. Very good. To do the full Monty.
Vic00:09:39Notting Hill, yes. I didn't see it. Did it merit? Do you think it was worthy of being considered best picture?
Sonny00:09:47I don't think it's... Well, look, it's a very popular film. It's 90% fresh on Rotten Tomatoes. And it is... It's gotten a lot of buzz and a lot of critics see it. I will be honest. I didn't care that much for it. The first half of the movie is very, very good. And the second half of the movie is an absolute train wreck. And I'm kind of baffled by the people who have not been able to ascertain that fact. It is a movie that I think will do... I think it might do very well at the Oscars. Because it is kind of edgy without actually saying anything. It thinks it has some things to say about race in America. And it really doesn't. But I... You know, I don't know. Is it... I mean, again, once again, the idea, like, is it worthy of winning awards? I don't know. Who knows what that even means. It's not the best movie of the year. That's Dunkirk. And Dunkirk won zero awards. So... Well, there you go.
Vic00:10:41However, speaking of Golden Globes, did you see Geena Davis' outfit? Sorry.
Sonny00:10:46Hashtag me too. Thick. Inappropriate. Time's up. Time's up.
Vic00:10:51I'm sure it's fine.
?00:10:53Yeah.
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