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#44. The Substandard on 'The Mummy,' Tennis, and Avocado Toast
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Dudes Chatting — the Dark Universe, classic monsters, cinematic universes, and avocado toast: The episode covers a lot of ground. Sonny reviews The Mummy and uses it to diagnose Universal's "Dark Universe" project: unlike Marvel and DC, Universal is trying to build a shared universe out of public-domain properties (Frankenstein, the mummy, Dracula, Dr. Jekyll) while compensating for the lack of IP ownership by casting big stars — Tom Cruise, Russell Crowe, Johnny Depp, Javier Bardem. Sonny argues this is a doomed strategy because movie stars no longer open movies domestically, and the underlying properties aren't actually controlled by Universal. JVL notes the film is structured as a foreign-box-office-first proposition, a reversal of the traditional Hollywood model. The classic monster discussion gives Vic a chance to recall a vinyl record of Dracula and Frankenstein movie soundtracks he had as a child, the Frank Langella Dracula (1979) that terrified him, and the Christopher Lee Dracula films he caught on Sunday television. Vic also praises Francis Ford Coppola's Bram Stoker's Dracula. JVL pitches a spy cinematic universe (Salt, Jason Bourne, Atomic Blonde) and a Mark Millar universe (Kick-Ass, Kingsman). Sonny wants an AI/robot universe — Blade Runner versus Terminator versus RoboCop versus Short Circuit. Vic proposes a Garry Marshall romantic comedy universe where characters from When Harry Met Sally, Sleepless in Seattle, and You've Got Mail cross paths. The episode closes with a heated but ultimately friendly avocado toast debate: JVL explains the proper grilled-avocado preparation; Sonny doesn't understand what it is; Vic reports his wife makes it at home and it's just avocado on bread.
Reviews: The Mummy (2017) — Sonny saw it and calls it bad but not catastrophically bad (not "Chav King Arthur bad"). The film fails as a standalone movie and as a franchise-launcher; the Russell Crowe Dr. Jekyll scenes are its main reason to exist, and even those are mixed. Vic does a comic Gene Shalit-style review of the 1999 Mummy as a bit before Sonny addresses the actual 2017 film.
Box Office: The Mummy opens to $32 million domestically; Wonder Woman dominates with $57 million in its second weekend.
JVL delivers an extended satirical "correction" about his prior skepticism toward Wonder Woman's box office prospects, delivered in mock-woke earnest. Spirit of the Week: Kahlua (sombreros), recorded unusually early in the morning.
Full transcript
Vic00:00:00Hello and welcome back to The Substandard, sponsored by Dollar Shave Club. Stop spending a fortune on gimmicky shave tech you don't need. Make the smarter choice by joining Dollar Shave Club. Get your first month for only $5 with free shipping by going to dollarshaveclub.com slash substandard. That's dollarshaveclub.com slash substandard. I'm Victor Matus, along with Jonathan V. Last and Sonny Bunch. I'd like to remind you that The Substandard is available on iTunes and Google Play. Just look under podcasts and search for Substandard. You'll easily find us. Please subscribe. Tell your friends. Leave a review. Are we doing reviews?
Sonny00:01:04JBL said he was disappointed in all of your reviews this week, so try harder and we'll be back with one next week.
Vic00:01:10You know, we can also introduce new elements. You know how we always talked about we have to have elements for the show, right? Let's do a big block. A big block is a great idea. We could do a sound effect for that. Thank you. Or just like a thud, you know, and then thank you. That's good.
Sonny00:01:27I'm like that guy. From the Police Academy movies? Michael Winslow. Yeah, that's me. I'm just... You can do sirens. Sonny Bunch sound effect man.
Vic00:01:34Machine guns. Yeah, that's great. Was that Donald Duck or was that machine guns? Yeah, I don't know.
Sonny00:01:38That was Donald Duck machine gun. That's Donald Duck doing a machine gun. You know what I was thinking of? I was thinking of...
Vic00:01:43This is a great start to the show, guys. This is weird. I was thinking now that the O'Reilly factor is no longer on the air, maybe we can steal one of their segments, Word of the Day. Remember how he used to do that? And it was kind of unclear if he knew what the Word of the Day was, because he would be like, The Word of the Day is turpitude. Don't be a turpitude when watching The Factor. He used to say stuff like that. Yes.
Sonny00:02:05I've literally never watched The O'Reilly factor. Oh, you don't watch The Factor?
Vic00:02:08Oh, yes. Don't be a verbiage when listening to The Substandard. Or we could do Sonny Bunch words. The Word of the Week is grok.
Sonny00:02:18Word of the Week is garbage millennial. You are a garbage millennial.
Vic00:02:22Every Sonny Bunch review I read, I always feel like I have to look up a word.
Sonny00:02:26Look, that's good.
Vic00:02:27I'm basically- But I have to look it up on the internet. It's not my Merriam-Webster.
Sonny00:02:30I'm the William Sapphire of pop culture movie reviews. Oh, poor William Sapphire.
Vic00:02:37In addition, we'd like to remind you that The Substandard show notes posted by Jonathan Last are available every Friday at 11 a.m. I don't know if I'm going to keep doing that. WeeklyStandard.com. Maybe.
JVL00:02:48Don't look back this Friday. This Friday probably won't have any. Okay. No, I have to travel at the end of the week. Oh, yes.
Vic00:02:54Oh, are you going to Colorado?
JVL00:02:57I am.
Vic00:02:58Lucky you. Have you done that before? Yes.
JVL00:03:01I've never. I'm taking my oldest kid.
Vic00:03:03Oh, my goodness. He's a lucky kid because he got to go with you to Yellowstone, didn't he, once? He did, and to Alaska, and to the Caribbean. Why don't you take me sometime? Because I'm never going to the Broadmoor.
JVL00:03:14You and I used to do- Remember we used to go on cruises together, and they made a share room? Remember- They made us.
Vic00:03:20Remember, some of those cruises weren't even Weekly Standard cruises. We just did them. Anyway, how are we?
JVL00:03:27At that time, we took the canoe out on the Potomac at midnight.
Vic00:03:31Yes. Love Canal.
JVL00:03:33A ton of love. JVL, how are you doing? Great. Okay. Great. I went to a ball game with my kids on Saturday night. It was bobblehead night at the local minor league team.
Vic00:03:46What used to be the Potomac Cannons, but it's now-
JVL00:03:48The Potomac Nationals, and we were sitting there. I think I've told you guys before about how my son has this ridiculous sports life. Where it's not real. He just falls in love with the Cubs, and the Cubs, six months later, win the World Series. He falls in love with the Patriots. The Patriots are down 28 points in the Super Bowl. He goes, ah, they can come back. Don't worry. They do. We go to a lot of baseball games, because this minor league park is about two miles down the road from us. I would say Cody gets a ball once every two and a half games, on average. Okay. People go their entire lives.
Vic00:04:25Again, as a player. Hey, here, kid. Have a ball.
JVL00:04:27Either a foul ball comes to him, or a player flips one to him. One time, they were sitting behind us, was the parents of one of the players, and we started chatting with them, and they handed him a ball signed by their son. Anyway, so we're at the game on Saturday night, and the visiting team, the Down East Wood Ducks, the mighty Wood Ducks out of Kinston, we're over by the third base side. There's a pop fly. The third baseman makes a run for it and sort of leans over the fence right by us to get it, and Cody jumps up and starts shouting, great play, number 36. Nice job. And I get the sense this guy is not really used to having the home team fans. Like, he sort of looks over at Cody, kind of like half surprised, and flips the ball to him and says, thanks. And for Cody, this is just what happens at the ballpark. Yeah, this is what happens. Yeah, I catch it, yeah. I tried to tell him, you know, I'm 42 years old, and I have never gotten a ball at a baseball game. And he's like, really? Well, you can have one of mine, Dad. Oh. And he keeps, no, I'm not even kidding. So he keeps, next to his bed, on the floor in his room, a pile of all the official Carolina
Sonny00:05:43League baseballs that he has gotten over time.
JVL00:05:46And he has so many of these things that sometimes he will use them, like just to throw around outside when we go out to have a catch.
Vic00:05:51Yeah, yeah. Like the game-used official ball.
JVL00:05:54Let's just have a catch with one of those.
Vic00:05:57Great. You know, I remember going to a baseball game at what used to be called Pac Bell, where the Giants played. Oh. Yeah. And it was the Giants versus the Rockies. This is the late 70s?
JVL00:06:08No, no, no.
Vic00:06:09It was the week before 9-11. How do you like that? Oh, my gosh. It was the week before 9-11. Wow. And Barry Bonds was playing, and he-
JVL00:06:20His head is bigger than yours. Is it really? Or is it just- It used to be.
Vic00:06:23Even with his roided-out body, you're saying. True. Back in the old days. His head is actually kind of more normal-sized now. It was much more noticeable, but it was he or one of his other Giant teammates that hit a home run into the stands, and I remember that ball coming at me. The speed of that ball coming down is so fast. I couldn't run away fast enough. I was so scared. I was just crying. I didn't have a glove. I didn't want to hurt my hands.
JVL00:06:49No.
Vic00:06:50Somebody else caught it, but I was kind of scared. Did you duck? A little bit. I went, ah, it covered my face. Ah, not my face. Hey, Suddy. Oh, my God. That's the moneymaker.
JVL00:06:59Not the moneymaker.
Sonny00:07:02Suddy. The only baseball that I've gotten at a baseball game was a home run in batting practice hit by B.J. Surhoff when he was playing for the Orioles a long time ago.
JVL00:07:12Didn't he hit 45 home runs in a season during the steroid era? B.J. Surhoff.
Sonny00:07:18I don't think.
JVL00:07:18I feel like he and Brady Anderson both jumped into the 40s one year out of nowhere.
Sonny00:07:24He might have. I mean, it's entirely possible.
JVL00:07:27Probably because they were doing low-weight high reps and a lot of Skidless chicken. Low-weight high reps.
Sonny00:07:30Skidless chicken. You know, things are good with me. The biggest thing that's happened to me in the last week is I almost bought a pair of yellow pants. I was at the Brooks Brothers at the outlet mall. Do you own salmon colored pants? Ooh, yellow pants. They're only $20. Almost bought them. Couldn't pull the trigger.
Vic00:07:49Do you own salmon colored pants? Lime green?
JVL00:07:54No.
Vic00:07:55No, no. Our buddy David Skinner used to rock them. Salmon pants. Sure, absolutely. He could wear those.
Sonny00:07:59No, I just have jeans and charcoal. The fanciest pants that I own are those houndstooth pants that you see sometimes. You should have bought the yellow pants. I should have. I really should have. I almost did.
Vic00:08:10Because you're a trendsetter, and then other people would feel finally comfortable wearing
Sonny00:08:14your yellow pants. Do you have yellow pants you want to wear? Don't worry. I just looked it up, by the way. BJ Serhoff's best year was 28 home runs in 1999.
JVL00:08:22I was impugning him incorrectly. I'm sorry, BJ.
Sonny00:08:24But that was definitely a spike. From 1995, so he never hit more than 10 home runs in a season before 1995. Never mind. I'm not impugning you unfairly. And then from 1995 to 2000 or so, he averaged about, if I'm doing the math in my head correctly, he averaged about 18 or 19 home runs a season.
JVL00:08:44Yeah, just a 100% increase. That's cool.
Sonny00:08:47Definitely a modest bump in the prime years of 30 to 35 of his age.
JVL00:08:52That happens. Look, that's just a thing that happens naturally. Yeah. Look at Serena Williams and how wonderful she is, the resurgence she has had in her career.
Sonny00:09:00Hey, did you want to talk about Rafael Nadal? I know that you have a piece up today about Nadal. Oh, JVL, you do?
JVL00:09:07I don't want to. Our audience doesn't care about this, and this comes out on Thursday, and the French Open will be long. Yeah, no, we don't want to talk about that. Did the French Open- If you want to talk about it, I'm happy to talk about it. Did I miss the French Open? Yeah, you missed the whole French Open, Vic. How did I miss the French Open?
Sonny00:09:17I don't know.
Vic00:09:19I used to get up early Sunday to get my croissants.
Sonny00:09:22Just give us, in one sentence, what's your case for Rafael Nadal over Roger Federer?
JVL00:09:26Well, as I said in my piece, I don't actually believe my case. I'm simply mounting the devil's argument. Right, right, right.
Sonny00:09:32No, but okay, what's the devil's argument for?
JVL00:09:35The devil's argument for Rafael Nadal is he is now past Pete Sampras on his own. He is only three majors behind Federer. You have to understand that he lost prime time in his, what should have been the prime, like probably two seasons worth of major attempts with really bad injuries, during what would have been the meat of his career, which Federer did not have. And you can't use injuries as an excuse for everything. But for a guy who is already the number two all-time on the list, and the third piece of this puzzle is then, he owns Federer head-to-head. And not just in the total numbers skewed at the very end when Federer was on the decline and Nadal was on. I mean, during the meat of Federer's career, when Federer was as untouchable as he's ever been, Nadal owned him, and especially in big matches. And then you could also, like, the final, like, little piece of this, I think Nadal, the one thing he's legitimately better at, like, a lot better at, is the head stuff, in that he compartmentalizes points better than Federer does. Federer is a mentally strong player in that he is able to crank things up to a gear that other people don't have, and that is a mental thing. But he's a frontrunner, and if he gets behind a little bit, it does stay with him between points, it stays in his head. So, Nadal is not like that. Nadal can be down two sets and two breaks. And he doesn't even know it.
Vic00:10:58Are there any sort of rumors or allegations about Nadal and steroids?
JVL00:11:04There had been some, early on. Because he had a bunch of, like, hamstring injuries. Guns. I mean, you don't remember when he was 16 years old, he had these bulging biceps, which are not tennis muscles, traditionally. I mean, I had them, obviously. But, and you too, back when you were a high school tennis player. I was ripped. Right?
Sonny00:11:23I basically was like Chris Jericho. That's what I looked like on the tennis court.
JVL00:11:28With the hair? Was your hair long?
Sonny00:11:30No. But, yes, actually. For the purposes of this conversation, it was real long. And I had, you know, some really, some great muscles. That was definitely what I looked like.
Vic00:11:43So, I mean, my mother wanted me to be like Michael Chang. Thank you. Why Michael Chang? Why did she want Michael Chang? That's what I said to my mom. She wanted you to serve underhanded. Yeah, that's what she meant. Your mom's a racist. That's what she meant. I couldn't believe that my mother said that. That's her nice way. She's saying, Vic, just serve underhanded to try to beat the tall white boys. That's what she meant. No, you know, they did a special with, who used to give the, maybe it was Dick Enfield or whatever his name was. Dick Enberg. Edberg, thank you. And I think he gave a narrated version of the Chang-Lendl French Open match. And it was like David and Goliath, you know, how they did it up. And my mother cried. My mother cried.
JVL00:12:25At the end of the show. That match, that was as angry as I have ever seen a professional tennis player. Like legit angry. Oh, you are angry? Yeah, Lendl was as angry. I mean, angrier than, I mean, if Jimmy Connors or John McEnroe got angry, you just thought they were going to curse at you. This was Thomas Muster level, like, something horrible could have happened in that moment. Thomas Muster level. It was like Thomas Muster versus Amos Badsdorf. There was some element of, I'm not shaking your hand. Do you remember the time when Muster came over the net at somebody? I forget who this was. It wasn't in a major at all. He was trying, he was half kidding. Half kidding, right. He was like, half kidding.
Vic00:13:01You know when you have a giant Austrian, he comes at you with a racket, it's time to run. See, this is what- It's time to flee to Switzerland.
JVL00:13:07So, sorry. Sonny, what do you think on the Nadal-Federer question? Are you hashtag team Nadal? No, I'm definitely- Team Rafa?
Sonny00:13:15I'm definitely team Federer, but I mean, I do think it's- As am I. I think it's definitely worth acknowledging that Nadal is the greatest clay court player who has ever played. He's the greatest clay court player who has ever lived. He's better than Bjorn Borg. He's better than-
JVL00:13:25Better than anybody. And that's not a conversation.
Sonny00:13:28By like a very wide distance. Yes. By like secretariat levels of winning. Yes. Like, I mean, it's like, it's not even close.
JVL00:13:34He's like Babe Ruth in 1935.
Sonny00:13:37Yes. Off of clay, he has had success, and I don't think anyone would deny that he is, I mean, of the players in the last, you know, 30 years or so, you have Sampras and Federer and Nadal in some order. See, I don't even think it's an argument with Sampras and Nadal anymore. See, I mean, I don't know. I mean, he is, the problem is, it's not so much the, like, when I think about Nadal's numbers being skewed, I think about how good he is on clay. Like, I mean, he is, like, he's just racking up tons and tons of majors. How many majors, how many French Opens has he won now?
JVL00:14:16Ten.
Sonny00:14:16Ten. So he's won ten French Opens. I mean, like, and there's a reason he is, like, the French Open is such, it's played on such a unique and weird surface that it kind of. It kind of skews how everything else works. You know, I mean, you know what I'm saying?
JVL00:14:30I do, but let me, let me, let me, two points I would come back to you with. The first is that he actually did learn to play on the other surfaces in a way that Sampras never did. Sampras doesn't have a French because he couldn't master the dirt. Lendl couldn't win on grass because he, I mean, so lots of truly great players have been surface specialists in one and never been able to learn ahead of one of the others. But the other is, so federal partisans will always. Often say we discount how great Federer is because if not for Rafa Nadal, Federer would have 30 majors and two grand slams. And that is probably true. If Rafa Nadal had grown up and decided to play soccer instead, Federer would have won 30 slams, which is amazing. But you could also put that shoe on the other foot, which is that if Federer wasn't playing, it wasn't the greatest of all time. Nadal would probably have 25 majors. There are a bunch of. A bunch of hardcore majors and a couple of Wimbledons that he wins probably if Federer isn't playing. So this is why I don't. The fact that he has won on other surfaces, but maybe not as many as he would have in an alternate universe. Well, I mean. I don't hold that against him.
Sonny00:15:40The David Foster Wallace piece on Roger Federer, which is like one of the best pieces of writing about sports ever. Ever. Like it really gets to the thing about Roger Federer that makes him great, which is that you just watch him and you wonder how he does the things that he does.
JVL00:15:53The greatest ball striker ever.
Sonny00:15:54There's. And I. I've never. I've never felt the same way about Nadal. Like I understand Nadal's game in a in a very rudimentary, you know, sense. I can. I see him moving around the court and I see him just being a kind of monster. But I. I've never had the kind of jaw dropping like, oh, my God, moments that you get with Federer once or twice a tournament.
JVL00:16:16Well, Nadal is underrated as a court tactician. I mean, Nadal really constructs points. No, but I mean, Federer doesn't like Federer just creates magic.
Sonny00:16:25Right, right. No. But I. But this is what I mean is like, I can see what Nadal is doing. Like, I understand what he's doing on the court in a way that, like with Federer, he just like throws his racket out there and he hits the greatest shot you've ever seen from, you know, behind his back, running away from the ball. Like, I just don't know how he does it.
JVL00:16:40Yeah. And you know what? And that's the exact same reason I wind up as, you know, Team Federer on this as well.
Vic00:16:46Victorino. I was I was just going to say, unfortunately, there were no grand slams at the box office this weekend. Good.
JVL00:16:54There was a woman at Federer. Fox 5, the local affiliate. She used to do a transition.
Sonny00:16:58Can we just give him a little tennis clap for that?
Vic00:17:00Oh, I'll take the tennis clap. Thank you. Thank you very much. There was a woman who used to do years ago the the traffic for Fox, and she was always trying to find segues no matter what to get it to her traffic segment. And the segment prior to her, I remember once watching.
JVL00:17:17This is where I learned my shtick.
Vic00:17:18The segment prior to her was on tennis. It was probably that tennis tournament up in, you know, formerly the Lake Mesa. Lake Mason Tournament. No longer the Lake Mason. What's it called now? City Open. City Open. That's right. C-I-T-I-N-T-Y. And then they went, that's right, C-I-T-I. And then they were like, okay, Robin, and to your traffic. And she goes, well, you're not going to be serving any aces on the beltway this morning. Anyway, over the weekend, The Mummy did $32 million domestically.
JVL00:17:48Hey, that's better than Chap Arthur.
Vic00:17:50And Wonder Woman did $57 million. Dominated. Dominated that box office. Dominated that box office. Who saw The Mummy here?
Sonny00:17:57I saw The Mummy. I saw The Mummy. Oh, and you know what?
Vic00:18:00You know what? I saw The Mummy, too, and I was hoping I could read my review. Yeah, go ahead. Go for it. Thank you. Okay, I wrote it down. The Mummy will have audiences wrapped around its finger. With eye-popping special effects, audiences will be on the edge of their seats. Beware the high priest Imhotep, who comes back to life but must be stopped by the swashbuckling Rick O'Connell, played by the always-dashing Brendan Fraser. And what's this? A love triangle between Rick Imhotep and the lovely, delectable Evelyn Carnahan, played by the up-and-comer Rachel Weisz. I tell you, one day she's destined to be a star.
Sonny00:18:35Was this Gene Shalit?
Guest00:18:37Gene Shalit.
Vic00:18:38And I also took a DeLorean back in time to watch The Wrong Mummy. Yeah, right.
JVL00:18:43Can I tell you a little something about that movie? The original? The original Mummy? Please. That is the first movie that I saw, upon installing for the first time in my life, was Dolby 5.1 sound.
Vic00:18:57Oh! And it was mind-blowing.
JVL00:19:00Because you're a home AV nerd as well, right?
Sonny00:19:02No, I actually... Oh, I thought you were. No, I care a lot about TVs. I don't care at all about sound. I have a sound bar. I have a sound bar with, like, a subwoofer right next to my couch downstairs. On the TV upstairs, I just use the TV speakers.
JVL00:19:16Oh, that's great. That's great. Yeah, TV speakers. They sound really good.
Sonny00:19:21I mean, I assume they sound probably 99% as good. Sometimes I turn on... No, totally 99%. Sometimes I turn on the Simulated 3D. Oh, you use the Simulated 3D. Yeah, that's right. The Simulated 3D, and it throws... It's really pretty amazing. What it does is it throws the sound around the room. I have no idea what you're talking about. So it sounds like you have a surround sound system. It's a very close facsimile, maybe 99%. Almost the same thing. And, you know, it's like... It's a science. You hear the bullets next to you, and it's like, Whoa, I thought I had a speaker there, but I don't. It's just the sound bar throwing the sound around. I love that.
Vic00:19:53That's great.
Sonny00:19:53I mean, it's so much better. It's so much better than getting a surround sound system. It's cheaper. It's easier to install. The sound is just as good.
Vic00:20:02Jonathan's nodding. Yes.
JVL00:20:04No, no. Just as good.
Vic00:20:05Just as good. All fine. I am, needless to say, obviously, you know, I'm not a tech person in that sense. My father is, of course, and he's always constantly playing. Your dad is always good. Front speakers, back speakers, and then he switched to the bow speakers on the corners and the whole thing. But so much tinkering that it's like, you know what I mean, the sound is like you'll hear a large crash behind you and then no dialogue because the dialogue's muffled and it's always having to do with the central channel speaker or whatever it is.
JVL00:20:31You need a good center channel because that's where all the dialogue comes out of the center.
Vic00:20:33That's exactly my complaint.
JVL00:20:36Anyway, Sonny, you actually did see The Current Mummy.
Vic00:20:38I did see.
Sonny00:20:38I did see The New Mummy. Tell us about it. So what you have to understand about this movie is that this is Universal's attempt to create a shared cinematic universe. That's my reverb. We have sweaty sound effects. That's the reverb from my sound bar. That is some standard 2.0. And it's basically taking the old Universal monsters, your Frankensteins, your mummies, your Wolfmans, your Invisible Mans, et cetera, et cetera, and cramming them all into modernity and saying, they're all related. They're all related. So this is their first attempt in this new series, and it's a bad one. It's not great. You know, I don't think it's Chav King Arthur bad. But it is not particularly good. It is... So Tom Cruise... So we kind of open on the origin story of the mummy, you know, thousands of years ago, Egypt, a female, a princess who kills her father and newborn brother so she can assume the throne. And she's going to bring Set, the death god from Egypt, into the world and allow him to inhabit her chosen world. And they are going to rule in darkness.
Vic00:21:56So not the same quite story as the original.
Sonny00:21:58Not exactly the same. Not exactly the same. Close enough, though. I'm already asleep. Yeah. I mean, it's like... But it's close enough to every mummy story that we've seen before.
Vic00:22:08And then I thought once when... I heard rumors that there was this new mummy movie coming out. For some reason, I thought they were going to try to model it after the original original. Was it Boris Karloff, the mummy or something like that? But no.
?00:22:18I don't know.
Sonny00:22:18So anyway, you know, flash forward to the present and Tom Cruise. Tom Cruise is a army reconnaissance officer or possibly a... He's an American reconnaissance officer. He goes around stealing antiquities and is trying to steal antiquities in a certain place when they discover the big sarcophagus where the evil mummy is being kept, blah, blah, blah. It doesn't really matter. None of this matters. It's a mummy movie. You've seen this movie before at least two or three times. And it has all the same kind of beats where she is killing people to, you know, steal their souls and, you know, regenerate her figure and whatever. The reason this movie exists is for all of the stuff with Russell Crowe. Russell Crowe plays Dr. Jekyll, of course. Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde.
Vic00:23:07Is it obvious from the outset, oh, this is what's going on here?
Sonny00:23:10I mean, it's in all the trailers. So, like, I feel like this is, you know... Anyway, he plays Dr. Jekyll and Dr. Jekyll runs Prodigium, which is a semi-government, semi-secret organization dedicated to stop fighting the occult around the world. And this is, like, the kind of hub around which all of these universal monster movies is going to rotate.
JVL00:23:36So, this is the equivalent of, like, the MUTO thing? Yes. Yes, exactly. Okay.
Sonny00:23:41Or S.H.I.E.L.D. in the Marvel Universe. I mean, the idea is that Dr. Jekyll will be kind of... Sorry, Project Monarch. Keeping, yep, keeping an eye on all of the various things. And, you know, there's a semi-cool scene, but also just kind of semi-terrible scene, where Tom Cruise is, like, wandering around the Prodigium offices, and he sees, like, skulls and jars. It's like, there's a human skull and a human skull, then a skull with fangs! Oh, my God, Dracula! It's Dracula, guys! Dracula's in this universe! Anyway, so, like I said, it's not Chavking Arthur bad. It does a better job of, like, setting up this world in which we are going to have other future installments. But it is bad. It's bad. It's a bad movie, and it is not well done, and it is failing at the box office domestically. It had a pretty big open overseas, but...
Vic00:24:35Yeah, huge in China, I saw.
Sonny00:24:36But I do think that it's going to kind of die on the vine.
Vic00:24:40When you were done watching this movie, did you think to yourself, I made a smart choice by going, or no?
Sonny00:24:46Yeah, well, I mean, look, one has to experience the culture in order to grapple with it. That's true. That's my theory.
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Sonny00:26:21Well, you know, this is...
Vic00:26:22Because then... That'll lead to all these rides at the theme park.
JVL00:26:24I have a...
Sonny00:26:26Well, yeah. I mean, they have the rights to these movies starring these people with these plot points. But one of the problems with the whole Dark Universe concept is that unlike the MCU, unlike the DCEU, Universal doesn't actually own the underlying property. I mean, it's in the public domain. Frankenstein's in the public domain. The mummy is in the public domain. These are just things that are out there. I think, right? Is the mummy? It doesn't matter. I mean, I don't think it would be too hard to... Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, that's in the public domain again. So the idea here is that they are trying to craft a universe out of stuff that anybody can play with. And I'm not sure how that works. I remember the Dracula Untold movie was supposed to be kind of the first entry in the series, I think. And you can't make a Dracula movie be the center of your universe because vampires are just out there in the public domain. Anybody can do anything they want with a vampire.
Vic00:27:25Right, but it wants to stop Paramount or 20th Century Fox from doing their own movie and then ruining the dark universe, right?
Sonny00:27:33And so, and the other problem here is that because they have these kind of well-known properties that are of questionable provenance to them, they have tried to compensate by using stars. So Tom Cruise is the mummy, Russell Crowe is Dr. Jekyll, Johnny Depp has been cast to play the Invisible Man, Javier Bardem has been cast to play Frankenstein. And, you know, we are in a post-star universe. We are in a world where movie stars do not open movies anymore. And if you have no property and you are trying to bank on these guys opening giant movies, I just don't see how it works. I mean, Disney learned this lesson a few years back with Johnny Depp and the Lone Ranger. Like, the Lone Ranger tanked.
Vic00:28:17Disastrous.
JVL00:28:18Is it true that we live in a post-star universe overseas? Because this seems to me to be the first cinematic universe that is expanded as a foreign box office first proposition. They seem to think that whatever they get from America is gravy, but that this franchise is going to be a global franchise first. Right. As opposed to, which is a flipping on its head the way most Hollywood movies do.
Vic00:28:43And that will certainly make up for a lot of the cost in places like China, for example.
Sonny00:28:49Well, I mean, I do think that you have, you see some examples of this with, like, Fast and Furious, right? Like, Fast and Furious is a foreign box office power first. The Pirates of the Caribbean movies. But didn't start that way. Well, no. Didn't start that way. But they are now. I mean, for the last three entries in the series have been foreign first. True. But again, even with these movies, like Warcraft.
JVL00:29:09Also universal property.
Sonny00:29:11Warcraft is another movie that is definitely foreign first, but that is based entirely on property. It's based, there are no stars in that movie. So, I mean, I do think that Tom Cruise opens movies overseas. I think Will Smith opens movies overseas. Vin Diesel, maybe. Vin Diesel, maybe.
JVL00:29:27Johnny Depp, maybe, for all I know. I just haven't looked at the numbers closely.
Sonny00:29:30I don't know if Johnny Depp does, but some of the properties, I mean, again, Pirates of the Caribbean, like, does well. Jack Sparrow does well. Does really, really well overseas.
JVL00:29:36So, I don't know. Well, maybe he'll be like a semi-effeminate invisible man who's drunk all the time.
Sonny00:29:41I mean, I would assume that's exactly what he's going to be. I would assume that's, I would assume he's going to play that exact character.
Vic00:29:46You'll see the various rags and scarves floating around. That's how you can tell. You can tell it's Johnny Depp. Well played. Thank you. Thank you, JVL. We had deeper thoughts, didn't we, about monsters in general, what we find, our favorite classic monsters. Did we want to talk about that? Yeah.
Sonny00:30:03Yeah. You guys want, I mean, I'm like, I... Sonny. Yeah. I'm never, I've never been a big Universal Monsters guy. I never have really cared about the Frankenstein, Mummy, Invisible Man movies. And this is why all of this is kind of baffling to me. It is weird that Universal keeps trying to reboot these guys, like with the Benicio del Toro, Wolfman. Or this Mummy reboot. I just, I don't quite get it. I don't know. JVL, what are your thoughts? JVL. I really liked Hollow Man, but that's about it.
JVL00:30:31The Paul Verhoeven, Invisible Man with Kevin Bacon. But that's, I think, Vic, I think this might be your wheelhouse. Yeah. Well. No?
Vic00:30:40I wouldn't say that. I mean, it's not anything I took an early interest in. I was already four years old in nursery school when I got my... Bram Stoker's Dracula. Yeah. No, it was. I'm ready for this. It was classic. Classic monster stories, and it was the recordings of the movie, Dracula with Bela Lugosi, and Frankenstein with Boris Karloff, and on vinyl. So you had a, this is, I hate to date myself, this is 1977, 78, and... People don't mind that you're 60. It's fine. Nobody's going to hold that against you. I'm 60, but I look like I'm 70. Yeah. Which is why I'm on a podcast. Which is why I'm on a podcast. Anyway, it was fantastic. It was a fantastic album, the album, I think I got it because of the album cover, because it had all the monsters all together.
JVL00:31:27Was it a picture disc?
Vic00:31:28Yeah, no, no, it was, you know, I mean, I'm just talking about the... Do people know what picture discs are?
JVL00:31:31No, it was... What is a picture disc? Picture disc is a vinyl album that is, that has art on it. On a vinyl. On the vinyl part that plays, and it plays even though it has... Yes.
Vic00:31:42It's crazy.
JVL00:31:43This was that... You wouldn't even believe it.
Vic00:31:44That was not, no, that was not...
Sonny00:31:45Doesn't it make, doesn't it make the disc skip? No. Doesn't it like create like... No, somehow they do it.
Vic00:31:50Seamless technology. From RCA. No, it was, but the cover art was just fantastic, because it was all the illustrations of, I remember, the pictures of the Wolfman, Dracula, Frankenstein, so I was in it early on and loved it, and then I think my first Dracula movie I saw was in the late 70s, and it was early 80s, of course on HBO, it was a Mattis Family special, it was Dracula with Frank Langella, and he was a young man at the time. And that scared the hell out of me, because it had the single scariest scene that I remembered for many years later, which is where the other girl, Lucy, she falls, she turns into a vampire, and they have to kill her, they have to drive the stake through her heart after she dies so that she doesn't come back from the dead, and they go into this deep cave or whatever it is, and the father drops the crucifix in the well and can't find it, and it's that very moment that he can't find the crucifix that she appears. And she's naked, right? No, no. She's ghostly looking, and she's saying, Papa, this whole thing. And my mother, next to us in bed, starts saying the same thing, Papa, and we just jumped out of the bed, cried. Hey, come on, kids, come back to the bed. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. So, growing up in your house must have been so awesome. It was like Bellevue, and it was, so anyway, that was the first Frank LaGel's Dracula. I remember the Christopher Lee Dracula. From, like, Sundays on TV. You know, they would always show those old ones. It was like Christopher Lee, maybe, versus Peter Cushing as Van Helsing or something. Oh. And those were gripping. That was very, that was scary. That was like, you know, on Channel 5 on a Sunday. It was great stuff. And then, I guess, later on, I think, if we're talking about favorite of all those kind of classic monsters, mine is Dracula. And I liked Bram Stoker's Dracula. Did you like that, Sonny?
Sonny00:33:50The Francis Ford Coppola.
Vic00:33:51Yes, the Francis Ford Coppola's Dracula, yes.
Sonny00:33:54You know, I...
JVL00:33:55That wasn't Scorsese? I mean, I get them mixed up.
Sonny00:33:58I mean, it would have been better if it had been Scorsese.
JVL00:34:00Oh, of course. Of course, no. It would have been better if it was Patty Jenkins.
Sonny00:34:04Well, I don't know about that. She would have been very young.
JVL00:34:06It would have been better as Scorsese, best as Patty Jenkins.
Sonny00:34:10Somebody's very upset about Wonder Woman. That's really... We'll get to that in a minute. Yes, yes, yes. But... Yeah, anyway, I thought it was fine. I mean, it's one of these weird Keanu Reeves movies where it's like, what exactly is he doing here?
Vic00:34:21I can see Winona Ryder there, and Anthony Hopkins, and Gary Oldman.
Sonny00:34:26Yeah, but then Keanu Reeves, who I like a lot, again, and he has his purposes. It's just, every time I watch that movie, I'm like, I don't know about this.
Vic00:34:37Count Dracula, would you sign the papers, please? Sorry, that was... And then he gets stuck. Thank you. And then he gets stuck there with the Vampiruses, one of whom is, I forget her name now, is... A famous actress, and she played, she was like one of the minor characters in that movie. I'll look for it, don't worry. Yes, Italian name, Italian named actress. In any event... You keep moving, I will find this. Yes, it was a great, I really liked that Dracula. The music was fantastic, and it was equal parts scary, horrifying, disturbing, and kind of romantic. And I think only Gary Oldman could pull that off, because he was fantastic.
Sonny00:35:18It is definitely one of the great Gary Oldman performances. Monica Bellucci.
Vic00:35:21Thank you very much, Monica Bellucci. That was gonna kill me. The thing with Gary Oldman, they said that he had serious fights with Coppola on the set. And Hopkins had to be the guy in the middle.
Sonny00:35:34Oldman was fighting with Coppola? Yeah. About what? I don't know. Direction, maybe? Role?
Vic00:35:40Direction, and Hopkins would step in, and Hopkins would turn to Gary and just say, "Gary, just don't, it's not worth it, don't do it."
Sonny00:35:47Gary, just read the words. Just read the words.
Vic00:35:50And Hopkins is so... He's so good at what he does. And the strange thing is...
Sonny00:35:53I can actually see Anthony Hopkins just kind of sitting there rolling his eyes like...
Vic00:35:56Yes, yes, yes, yes. And I remember the first 3D movie I saw in a theater. It was a special promo. I think it was connected with Burger King or something, and you got the 3D glasses, the paper ones, which I love 'cause they're very flexible around my head. And I went to see Creature of the Black Lagoon. Oh. So it was a real throwback. Yeah. And it was a pointless... I mean, the movie's pointless, just... Yeah. This is what it is.
Sonny00:36:22And then the Creature comes out. There's a Creature from the Black Lagoon reference in The New Mummy. It's like kind of a blink and you miss a thing. There's like a webbed hand in one of the jars.
Vic00:36:30So that could even be in the Dark Universe. And I would say... And lastly, my other favorite, Dracula, was from 1979, and it was the comedy Love at First Bite with George Hamilton and Susan St. James and Richard Benjamin. I saw that. Thank you, JVL. That was pretty funny. I thought it was funny, but I wondered, is it funny... And I like George Hamilton. Was it funny now, or was it funny then? And you know who would have a definitive answer would be, of course, J-Pod. And he could tell us... John could tell us. Was it funny at the time? Because I just remember the scene with the cameo by Sherman Hemsley of The Jeffersons jumping through stained glass window, and I thought it was hilarious. So, I don't know.
JVL00:37:06I was going to ask you boys what your, two things, your favorite cinematic universe and the cinematic universe you would really like to have, which raises a foundational question. What is a cinematic universe? So, I don't think Star Wars counts. I think for a cinematic universe, you need to have independent entities operating on their own that happen to overlap. And so, Star Trek doesn't count, otherwise, because it's a franchise. A CU is different from a franchise. So this is what the Marvel things give you. The first one in Hollywood might be Alien Predator, maybe. I can tell you where it started in the culture. I can pinpoint exactly.
Sonny00:37:50Exactly.
JVL00:37:51Where did it start in the culture? Amazing Spider-Man #5, because in Amazing Spider-Man #5, Doctor Doom shows up as the villain. Doctor Doom has previously only lived in the Fantastic Four. And so, even though readers of the Marvel books at the time knew that all of these characters lived in Manhattan, they did not know that it was the same Manhattan. And this was the moment when people's heads just exploded, because they were like, "Oh, I can see that.
Sonny00:38:15They're all in the same universe.
JVL00:38:18Anybody could show up anywhere." And after that, that's what Marvel started. That's what Marvel started doing, is making people show up everywhere. Because they basically knew that it worked, basically. Yeah.
Vic00:38:25Whatever reaction they could get. Yeah.
JVL00:38:27So, that was the birth of the expanded universe for Marvel. What is yours, JVL? My favorite universe as it is now, I mean, probably the Marvel universe, because I'm such a fanboy. The one I want to see, though, I mean, aside from the Chav universe, I wouldn't mind ... I have two. One, I wouldn't mind a super spy cinematic universe, where we have Salt and Jason Bourne and the Atomic Blonde. They're all sort of running around in their own spy stories that happen to touch one another. And I would not mind a Mark Millar cinematic universe, where Kick-Ass and Kingsman and maybe Nemesis all exist. Again, I don't need them overlapping a lot, but little touches where it becomes clear that, "Hey, these guys all live in the same world." And actually, they would fit. I think Kick-Ass fits in the same world as Kingsman and could easily fit in the same world as Nemesis. Interesting. Sonny?
Sonny00:39:20All right. The one I would want to have exist is the artificial intelligence/robot universe, where Blade Runner is fighting Terminator, is fighting RoboCop, is fighting ... Listeners, be glad you can't see this. ... is fighting Short Circuit. That's the cinematic universe I want. I think that would be pretty great. The best one ... I mean, look, I'm a DCEU fanboy, I love the DC movies, I think Marvel has done it better than anybody else, they've kind of organically built it. They essentially ... I mean, look, they didn't invent the post-credit scene, I guess, but they have kind of standardized it, to the point where the director of The Mummy said, "We will never have a post-credit scene in the Dark Universe movies, because that is a Marvel thing." So they have done a good job of nurturing their characters and kind of creating shared plot lines and shared worlds, and teasing people for the next thing. Like, as much as it pains me to admit, Marvel does this better than anyone else.
JVL00:40:23Can I propose something? Yeah. What if there was an expanding universe that mixed the world of Leon the Professional with Harry Potter? Leon. Vic, would that do anything for you?
?00:40:38No?
Vic00:40:40I didn't see that coming. I just wasn't expecting that, sorry. Was this whole segment a setup for that joke?
Sonny00:40:47No. Hint to God. Divine. I just can't.
Vic00:40:51Divine inspiration. That would be interesting. That would be interesting.
Sonny00:40:54The joke here is that they both have young girls in them. That's the joke.
Vic00:40:58Leon. Did you say Leon of the Professional? What did you just say? Did you say Leon of the Professional?
JVL00:41:02No, I was just saying that one is an interesting hitman without remorse in Europe, and the other is European wizardry, and I think that that would be sort of an interesting one. Yes. Yes. I would like to see Leon himself take on Lord Voldemort.
Vic00:41:16There you go. That's worth it. That would be a rom-com extended universe of the people from When Harry Met Sally and Sleepless in Seattle, and you've got, of course, Meg Ryan is in all three. That would be a problem. Yeah. I love that idea. Yeah, that's actually a pretty great idea. That would be great. They run into each other in the city. Because I've always wanted to see a movie- Garry Marshall. I would like all of them. Garry Marshall. Garry Marshall. Garry Marshall universe. Garry Marshall. Drew Barrymore, never been kissed. It's all in one. Pretty Woman. It's all crazy. It's crazy. But I've always loved to see a movie where a current rom-com. And all of a sudden, they come across Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan playing their characters from You Got Me. You know, just in passing. Just throw me that. And you know what? It would be a great ... This is on a tangent here. I'd love to do a sequel to You've Got Mail, where it's like Arthur II on the rocks.
JVL00:42:03They both have no money because the book industry's dead. And what do they do? Do you know the most controversial expanded universe? What is that, JVL? The Disney Animation expanded universe, where it has been hinted at that the worlds of Frozen tanked. Tangled and The Little Mermaid are all the same world.
Sonny00:42:24Where has it been hinted at?
JVL00:42:25In the movies? Yeah. In the internet. In the movies. No, no. In the movies. In the movies. So, if you are watching Frozen ... Ship. So, the ship that Anna and Elsa's parents sink and die on, we believe is the ship that Ariel ... The sunken ship that Ariel goes and visits in the beginning of The Little Mermaid. And at the end of Frozen, when everybody shows up ... The sunken ship that Ariel goes and visits in the beginning of The Little Mermaid. When everybody shows up, you see Mandy Moore and the boy from Tangled ... It was a garbage movie.
Vic00:42:57Oh, yeah.
JVL00:42:58I remember that. I remember that.
Vic00:43:00They walk past you on the bridge. They're like getting off the ship. They come in for the celebration. Yes.
JVL00:43:04That's very clear. She has the cut hair. So, at least Tangled and Frozen are in the same universe.
Vic00:43:07Yeah. Absolutely. But it is possible that ... It's true. Yes. She has the cut hair. That was, I believe, at the time, the most expensive movie ever made. Do you remember that? Tangled? Was it? Yeah. I didn't realize that. Well, look at ... Look that up. The budget ... Are you thinking of Titanic? No, no, no, no, no. The budget for Tangled was insane. It was insane.
JVL00:43:25I'll go after this. Keep talking.
Sonny00:43:27Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sonny. There was another controversial, possibly connected expanded universe. This is the alien Blade Runner connection. There was a ... In Prometheus, I believe, there was a discussion ... Really? Peter Whalen was talking about one of his ... And I can't remember if this is actually in the movie or if it's in an added scene or something. His ... Whalen is talking about his friend who has created the androids and ... Yeah. But it was interesting.
Vic00:43:55Oh, right. Of course. Androids. Yes. Well, $260 million budget for Tangled.
Sonny00:44:01Good lord. Is that insane? What did all that money go to?
JVL00:44:05Mandy Moore. Okay. It's the idiot horse who fights with a sword in its mouth. That's where the movie went to.
Vic00:44:13Okay. You know what's insane? Wait.
JVL00:44:16What did that gross worldwide ...
Vic00:44:17I'm ready to move on. I'm sorry. I think it covered it.
JVL00:44:19But still. $591 million. That's close.
Vic00:44:22Very close. And what's his name from that NBC show who plays a spy? Chuck. Chuck. He was the voice of the prince. All right. Okay.
JVL00:44:33Or the dastardly prince. I think we're ready to move on. This was a proof of concept, though, for Disney Animation. That's right. So as John Lasseter has taken over Disney Animation, Tangled is the proof of concept that they can do Pixar-level movies.
Vic00:44:44Yes.
JVL00:44:45That's right.
Vic00:44:46That's right. Okay.
JVL00:44:48That's covered. We're going to get angry tweets from David Hirsyani, who loves Tangled.
Vic00:44:53Arzondi. Yeah. Oh, really? Well, I don't dislike it. Love Tangled. I don't dislike it. I don't dislike it. Hate it. Okay. Bad Mother. That movie is about bad mothers. Okay. Speaking of bad, how about that photo sent to us from Substandard listener, Catherine Lowe? She was at a Cheesecake Factory and took a picture of the Cheesecake Factory's smart food menu, or what's it called? Skinnylicious menu? Skinnylicious. Are you sure that's Skinnylicious? I don't know. I don't know if that was Skinnylicious. Skinnylicious. Something else. Anyway, do you remember what was at the top? Avocado toast. So what's the deal there, Sonny?
Sonny00:45:27I don't know. I keep hearing stories about how millennials can't buy houses because they buy too much avocado toast, and I actually don't know what it is. I don't know if it's just toast with avocado on it. I don't know if it's avocado that's been toasted. I don't know if it's bread that is formed of the mutilated remains of avocados. I don't know what it is. So I- All I know is that it costs an ungodly amount of money.
JVL00:45:51Well, that's exactly- No, it doesn't. It doesn't. Okay.
Vic00:45:55You're just going again. Yes. Okay. One more time. It's $8.95.
JVL00:46:00It's $8.95. You know what's cheaper than that?
Vic00:46:02For toast? Double quarter pounder with cheese. For toast? Yeah. So that's it. My wife at home, I think last week or the other week, she had toast and she had avocado and she put it on top. I think that's what the avocado toast is. No. No. What do you mean?
JVL00:46:13You spread it on top and there you go, $8.95- No. For 830 calories. No. That's how you explain avocado toast. Because how do you explain avocado toast? So you start with a really good multigrain bread.
Vic00:46:23Okay.
JVL00:46:24You already lost me. And you take your avocado and you grill it, which is sort of the important part. You can't just slice an avocado. So you take the avocado and you grill the avocado.
Sonny00:46:35Where do you ... How do you ... Do you put it in a pan? You fry it? Or do you put it over open flame? I don't-
JVL00:46:40In theory, you do it on an open flame.
Sonny00:46:42You slice it open?
JVL00:46:43Yes. You can put an avocado on the grill, on your grill, outside, that you burn your ass. You put animal meat on?
Sonny00:46:48Wait, wait, wait. I have a question. Your animal flesh? I have a question. What? Can you only do it with the parabolic solar rays that you use to- The infrared. The infrared rays.
JVL00:46:57Vic, what time is it? 46:43. You know what? You know what? Since I have to edit this fucking show- You're not going to. I am not going to do it. It's very hard to edit. Sorry. It's true. So you grill the avocado and you then scoop it out, slice it down, put it on top, drizzle it with a little bit of olive oil, sprinkle some sea salt on it, and then you eat it. And it's delicious. Oh, I could just put an avocado on my ... And sure, you can, but you can do anything at home. You could make yourself eggplant Parmesan at home. You can make yourself a cup of coffee at home. People still go out and exchange money for these things so they don't have to do the task themselves. What's the big deal? I really like avocado toast, especially when I get it from Le Pain Quotidien. Oh my gosh. I like watching Leon at Le Pain Quotidien while I eat my avocado toast.
Vic00:47:44Yes, and this is after you buy your Pantene products. And other things, I can't think of what I was going to say. In my Prana jeans. In your Prana jeans. Sonny, yes, this is wrong, right? I mean, look ... This is wrong.
Sonny00:47:56What's happening? Well, look, all I know is that this is why we can't have nice things, so that's what the trend pieces are telling me. That's what I believe.
JVL00:48:05Don't you like white chocolate? Yeah, white chocolate is ...
Sonny00:48:07Yes, he does. White chocolate is a million times better than avocado toast.
JVL00:48:09Hey, Gabe, I told you, it's not my fault.
Sonny00:48:13White chocolate is the best thing that exists in the chocolate spectrum. White chocolate is not actually chocolate, is it?
JVL00:48:19It's something else. If you're ranking chocolates ...
Sonny00:48:21Oh, really? Oh, boy. White chocolate is number one. Milk chocolate is number two. Nothing is number three. Dark chocolate is number four. I would rather eat nothing than dark chocolate.
Vic00:48:31I rank Goober's number one, Raisinets number two, and Snowcaps number three. I don't see where that's ... Just throwing that out there, too. Okay. Okay, just wanted to throw that out there. I had nothing to add to the white chocolate. I don't mind it. I don't mind it. Okay.
Sonny00:48:48Corrections? Additions? JVL, I think you have a correction. I do. And an apology. I do, frankly. Oh, my gosh.
JVL00:48:55I do. This is ... Okay. For the three people who listened to last week's show, Sonny said that he thought that Wonder Woman would easily go over $300 million, would erode by about 45% this week, week to week, and I said no. I said that I thought it wasn't out of the question, but that the odds were better than even that it would not, and I was wrong, and I was so wrong, and the reason I was wrong is because I did not appreciate how important the movie Wonder Woman is. Wonder Woman is not going to make $300 million, it's going to make $17 billion at the box office, and the reason it's going to do that is because it's changing lives every day. Patty Jenkins, over the weekend, guys ... Did you see this? Patty Jenkins, the auteur, tweeted out a thing that her producer gave to her, which is an account of something that happened this week in a kindergarten class, where all the girls had seen Wonder Woman, and these girls' lives were changed.
Vic00:49:47Wait a minute, what rating is Wonder Woman?
JVL00:49:50Yeah, why are these kindergartners going to Wonder Woman? These girls found their voice because of that film, and one of them, when she saw a boy in her class throwing a candy wrapper on the playground, shouted at him, "Pick up your trash, don't pollute the earth, this is why no boys are allowed in Thermoskia." And they started changing their sketch for their performance, so they could be more empowering about Wonder Woman, they changed plans for their birthday party. They started coming to school in their Wonder Woman costumes and banding together. And you know what? When they were playing Wonder Woman together, these girls, they didn't fight with each other, they fought against the evil imaginary men. And it's just so woke and so beautiful to see young girls ... I've now seen this in my own life. There's a 10-year-old girl who's a friend of my daughter in her class, and she discovered the actual how you achieve cold fusion over the weekend after seeing Wonder Woman, another girl I know, was able to throw a 70 mile an hour fastball. And she realized that she should not be playing softball. Softball is a tool of the patriarchy. She should be playing baseball. And this ... I'm sorry. This is the mother of all corrections. I just get a little emotional when I think about what this film means, and not just to women, but to men, too.
?00:51:12Yes.
JVL00:51:13Women can do science, even though they believe in things like magic glasses. And so, they can do science if they wanted to.
Sonny00:51:20I get very ... It's very specific. Thank you. Michael ...
JVL00:51:25Wonder Woman will be the number one movie in America for the rest of the year. And if it isn't, it's because of sexism and the patriarchy. And I hope that Joss Whedon recuts Justice League, Dawn of Justice, to make it all Wonder Woman all the time, but with Cyborg carrying her shield for her, and helping her with odd jobs and menial tasks, unless that's problematic.
Vic00:51:41Thank you, JVL, for that wonderful Andy Rooney editorial. And another thing ... Hey, look, on the bright side, this is also great for Gal Gadot, as we were recently told. Gadot. Gadot. Gadot. Thank you to a substantive listener for telling us, Gal Gadot. That's a good thing. And maybe these girls will be against the BDS movement. So, who knows? Spirit of the Week. I just want to thank ... Wait, I'm sorry. You guys don't have any corrections?
Sonny00:52:08I just want to thank ... I have none. I have none. Shockingly. I just want to thank JVL for acknowledging this movie, and I realize he's a little bit upset. He's upset because Wonder Woman has grossed more in its second weekend than ... In its second weekend than Chav King Arthur did in its entire domestic run. You know what? Can I say something here, Sonny? It's very ...
JVL00:52:29Can I say something? Yeah. Yeah. And again, I'm doing a lot of introspection this weekend thinking about this. Chav King Arthur, at no point do two women whose names we know have a conversation together about something other than a boy.
Sonny00:52:41Yeah. No, that's right. And it's just ... That's right.
JVL00:52:45Yeah. Yeah. It's why it's so important. I don't know if you guys know this. Vulture, the New York Magazine, ran a great piece about the Mummy universe this week. And what they said was, they said it showed an enormous promise, because this is a chance for Universal to allow more female filmmakers and filmmakers of color to take control of the cinematic universe. And that as this weekend's Wonder Woman box office returns showed, that's really great for business. Because that is what audiences respond to, and it's important. And so the only reason a studio would ... Give a movie to a male director who's white, is because they don't even care about making money, these Hollywood studios. They don't even care about making money.
Sonny00:53:26You're gonna be really upset when Black Panther grosses $100 million in its opening weekend,
JVL00:53:30aren't you? $500 million.
Sonny00:53:32$500 million. It's so important. Thank you, JBL.
JVL00:53:35Thank you.
Vic00:53:36Spirit of the ... Did you guys have any corrections? No, I have none. No, no. I have none.
Sonny00:53:41I have none this week. He doesn't have any corrections because he didn't doubt me. He didn't doubt me like some people in this room.
JVL00:53:45Sonny, are you gonna stay on $300 million? $300 million? Or what is your final number?
Sonny00:53:49Oh, no.
JVL00:53:50Well, I said at least $300 million. No, no.
Sonny00:53:52That's what I'm saying. What is your final number for this? I don't know. I mean, I could see it doing $350 million. Oh, come on. More than that. I could see it ... I don't think it'll hit $400 million unless everything this summer is terrible, which is not out of the question.
JVL00:54:05But people are just gonna see it over and over and over again.
Sonny00:54:07I do think people are gonna see it multiple times. Yeah. So I would say $350 million.
Vic00:54:11$17 billion is where I put the over-under line.
Sonny00:54:13$350 million is the new low. Domestic. And this is just another big win for the DCEU, just that they cannot lose domestically. Marvel movies do better overseas, just like Transformers movies do better overseas. Big explosions.
Vic00:54:26Not much to say about that. JVL has gone ... A phrase that we used to say back in the day, JVL and I used to say in the office, he went Limp Bizkit. He went Limp Bizkit. And I think that originated because I was complaining about a Limp Bizkit song for Mission Impossible, where they ... I believe you remember that. Yes. And it was like ... In the Limp Bizkit Mission Impossible song, one of the things that annoys me are bands that talk about the name Limp Bizkit. The names of the bands in their songs. And it was like, Limp Bizkit's gonna rock you, Limp Bizkit ... And really, in the song, for Mission Impossible. And then I just went on and on, and then JVL said that was out of control, and then everything from that became that was Limp Bizkit. So JVL has a Limp Bizkit moment.
JVL00:55:01I would suggest people go read John Podhoretz's excellent piece in The Weekly Standard about Wonder Woman. Okay. It's great. Spirit of the Week, Sonny.
Sonny00:55:10This week we're drinking Kahlua, because we're taping a little bit early. It's an early morning. Taking a little bit early, so we wanted a coffee liqueur.
JVL00:55:15I really think that we should tape. We should tape early in the morning every week, because this has gone awesome.
Vic00:55:19We are drinking sombreros. Yeah. So my mother-in-law, Linda Dwyer, will appreciate that. That's all the time we are giving to this episode. Questions, comments, complaints, compliments, tweet us @VictorinoMattis, @SonnyBunch. Again, be sure to subscribe to us on iTunes or Google Play. Just type in Substandard on a podcast. We're there. Leave a review. Tell your friends. Until next time.
JVL00:55:47So drinking sombreros, is that a sign that you guys are bad on immigration? Is that why your mother-in-law would be? Because you guys are over-thinking it. You're over-thinking it. Mrs. Dwyer would be like, eh, kind of cuckoo. No.
Vic00:56:02No, she likes sombreros. She likes sombreros. On the very rare occasion. On the very rare occasion.
JVL00:56:06They're her favorites. She loves sombreros. It's fine. I don't even know if you'll have to call them that anymore, actually, because that could be offensive.
Vic00:56:13This whole thing could be very problematic. This whole episode could be offensive. Uh, Sonny, do you have any other thoughts on anything? No. I have no other thoughts on anything. I was going to be, you know what I forgot to mention? On my flight back from Texas, or back and forth from Texas, I took for the first time Virgin America. I've never flown that before. First time and the last time, because they're going away. What are you talking about?
JVL00:56:36Virgin America's going away.
Vic00:56:37You're kidding me. No. They're amazing. I know. Yeah, I love them. The inside- Enjoy it while you can. The inside of the cabin has, like, the interior of a bachelor party limo. And then the flight attendants are just stunningly attractive. I mean, it's insane. My favorite part is the insanely catchy-
JVL00:56:54Yes. Yes, absolutely. You can see that video- Which I can't stop humming for, like, hours after each of these flights.
Vic00:57:00If it's funny, it's great. It puts everybody- Beautifully choreographed. I looked for that on YouTube, because I just wanted to watch it. Me too. I did. That's so funny. I did, too. If you do show notes, we'll have to put a link to that. It puts everybody- No show notes. It puts everybody in a good mood on the plane. And on my way back, for some reason- I couldn't get my seat assignment until I got to the front desk, and the guy says- He literally says to me, he goes, well, the bad news is, it's a middle seat, but the good news is, you're sitting next to two flight attendants, and our flight attendants are hot. He said that. Isn't that kind of like-
JVL00:57:33That's kind of like- I hope you reported him to Virgin America. I was so offended. How dare you, sir? Did you call his supervisor right there?
Sonny00:57:40You should send this anecdote to Patty Jenkins.
JVL00:57:42You know what, Vic? I have a little movie maybe you should go see. What movie? I would like you to go see Wonder Woman. You should go see Wonder Woman. Then see how you react in that situation. What would you think of it then? I'm sure it's fine.
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