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#31. THE SUBSTANDARD SUMMER BLOCKBUSTER PREVIEW
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Dudes Chatting — summer 2017 movie preview: The episode marks the show's 25-episode milestone with a cold-open gag: Vic does a Michael Caine impression (voiced as a studio "guest") that Sonny plays completely straight, to everyone's delight. The actual Caine impression is performed by Michael Warren, who gets a credit at the episode's end. The meat of the episode is each host ranking their three most anticipated and three least anticipated films of the 2017 summer season. Most anticipated: all three pick Dunkirk at or near the top — JVL and Vic both slot it #1. Sonny adds Wonder Woman (#3) and a tie between Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets and Dunkirk (#2), while arguing Wonder Woman the character is boring and only popular for reasons of gender. Vic's other picks are Atomic Blonde (#2) and Alien: Covenant (#3), enthusing about the Cold War Berlin setting of the former and Danny McBride's presence in the latter. Sonny is most excited/dreading The Dark Tower (#1) — he considers the Idris Elba-Matthew McConaughey adaptation an 80% chance of hubris disaster but wants it to work. Least anticipated: JVL is mildly unenthused about Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2, openly contemptuous of Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales (a franchise that peaked with the first film), and takes a strong stand against Cars 3 on the grounds that Cars is Pixar's first real failure. Sonny least wants to see An Inconvenient Sequel, Spider-Man: Homecoming (the third Spider-Man iteration in 15 years), and The Dark Tower for opposite reasons. Vic dreads War for the Planet of the Apes, Wonder Woman, and Transformers: The Last Knight. The hosts debate summer box office economics, the death of August as a release window, and why the history of the blockbuster starts with Jaws and air conditioning. JVL's surprise pick to overperform: Baywatch.
The episode includes a Corrections segment. JVL gifts Vic and Sonny each a pair of Prana Axiom pants as a 25-episode milestone present and announces he has been named a Prana brand influencer. The Spirit of the Week is Singani 63, a Bolivian brandy backed by Steven Soderbergh — Sonny rates it not very good but drinkable as a mule.
Full transcript
Vic00:00:00Hi, this is Bill Kristol. This podcast is only one hour, but it sure feels like a hundred days.
Guest00:00:30If I touch someone, I can feel their feelings. You feel love. Yeah, I guess, yeah, I feel a general unselfish love for just about everybody. No. Sexual love. No. No, I don't. For her. No. She just told everyone your deepest, darkest secret! Dude, come on. I think you're overreacting a little bit. You must be so embarrassed! Do me! Do me! Do me!
Vic00:01:00Subtitles by @thesirren Hello, and welcome back to The Substandard. I'm Victor Matus along with Jonathan V. Last and Sonny Bunch. I'd like to remind you that The Substandard is available on iTunes and Google Play. Just look under "podcasts" and search for "substandard." You'll easily find us. Please subscribe, tell your friends, leave a review. In addition, we'd also like to remind you that Substandard show notes posted by Jonathan Last are available every Friday at 11 a.m. at weeklystandard.com. We reached a couple milestones. Uh, the first is 25 full episodes. Wow. That's about the length of a show.
Sonny00:01:36This episode has the lenticular cover. Or is it the chromium cover? I can't remember.
JVL00:01:40Well, the lenticular is the B cover and the C cover is the chromium.
Sonny00:01:45I mean, for 25, you gotta have multiple variants.
JVL00:01:47That's true. That's a good point. Again, I can't wait for the criterion collection of The Substandard.
Sonny00:01:52I hope, I just, all I can, I just hope Jim Lee does the chromium variant. 'Cause that's my favorite. My favorite cover and my favorite artist.
Vic00:01:59And the reviews keep on coming. By the time you listen to the show, we'll have broken past 200 rated reviews. Fingers crossed. So, this week's nominees. JVL.
JVL00:02:12Why would I nickname a review? That's, that's his ID. He says that if you close your eyes while listening to this podcast, you might think you're listening to The Three Bills, Buckley, Bennett, and Kristol. Did I say eyes? I meant ears. If you close your ears. That's, that's a fantastic review. That's a good review. Good review. Five stars, of course. Yes. Sure, sure. Look, you don't even get considered if you give us less than five stars. Exactly. I'm sorry.
Sonny00:02:39It's an unwritten rule. Sonny. Mine is a five-star review from Michael_Grayson, which is titled, "Sonny Bunch is literally never wrong." Sonny Bunch literally never wrong. "I'm truly sorry that such a genius like Sonny has to indulge the garbage opinions of JVL and Vic. Don't get me wrong. Those gents are perfectly enjoyable, but they're usually wrong. Example, anyone who claims that a Fast and Furious movie is good is someone who holds a wrong opinion. No one denies this." It's a good review. It's a good review from Mr. Grayson.
Vic00:03:11Your people really came out of the woodwork for that one.
Sonny00:03:14Well, you know, I got, I got, I got a whole coterie.
Vic00:03:17Yeah, yeah, I know.
Sonny00:03:18I got a whole coterie of acolytes. Do they get, like, text alerts from you? I'm not going to divulge how I gin up the amazing amounts of praise that I get. It's all organic.
Vic00:03:29Sonny Bunch, organizing for action. My favorite five-star review this week is by Neptune King of the Sea, who calls us, quote, "an excellent listen," and compares us to the three girls from Little House on the Prairie. JVL is Mary, I'm Laura, and Sonny is Carrie, quote, "tripping through the meadow." Thanks, Neptune. I, I, although I always wanted to be Merlin Olsen in that.
Sonny00:03:51I don't know. Thank you. I don't know. I don't know what that means. I don't understand.
Vic00:03:56That reference is not relevant to my interests. Yeah, this is way before Sonny Bunch's time. It happened before the '90s. Okay, well, who is our winner this week?
Sonny00:04:04I vote for me.
Vic00:04:05Yeah, well, then, in that case, I'll vote for the three Bs.
JVL00:04:07I vote for Sonny. Yes! That's a great review. That's a fantastic review. And you know what? Out of principle. Kind of correct.
Sonny00:04:15All right, Mr. Grayson, I'm going to have to ask you to ping me on Twitter. I'll find you. I'll find you. Wait, are you going to choose the gift this week? You'll have a fantastic prize, yes, I have a fantastic prize. I'm going to send. Wow. It's going to be a good prize. People are going to like it.
Vic00:04:34All right. Grayson, one of many of Sonny Bunch's aliases. Now, of course, it has all been great. How dare you? Yes. One concerned listener was rather disappointed with our Michael Caine episode because he was actually expecting to hear Michael Caine in our studio. So we at The Substandard, we feel very badly for anyone who was misled by that. And so to make it up to those listeners, we've got a very special treat for you. Wait, what? What's going on? Wait. You don't know about this, Sonny? Hold on. JVL?
JVL00:05:03You didn't say anything? No, I'm in on it.
Vic00:05:05I'm in on the joke, but I kept it to myself. This is huge. You didn't see all the commotion going on outside in the office?
Sonny00:05:08Well, I was wondering why I was led in here with a bag on my head.
Vic00:05:11Yes. Well, now you know. We don't normally have guests on the show, but today we just had to make this one exception. Right here in the studio, The Substandard is thrilled to have with us the one and only Sir Michael Caine. What? Yes. Here he is. And we are honored that he can join us in the studio, so please welcome Sir Michael Caine. Wow. God, I wish we had a videocast.
Sonny00:05:39I know. Hello, boys. Oh, my God. Hi, Mr. Caine. Hi, there. How are you doing? Oh, excellent. Really.
Vic00:05:47I'm so happy to be here, because I don't normally do podcasts, but I made an exception. I've spent my whole career doing podcasts. I've spent my whole career in movies going around the world, and I thought I wanted to end it by being in a windowless podcast studio in America. It's wonderful. What's your best movie? Well, it's interesting you brought that up, but Sonny, I did listen to the Michael Caine episode, the one you did on me and my career, and I appreciate the fact that you understand that the end part of my career, the last 30 years or so. I've really been sort of a high point to me. All those movies I've done, The Cider House Rules, The Prestige, the Christopher Nolan Batman films, some of my favorites. That's Alfred JBL. He's Alfred. What's it like to be Alfred? It's amazing. It's incredible. Well, here's the point I'm saying. You learn so much in your career doing all those movies, like the Batman movies, Muppet Christmas Carol. One of my favorites that I did. But there's challenges, too, that come for doing these movies. Even late in your career, like Batman, like the Muppet movies, where you're working opposite, in some situations, working opposite a lifeless, inanimate object, and there's a lot of challenge in that. But I liked working with Katie Holmes. It was a good experience, even in- So Michael.
Sonny00:07:25I'm serious. JBL, what's your favorite movie? What's your favorite Michael Caine movie?
Vic00:07:29Sir Michael, I was wondering, could you tell us, what's your favorite fruit? Well, I like tangerines. They're sort of the way you can sort of open them up and take out the little segments.
JVL00:07:43Do you like smaller tangerines or larger tangerines?
Vic00:07:47I like the big ones, big tangerine, something like what you might see in a jungle in Burma.
Sonny00:07:56JBL, your questions are weird. We need to ask them better questions. Who's the best director that you worked with?
Vic00:08:06Christopher Nolan, of course. He's sort of a visionary. I like Frank Oz. I worked with him in the Muppet movies and also Dirty Rotten Scoundrels. I'll tell you, the one director I've never worked with, but I really would love to work with is Martin Scorsese. The opportunity to work with a real visionary of a director.
JVL00:08:34Sir Michael, when you think back on your career in its majesty, do you ever get choked up at all?
Vic00:08:46Or do you ever get excited? I get very loud, you know, when I talk about, I get very loud indeed, you know. But sometimes, you know, you think about... Some of those early films and you get back into that character, you know, because I'm a method actor, of course, I think back and I get very emotional, get very emotional indeed. So it's really hard to sort of think about, you know, those early films. Alfie, of course, a very emotional film, sort of really went through the ring on that one.
JVL00:09:22Wow. One last question from me, Sir Michael, you came into a studio with a young lady I know I noticed. How old was she?
Vic00:09:30She was only 16. No, it's Vic. Calm down there, Vic. It's just a line from a movie, you know, it's not actually the case that--
Sonny00:09:39We were only-- I was given a note that said we only have five minutes, so-- I thought I spent five minutes longer than I wanted to. You have to go now. Bye. I appreciate the opportunity. Bye, Michael Caine.
Vic00:09:50Thank you.
Sonny00:09:51Thank you. Bye, Sir Michael. That was-- guys, this is the best episode that we've ever done, and I just wanted to thank you for keeping that a big secret from me. I am so happy right now. This is great. It doesn't get any better than that, Sonny, does it? No. No. That was-- I'm actually really-- frankly, I know we have a rule against having guests here, but I think I'm glad that we made an exception for Michael Caine.
Vic00:10:19Yes, yes. That was-- You should hear Michael Caine's impression of Robert De Niro and Al Pacino. He's really good at that, too.
Sonny00:10:26Maybe we can get Robert in a-- Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And Al in the studio. Oh, yeah. On the set.
Vic00:10:33Yes, yes. When they could do it together. And he could do back and forth with himself. So, as you know, Sir Michael Caine, who's-- I think he's already getting started drinking outside there. Is that? Yes. That's good. He did a movie not too long ago that we talked about here. Of course, I can't remember it anymore. But there are some big movies, as we know, that are coming out this summer, and why not do a summer?
Sonny00:10:58Summer preview. Summer preview.
Vic00:11:00So, it technically begins when? So, when-- or JVL-- when does the summer officially kick off, next week or two weeks from now?
JVL00:11:09Next weekend. So, not this weekend, but next-- I think "Guardians of the Galaxy," we would say-- May 2nd. Yeah. --begins. And it used to be the Memorial Day was the launch of the season. Right. But that's not the way it is anymore. It keeps bumping up and bumping up and bumping up. The earliest we've ever had it was, I think, "Lost in Space," the Joey Tribbiani vehicle. Yes. And Lacey Chabert. And Lacey Chabert. And Heather Graham. Ooh. Oh, and Gary Oldman, was he in that? I think he was. Oh, man. And that opened in, like, early April, and they realized it was just too early. People aren't ready for summer movies yet.
Vic00:11:40They might not have been ever ready for "Lost in Space." Not for that. So, I guess, so "Guardians of the Galaxy" will kick things off.
Sonny00:11:47Yeah. Well, it is-- and you do occasionally get, like, summer movie creep, right? Like, "300" came out in March, I think. Either the end of February or the beginning of March, which is the same month that "Watch men" came out. Like, there's this idea that you can kind of throw a big action or comic book movie earlier in the calendar, which is what they tried to do with "The Fate of the Furious" this year, which seems to have kind of-- like, the box office on this domestically is not working out. Overseas, it's a monster. Yeah. It's already made $900 million. It's gonna crack a billion. It's gonna hit a billion.
Vic00:12:22This week, some point. And has it yet made more money in China than here, domestically, already?
Sonny00:12:25Oh, yeah.
Vic00:12:26Oh, yeah.
JVL00:12:27Yeah. But you know what's happened? So, at the same time that we've been pushing the window earlier, the late part of the window has been closing. So, if you look-- like, August is a wasteland. Yeah. This year, there is nothing coming out in August. And this has been true, I would say, for the last 10 years or so. You've seen fewer and fewer movies pushed into August. And I don't know exactly why that is. I think it's just performance. They've seen that you put a movie into August. It may also have something to do with the home video market window, too, that you-- if you come out in August, then your home video window is probably-- Christmas. --bad. Right.
Sonny00:13:00Right. You can't make the Christmas window. I think that's a very good point. I mean, I am-- there is one August movie that I'm both looking forward to and dreading. We can discuss that in a minute. But yeah, they-- I would say, interestingly, they have tried to space movies out a little bit more this year, I feel like, right? I feel like we're-- last summer, or last summer and the summer before that, it was just every weekend, there was a $100 million movie coming out with an enormous ad. And then you were seeing 67% drops at the box office every weekend from the movie that was number one the week before. And I feel like we're a little bit more spaced out this year. I can't tell if it's just because there are simply fewer movies that I'm interested in seeing, or if there are just fewer movies coming out in general.
JVL00:13:43No, I think it's true there are fewer big tentpole movies being stacked on top of each other right now. It's-- I wonder what this is. I wonder if some of this is maybe a Jurassic World effect-- I mean, so Jurassic World came out of nowhere last summer. I think nobody, including Universal, expected that movie to do what it did. And I wonder if it shocked the system a little bit, and people got a little bit more cautious about where they want to place bets. Because the movies that came out after Jurassic World, like the four weeks after Jurassic World, just got steamrolled. Anyway, I think this is more sensible. This is the way it used to be. I mean, summers didn't used to be 13 consecutive $100 million budget movies rolled out one after another. You used to give them a little space. A little space to breathe. Right. Maybe try to counter-program the way My Best Friend's Wedding did against Batman. Yeah.
Vic00:14:33If you think about 1976, the first summer movie, right? That was Jaws. Jaws. I'd be really curious to see what else was all out at that time, I'm sure. It's not like what it is now, but it sort of set that standard. Jaws was the first summer blockbuster. Yeah. That's right.
JVL00:14:48The idea of the summer blockbuster didn't exist before Jaws, because nothing opened wide like that. So it used to be you'd open up on 200 screens, and you'd just sort of slowly expand out over months. Movies would play for the better part of a year.
Vic00:15:01That's crazy. And also the assumption that people are going to have better things to do in the summer, and they're not going to go into theater. And isn't the story that it was air conditioning that changed all that? Huge part of it.
JVL00:15:11Yeah. Air conditioning made summer movies a different property, totally changed the economics of summer movies.
Vic00:15:18So what sort of movies were you thinking about that are the most anticipated for you? I mean, obviously, there are big expectations for certain movies here. Sure.
Sonny00:15:27But my understanding is that we're going to rank the movies that we're most excited for, right JVL? Yes! Now, JVL, I have a question. Rank it! Would you want to do all three at the same time, or should we go around the room and say, "JVL, what is your third favorite, then me, and then Vic, and then second favorite, or just all at once?"
JVL00:15:47I like people being able to build up a head of steam.
Sonny00:15:49Okay.
JVL00:15:50Give me your three. We each get to take turns here at the wheel.
Sonny00:15:52Okay. Okay, great. So my three most anticipated movies. Number three, Wonder Woman. I am actually very excited to see what they do with the Wonder Woman property. This is a character who I think is kind of trash, but in the ... Yeah, that's right. We can fight about that in a minute. Wow. Wonder Woman is ... I'm going to tell double X. Wonder Woman is a boring character, and people only like her for reasons of gender. But the interesting thing about this is that it is ... Again, kind of under the auspices of the DC cinematic universe, which is, I think, by all reasonable understandings of how that's working out, not working out terribly well. So you have kind of a chance to reset things and do an actual proper origin story where you're just dealing with one character and how she kind of fits into the universe. I think it's really a ... I mean, it's not often that I look forward to an original origin story movie, but this is one where I'm like, "Yes, I need to see this. I need to see how Chris Pine is as the comedic relief. I need to see how they manage to loop it into the rest of the universe." I'm excited for it. My number two most anticipated movie, it's actually a tie. I have Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets, which is the new film from Luc Besson, who of course made The Fifth Element and a bunch of other stuff. But it is a totally insane looking space action adventure sci-fi type movie that will either make $7 or $7 trillion. I don't know which. Tell me about it.
JVL00:17:45What do we know about it?
Sonny00:17:46Probably. Because I know nothing about this movie. It's about this guy who is played by Dale DeHaan. He's a tracker. Frankly, I don't actually know anything about it either. I know nothing about this movie. Except for the fact that it's directed by Luc Besson. It's got amazing visuals. The trailer, which we can put in show notes, is just outstanding. It's really, it's pretty wonderful. But it is a $180 million movie from a French director with no stars that I cannot for the life of me figure out how it got greenlit. Sign me up. I mean, I just honestly, I don't understand it. And also, coming out the same exact weekend, Dunkirk. Dunkirk and Valerian and the City of 1000 Planets, it's, you know, I have to think that the Christopher Nolan movie is going to swamp the Luc Besson movie, but, you know, you never know. Dunkirk, of course, is the story of the evacuation of Dunkirk. The tragedy. World War II. Well, as Vic would say. The tragedy of Dunkirk.
Vic00:18:48The saddest. They could have sued for peace.
Sonny00:18:50One of the saddest moments of the 20th century, when the Nazis weren't able to roll through this. Terrible. Just terrible. But it's, I mean, look, it's a Christopher Nolan movie that comes out in July, so it's going to be a big event. I'm obviously very excited for it. The movie I am most looking forward to, and also kind of dreading, we can get to that later, The Dark Tower. Wrapping up the August, wrapping up the movie season in August, comes out August 4th. This has all the makings of a hubristic Hollywood debacle. The Dark Tower, of course, is based on the series of books by Stephen King. Idris Elba plays the gunslinger Roland Deschain. He's a- Isn't he too old by 30 years? No, he's not too old, really, because when The Dark Tower starts, when we start reading it, he's kind of old already. He's in his 50s. Okay. There are stories that are set when he's younger. He would be, obviously, too old for those, but where he is right now, he's kind of old and wizened, and he's trying to ... Anyway, it is a- The theory on this is that they're going to make TV series to go along with movies, and it's just ... I would say there's an 80% chance that this crashes and burns horribly, and Matthew McConaughey as the Dark Man doesn't work out. It could be really, really bad, but it could also be amazing. This is why it's my most anticipated film of the year.
JVL00:20:18Well, and it is open field running, if it's good, because as I said, there is nothing opening in August. The Dark Tower opens first weekend of August, I believe. And so if it hits, and if it works, it'll be the number one movie in America for a solid month. Do you think ... First of all, is there anybody of note directing The Dark Tower?
Sonny00:20:34Nobody of note. I can't remember. It's Ron Howard, isn't it? No. No, it was not. I will have to listen while we talk. It was not Ron Howard. Ron Howard was in talks to do The Dark Tower books, and that kind of fell apart. It's somebody who I cannot remember.
Vic00:20:48And they're ... Nicolaj Arcel. Exactly. And they're able to distill this down to under three hours.
Sonny00:20:54Well, so the series is about seven months. It's like seven books, and then there's an eighth book that came out a couple years back. But no. I mean, they're going to ... If it does well. Again, the idea is that this is supposed to be a franchise. Got it. This is supposed to be the first entry in that. And frankly, I don't even know how they conclude this movie in any sort of way that would allow it to just work as a stand-alone film. Again, this is real Hollywood hubris. I think there's ...
JVL00:21:20We'll do content across different platforms and mediums.
Sonny00:21:23Yeah, exactly. Yeah. But there's a not insignificant chance it fails horribly.
JVL00:21:28Is there a component that's a stand-alone web-only series?
Sonny00:21:31I'm sure ... No, I'm sure there's going to be web comics. Can we get some web comics on this? Because that'll be great.
Vic00:21:38And also, I mean, I wonder if it deters anybody to say, "Well, I didn't read the book. I don't know if I should see this movie."
Sonny00:21:42That kind of thing. So this is one of the ... One of the weird ... I don't read, as you know. Right. Well, this is one of the weirder things about the Dark Tower books. They're Stephen King's kind of like crowning magnum opus. He's been working on these for basically his whole professional career. His professional life. And despite that fact ... So he has a story about he will go to book readings and he'll say, "Who's read The Stand?" And 99% of the audience raises their hand and he'll say, "Okay, who's read it?" And it's like 90% of the audience raises their hand. He says, "Okay, now who has read the Dark Tower books? Any of them. Who's read any of the Dark Tower books?" And like a quarter of the audience will raise their hands. So this is not ... This is not a book that has like a lot of high awareness going in to it. It's not ... This is not a Spider-Man. This is not a Batman. This is very much like a book that appeals to a niche audience, and they're trying to make it into a just enormous event sort of thing. All power to them. I hope it succeeds. I hope it's great.
Vic00:22:41We'll see. I think you and I have only one overlap, so I'll get to that, and then we'll see. JVL. I'll move quickly. Best for last. No. I'll save you for the best for last. Okay. I'm interested in Atomic Blonde.
Sonny00:22:54Of course.
Vic00:22:55July 28th. Yes. And that is East Germany Before the Fall of the Wall. My other favorite pre-Fall of the Wall movie, of course, is The Lives of Others, Das Leben der Anderen. And that's not an action movie, but it's great suspense. It's like the conversation taking place in East Germany. But this looks great. And again, we talked about the trailer before. Lots of action. I hope it works. The second movie, a little bit of sci-fi, Alien Covenant. Only missed one of the Alien movies, the most recent one. Oh, yeah. Well, yeah, Prometheus. And I guess that's kind of important. I've seen parts of it. But I've seen the early stuff. And of course, this sort of wraps everything up. These are all sort of prequels, because this takes place before the first Alien does, and this is sort of the lead up to it. But of course, it's still way into the future. I can't tell you what kind of sold me was Danny McBride in the trailer. I have a soft spot for him, even in all his awfulness sometimes, and his crassness. But I love it. I hope he doesn't die. I'm going to guess. Yeah. He's going to die. His odds of surviving. He's going to die. He's not going to be the last person. No.
JVL00:24:04It's not going to be him. Yeah. He's not going to live. No. I think-
Vic00:24:09Only two people are going to live in this. Usually. Yeah. It's going to be a girl, right? One of the women. Noomi Rapace and Michael Fassbender will survive. And Michael Fassbender, because robots never die, per se. And he is David Walter/Walter. So I think that's great. And the original, do you remember the original Alien, the android or cyborg was played by ... Ian Holm. Ian Holm. Oh, that's right. Yeah. Boy, that's good. He's fantastic. Okay. So that's my second is Alien Covenant and to see how that works out for everybody.
Sonny00:24:36You're going to take the kids to see that, right? I might.
Vic00:24:38Yes. Yes. I always tell my son, remember- Raising them in the Mattis tradition. Yes. Before I'm wrestling and I'm going to tickle him, I said, "Remember, no one can hear you scream in space." I said, "No one can hear you scream." I said, "No one's coming to your help." Don't hide your eyes. Look at the screen.
JVL00:24:51Don't hide your eyes.
Vic00:24:52Look at it. And number one is Dunkirk. Dunkirk. So again, obviously, there's a great trick in trying to be successful with a movie that everybody knows how it ends. And the other thing is, I have reservations obviously about Harry Styles, but I've never seen his work. I guess he did Saturday Night Live recently, but who knows, this could be his Titanic. You never know. In a certain sense, nothing's going to ever do what Titanic-
Sonny00:25:18And at the very least, I mean, Harry Styles is a very small part of this. You also have Tom Hardy and you've got- The Nolan cast. Right. I mean, you've got a lot of real grade A talent surrounding him. Cillian Murphy. Yeah.
Vic00:25:30Cillian. Cillian. Oh, there's another one for you. Cillian. Cillian Murphy. And it's a great story about all the boats that went over to rescue these guys, so the expeditionary force, and that has not been covered. And turning a tragedy into a sort of optimistic story, well, I think Christopher Nolan can do that.
JVL00:25:46JVL. So it's bad to have us all agreeing, but I'll just do it anyway. Dunkirk is the movie I'm most looking forward to. Right. I'm nervous about it, however, because it's a historical piece. It doesn't involve America. It's big budget in July. If this doesn't work, I'm constantly worried about Christopher Nolan's career, because if this does well, then he'll continue to be given carte blanche, and if it does not, then maybe he doesn't. I mean, Interstellar did not make all the money. Right. And so I really hope that this movie connects.
Sonny00:26:24You know, it's interesting that you say that, and I do think it is something worth worrying about, but would it be the worst thing in the world if he's forced to make, say, a Justice League movie?
JVL00:26:37I reject your false choice. I would love a Christopher Nolan Justice League movie, but I also want him to be able to make whatever he wants. I want to live in a world where Christopher Nolan is allowed to make big budget movies on whatever original premise he decides to that year.
Sonny00:26:52No, I agree. I agree. And he does seem to be kind of in that Stanley Kubrick niche with the Warner Brothers folks, where they're very happy to ... I mean, remember, the story surrounding Interstellar was that this was originally a Steven Spielberg movie, and it was attached to, I think, Universal or someplace, whatever. And one of the studios actually traded the rights to the Friday the 13th series so they could get a piece of this standalone original movie. Because they wanted to be in business with Christopher Nolan that much.
JVL00:27:22That's awesome.
Sonny00:27:23Wow. I mean, everybody really wants to let him do his thing, because he's pleasant to be around, he comes in under budget, he comes in quickly, he's not a train wreck. Even if his movies don't make all the money in the world, they provide a certain level of prestige, and he's not a real pain in the ass.
JVL00:27:41And I don't know about you guys, but I am pumped to see this movie in 3D. Because the way the planes will come out of the screen.
Sonny00:27:48Yeah. Yeah. No. No. No.
JVL00:27:53He's not in 3D. Because he doesn't do that. And this is one more reason why I am desperate to have this movie do well. Because anything which takes a shot at the economics of 3D, where they just slap 3D on everything so they can charge a 20% premium on tickets. Okay. So Dunkirk, yes.
Sonny00:28:07But we will see it in IMAX. I will happily pay the 20% premium to see it in the NASA space goddard.
Vic00:28:13As long as I don't have to put anything on my, as long as I don't have to put anything on my head. I'm in a place.
JVL00:28:18It's a burden. It's a burden for me. I would pay extra to not have it in 3D. So if they made 3D the standard, but then you could pay, they could upcharge you to see it in flat 2D, even on a smaller screen, I would pay that upcharge.
Sonny00:28:31Yes. Yes. Fact. Yes. Zero. I was just gonna ask, Vic, JBL, do you think that they make 3D glasses that are big enough for Vic's head?
JVL00:28:42I... Well, you guys wear glasses.
Sonny00:28:44Having to put the 3D over glasses seems the worst thing. Oh, it's the worst. It's the worst.
Vic00:28:47Yeah. I have the X-Wing Blast Shield helmet, and I find that fits comfortably.
Sonny00:28:52Yeah. That's actually a good... That would actually be a good nerd product to sell for these dumb Star Wars 3D movies. You could have Ray-Ban produce the... The Blast Shield. The Blast Shield. That'd be great. You could charge so much money for this. You could...
JVL00:29:07ThinkGeek could sell this for $600 a pop, and they'd be gone tomorrow.
Sonny00:29:11Easily. Easily.
JVL00:29:13I mean, it would just... BYO glasses to the AMC.
Sonny00:29:15Oh, wow. That's it. The problem... We don't have to go down the weeds. We don't have to... But all of the different 3D styles have different formats. One glass doesn't work for all of them. They all have different shuttering... Yeah. Really? It's a real pain.
JVL00:29:29It's a real pain. Wow. I didn't know that. That's terrible. So, JVL, what else do you got? Okay. So, the other two movies I'm legit excited for are The Mummy, coming out June 9th. Really?
Sonny00:29:37It is written story by Chris McQuarrie. Is it actually written by Christopher McQuarrie, or is it just a story?
JVL00:29:44He's... There are two... He gets... There are two people with writing credits. Yeah. It has... Directed by Alex Kurtzman. He's sort of a journeyman. Director's mostly done TV. But it's Tom Cruise. It's Russell Crowe. Sign me up.
Sonny00:29:56Mm-hmm. So, I had been under the mistaken, I think, impression that this movie was gonna be set in, like, the 1940s or 1930s or something. And I based this entirely... You were thinking of The Laugh.
JVL00:30:05I based...
Sonny00:30:06The Brendan Fraser Mummy. Well, right. Yes. So, I was thinking of that, but also, like, I just saw the still of Russell Crowe and his, like, professor get up. Mm-hmm. And I was like, "Oh, okay. So, it's a period piece." And then I see the first trailer and guys are running around with, like, M4s and, you know, I was like, "Wait. Wait. Hold on.
Vic00:30:21This is not a period movie."
Sonny00:30:22It's just Russell Crowe looking... It's not a period... Dressing like a dandy. Yeah. He's just...
JVL00:30:27And he plays...
Sonny00:30:28He plays... I don't know. He's Russell Crowe. Mm-hmm. I'm there.
JVL00:30:33Well, this is the start of the monster cinematic universe, right? Oh, man. This is...
Sonny00:30:36And he plays... No. I don't think that's true. Oh, is the mummy part of the monster cinem... And he plays... Mind blown... He plays Doctor... What's the...
?00:30:44The...
Sonny00:30:44The... Mr. Strain... Mr. Hyde. Doctor... Mr... Dr. Jekyll? Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Thank you.
JVL00:30:52I'm pretty sure he plays Dr. Jekyll. Who does? Russell Crowe? Russell Crowe does. Okay.
Sonny00:30:57So, I'm sorry. I think... So, you don't mean the monster cinematic universe, which is Gojira and... No, no. Mothra. No, no, no, no. You mean the other... Yeah, the classic universal...
JVL00:31:05Dracula.
Sonny00:31:06The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen style. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Alan Quatermain, et cetera. No, no.
JVL00:31:10This is not part of the Godzilla universe. Okay. This is the one I am most excited for, coming May 12, King Arthur directed by Guy Ritchie. I really like Guy Ritchie, because he's always interesting, even when it doesn't work. I liked Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels. I think that actually had a pretty big influence on film. Really liked Snatch. I think Snatch is a pretty awesome movie. The first Sherlock Holmes is one of my favorite action movies of recent years, even though the sequel stinks. And even The Man From U.N.C.L.E., which doesn't work, and it doesn't work that well, but it does. Because Henry Cavill is terrible. Henry Cavill is a terrible, terrible actor. Who's worse, Henry Cavill or Brendan Routh? It's close. Man, Henry Cavill. No, I mean, Brendan Routh is worse, but Henry Cavill is ... So, all through that movie, he's playing a guy who is supposed to be the most charming person in the world, but he's not charming. Okay. He's just horrible. But anyway, even though it's a failure, it's an interesting failure, and I think that ... I'm just totally into it. Guy Ritchie. Yeah. Period. Action.
Sonny00:32:15Let's go. Sonny, you look very upset. I didn't realize that JVL was going to be so into Chav King Arthur. I didn't realize that we were going to have to ... The problem with Guy Ritchie is that he hasn't made a good movie since Snatch. He has not made a good movie.
JVL00:32:31That's not true. Sherlock Holmes is fantastic. Not good.
Sonny00:32:34Sherlock Holmes sequel, not good. Man From U.N.C.L.E., not good.
JVL00:32:36Sherlock Holmes is fantastic. I don't disagree. Look, when he works, he works, and when he doesn't work, it doesn't work, but it's still interesting. Can I ask a question?
Sonny00:32:44Also, Charlie Hunnam, you're really jumping over the real problem with this movie, which is that Charlie Hunnam, who is the lead from Sons of Anarchy, who works in that role as kind of a douchey idiot, is expected to be King Arthur.
JVL00:32:59Okay. Is that a problem?
Sonny00:33:02Yes. If you think Henry Cavill is bad, how can you get ...
JVL00:33:06Jude Law playing evil?
Sonny00:33:07Yeah. Jude Law playing evil. Of course, Jude Law playing evil is good. That's fine. I'm not complaining about Jude Law. If Jude Law is casting, I'm complaining about Chav King Arthur.
JVL00:33:15That's fine. Listen, here's my question. You used this term on a previous show, historical chav, and I don't actually understand what
Sonny00:33:23it means. It just means gutter British person. A chav is like a ... I'm not sure what exactly the American equivalent is. Kind of like ... It's not a bro, exactly. I want to say- Is historical chav itself a term ... Because I went and Googled it after our show
JVL00:33:42thinking, "God, Sonny is so much smarter than me." Nothing popped up. There was no results that said historical chav on the dictionary.
Sonny00:33:48Sometimes I think he makes it up, JVL. No, I'm not smarter than you, I'm just cleverer than you. I can come up with phrases like this off the top of my head.
JVL00:33:55Right, but the point is you came up with it. This is not an urban dictionary, urban slang term of work that we were all supposed to
Sonny00:34:00know. I don't know.
Vic00:34:02Somebody has probably used it somewhere before. It's really unfortunate that the only person who could make a decision over the truth about historical chav is Michael Caine, and he's already back on the Concord. That's too bad. He's gone. He's flying back already.
JVL00:34:14He's left. Did you notice he was very specific? Oh yeah. His voice was very specific.
Vic00:34:18Yeah, I know. He's a class act. Sorry. Okay, did you have movies that you want to discuss that you do not want to look for, that you do not? Oh yeah. Okay, you want to get to that? I have least anticipated. Least anticipated. Well, let's talk least anticipated.
JVL00:34:31Can I go first? JVL. Number one, okay, so my least, number three on this list, Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 2. The first one for me has not aged all that well. It's, I get it, people love it, it's sort of rocking good time. There is nothing about that film though that is really drawing me to go and spend more time in that universe, and I have to say it looks like this is, in a classic sequel sense, just everything from the first movie turned up to 11, and I don't know that I need that. Number two, that said, I will go see Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 2, I just am not especially excited about it. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales, coming up May 26th. I can't tell you how much I don't want to see this movie. I would pay not to have to sit through this movie. Do we have to take this ride again? I cannot think of a franchise where the first one was so deservedly beloved, and then everything from number two on was such utter trash. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales, coming up May 26th. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales, coming up May 26th. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales, coming up May 26th. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales, coming up May 26th. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales, coming up May 26th. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales, coming up May 26th. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales, coming up May 26th. I think that's the genre's end.
Vic00:35:42It's really fun. You're not even curious about Salazar?
Sonny00:35:45The Javier Bardem villain. No. You don't ... I would say ... Pass. I would say that I am with you on the Pirates of the Caribbean series writ large. The first one was surprisingly great. I remember going to see it ironically. Yes. Yes. No expectations. Because that came out in what? 2003 or something like that? Something like that. Anyway, I was back home with friends. I was from college, and I was like, "Oh, we got nothing else to do. Wanking motion. Let's go see Pirates of the Caribbean." Okay. You don't need to tell us that. We'll have a few drinks and go see it, and it'll be hilarious. But it was actually really good and entertaining. I literally have not seen ... I saw the second one on Blu-ray. I have not seen any of the others, because the second one was so bad, and everybody says so many awful things about the third and the fourth. I have to say, I am a little bit interested in the Javier Bardem villain. He's a good villain. He was in the James Bond movie. He was a good villain in that. He was in No Country for Old Men. He was a good villain in that. Is he going to tell Legolas to call it? He's going to flip a pirate doubloon? Call it. Great. Good.
JVL00:36:51Call it. Good. But I ... What's the most you've ever lost? The flip of a doubloon. Wow. Now Javier Bardem's in the office.
Sonny00:36:57Wow.
JVL00:36:58What's happening here? This is an all-star cast. Oh, man. They're just lining up. The third movie, the one I am least, is Cars 3, June 16. I can't wait to see it. I can't wait to see it. I cannot tell you how disappointed I am in John Lasseter that they're even making this movie. The first Cars is such utter garbage. No. I disagree. It's the first time you see weakness in Pixar. I think Cars is- And there is nothing in that movie that has any charm at all. Celebration of America. Oh, my God. The Road's Less Taken. '66. Right, America. They love it. It's just Doc Hollywood. It's Doc Hollywood. Paul Whitman. Oh, but Doc Hollywood isn't the Michael J. Fox movie. No. It's just- It's just Hollywood. It's just Hollywood. It's just Hollywood. All right. So, it's a Doc Hollywood movie?
Vic00:37:36Yes. It is Doc Hollywood. Yes, it is. Literally. Yes, it is. It's true.
JVL00:37:42It's true. It is Doc Hollywood. And you know what? I got news for you. I like Doc Hollywood, too. So, there you go. And you know it's bad when it's an Owen Wilson movie and I can't sit through it, because I'll watch Owen Wilson do anything.
Vic00:37:50I'm assuming that Cars 3 is the midlife crisis episode for the car. Is that what happens? I don't know. But I- Wasn't that the second one? He falls in love with a Miata.
JVL00:37:57No. The second one is in Europe with Michael Caine. The second one is like an action spy action adventure. Yes. Yes. It's about how you can read Cars 2 as a dystopian future fantasy, because you have like bathrooms, but there's no ... Why would there be bathrooms? Cars don't excrete. You live in a world which clearly was once populated by people, but then the cars became self-aware and-
Sonny00:38:19Killed all the humans.
JVL00:38:20Yeah. Yeah. Exactly.
Vic00:38:23Exactly right. Okay. Vick, you go. Oh, okay. I'll go. Number three, War for Planet of the Apes. I just ... You know, it's exhausting. It's a terrible ending for humans. You know how it ends for the humans. I've seen this before. I saw Battle for Planet of the Apes, which is the original. Have you not liked the other entries in the Apes reboot series? I think I saw the first one, possibly with Jonathan V. Last at the Uptown. Is that possible? Because- You know what?
JVL00:38:51No. We saw the Marky Mark.
Vic00:38:53That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. But that's not this. That's different.
JVL00:38:57Different. Different. Different. Different. Different. This is the well-regarded Planet of the Apes.
Sonny00:39:03That's right.
JVL00:39:04Directed by Mark Hemingway's buddy. That's right. Whoever the guy is who directed the first one is his buddy, is it the Hemingways? That's right. Did really well with him, as a matter of fact.
Vic00:39:11It was okay. But- Helena Bonham Carter. No, that's right. And do you remember? Everybody wanted to know who's the scene stealer in the Mark Wahlberg Planet of the Apes? Because everybody was like, "This guy's so funny. What famous actor is he?" And they didn't know who he was at that time. Most people did not know. And it was Paul Giamatti. Paul Giamatti.
Sonny00:39:31Oh, that's right.
Vic00:39:32Yeah. He plays the orangutan. Yeah. That's right. Of course, Charlton Heston, I think, had the cameo. Yeah. He was- Damn Dirty Humans, is what he says.
JVL00:39:40Okay. So, you don't like the Woody Harrelson voiceover in the trailer, so I'm not going to see this movie, but there is part of me that in a world where I could see all the
Vic00:39:48movies, yeah, I'd go see this. There's a part of me that just kind of makes me depressed. It always depressed me about the fate of the humans in this thing, sort of. It's part of the sort of weird time loop thing, right? Are we still in the time loop? Is this happening at all or no? Vic Matus. Vic Matus, optimist.
Sonny00:40:02Okay. Number two- No, wait. This movie starts when James Franco makes an ape super intelligent and then they give a disease to the rest of the human ... James Franco was responsible for the end of humanity.
Vic00:40:14Well, that doesn't surprise me.
Sonny00:40:15Makes sense. Yeah, it does make sense. It was all downhill after Spring Breakers for him.
Vic00:40:19You know, I have a Marvel bias. I'd probably be more inclined to see Guardians of the Galaxy than Wonder Woman, so I'm not looking forward to ... I don't know if I'm going to see it. I like Gal Gadot, but- Gal. Gal Gadot, but I just don't have it in me to see that. How dare you? I'm sorry. If you go, by the way, do you remember, I watched the original Wonder Woman on TV, which was extremely- Linda Carter? Yes. Do you remember?
JVL00:40:45There were two versions of it. Yes. There was the World War II version- Yes. I liked that one. ... and the modern version, and in both ones, she kept getting knocked unconscious with a rag soaked with ether over her mouth all the time. The entire Linda Carter over now ... Well, you and I watched it as kids. Yes. I now realize it's pure fetish. Right. I'm drugging-
Vic00:41:03Pure fetish. And the funny thing is, I don't know why they did that, and the same supporting cast, I think, was in both versions. Was it? Lyle- I was never sophisticated enough to know about that. Lyle Wagner, Lyle Wagner, who was a comedy actor on The Carol Burnett Show, he played in both versions of that, and then, of course, there was Wonder Girl, her sidekick for a few episodes, played by- Yes. Do you remember who played her? No. Who is it? Debra Winger. Yes, that's right. Yeah, Debra Winger. Yes. So, not looking for it. Okay, number one. Last night. Tough, but fair. I just, you know, I think it's, maybe it's an interesting story, but I find it just an assault on the senses, visually. It's just too much for me. I feel like I'm gonna get a seizure, you know, watching this, and I just never, I saw the first one, and then I sort of felt like I got to just, every time there's gonna be a
Sonny00:41:56part where Shia LaBeouf or somebody yells out, "Optimus!", right, that always happens in the trailers. I have to say, I really, really liked the trailer. For this movie. No, it's pretty, it's pretty good, actually. I thought the trailers, and the trailers for all of these movies have been deceptively good because it's filled with the kind of Michael Bay action, spinning 360 shots, and they're, they are, it's the, he's, Michael Bay, who I like, and I think is- The auteur of- He's the auteur of awesome, and he's, he's, he's a fantastic filmmaker, but he's the only, he's the only director I know of who can put together a trailer that has fewer cuts than any average action scene in his movies. Yes. You know? No. I mean, like, I, I watched the, I watched the trailer, and I'm like, this is so much more coherent than everything I see on the screen in the theater, and it makes me kind of sad. I wish he'd just, now, I will say that, I will say that the, he is one of the few directors who has actually benefited from the imposition of 3D, because 3D forces him to do fewer whip pans, fewer, like, kind of shaky cam action things, fewer cuts. 3D only really works when he's moving steadily and kind of around, so it's, it, he's, he's one of these. A very weird case where he is actually improved a bit by having the constraint of 3D imposed upon him. Those movies. And he, and this is something he's learned as he's gone along, because he, you, you, the second one, which was in 3D, I'm pretty sure, was, like, almost totally incoherent. But the, the most recent one before this, this new one, the first one with Mark Wahlberg is actually, like, it is, it, it is not a calm film, but it is not frenetic in the way that his, his movies often are.
Vic00:43:32I find myself exhausted by a lot of his work. Even, I mean, I saw Armageddon. Totally reasonable. I just feel exhausted. I feel exhausted. Dinobots. Okay. And this is coming from somebody who owned Transformers. Did you have Transformers, Xavier? What was, Victorino?
JVL00:43:44Yeah.
Vic00:43:45What was your favorite Transformer? My favorite Transformer is one I did not own, and it was Shockwave. The purple robot that turned into the laser gun? You had it. No. No. That was, okay. I had Soundwave.
JVL00:43:56Oh, it's that Soundwave. Soundwave is the cassette player. The cassette player, which was my favorite, because you had a little mini-Transformer micro tape in there. And you could stick them in there. And I used to walk around, I was like six years old, and be like, "Yeah, I'm going to trick people into thinking I have a real cassette player." But it was even better, JBL. You had a cassette player that turned into a robot that had a very cool voice on the cartoon, by the way. Yes. Shockwave was the ... So all of Transformers is really an allegory. The Decepticons are an allegory for the Soviets, with Starscream as Trotsky, and Megatron as Stalin. But Shockwave is ... So who is Shockwave? I don't know. Shockwave, who comes in on top of Megatron, when he senses that Megatron is weak.
Vic00:44:35Right, right, right. Well, he's not really Beria, so I'm not sure if it's ... It wouldn't be Khrushchev. Stalin. It could have been Khrushchev who succeeded, eventually Stalin. In fact, Shockwave destroys Megatron, or somebody told me once in a comic book, that I never read. Something like that.
Sonny00:44:51That I never read. Okay, Sonny, your turn. My least anticipated films of the year ... Hold on, let me pull up my notes. Number one, an inconvenient sequel. A documentary coming after an inconvenient truth. I'm counting it.
Vic00:45:05I saw the coming attraction. I'm counting it. Before the Michael Caine movie. Yeah, exactly.
Sonny00:45:09And it was very upsetting. Look, I'm just gonna throw a little red meat out there. Stupid climate change documentary, boo. That's what they get for scheduling it July 28th, by the way. If you're gonna make that movie, put it out in November, all right? I won't make fun of it then. Number two least anticipated film, Spider- Homecoming. I was wondering if anyone was gonna mention that. Not looking forward to it. I hate to be an old person, but the Sam Raimi Spider-Man films were pretty much the height of what you can do with that character, and now it's just another cog in the Marvel Cinematic
Vic00:45:45Universe. I have a question, Sonny. Is this reboot, the second reboot now?
Sonny00:45:52This is the second reboot and the third ... This is the third new Spider-Man in, let's see, it's 2000 or something like that. 15 years.
Vic00:45:59Yeah. Is this gonna be another Origins, 'cause we have to start from the beginning yet again? I don't think so. How does he get his powers? I forget. Thank goodness they'll make a movie about it and explain it. What can he do? It's the same thing with Superman.
JVL00:46:11It's just the worst.
Sonny00:46:12The worst.
JVL00:46:13All right. You know what, though? There's an upside. If this movie bombs, every dollar this movie doesn't make inches Marvel closer to total control over the character. Ooh. Yes, that's true. So think about it that way. There is an upside to Spider-Man Homecoming failure.
Sonny00:46:28But then we're just gonna have another movie. I mean, I don't need any more Spider-Man movies. Growing up, Spider-Man was my favorite comic book hero. My first comic books were Spider-Man comic books in 1986 or whatever, and I just am so tired of the movies. I don't even know myself anymore. And the movie I'm kind of least anticipated, as I mentioned before, The Dark Tower, because I'm afraid it's just gonna be a disaster. I'm really nervous about that. I'm really nervous about that movie. And it could be the death of, we didn't discuss this, but it could be the death of the McCona-Sants. McCona-Hey-Sants. McCona-Sants. Wow.
JVL00:47:08What if he's great in it, but the movie fails?
Sonny00:47:11How do you score it? Well, it would be bad for him, because he was also in that movie Gold that came out recently. He was the star of, do you remember this movie, Gold? Yeah. Wide release, got a lot of, got tons of advertising. Nobody saw it. Nobody even knew it existed. So he's had kind of a not great run here. Since the end of True Detective, basically. It's not great for him, because he's great. Matt McConaughey. All right, all right, all right.
JVL00:47:38Those Lincoln ads. Yes.
Sonny00:47:40All right. And can we just do, are we going to do guesses at, what do you think is going to be the best movie, the highest grossing film at the box office?
JVL00:47:48So I don't know that, but I can tell you what I think is going to be the biggest surprise in terms of gross, and I think it's going to be Baywatch. Baywatch comes out head to head against Pirates of the Caribbean on May 25th. Pirates of the Caribbean is a franchise that is way past its prime. Baywatch is something that has a built-in audience and a built-in interest in the national psyche in ways which you can't even imagine. If the Power Rangers movie can open to $40 million on nostalgia and on only an okay movie, then imagine something with a real nostalgia value to it, which is what Baywatch has, that might even be pretty good. We have The Rock in it, who's pretty good. We have the director, Seth Gordon, whose big calling card is that he directed The King of Kong, the documentary, which is a pretty great documentary. If Baywatch is a pretty good movie, it looks like it sort of spans genres. It's a comedy. It's action.
Vic00:48:40It's nostalgia.
JVL00:48:41Making fun of itself, I assume. I think this movie could really surprise and maybe even beat out Pirates of the Caribbean and wind up being something that people talk about all summer long.
Sonny00:48:51I think that's actually a pretty good call. Plus, I mean, my one concern about it would be I don't know that it will work as a date movie. I feel like there's going to be a lot of resistance from the ladies. Why? They have The Rock and Zac Efron. I mean, it's got The Rock and Zac Efron. I know. I know. But still, the idea of Baywatch is like eye candy for-
JVL00:49:11Can I drag this show to a halt here for a minute?
Sonny00:49:14Yes.
JVL00:49:15Please. My wife says to me the other day, "So who is Zack Snyder?" And I said, "Zack Snyder, the director?" She goes, "Yeah, no, I know. Sonny's always talking about Zack Snyder." But I never realized that the guy from High School Musical went on to direct big-budget movies, and I said, "Honey, that's Zac Efron." And she goes, "Well, now the whole thing on your show makes more sense."
Sonny00:49:41Perfect. Yes. Zac Efron. Zac Efron, who I actually did interview in person. Very nice. Very personal. Well, almost awkward and kind of shy, which was endearing- Interesting. ... in a very kind of funny way. Was he pretty ripped up? No. He was definitely ... This was pre him being ... I mean, he was like ... I mean, he's a smaller guy. He's kind of slight, but he looks pretty big in the Baywatch.
JVL00:50:05Yeah. Well, it shows what you can do if you do high reps, low weight, and you eat skinless chicken. Yes. That's my understanding.
Sonny00:50:11Hold on. Let me write that down. That sounds like a great ... I've got to do that. I think the biggest movie of the year is going to be Spider-Man Homecoming. After all that. After all that. Yeah. That's true. After dragging it. Because look, here's the thing. It's going to be 98% fresh on Rotten Tomatoes, because all these dorks love Marvel movies, and it's going to ... It is coming out at kind of the peak summer moment. It'll make $150 million in its opening weekend, because Robert Downey Jr. is in it, and he's going to be in all the ads, and it'll end up grossing $300 million domestic, and I think it will probably be the only film to crack $300 million domestic in the summer.
JVL00:50:49You know what? After the way Jurassic World ran away with last summer, I would not ... This wouldn't be my call, but I also wouldn't be shocked if you're right. Okay.
Vic00:50:59I'll say Spider-Man, but let me ask a question. Do any of you think that at the end, or somewhere, I'm going to assume it's at the end, possibly a stinger, for Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2, there's going to be some crossover with an Avenger? There are five. There are five stingers.
Sonny00:51:14Wow! There are five post-credit scenes. Five?
Vic00:51:17Yeah. Okay. Because like I said ... The answer is yes? Probably. Yeah, probably. You mean it's going to be like Chris Pratt standing next to Captain America. Hey, what are you doing here? I don't know. Hmm. Okay. I think we're ready to move on to Corrections, Additions, Clarifications, JVL, do you have anything?
JVL00:51:36Yeah, I just messed up as I do with names. I don't watch television and I'm terrible with names and faces, and Dom Torretti, Dom Toretto, Dom ... It's just Dom Toretto. Okay. Dom Toretto. I messed that up. Dom Toretto. But I messed it up not once or twice, but like 85 times. Half the times I mentioned the character's name. And like in different ways, too. In different ways. It was actually pretty impressive. This is all of a piece with my inability to spell. I'm one of the world's worst spellers, and it's ... I'm just bad at these things.
Vic00:52:02I have no memory. Well, I remember, Sonny, you once made a reference to the $6 billion woman, and it's $6 million. $6 million man and the bionic woman.
Sonny00:52:10I don't think ... Wasn't there also a $6 billion man? There was definitely a $6 billion man.
Vic00:52:14I think the remake might have been Billy ... What was the ... I don't remember. I just remember Steve Austin.
Sonny00:52:18I didn't watch your garbage 1970s version.
Vic00:52:20I watched the real version. Too bad, Sonny. Now it's $6 billion woman. See, once again. Too bad. Once again.
Sonny00:52:26Better action figures, better lunch boxes. Once again. That's correct, Sonny, and is wrong in his correction. What was the Katie Sackhoff? I know.
JVL00:52:31You were thinking about Lindsay Wagner. I know it. There was a Katie Sackhoff starring the bionic woman. The bionic? They just changed it.
Vic00:52:38Okay. Listener Duke Kahanamoku, who gave us five stars, says, "The group strenuously avoids mentioning Big Trouble in Little China, which is telltale sign of millennial short-sightedness." I like that movie fine. I know. What was that in reference to? I don't know why we didn't bring it up. He just thinks we're not bringing it up as ... We need to bring it up.
Sonny00:52:57We need to bring it up. You know what's a good movie? Yes. Big Trouble in Little China.
Vic00:53:01It is the 31st anniversary of Big Trouble, 1986, one of the greatest movies, years in
Sonny00:53:06film. I feel like every week we should just mention a random John Carpenter movie. No, that's not right. We could just be like, "They Live" next week.
Vic00:53:12I'll wear my Obey t-shirt. Big Trouble in Little China is great because it involves ... It's John Carpenter and it's martial arts meets science fiction. Yeah. And fantasy and magic. And Kim Cattrall. And I always wondered, "Wow, what was that casting like, JVL?" I always wondered.
?00:53:27Okay.
Vic00:53:28Well, Sonny, I assume you have nothing. Of course I have nothing. Nichts. So we're going to go to Spirit of the Week, which is brought to us by Sonny Bunch.
Sonny00:53:38Hey. So I am a big dork, and I recently saw in my Twitter timeline some ads for this liquor called Singani, and it's a Bolivian brandy, basically, and I was like, "Why is this in my feed?" and I found out that Steven Soderbergh is the one who is kind of behind it, who has brought it to the attention of all of us, at the About page at Singani. What is Singani 63? It's the culmination of a 51-year, privately funded project known as the Steven Soderbergh Adventure, the purpose of which is to identify the exceptional in all areas of human endeavor. And you know what? It's not good. The liquor itself is not very good, but one of the recipes that they suggest you drink it with is a Moscow Mule, really, as Vic noted on the car ride over here. It's a missed opportunity. It should be the Bolivian Mule, since it's a Bolivian.
Vic00:54:30It's Bolivian.
Sonny00:54:31But it's fine. It actually gives a nice little tang.
Vic00:54:35That's because almost anything works with a mule. With ginger beer and lime. If you put Dewar's whiskey with the ginger beer, then it's called a Mamie Taylor. And I actually highly recommend that. That's a great drink. My prediction is that the Spirit will be as successful as Full Frontal, the great... Wow. Schizopolis.
Sonny00:54:57Schizopolis. Anyway, I recommend to everyone trying the Singani 63, if you can find it in your liquor stores. It's Steven Soderbergh approved, and I approve of Steven Soderbergh.
JVL00:55:08I recommend Schuferhofer, which is what I've been drinking all through this podcast. It's better than ever. I love it. Half, half, half a Weissen, half grapefruit juice. All amazing.
Sonny00:55:20I'm looking at the empty bottle right now. It's really pretty impressive that he drank one whole bottle of Schuferhofer.
JVL00:55:26It's true. Sometimes I do one and a half, and then things go crazy.
Sonny00:55:29Yeah, that's when ... You can tell the show goes off the rails when that happens. It's just ...
Vic00:55:34Okay. That's all the time we're going to give to this episode. Questions, comments, complaints, compliments, tweet us @VictorinoMattis, @SonnyBunch. @JBLast. Nope. Make sure to send JBLast your regards. Yeah, because it works. Again, be sure to subscribe to us on iTunes or Google Play. Just type in Substandard at a podcast. We're there. Leave a review. Tell your friends. Don't forget, Substandard show notes will be up on Friday at 11:00 a.m. Until next time. So, what did you think about Michael Caine?
JVL00:56:09It was great, but let's ... I mean, let's all settle down here for a minute. Yeah. This is a very special episode we've just had. We had some turbulence off air last week. We won't get into that. We've just passed our- ... 25th anniversary, so I did something for you boys. Oh, no. I'm really scared.
Vic00:56:33No, no. Oh, he's reaching down and taking something out. I got something for you each. Oh, my gosh. Because I love you both.
JVL00:56:40I don't love you that much. Like brothers.
Vic00:56:44Oh, my.
JVL00:56:45Oh, no. Oh, for goodness sakes. You may have to ... I forget whose size is which, but I went- Mine is the larger one. I went and did some investigation on your pants size. Look.
?00:56:56The ether.
JVL00:56:57You never even ... When you woke up-
Vic00:57:00Speaking of Wonder Woman, it's no coincidence that you brought up that she was drunk.
JVL00:57:04I have given them each a pair of Prana Axioms.
Vic00:57:07This is fancy stuff, JVO. It's like wrapped in- Wrapped in some sort of straw. It looks like hemp. It's wrapped in adventure. It's wrapped in hemp. So whose is which?
JVL00:57:16I forget which one of you is which size. You'll have to swap them out. 34, I'll take it.
Vic00:57:20I'll take it. I got the right one.
Sonny00:57:22Okay, good.
JVL00:57:23And I just wanted to give this to you. Wow. Give this to you guys as a token of my affection.
Sonny00:57:27Aw, thank you. JVO, that's really ... You shouldn't have done that. That's very touching. And frankly, I think Michael Caine's a little sad he didn't get a pair, too.
JVL00:57:34Well, maybe next episode. I mean, if you like him, you can just put him on right now.
Sonny00:57:38I'm not going to take my pants off in this studio. This was all a trick to get us naked. He looks disappointed, I think. Jesus. Naked. Naked.
JVL00:57:47My God.
Sonny00:57:48Oh, wow. Sonny, you look like you work out a lot. This is ... Now I feel very uncomfortable.
JVL00:57:52So can I share something with you?
Sonny00:57:53Oh my goodness.
JVL00:57:54What happened after this, so after I went and purchased these last week, when I was feeling a little nervous about our relationship, something happened to me, something magical, and I want to emphasize that this magical thing that happened to me happened after I purchased these jeans for you. I was in touch with the people from Prana, and I've been named a Prana influencer, which I believe is one step away from brand ambassador. What? Yeah. So I am now an official, like I've got the card and everything, Prana influencer.
Sonny00:58:31What does that get you? I can't say on air. Oh. But it's awesome. Oh, man. So between Prana and Schufferhofer, you're the only one who's really- A riding crop. They gave him a riding crop. You're gonna take that to the Wonder Woman screening? The chaps.
JVL00:58:48Yeah.
Sonny00:58:49The limited edition chaps.
Guest00:58:50Chaps.
JVL00:58:51Chaps. Okay. These are the greatest jeans in the world. Why don't you wear these? Why don't you wear these? Try them in the privacy of my home.
Sonny00:58:57I'm gonna be honest. I'm probably not gonna wear these into the studio next week, just as a heads up. That would make me feel awkward and uncomfortable.
JVL00:59:04Strong men also cry.
Sonny00:59:06But I will wear them certainly to go mountain climbing, which is a thing that I do.
Vic00:59:11The next time you go up to the Matterhorn, Sonny. Right. Yes. Okay. And lastly, special thanks to-
Sonny00:59:20Special thanks to Michael Warren, who did a really fantastic job. As somebody in the ... I don't want to spoil the magic, but he played a large role in today's show. He played a huge role. And it's rare that we get somebody with that kind of talent.
Vic00:59:37He left a strong impression with us. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm sure, I just think about his long suffering wife, who had to listen all weekend to this. Yeah. What do you think she thought about all that? I'm sure Melissa said, "It's fine."
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