#216. 'Old Dads' (Netflix)
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The main review is Bill Burr's Netflix directorial debut Old Dads, and both Sonny and JVL land on roughly the same verdict: frequently funny, especially whenever the central trio (Burr, Bobby Cannavale, and Bokeem Woodbine) is just hanging out together, but crippled by a total lack of script structure — subplots (the principal feud, the vintage-jersey business sale, the woke new CEO) get raised and then simply resolved via lazy montage rather than earned plot progression. JVL's bigger complaint is that the film spends its runtime portraying the dads' wives as shrewish caricatures only to pivot in the final act and insist those same wives were right all along, which he finds jarring and borderline misogynistic; Sonny pushes back a little on that read of Burr's own wife (played by Katie Aselton) but agrees the movie needed "three more passes" and a real structure guy. Both single out Cannavale as the MVP of the film, especially a strip-club lap-dance bit about his neck giving away his age. The episode opens with a long Halloween-recap segment: Mike details his kids' costumes (an Ewok, Super Mario, and a hand-me-down baby shark for the newest baby) and his eldest's first solo trick-or-treating expedition, complete with a friend's older brother drawing color-coded neighborhood routes and an AirTag tracking mission; JVL dressed as "fat Storm Shadow" opposite his son's Snake Eyes; and Sonny, three days into a pneumonia diagnosis, recounts sprinting his five-year-old up a hill to make it home in time for an emergency bathroom break. A tangent into Victor Wembanyama's "Slender Man" Halloween costume gives way to genuine astonishment at Five Nights at Freddy's opening to $80 million, which prompts Sonny — who's writing about the movie — to explain the video-game-turned-horror-franchise's teen fanbase to his bewildered, out-of-touch cohosts.
From the show notes
Pyoooo ... wildcat.
Full transcript
Guest00:00:00All right, you two lock it down. We got to impress this dude.
Sonny00:00:04Change happens faster than when you were young.
Guest00:00:07This company is now a gender-neutral, carbon-neutral, 21st century lifestyle brand. I don't know what any of that means. You need to talk to someone about your ink. You were late. Couldn't find a spot. We don't accept excuses. Is there like a problem here, miss? Well, if you'd actually read the school guidebook, I wouldn't have to tell you anything. I read the guidebook! All right, you stumpy little-- Wow.
?00:00:30Thank you.
Mike00:00:39Welcome back to the Sub-Beacon Podcast. I'm your co-host, Mike Warren. Joining me as always are my two co-hosts who are old dads themselves, Jonathan V. Last and Sonny Bunch. We'll be talking a little bit about the movie Old Dads on Netflix later in the episode. Be sure to stop by Sunday. Sub-Beacon.com. Become a patron. Join us over there. You can comment. You can, of course, hear our episodes on Friday mornings when they are released. If you become a patron at Sub-Beacon.com, join the community over there. Like I said, we're going to be talking about old dads. But first, let's find out how everyone is doing. It's the week of Halloween. We just had Halloween. JVL, what's going on? We got Halloween stories? No?
JVL00:01:29Nothing. Nothing good is happening in my life right now. I will simply... I will pass on... What was the congressional term for this, right? I will bequeath my time to the gentleman from Virginia or something.
Mike00:01:42Okay. Yeah, yeah. You will... You reserve the balance of your time for...
JVL00:01:46I reserve the balance of my time for the remainder. But with the caveat that I want to talk about Five Nights at Freddy's. Oh, we can talk about that. Before we get to the main event with old dads, I would like us to talk about Five Nights at Freddy's. This is one of those moments where I feel like a very, very old person. Yeah. Where the whole rest of the world is obsessed and excited about this amazing movie. And I had never heard of the... I'd seen the trailers for the movie, but had never understood that this was part of some beloved franchise to the children's. Yes.
Mike00:02:20I did not hear about any of it until literally this morning. So I am...
Sonny00:02:25We'll get to it in box office talk. Yeah.
Mike00:02:27Yeah. But let's... Okay. Okay. I guess we should talk... You reserved it for me, so I can tell you a little bit about our Halloween. Please. Tell me about your Halloween.
JVL00:02:37Did you have a 20 foot skeleton on your front lawn as I guess this is... Did Home Depot start selling them this year? Because I had never seen them before, and now they're everywhere.
Sonny00:02:47I'd say two or three years ago, these started showing up.
Mike00:02:50This was a pandemic development for sure. Yeah. Definitely. And I think it was by Halloween 2020. I was seeing or at least hearing about them. But there was a house in our neighborhood, we pass it every Sunday going to church that has like four of them. There's like the skeleton, I guess the two of them were like blow ups, but then there's like the skeleton and then there's the skeleton, but with the pumpkin jack-o'-lantern face, and they're both like 12 feet tall and they like flank either side of this house. It's a big deal. No, no. We don't have any of that. What we did this year was we, we decided as a family to up our decoration game just a little bit. And the decision was to go with a graveyard theme. So we went out and got some of those cheap styrofoam gravestones and a fence like a part so we could sort of like partially fence it in and it's in our front yard. And then there is I bought like this. Thing where it's like it's basically like a burlap sack thing and you put it on the ground, you stuff it with leaves and you put it in front of the of the gravestone to make it look like a, you know, a freshly buried.
JVL00:04:09Oh, I see. So how did it work? Did you terrify young children?
Mike00:04:15No, I don't think anybody was terrified, but people liked it. It was it was enjoyable. The problem was it was just so windy in the days leading up to Halloween that I just had to like go put the fence back up like three times. It was kind of frustrating.
?00:04:27Yeah.
Mike00:04:28And annoying, but no, it was good. But we had a we had this was the baby's first Halloween. So what did the baby go as?
JVL00:04:35The baby went Halloween costume that she used his first costume for the others. Exactly.
Mike00:04:40Yeah.
JVL00:04:41I read my mind. He was he was a shark. There is a shark, the hottest Halloween costume of twenty seventeen.
Mike00:04:49And now it's even older than that is from twenty fourteen or whatever. Our first one was and it's because it's not it's not baby shark themed. It's just a shark costume. Well, he was a baby shark because he's a baby shark.
JVL00:05:01Yeah, exactly.
Mike00:05:02But he's but it's not Pinkfong branded.
JVL00:05:07And and I'm proud of that, actually.
Mike00:05:10No. So so he was the baby shark. And I think the older boys love the idea that he was wearing their hand me down costume. And then we had the oldest. The nine year old was wicked. The Ewok from Return of the Jedi. Wow. That's a deep pole. So. Well, Return of the Jedi is their absolute favorite Star Wars movie by by far.
Sonny00:05:31Do your kids watch the Ewok cartoon?
Mike00:05:34They did not watch the Ewok cartoon. They have watched the Ewok live action made for TV movies Battle for Endor Battle for Endor and Caravan of Courage. Caravan of Courage is the one they've watched more comic books. They don't know about the Ewok comic books, and I think they only know of they've never watched the animated.
Sonny00:05:57Show. My kids love it's it's the weirdest thing about my kids. They love the animated Ewok show. They also watch the animated droid show, but they love the animated Ewok show. Love it. Well, they did. They were. They will return. They return to it like once every six months or so.
Mike00:06:13They're like, oh, yeah, interesting. So Caravan of Courage is so they're both garbage. Both the live action ones, but like Caravan of Courage, the kid, the boy in that is so effing annoying like he is the absolute it's like the absolute worst of like bad child acting from the early eighties. And it's so bad and and I have no idea why the kids love it so much. It's so terrible. Anyway, but yeah, he was wicked. And and then the middle one was Super Mario. So he had overalls in a red long sleeve shirt and we did buy him.
JVL00:06:56What was his choice on the voice? Did he choose to go with the Chris Pratt sort of bro-y Mario or did you do the classic it's a me it's a Mario?
Mike00:07:08They're both offensive Chris Pratt because he's not Italian. I mean, that was that was offensive there. And then of course, the other one is stereotypical. So no, he did. He kind of does like the it's a me stuff, but like he he's not there for that. Like he is not a pretender. Yeah. In the way the oldest is like, he's very meticulous and he's got the mind of an engineer, not the mind of a, of an actor of an actor. Yes. As the older one does. So, um, anyway, but what was new about this year with trick-or-treating was that my oldest who was nine years old, went for the first time without a grownup, uh, trick-or-treating in the neighborhood.
JVL00:07:53He went with a friend of his sound of freedom.
Mike00:07:56I know. Uh, so it was a risk I was willing to take. It was a risk I was willing to take, um, let's not the Dominican. Exactly. Um, so, uh, he had a friend and then the friend's older brother who is maybe two years old. Uh, and so the three of them were going to go on their own and it was a little modified on their own. Like it's like on their own for 2023 in the suburbs, which is the older one, first of all, um, uh, the, the older, the, the friend's older brother is kind of like my middle child, like very, um, uh, meticulous and planning and, and, and, and has everything figured out, uh, that way he had drawn color coded paths to go in the neighborhood. And so each path had them go on a loop that returned them to their house for a check-in for a check-in and a candy dump. And then they could go back. Back out on the next one. Um, and in addition to that, uh, their mom dropped an air tag in his pocket or something like that. So they could watch. And, um, apparently it was only ma it was only acted upon once when they went down this one long cul-de-sac, uh, in our neighborhood and they were like in the same place for a long time. And so their dad like hopped on his bike and like, just drove down there to make sure they were like, I don't know, like lying dead in a ditch or something. And uh, apparently he stuck up on them, uh, and scared the living shit out of them. Uh, so, um, so it was all in good Halloween fun. So the problem was, is that my five-year-old was not invited, uh, on this, um, which is appropriate. Like it's, he's a little, he's too young to be, have been invited, but yeah, it's a problem because it wasn't invited. So I knew that this was going to happen. So I said, Hey bud. You and I, just the two of us are going to go together. And he was like, fuck that. I don't like that idea. He didn't actually say that, but he said it in so many ways that they couldn't come with
JVL00:10:07me, whatever it was, they have to go on their own because I told them I won't take them trick-or-treating anymore. But son, you may still come with me. None of that would have, none of that would have worked. He, he's wise to you. He does not.
Mike00:10:22Hey, it has no. He does not care for me at this point in his life, which is fine. I only want to please him and be loved by him and I seek it more than with the other two, but it's fine. It's fine that he doesn't like right now. But actually he, like he came around to the idea and we went on our own and he it's, I don't know if you notice this with your younger kids, like when they are out of the shadow of the oldest, like it, they really do sort of become more themselves and, um, and they're, they're more. So like, like again, he, whereas my nine year old is like all chaos and like all running around and like no ordered whatsoever, a five year old is so orderly and like, he would like walk up every single to every single house up the walkway, which is what I'm always telling them to do. Don't run through the lawn, like go up the wall and like, I didn't have to tell him stay out of their mulch. Respect the mulch. Son. Exactly. You respect the mulch. Okay. This, the, the fall laying of the mulch, you know, um, you know, you know, the fall seeding, the overseeding, you don't want to screw up the overseeding. So like he went right up and like, he would like knock on the door or ring the doorbell and then like turn around and step back off of the stoop and then turn back to look at the, like, it was all like this, like choreographed sort of like the, and then, and then said everything he needed to. And we like, we made some really good. As he said, at one point as we were walking, he goes, dad, we're making really good progress. I was like, yeah, we sure are. So we had a good time. Uh, we actually met up with the big brother and his crew, um, at the house at one point, we didn't know that. And that was a very exciting moment. And then we went off on our separate ways and we had a great time. And, uh, you know, the, the big kids who went by themselves, came back in one piece, had a shit ton of candy.
JVL00:12:23They weren't child trafficked. They were not in a Mayfair Wayfair catalog on the Wayfair website under a code name for
Mike00:12:30no, no. Um, although I should, yeah, I should double check that. I don't think that that happened.
Sonny00:12:35I will say they're not doubles doubles like John Fetterman.
Mike00:12:40Um, so I will say this, this is the first time since COVID when the, our neighborhood has felt actually busy with kids at, at, at Halloween and trick or treat. And I, I don't know what that was your experience may our, our neighborhoods kind of in a weird transition from like the old people whose kids have kids of their own, you know, and who's to live there and are like moving out or dying. Um, and then like people with younger kids. So like maybe it's just a factor of the, the, the neighborhood sort of changing, but ton more kids out, uh, which, which was great. I, I love seeing that.
Sonny00:13:18So I live, I live one block from an elementary school and there is never. Shortage of children in all directions, everywhere in my neighborhood. Like for us, Halloween is like, it's like a plague of locusts. They're just running all around the cicada brood X. It's literally, I mean, but it's every, it's every, it's every, every brood. It's all of them at the same time. It's wild. Dallas is also interesting because I feel like people move houses here more frequently than in, than, than. Folks did in Virginia and maybe, maybe it's just our group of friends didn't move. But like I, I like there, there are people who will like move. They just move from like, all right, we're near the elementary school. Now our kids are older. So we're going to move to be near the high school. Or like, like, like terrible, like I am like, I don't know if it was, maybe it was just a low, mostly a function of like low interest rates or something. So there wasn't actually that much cost to doing it. Kind of.
Mike00:14:23But like, that could be true.
Sonny00:14:24I don't, I don't even know, man, like people do this all. And I, I will say that I, I will, that is what I have noticed about our neighborhood is that there's less, there's less turnover in the houses. Um, that's, but that's sad. Like everybody's still, you know, all the, everybody is yeah.
Mike00:14:41That experience was like the neighborhood that I grew up in. That's what I remember. Halloween. It was like the, the streets were like full of kids just like walking. You know, like 10 abreast, like walking in the street and like no, you know, it was dangerous to be driving a car because like you like would be run over by kids. And it, so that, that was my experience, um, growing up. So this is very unusual. There's also like, I don't know, I, I get the sense people, maybe this is, it may be the time or it may just be dependent on the neighborhood, but I feel like there's a lot more kid, like kids get in the car with the parents and then go to a place, like go to a neighborhood for trick or treating, which I think is like garbage.
Sonny00:15:25But well, that happens. That happens in my neighborhood. You get, you get the first round of people that's like people who live in the neighborhood.
Mike00:15:32Sure.
JVL00:15:33Right. They get a second round of people, the immigrants to the neighborhood, people who are crossing
Sonny00:15:42a border of some sort to say, I'll just say that there, there, there's a border crisis. I think the number, the, the, the consider building a fence or perhaps
JVL00:15:51a wall around your neighborhood to keep people out from trick or treating.
Sonny00:15:55I 100% would I, but there's, there's an absolute difference. There's a difference. There's a difference in the quantity of candy that is taken by each individual.
JVL00:16:04And you're telling me that these, these children are coming without being invited, without following the proper pathways, without purchasing a house and getting a mortgage, they're coming into your neighborhood and then availing themselves of the services. of the candy, the candy resources of your neighborhood.
Sonny00:16:25Grabbing all the candies up and putting it in their bag and just want, and I don't, I don't know how I feel about that.
JVL00:16:31One of these days they're going to replace you. I bet, I bet they're going to vote for more candy next year. These people come in and replace you in your neighborhood and then you'll have to really. No, I don't.
Sonny00:16:38I'm not, I'm not too worried about that, frankly. But uh, the, but the, uh, it's definitely, there's, there's definitely, there are waves of, there are waves of trick or treaters and then the last wave is the like high school kids. Who, once the sun goes down, roll up in like, they just roll through the neighborhoods and pick up trucks and like dump the bowls into their bags and I'm just like, what's even the point of that? Like, what do you, what do you, what do you chuckle heads doing with these giant garbage bags full of candy? You're you're fucking 18 years old. Like you can go to the goddamn Costco and buy some warheads or whatever.
Mike00:17:14Okay. Can I, can I, can I hold, can I hold a brief for the teenage?
JVL00:17:21Listen, Michael, I am right there with you. Okay. You know, as Vic Mattis, if he were here would tell you that having high school girl, I mean high school kids coming and trick or treating to your house in all, you know, whatever the, the cats or the, the nurses or the candy stripers or the sexy cops, whatever, whatever it is that they're wearing as they're preparing and training for college, Halloween is one of the great joys of a, of Halloween. But this does not sound like it is that sunny.
Sonny00:17:53No, it's not that at all. It's just, it's literally like, it's like having, it's like having garbage men come and like clear, clear the candy area. I don't know. It's that, that, so those are the three distinct waves. You got first, first wave kids, they all come up, they take their one piece and they're like, thank you.
JVL00:18:11Or like a, then you got the, you got the takers, you know, 47% and then you got, and then you've
Sonny00:18:21got the, then you've got like the garbage men and then like, and it's, it's like a, it's like a real, it's a, it's a real interesting progression of a, all I, all I'll say in defense
Mike00:18:30of the team, like I would rather there's, I think somebody wrote this in the Washington post. It like gets around every, every Halloween. Uh, somebody wrote a column about, you know, the feeling when their teenager became a teenager and like still kind of wanted to go trick or treating a little bit. And there was a kind of. Moment where they're holding on to, to like childhood a little bit. And there's something, um, th th there's something, if not admirable, then there's, there's something that as a parent, you sort of want to let them still hold onto that a little bit. You don't want them to grow up too fast. And I guess in my idealized romanticized, uh, way of thinking about it, I think, okay, the teenagers are out, they're dressing up or they're giving it their best shot at dressing up. What do they want to do? They want to walk around and be like kids for a little bit while longer. That's fine. Kids grow up too fast. Anyway, let them, let them, let them be kids a little longer.
JVL00:19:29That's mine. I was in high school. My, my, my best costume in high school, I got one of those, uh, just sort of long black cloaks. Like, you know, grim reaver cloaks, but I got a Mike Dukakis mask. And so I was Michael Dukakis as the green, the grim reaper.
Mike00:19:47And it was, you know, I got a lot of laughs out of it. People loved it. It was like way back in the 1900s. Jeez. Here we go.
JVL00:19:54Um, what did you go as this year though, JBL G money wanted us to, we're in a GI Joe place. The two of us. That's not a bad place to be. He wanted us to go as snake eyes and storm shadow.
Mike00:20:10I like it.
JVL00:20:12So we got snake eyes and storm shadow costumes and he wanted to be snake eyes.
Sonny00:20:19Of course.
JVL00:20:21Um, I had to be storm shadow and you know, these costumes are crap shoot and I order it and I get it in the, the, the pants, the white pants for storm shadow are like sin bad genie pants. They're they're enormous. You could fit MC hammer pants practically like you fit three of me and parachute pants, parachute, the top, which is white, stretchy, very, very, very snug.
?00:20:50Yeah.
JVL00:20:51And the overall effect of this is like the Chris Hemsworth fat Thor, but for storm shadow. So it's like, it's fat storm and everything about the, like I just, I just sort of leaned into it. Like I don't, you know, I, part of me wanted to like bring a little, you know, as a prop, a little pint of Ben and Jerry's like storm shadows, just been eating the Ben and Jerry's and I'm, you know, I killed Zartan and then I wasn't sure what to do with myself. So I got some peanut butter, brickle ice cream. That's not bad. That's not bad. Did you say the best, the best costume clearly though, of all the things I saw on the internet, Victor Wemba Yana, the, the Wemba Yama, the, the NBA Phenom, of course, uh, who went to slender man. Yeah. Which is perfect because his body is the slender man.
Sonny00:21:40Yes. Totally. He's a terrifying human being. I like don't understand it. We, we did the, the street fighter episode a couple, a couple of weeks ago, but like he's like a real life Dulcim. It's his, his legs and arms are not the right size bowl. I don't like to look at him. I frankly, I frankly find him, I find him like weirdly jarring to look at moving on the court. I went, I see clips of him and I'm like, no, kill it with fire. This is like the thing. This is like, this is like the, this is like the Antarctic station monster has come to life and he's running down the basketball court. Okay. Really care for it.
Mike00:22:21Basketball, gymnastics and swimming are three sports in which like you're most likely to find sort of like people like that, that are like heart, like hard to watch. And because they're sort of, they're basically like monstrous in, in some form or fashion,
JVL00:22:36right? Genetic freaks. Yeah, exactly. They don't look like normal, normal homo sapiens. Yeah.
Sonny00:22:41Yeah. But I mean, but like, but most basketball players look like normal people compare. Like if you put a bunch of basketball players on the court together, they look like normal people amongst each other. Like even amongst other basketball players. So he looks like a weird, correct. Like when you see, when you see a bat, I mean, we've talked about this before, but like when you see a bat, like a real life professional basketball player up close there, they are, they are very strange people because they're just, they are literal like one, the one thousandth of 1% of the population, they are like enormously tall and their arms are long and their hands are huge. Like they are just, they're shaped. They're shaped. Oddly. Um, and this is one reason why, you know, again, like watching a basketball game from court side is very different from watching it on TV or from the, from the cheap seats. Cause it's like, oh, these guys are moving down the entire length of the court in three steps. Cause their legs, their, their like footsteps are like 20 feet each. I don't understand how this ha how is this happening? It's horrifying. But when Bayana is like a whole nother level of that, like he is, he is a clip like his,
JVL00:23:49his first game. He dunked over somebody in like the guy he's, he's posterizing is six foot 10, but he dunked,
Sonny00:23:59he dunked from like outside of the protected areas. He dumped, he dunked from like seven feet away or something. It was, it was, it was, again, it was, it's terrifying to watch. I don't like it.
JVL00:24:09Enjoy him while you have now, because this guy, uh, has got to do all he can before his feet give out. Yeah. That's my, my concern is that we'll get three years or something. Yeah. Because like his body just won't be built for the long haul.
Mike00:24:22So before we move on, Sonny, obviously you went all out and your Halloween costume. Did you go with trashcan lizard? What was it?
Sonny00:24:30I didn't go. I didn't, I didn't go with anything. I was, I was still. What?
JVL00:24:34I was in memoriam. You didn't do an in memoriam trashcan lizard costume.
Sonny00:24:39I was three days out of being diagnosed with pneumonia. I could barely walk around, man. I, I like I, the, the hardest part of the day for me. The most annoying part for me was we w we stopped at a, we stopped at like a close neighbors for a quick, uh, like they were having a little party with it. We got like a piece of pizza and the kids were running around and my five-year-old was like, I gotta go potty. I was like, all right, let's go potty. He was like, no, I'm no, I don't actually have to go. And I was like, we let's go potty. Come on. And he's like, no, I don't have to go. Don't I? I don't want to take off my costume. And I'm like, all right, fine. And as I, as I knew the second.
JVL00:25:20This happened every damn time.
Sonny00:25:22As I knew the second this happened, we get to the exact midpoint of where of the route we're doing. We get literally could not, if, if you're looking at it like a circle, it's literally like one, you know, I don't know, one half radius or whatever the fucking measure of a circle is. It's like that it's, it's like halfway around the circumference of it. And he's like, I gotta go potty right now. And it's just like, you son of a bitch. I told you, I begged you. I was like, please. We have. So he just had to hold it. He had to hold it until we got back to our, back to almost to our house. We get, we live at like kind of the top of a, a steepish hill. And he was like, I gotta go. I gotta go. So again, I'm like three days. I'm like, I'm on day three of, of, uh, antibiotics or whatever for, uh, for pneumonia. And I was just like, all right, come here. And I picked them up and ran up the hill carrying him. The whole way. So he could get home and thank God he made it. He did not. He did not pee everywhere. That could have been the scariest Halloween, but I like, I, I, I don't know how my lungs didn't explode, uh, after that. So anyway, that was, that's my enduring memory of Halloween 2023. There we go.
Mike00:26:39Um, all right, well, um, it sounds like it was, we, we, you know, I feel like people are always asking us to do like Halloween episodes and, uh, yeah, I dunno. Redo the candy draft or something like that from your past, but that's, I feel like we've given them what they want. Exactly. Uh, let's move on. I guess we want to talk what we should talk about, uh, the box office so that we can get to what JVL wants to talk about, which is five nights at Freddy's, which is number one, uh, at the box office, 80 million, $80 million, $80 million at the box, a Miramax movie. Uh, Which is a universal Blumhouse.
JVL00:27:21It's a Blumhouse. Yeah. Blumhouse. There's no Miramax credit on it.
Mike00:27:25I'll have to go look. I don't think so. Um, again, I just found out about this movie. We're taping this on Thursday. Like I just found out about it this morning and I was like, what is this thing? And uh,
Sonny00:27:37Five nights at Freddy's is like, uh, it's, it, it is a video game series. It burst onto the scene about 10 years ago. And I remember, I remember when it came out.
Mike00:27:48Never.
Sonny00:27:49Yeah. People, people were like super into it, but it was like kids. Cause it was like a, it was a mobile game. It's not like it was, it wasn't a PlayStation four game or something. It wasn't like you didn't, you didn't, you didn't play it. It was like, it was like a mobile handheld game. It's like pretty basic, but like, it was a phenomenon. Kids were, kids were super into it. Uh, you know, I've got a friend who works at Funko pop and he is like, yeah, the only reason, you know, people, people keep talking about how surprised they are, but like none of us were surprised because this is the best selling license that there is. Like the, the kids love these things. Like this is, this is a, this is a huge thing amongst young people. And if you look at, if you look at the demographic breakdown on the audiences, I think for the first day, I don't know what I don't, I'm not sure for the whole weekend, but for the first day, 75% of the audience was between the age of 13 and 24, which is, you know, you do not see numbers like that. This is, this is like the, this is like the. The stat, uh, about, uh, women going to the Taylor Swift show, right? It was like 80% female or something like that. Like you do not see numbers like that. And this, this is a, this is, this is a movie that vastly overperformed, uh, it overperformed. I would, I would guess universal and, uh, Blumhouse's expectations as well, because this was, you know, this was also on Peacock. It was day and day and peacock.
JVL00:29:17So the kids don't even know. What Peacock is, right?
Sonny00:29:21Well, that's the thing, right?
JVL00:29:22Is it like age 18 to 24 or 13 or 24 or whatever it is? They have no idea what Peacock is.
Sonny00:29:27Peacock Peacock is Peacock is a smaller, uh, streamer anyway.
JVL00:29:32To them, it might as well be Brit box.
Sonny00:29:34And it, and it, and it tends, it skews a little bit older, uh, along with like paramount plus and, um, some of the others. Uh, but the, uh, but yeah, no, it's, um, I don't know, man. I like it's, it's an enormous hit. I've watched it. I've watched it. I'm, I'm writing about it this week. It's terrible. It's a, it's a terrible movie.
Mike00:29:55So it's about, we're not talking about it for the show this week, but, but can you give us like a, it's, it's about like a Chuck E. Cheese type, like place or something.
Sonny00:30:06The basic premise is, uh, a guy goes to work at a abandoned Chuck E. Cheese style pizza parlor called Freddy Fazbear's or something. And he, uh, why is he working?
Mike00:30:20It's abandoned.
Sonny00:30:21Why is he working at it? Great question. Nobody knows. Uh, he's the night watchman. He's keeping, he's keeping kids from breaking into it and messing with the animatronics that have been abandoned. Okay. Um, uh, but turns out that the, uh, spoilers for spoiler warning for five nights at Freddy's. If you're worried about finding out what happens in five minutes, turn it off now, folks, skip ahead, skip ahead two minutes, uh, turns out that the, uh, souls. Of the animatronic Chuck E. Cheese style, uh, band members are, um, uh, the, their, the souls of dead children are within these animatronic, uh, machines and they, it's not just their souls. Their bodies are in there as well because the, this crazy guy murdered them and shoved them in the machines and now is controlling them to do evil. That's the, that's the long and the short of it.
Mike00:31:15And, and this is started as a video game. A video game?
Sonny00:31:19Yes. What is the video game? Hugely popular.
Mike00:31:22Five Nights at Freddy's. But what is the video game?
Sonny00:31:24Like what do you, you're fighting the- Couldn't tell you what happens in the video game. What the kids play.
JVL00:31:30Never play. Sounds like one of them Xbox games.
Sonny00:31:32No, if it was an Xbox game, I'd actually be interested, but it's not. It's like, it's like, again, it's like a handheld mobile thing. My understanding is that like, is, is, is that like-
JVL00:31:40Is this an iPhone game?
Sonny00:31:42It's like an iPhone game. So like the, the, what happens is I, my understanding is that it's mostly just like a bunch of jumps scares that happen in the game. It like freaks people out, like, ah, look, scary thing. So like, I don't, I don't, but again, I couldn't, I couldn't tell you anything about these games, which there are many of them now. It's hugely popular, obviously from this box. I mean like an $80 million box office in October is not unheard of, but it's like the fourth or fifth best, uh, October opening of all time. Like it's, it's pretty good. Right.
JVL00:32:17I have more money in three days and killers, the flower moon, so, so, so is us, is this
Mike00:32:25conversation just like we are with every second revealing ourselves to be out of touch? Yeah.
JVL00:32:32And no, this is, let me, let me give you, this is like three dads sitting around after the Beatles go on the Ed Sullivan show and saying, what, who were, who were those guys? Their hair was. Dog hair. And what is that? I've never heard of any invasion from Britain. The only, the only one I remember is when general Cornwallis came over and that's what we are. We saved their asses in Germany. That's where we are. It, it, it's horrifying because like Bobby Cannavale, I like to think of myself as a
Sonny00:33:10cool dad.
Mike00:33:11I have dad, dad who knows what's going on on the Tik Toks. Yo. Yeah. I appreciate that because I was going to segue and I guess we should segue now to talk about the movie that we're going to talk about, which is old dads, which is what we all feel like right now. Old dads on Netflix, Sonny, do you want to give us a big boy review of old dads?
Sonny00:33:37All dads starring and directed by Bill Burr and co-written by Bill Burr, he stars as Jack Kelly. He and his he's got two friends. One is play. I'm just going to can I just use their real names? Can I just use everybody's real name?
JVL00:33:53We don't need the character.
Sonny00:33:55Does not matter. So Bill Burr is friends with Bobby Cannavale and Bokeem Woodbine, and they have a they have a vintage jersey company because that's the thing. That's a company that people have. And they have sold their company and they're getting out of the business and they're going to use their they're going to, you know, spend their money and retire a little bit. And whatever. But the hook here is that they are old dads. Just it says it right there in the in the title of the movie. Bill Burr's kid is like four or five, four or five. And they got he's got another one on the way. Bobby Cannavale has got a four or five year old kid. Bokeem Woodbine, as the movie starts, does not have a four or five year old kid. But don't worry, that's coming.
JVL00:34:44He's got two grown kids from him. From his first marriage. Of which he is divorced.
Mike00:34:51Which by the way, we never see like they mentioned the grown kids and that we never see them.
JVL00:34:56So we do. We see them at the pool party in the beginning. They are there with his ex-wife.
Sonny00:35:02Oh, that's who is. Yes.
JVL00:35:05And he brags how his ex-wife is friends with his new girlfriend. Right.
Sonny00:35:09Yeah.
JVL00:35:10Oh, OK. See, I was like twenty four.
Sonny00:35:12Yeah, I wasn't I wasn't entirely following that anyway. All right.
Mike00:35:16So the the the way by the way, we should say that it because people don't know their ages like with these four year old kids, these dads are like what, like 50, 51. So they are late forties, right, early forties, early fifties.
Sonny00:35:31Yeah. So. So anyway, the long the bit here, right, is that like Bill Burr is the straight talking guy who like doesn't want to sugarcoat things, you know, like like the like the youths today want. Which ends up getting him into trouble, say, when he is two minutes late picking up his son at the daycare and he calls the principal doctor, whatever her name is, Dr. Dr. Bitchy Face. She can I can I say the lowest Michael Turner?
JVL00:36:04Well, you know, you can say you're not you're merely quoting a line from the movie. If you call her a stumpy.
Sonny00:36:13He calls her a stumpy and then and that. And then that. And then that. But he does it in front of everyone. And so then she he he is called upon to apologize to the you know, and he's like, but I don't want to apologize. Here's here's OK, here's my issue with this movie. My issue with this movie is that all of the things that are basically Bill Burr doing stand up where he is talking about the world and like his place in it and how he doesn't quite understand it and the varying levels of. Competitive what am I looking for here, competitive oppression that folks are folks are dealing with. All of that is very funny. That is that is all very funny as a movie that has a plot that progresses from point to point. This movie is very, very lacking. Just for example, just as an example. So there's a whole bit about. There's a whole there's a whole bit about this school where he is in conflict with this principal and she is like doing this whole new age progressive thing, and they are they are loggerheads. And the way the whole thing is wrapped up is by a montage at the end where she's shown going to prison like that's that's that's they just like kind of cut. There's no there's no there's no. The. This stuff is funny, but nothing in the movie like moves you toward getting her into prison. It's just like she just kind of winds up there. And that is that's like a real that's a synecdoche for the whole film where like lots of there are lots of little interesting things about like workplace age discrimination. That never is settled up until there's a montage at the end where he's like, and then we sued them.
JVL00:38:09Right? Yeah.
Sonny00:38:11And like and like that, that happens over and over again, that happens over and over again in this movie. You JBL, I think you said that this movie needed about three more passes on the script to get it into and that's and that's right. But again, but what it really just needed was structure. Yes, it just needed it needed it needed a structure to it that would get you from place to place and use the humor and use the jokes to get the lesson and the themes of it across. And that's what's so frustrating about this movie, because it is amusing. It is frequently pretty amusing, but it's bad.
JVL00:38:45And so I, this is my fault. I'm the one who said we should do this. I thought it was very on brand for us. Uh, and it's, it's offensively bad. It's terrible.
Mike00:39:01Maybe also on brand for us.
JVL00:39:02Uh, and I, I want to say a few things, first of all, I disagree that the bill burst standup stuff works. I think none of it works. That the, the standup stuff, the stuff that is funny is when we have the three of them together, just sort of hanging out together. So when our three leads are together doing their thing, for instance, uh, in the strip club, in the third act, and then in the taxi cab with Brewster, and so the three of them have to take a taxi, they, they decide they're going to go to Vegas for the night. And they get as far as like Palm Springs because of course they're old people. And like the idea of like driving to Vegas overnight from LA is set in LA it's like a 10 hour drive or something. It's the eight hour drive, but it's really, really far. It seems like a good idea. And they, you know, tap out of for like an hour and they go to an Indian casino. The stuff where they're together is, is really good. The stuff where Bill Burr is basically shoehorning standup bits in as voiceover are terrible. But the, the biggest sin of this movie is it does this weird thing. Where it portrays these dads and you see them trapped in these unbelievably terrible marriages to these women who are horror shows and you're like, okay, like this is a little dark, but like I can go with it. I see why the dads, I can see why the old dads are so, uh, put upon. And then it like the very last minute, it's like all of a sudden the perspective of the film shifts that the shrewish women are right and the dads have to just like, you know, beg to be let back to them. And I just looked at that. I was like, what the fuck is happening here? Like this is these, these wives throughout this movie have been, uh, terrible, like written as though they were, the parts were written by men who had never met a woman, right? Which is fine. Like that's a, that's its own like weird misogynistic thing. But then to have the movie at the end and be like, Nope, those women are right. We just, you know, we just got to do what we do and, and make it. So, so I was like, what the hell is happening here?
Sonny00:41:28Can I, I want to push back on that slightly because I actually don't think that's the case with Bill Burr's wife, uh, who's played by Katie S Asselton. She's from the league who I, I like her a lot, but I think I thought, I thought she was like actually totally reasonable and basically right. Yes. Throughout this movie. She's like the voice of reason to his kind of like abrasive assholery.
JVL00:41:50I'm sorry. I'm sorry. But you know what you never do? You never go against the family. And, uh, the father is like in the middle of a semi-public argument with the principal and to come over in public, take the principal's side. Fuck that. Like that is a crazy marriage destroying thing.
Sonny00:42:13But that's at the, that's like at the, at the end of the movie, after he has destroyed their entire life by like getting, getting the business taken away from them by, uh, you know, uh, whatever. Like there, there's a series of things that have led up to that. That's not the first thing she, they're in this position. Remember again, because he called her a stumpy.
JVL00:42:34No, they're in the position because this woman has decided that they have to spend all of the money that he got from his leveraged buyout on a fancy kindergarten, because that is what will get the, that her, she is the most, I mean, she is the motivation for why he's in the school and her reasoning for it is insane and controlling and nuts. And again, I just don't think of a way that women act in the real world like this. It felt like it was written by somebody who's never met a woman.
Mike00:43:05Well, it's, it suffers from, I think the problems that the whole movie suffers from, which is that it is a standup. Very poorly transmogrified into a movie. And so like, like that's like standup comedy is often dealing in, you know, extreme or sort of exaggerated stereotype stereotypes and those sorts of things. So like, I think that is maybe a, a, a sort of vestige of, of the source material, which is, which is Bill Burr's standup. So I take your point, I mean, I think, I think what's going on here is sort of reflective of Bill Burr himself. Um, and in, in terms of the way that the movie ends, which is like Bill Burr's whole persona is that he's the sort of abrasive truth telling, you know, almost, almost reactionary guy who at the very last minute, like actually reveals himself to be sort of like open-minded and, and, and, and, and even liberal in, in a way. And, and I think that is. That's like, that's how I read Bill Burr. I've been like following his standup for a while. And like, he's, he is not as reactionary as he appears to be. And I think that the movie like, like is trying to get him to that end. And it just has no, it has no plot. It has no plot. I mean, there's, there is no plot. It's not about anything.
Sonny00:44:36This is my point that like, you can get him there to that, but it has to work within the arc of the film. And like, instead, again, again, it's.
JVL00:44:44Instead, it's just like, can we talk about what does some montages Bobby Cannavale fucking fantastic at this movie?
Sonny00:44:52He's great. He's hilarious. He's always great.
JVL00:44:53He's always funny. He is. So he, you know, so he is the, the cool guy and that, you know, when they are, I'm sorry, but when that fine, you know, there's like 15 minutes towards the end where again, they're in the strip club and they're each having their own experiences in the strip club and Bobby, Bobby Cannavale. This girl is giving him a lap dance and he's like, well, you have really great skin, which is of course such an old person thing. And he asked her how old she is and she's like, oh, I can't tell you. And he says, well, how old do you think I am? She goes, 49. And he's like horrified. And he goes, how, how could you tell? And she goes, the neck.
Mike00:45:38I almost pissed myself. It was so funny. I thought the funniest part in the strip club was like that. That made me. He actually laughed aloud and I thought that's actually a, not just a standup joke. It's not a standup joke. It was like a rel with well-written comedic scene is where Bill Burr is getting the lap dance and he's like pouring his heart out. And then like in, in just, just in the frame, she like periodically just slaps her ass over. It's so, it's so well done. I'm like, oh, I would have loved a movie that was like peppered with these kind of movies.
JVL00:46:14Like, like that's how it was. And when they get into, when they get into the Uber with Bruce Dern, who is basically playing, doing the rip torn, uh, act from, from dodgeball.
Mike00:46:25Yeah.
JVL00:46:26I was like, come on, you queers. And then he, you know, so the joke is there, they've, they've got to get in this taxi at like two in the morning after being in a bar fight to get back to LA for the birth of Bill Burr's son and the old man taxi. Driver. It's like, what the hell do you want to be there for that? You know, in my day I was one of those, you know, Bill Burr says, what were you for the birthday? He was like, I was at a bar down around the corner. That's how we did it. There's all this.
Mike00:46:57It's Bill Burr sees himself and things.
JVL00:47:00But also that stuff is gold is like, there is something good in there, but it, and this made me wonder, is this just the Netflix formula that nothing that Netflix. Has gets developed. I mean, there is a, it is a cliche in Hollywood, like that, uh, the project gets caught in development hell where it's just rewritten and rewritten and rewritten too many, you know, one studio executive of green lit at leaves and the new studio executive wants it to have something different, but Netflix, they just make stuff without even thinking about it. It seems. And they just like take, it's an assembly line and they just like, yeah, just get it out. You know, it's good enough. Shoot it, print it.
Mike00:47:43That's what it feels like. Felt like certainly to me. And, and like, it's, it's the kind of thing where like, I don't know, I have not watched a lot of the Adam Sandler Netflix movies, but like I like the thing that's interesting about that deal to me is like Adam Sandler knows how to make movie. He's been doing it for 30 years. So like there's, there doesn't need oversight, but, but Bill, but this is Bill Burr's first movie he's ever made. And it just. It really shows. And it feels like he was not well served by Netflix or any other production partners here to like get that second draft or get like a real screenwriter to be like, okay, you need something a little more. Cause, cause I think the, the Sonny, you described like the, the, the, the showdown with the principal at the beginning as like what sets the movie in motion, but it's such a nothing moment. Like it is, it is a sketch. Like it is not a, it is not the kicking off of a plot because like, what is, what is the plot after that? It's like, he has to be a good dad and be a part of this, but it's like, there's, but there's also about the, the, the place where he works and there's also all the business
Sonny00:49:01stuff. Like it, you know, that, that we haven't talked about that at all, but it, and it is like a big part of the movie, but it's also totally forgotten after about like 40, 40 minutes. And it's just, it's. It's literally just a place where they can be like, Hey, you know, what sucks? These new modern workplaces, but they're pronouns and they're, and I, and like, look, I'm very
JVL00:49:24sympathetic to all this DNA.
Sonny00:49:27I'm very, I'm very, it's, and it's so, and like that, that like a broad sketch of a character can work like that, you know, his, that the whole like tech doofus with his AirPods, like coming in and being like, we got to find the most offline guy. And like, and like there, there's something, there's something, again, there's something there that kind of works that kind of, and, and they just do nothing with it. And it, and, and they, they, they do, they, they default to the laziest version of every joke because they're not interested. They're just the movie, the movie, like, I don't know if Bill Burr is interested, but the movie as it is presented to us is simply not interested with like what modern workplace actually looks like and like what, how, how it functions. Like, but also how good now it's whatever.
Mike00:50:19I just think also that's a, that's a good example of where sort of a screenwriter would be able to make some very, very obvious edits and changes. So for instance, there's the, there's the woke long haired new CEO of the company that comes in and fires everybody under the age of 30. Five and all that stuff. And who sends them on this, on this wild goose chase and out New Mexico. And then there's the other guy who goes with them, goes with the three old dads on the trip. And then he is just like, when he's sort of like there as a, to be there in place of the CEO, literally in the, and then like at the end of that whole sequence, he's just fired. And then you never see. Him again in the movie. And it's like, okay, so what they're like, a screenwriter would say, okay, you need to somehow combine those two characters into one.
JVL00:51:22The CEO should be on the road trip with them.
Mike00:51:24Right, exactly. And, and, and like, it's like stuff like that where you can like see, you can see the seams or you can see the, the, the problems. It's like, but if you just fix that and then all the other things, yeah, then you have like a funny movie.
JVL00:51:39This could have been like old school, right? You could see if, if the time was put into this to really try to hone it and make it something really, really special. The makings of something like old school or in that old school is to my mind, like a perfect movie. Uh, yeah, but this is what happens when you just like shoot the third draft or whatever. Yeah.
Sonny00:52:00And, and old school, I mean, look, old school has its own issues. It is episodic in its own way. And like, but, but at least again, there's like, there is an overarching story and there's a, there's like a consistent villain who you, who, who are heroes have to overcome. And like, Hey, this, this movie just really needed this. Again, this movie needed structure. This movie needed a screenwriter who specializes in structure. Just be like, you got a lot of good jokes here. Let's just figure out what the story is. Let's just figure out a story.
Mike00:52:37I guarantee you old school has significantly less words of dialogue. Then this movie, this movie just so word loaded, which is again, it's a state. It's, I was thinking about like the ways in which like standup translates to like scripted stuff and it, it really, it's so difficult actually. And like the only way to do it in a way that like preserves the standups own, um, own persona and like, doesn't really, it's like basically Seinfeld figured out how to do it because they just did it so directly in the show. And it was like, no, he's literally just playing a standup comic who is getting the material for his act in the show. And like, other than that, like before and since it, it's actually kind of a struggle to like translate that. And I just was, it had me thinking about that, that sort of challenge.
Sonny00:53:38The, the other thing here, my one last thought, and I mentioned this to you guys over text is that like. The, the, the, the scene that I think crystallizes, at least one of the things that's wrong with the comedy of this movie is that it's the it's all right. So we'll go back to the, I'll go, but I'll start saying the C word now because
JVL00:53:56now I'm extrapolating, not quoting, not quoting, not quoting extrapolate.
Sonny00:54:02So he, he, he, so he, he says the C word and he has to apologize to the whole school, like she he's brought out, like, it's a village style. We have to apologize. And what I said to you guys is there's a. Very funny version of the scene where he's instead of like what happens, which is like, he apologizes and then he keeps getting hit by these ridiculous people who were like, as a, as a person of weird size, I felt offended by the use of the word stumpy and he has to be like, oh, I'm sorry, you know, I'm sorry, Fatto fat, fat man, let's lay it, but there's a different version of that scene. That's very funny where he starts like panicking and just like saying it over and over again, just like, like re just like repeating this and like, repeating the things he was saying. And like, everybody is getting angrier and more offended and he's not doing it to like, as a witty comeback, he's like literally just having a meltdown. And like that version of that scene is something you would see an old school. That's like a Will Ferrell. That would be a total Will Ferrell or Vince Vaughn thing. And that, and it would be so much funnier, or at least, at least it's an idea of something that would be funnier. Maybe it wouldn't work. Maybe Bill Burke can't do that. Maybe that's like not a mode he feels comfortable working in, but again, it's like, it's a thing. That instead of doing the obvious standup retort, like, oh, you say this, well, what about this? Oh, you say this, well, what about instead? It's just like, ah, ah, ah, ah, and like that, I don't know. I, I get, I, I wanted to like this movie.
Mike00:55:30Well, I was laughing too. More, I was laughing more than I did.
Sonny00:55:34And I, I, I, and I did, I did laugh. I laughed a handful of times. Um, and I do like, again, I like that this is a good hard R comedy. This is a, it has. We don't get a ton of these.
JVL00:55:45Absolutely no reason.
Sonny00:55:46It's got nudity, it's got pointless, unnecessary nudity, which is a big plus points for that. It does, so to speak, it does not, it doesn't, it just doesn't work.
JVL00:55:57Yeah. By the way, Bobby Cannavale in the real world is an old dad who is on his second marriage and is currently married to Rose Byrne. So it went from an age appropriate person to Rose Byrne and they have a kid together.
Sonny00:56:09Rose Byrne. I mean, Rose Byrne's not that young though. She's like 40, right?
JVL00:56:13Right. And he's, he's 16 years older. He's, no, I'm sorry. He's, he's going to be like 10 years older. No, he's 16 or 17 years older. He's born in 70. Oh, wow. Okay.
Sonny00:56:26She was born in 79.
JVL00:56:28Oh, so he's only a decade older.
Sonny00:56:31Only nine years. Not even a decade. That's nothing. That's nothing. That's nothing.
Mike00:56:35Good for him. Okay. Any, any final thoughts on old dads, which I, I told Sonny before we started recording, I'm so glad I did not at one point. I call it bad dads on the show, but I kept calling it bad dads as we were watching it because I don't know. I was mixing it up with bad moms and bad Santa and old school.
JVL00:56:53So any other final thoughts, JVL?
Mike00:56:55No, nothing. All right. Well, that's all the time we're going to give to this episode. Check us out at subbeacon.com and we'll talk to you next time. Um, I mean, I will say that, uh, Melissa did not care. We watched this together. She did not care for this.
Sonny00:57:22I can't, I can't. I did. I did not. I did not even try to watch this with my wife. I was like, I'm watching this.
JVL00:57:30I was totally going to watch this with Shannon and, uh, only by accident. Did I not? And thank God. Because again, the depiction of women in this is like a hateful almost.
Mike00:57:44The other two, the other two wives are the, the girlfriend. And then, and then the total, um, the crazy Bobby Cannavale is crazy.
Sonny00:57:52Crazy wife. Although the, the, the depiction of her coming into the bathroom while he's writing in the notebook was very, that made me, that made, that made me laugh. I mean, that made me eating the paper. Yes.
JVL00:58:03But putting the setting up, there are good things in it. There are good things in it.
Sonny00:58:07Bobby Cannavale is great. He should, he should be in more, he should be in more things.
Mike00:58:12By the way, do you know who was the. Old man in the desert who, um, yeah, that was, uh, what's this face?
JVL00:58:21Um, uh, see Thomas house. It's see Thomas house soul, man. That's right. Yeah.
Sonny00:58:30Yeah. All right. I'm sure it's fine.
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