#205. Schwarzenegger Draft!
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This short bonus episode, recorded straight after the crew's review of the Arnold documentary, skips the usual opening banter entirely and jumps right into a three-round snake draft of Schwarzenegger's filmography, with Mike explaining the randomized pick order before the group dives in. Picking first, Mike takes The Terminator, then Kindergarten Cop, then (over some ribbing for going comedy-heavy) Twins. Sonny grabs Predator as his self-declared favorite Schwarzenegger movie ("a perfect movie" from John McTiernan) and Total Recall (complete with the well-worn story of Arnold being paid roughly $35,000 for a two-hour DVD commentary that mostly just narrates what's onscreen), rounding out his board with Conan the Barbarian, praising John Milius's direction, the Oliver Stone script credit, and James Earl Jones as Thulsa Doom; he also namechecks Pumping Iron as a near-miss he couldn't squeeze in. JVL locks in his self-proclaimed top two, True Lies ("the best movie Schwarzenegger was in, and it's not close") and Terminator 2, then takes Last Action Hero in the third round, prompting a tangent about Ben Dreyfuss's story of his father Richard Dreyfuss giving that film a lone standing ovation at its premiere. The trio close by running down 1980s leftovers still on the board (Commando, Red Heat, The Running Man) and agreeing that nothing Arnold made after 1994's True Lies would have cracked their lists, before signing off with a reminder that a fan poll on the draft results is coming to the Sub-Beacon site.
From the show notes
Gotta say, three solid lineups picked here.
Full transcript
Mike00:00:00And welcome to the Sub-Beacon bonus episode. We just watched Arnold, the documentary. We're going to be talking and doing, what else, a snake draft, a draft of Arnold Schwarzenegger movies. Let's just jump into it. I did my list randomizer here. I've got our order. And as you know, it's a snake draft. So we go number one, Mike, me, and number two, Sonny, and number three, JVL.
JVL00:00:37Oh, this is the worst draft to get caught in a three-hole.
Mike00:00:41Is it? Okay. Well, it's the numbers. You know, it's the randomizer.
JVL00:00:48Dagger.
Mike00:00:51I'm sorry, JVL. So I guess we start with me, with the first overall pick. So there's no. They were just picking the best or the overall, our favorite Arnold movies here. So I am going to take as my number one. I just have to take it's Terminator. It's the movie that put him on the map. And there was a moment in the documentary where they spend some time with Terminator, with specifically the line, you know, the I'll be back line, the famous line. And they. Play the scene where he walks into the police station and does, and I turned to my wife and I was like, God, that movie was so good. Like just that watching that one scene and like the, the, the, this, this feeling throughout the entire movie, which of course at the end literally has him like, just like pushing forward, trying to get Linda Hamilton. Uh, it's like just the momentum, the forward momentum of that movie just never stops once he arrives. And, uh, yeah. You got to go with Terminator.
Sonny00:02:00That's interesting. That's interesting. I'm kind of surprised you went with Terminator instead of Terminator two, frankly.
JVL00:02:05Uh, I like, I like Terminator better than Terminator. You shut your whore mouth. So that's, that's, that's a weird thing about me.
Sonny00:02:11All right. Well, I think, I think JBL is going to take Terminator two. So I'm going to, no, I will not take Terminator two, even though I, uh, I, uh, I will go with, uh, the, the movie that kind of best sums up, um, the, uh. Uh, the, the era of Arnold Schwarzenegger as like the biggest muscle action star in the world, uh, for my, for my, for my money. And that's Predator. Yeah. Predator is a perfect movie. It's a, it's a, it's a hundred and four minutes or something like that. Uh, directed by John McTiernan. Um, just a perfect mix of action, humor, Spence, horror, uh, runs on rails. He has. A great rapport with everybody in that movie, but especially Carl Weathers. Um, uh, I, I, I watch, I probably watch Predator once every 18 months or so, just on, just because I'm like, what do I, I don't, uh, there's nothing I want to watch. No, I don't want to watch. I want to watch Predator. So that's it's, it's probably my favorite Schwarzenegger movie.
JVL00:03:20Predator, but anyway, wow. So when I put together my list, uh, I thought there are three clear, like the top three movies are obvious. Those are the ones that are going to go one, two, three, and everything else is a little like, uh, and you guys blew through all of them. Uh, true lies is obviously the best movie that Schwarzenegger was in. True lies is great. I, I don't think it's close. Uh, it, it, it is a perfect action comedy because it, it doesn't skimp on either the action or the comedy. And it, it. Does that thing where it mixes them up so much that you never quite sure if it's going to be an action beat or a comedy beat before it hits you. Uh, and then with the, the fourth pick Terminator two, I mean, I, again, it's, it's a perfect movie and it takes the, it takes the premise of the first one and grafts some ideas onto it. Yeah. Right. About the, about what is fate? Fate is no fate, but what we make it. We're not. And that's the moment when the Terminator series like gets an idea behind it. Uh, and I, I just don't think that there's any doubt that those are the two best movies that he made.
Sonny00:04:42Uh, I, I wouldn't have to disagree with that again. Predator I think, uh, is, is as a perfect genre movie, but also this one that, that I'm about to roll out right here. Total recall.
JVL00:04:53That I think total recall was the third. So on my list of the top three. I assumed that they would go true lies. T2 total recall.
Sonny00:05:02Total recall is, uh, is, uh, I mean, again, it's just a great, uh, again, action comedy, but also like sneakily intellectual. I mean, there is a, there is the, the, the whole, it's kind of meta. It's like, is it a, is it a dream? Is it a story? Um, you know, what is he, what is he doing there? Early Sharon stone in this, this is Sharon stone a year, year or two before. Basically.
JVL00:05:28I tell you, I saw this movie and I, you know, 13 year old JVL was like her, that girl right there. That is it.
Sonny00:05:36That's number one. Oh, girl. Number one.
JVL00:05:39Oh, this is before. And then when there was a movie where she showed her boobies and I ever heard that, I was like, what? Sign me up.
Sonny00:05:49Yeah. Usually when you say her, it's like, uh, arrested development. It's like her, her, her, uh, no, but total recall. I ain't total recall. Again, there's, there's,
JVL00:05:58there's his third best movie.
Sonny00:05:59There's, there's a, there's this period, uh, in the late eighties, basically the late eighties, early nineties, where he's working with John McTiernan, uh, um, uh, James Cameron and, uh, uh, yeah, for Hoven, Paul Verhoeven. Um, uh, and it's just like, he's working with like the, the single, that's like, there's, there's an argument to be made that that's a real kind of Troika of, you know, eighties, nineties. Like high concept action, uh, ideal is like embodied in those three guys right there. Um, and Total Recall, again, Total Recall, it's incredibly funny. Um, it's, uh, it's, it's got all of this great action and it, and it has a great cast with it. I mean, Sharon Stone, Michael, I aren't Michael Ironsides and it takes a turn.
JVL00:06:50Like it, it is one of those movies where you feel like you don't, you, you really, unless you've had it spoiled for you, if you're seeing that movie for the first time. First time, totally cold. The turns in it are fantastic. Yeah.
Sonny00:07:02My favorite, my favorite story about Total Recall came, comes years after the production when, uh, I read somewhere that Arnold Schwarzenegger got paid something like, I like 35 grand for, uh, the two hour recording session for the commentary. And if you've ever listened to the commentary of this movie, it's literally just him saying what's on the screen. It's like, yeah, there's, there's the woman, she's got the three breasts and it's like, I like. This is what, this is this, the, the home video business was such a thing at a certain
JVL00:07:33point in the, if they wanted good Arnold commentary, they should have paid him more, right? If they wanted the shmay, they should have, uh, ponied up.
Mike00:07:42All right. By the way, how, how eighties is it like perfectly eighties? It's Schwarzenegger made within a, like what, three years he made a, a Philip K. Dick movie and a, uh, a Stephen King movie before that, the running man. So, um, very, very much. Uh, I'm not picking the running man for my next pick. My next pick for my number two pick is kindergarten cop. I love kindergarten cop. I watched it on cable a thousand times. I can quote the whole fricking thing. It is so funny to me. It hit me at, at a time. I just, I thought the whole juxtaposition, which is a theme in Ivan Reitman's, uh, uh, you know, collaborations with Arnold Schwarzenegger juxtaposing Arnold with something that's so very unlike Arnold in this case, all the kids. It has basically all the best, like non action Arnold lines in any, uh, any movie, you know, you've got, uh, it's not a tumor and what is it? Who is your daddy? And what does he do? Um, it's, it's great. I love the fake out at the beginning. Um, the fake out of the beginning where it's like, it's like bad-ass action, Arnold, and you kind of feel like you're watching a different movie than what you signed up for. And then of course it turns out he's, he's gotta go do this undercover thing.
Sonny00:09:11Yeah. The opening, the opening of that movie is dark, by the way, I rewatched it a couple of years ago and I was like, oh, there's, there's like a junkie getting OD murdered here. Like what is, what is happening in this movie? I saw this when I was like six or eight. I was, I must've been eight when I saw that.
Mike00:09:29Uh, it's, it's so, uh, it's so great though. I, I love it. And, um, uh, and, and it just, it, it is everything that, uh, a movie, a comedy movie starring Arnold Schwarzenegger should be, uh, and Ivan Reitman is just, he was just great. Uh, so that's my number two pick and maybe this is not, uh, this is not kosher, but I'm doing it anyway. I'm going to pick twins as, uh, as my last pick.
JVL00:09:57Uh, the first prize you took kindergarten cop ahead of twins, to be honest.
Mike00:10:02Well, I think, and honestly I saw, I, I love both of them. Um, kindergarten cop is just, um, it's closer. It's, it's a, it's a personal thing. Uh, it's just something my brother and I watched over and over again. Uh, twins, I love twins is hilarious. And, and, um, I actually think I saw, I think I saw twins first. Again, I saw these after they came out because of my age. Um, and, uh, I, you know, I just think Danny DeVito and artists and I go, and I love it. And they get into this in the documentary a bit about like, he thought that Julius, his character in, in, um, in twins is sort of like how he was when he became governor, just totally kind of fish out of water, clueless. He plays that part. So it's like, it's, it's so perfect for him, uh, in the comedy realm. Whereas, you know, the Terminator or, or the, what, whoever he plays in the Terminator is, is so perfect for him in the action realm. So, uh, he's a good straight man. He's, he's fantastic. He's terrific. He's, he's so good. And, and Danny DeVito is like at the height of his path. I mean, I love him and always sunny, but he's like at the height of his, of his powers and just like boom, boom, boom, one, one joke after another. It's great.
Sonny00:11:13So twins, I have to say, I JBL says he was surprised you took twins before kindergarten cop, but I am not, I, I do think that there's twins fans. So like, I, I almost think there's a, there's a mild generational thing here. I feel like. I feel like if you, I, I don't, I feel like if you're, if you're a little bit younger than you JBL, that kindergarten cop is your like go to Arnold humor movie.
JVL00:11:37Really?
Sonny00:11:38And then if you're a little bit older, it's twins. Cause I actually don't even really like twins. I mean, twins is funny. It's fine. But like, I would never choose to, it wouldn't, it's not the, the Arnold comedy or movie that I would throw on. Um, it just, it has never done anything for me, but kindergarten cop, I love, I love kindergarten cop, uh, for all the reasons. The reasons that Mike mentions Chekhov's ferret. We didn't even talk about that. You know, it's, uh, it's, uh, I, I love, uh, I love that. Um, I am a little surprised you went with two, two comedies there at the end, the two Jason Reitman's or two Ivan Reitman.
Mike00:12:12You guys, you, you, you guys took all the, the great, no, there's still so much action.
Sonny00:12:18There's still so much good stuff here. I'm going to JBL said there were only three movies.
JVL00:12:22You're saying that all the top three, the top three were, you guys are saying all the
Sonny00:12:26good stuff has gone here. I, I, I, there are three that I'm totally torn by, uh, torn between here. So one is pumping iron, which I talked a little bit on the main episode this week. Pumping iron is one of my favorite documentaries. It's amazing. Again, it's just Arnold. It's a, it's a lot of like stuff about bodybuilding, but it's also just Arnold talking to the camera about the mind games that he is playing with the other bodybuilders as he's going through, uh, what they're doing. And it's, it's really great. I highly recommend it for anybody hasn't checked it out yet. Um, there's also. Last action hero, which I love. I love the last action hero. Uh, and I have long, I've been a long and early defender of this film as a movie that was like 15 years ahead of his time. It was meta before being meadow was like the lingua franca of our, the, you know, it's like it was, it was, uh, it was doing a thing without being, uh, a straight up Zaz parody of the thing, um, commenting on it and doing it. And kind of an interesting way. Um, it's funny. Our, uh, uh, a, uh, a friend. Well, I mean, I, I, it won't make sense unless I say who it is, but, uh, so, but you know, you guys know Ben Dreyfuss from, from Twitter. Um, he said, it was funny. I mentioned how much I like last action hero one time. And he was like, my dad was at the premiere of that movie. My dad, Richard Dreyfuss was at the premiere of that movie. And when it ended, he was like doing a standing ovation and, you know, like clapping and looked around and realized that nobody else. Had stood up and was, was, was doing the same because he, like, he understood what, you know, uh, McTiernan and, and the rest of those guys were up to, but, uh, nobody else kind of did, but I'm actually going to go with Conan, the barbarian Conan, the barbarian. I mean, this is, this is the movie, uh, that I, I think really cements what Arnold is more. So even then the Terminator, you know, early on, uh, John Milius directs, uh, and co-writes the script with Oliver Stone, um, fascinating mixture there, Stone and Milius, uh, coming together. Um, but it's, uh, it is, it is, it's funny to go back and watch it now because it is schlocky in all the ways you expect it to be schlocky, but it is still, uh, it's still great and impactful. And like, we talk about the great lines. I mean, uh, you know, what is, what is best in life? Conan, uh, you know, uh, the, it's the. The, I, I love Conan, the barbarian, um, great movie, kind of an amazing thing to think about how this was one of the highest grossing movies of its year. You just go back and watch that now and be like, wow, that was, that's a different time.
JVL00:15:10It looks like a B movie.
Sonny00:15:11It really does. It, I mean, it, I mean, it was cheap. It was made, it was made.
JVL00:15:15It's a, it feels like a Roger Corman.
Sonny00:15:17It was a Dino DeLorientis. I mean, it's, you know, it's, it is one step above Roger Corman and not, not that, not, it's a, it's a short step. Um, but. But I mean, again, it's directed by Milius, who is, who is fantastic. Uh, and it stars Arnold as he is like in the process of becoming Arnold. Uh, and of course has a great villain in James Earl Jones, Tulsa doom. Um, so I love, uh, I love me some Conan, the barbarian JBL. All right.
JVL00:15:45I can't believe you let, uh, last action hero go. So it's mine.
Sonny00:15:50That's you're going to, it's, it's great. I was very torn.
JVL00:15:54I, I honestly, I can't believe that somehow. I got three of my top four.
Mike00:15:59Even, but I think, I think this reveals, right. That, I mean, you were worried JBL that there weren't enough movies, but like, like very different tastes. These are all great. These are all great movies.
Sonny00:16:10I mean, we took nothing. The, the latest commando, the latest movie on this list is 90. What? 96. Is that when true lies come came out? 96 or 94. That was 94.
JVL00:16:22Nothing he did after that was good. I'm sorry. The expense. Endables are terrible. The, the, um, the race where he's fighting the devil racer is not good. It's Robin Tunney shows her tits, which is great, but that's it. And, uh, no, the, the, everything else he did after that collateral damage, they're all bad.
Mike00:16:43Batman and Robin.
JVL00:16:45I mean, he's Robin.
Mike00:16:47No, but I mean, he's moved into caricature.
JVL00:16:49Yes. After, after that, some ice, uh, the, uh, no, I mean, that was very well done. Michael.
Sonny00:16:56We didn't, we didn't, we didn't, uh, we didn't know commando, uh, commando was still on the board. Uh, red heat, great, uh, running man, running man, the running man.
JVL00:17:07I do.
Mike00:17:07I do like the running man.
Sonny00:17:08I think, uh, which, oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Red heat.
Mike00:17:11It was Jim Belushi. Jim, John, John was dead.
Sonny00:17:13Um, uh, and the running man. I mean, again, like, Hey, there's, there's, you could do, you could do a whole, we could have done all nine movies just from the 1980s. Uh, I think, I think we could have probably just about work that out.
Mike00:17:27Uh, well, okay, well let's, let's go through it one more time. Just, uh, so we, I've got it written down here. So, uh, my picks, uh, number one, Terminator, number two, kindergarten cop, number three twins, studies picks number one, predator, number two, total recall could pick their, uh, number three, Conan, the barbarian and JVL with true lies. T2 Terminator two and number three, last action hero. Those are the picks. Uh, you will have, uh, a poll up, right? Sonny.
Sonny00:18:00We'll post the episode on Monday, assuming I remember to post it. Uh, and then we'll, we'll have the, I wasn't going to say anything. We'll have, we'll have the poll up the day after that. We'll have to pull up.
Mike00:18:09So vote, tell us what you think. Uh, join in the comments, of course, sub beacon.com. You can sign up there. If somehow you're listening to this and not already a patron, thanks for listening.
?00:18:26I'll see you next time.
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