#190. 'Transformers: Rise of the Beasts'
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The trio takes on Transformers: Rise of the Beasts, set in 1994 New York, and lands in near-total agreement that it's a competently made bore. Sonny's chief complaint is structural: as a prequel featuring both Bumblebee and Optimus Prime, the film has zero dramatic tension since everyone already knows those characters survive five more movies, and he argues the "calm competence" of this installment is a worse sin than Michael Bay's id-driven, nausea-inducing excess in the earlier films — at least Bay's movies made you feel something. He also dismantles the pre-credits GI Joe teaser (Michael Kelly handing over a mysterious business card) as incompetently executed, arguing it needed a recognizable star to land. JVL admits he fell asleep in the theater — not for the first time during a Transformers movie — and woke up baffled during the Peru sequence, concluding the film reflects Hasbro's total indifference to whether anyone's actually engaged, more a "book report" than a movie. Mike, on only his second Transformers film ever, enjoys the recurring gag of Optimus Prime spouting Shakespearean soliloquies while everyone else treats him like a try-hard, but wonders why the franchise persists in live action instead of becoming the kids' cartoon it clearly wants to be, and joins the others in flagging the bizarre absence of any romantic spark between the human leads. Before getting to the movie, the guys spend a long stretch catching up: Sonny is solo-parenting while his wife works in D.C., shuttling his daughter to a "Twilight Camp" in Plano and hunting for places to read undisturbed for hours, which spins into a debate over Texas geography; Mike shares a wholesome story about surprising his eight-year-old with an Amtrak trip to an Orioles-Royals game at Camden Yards, bumping into Rod Rosenstein mid-conversation just before his son loudly demands his attention, which launches a tangent on whether Camden Yards is the most architecturally influential American building of the past 35 years and why downtown-revitalization ballparks modeled on it rarely work as well elsewhere. Sonny closes out the outtakes with a report from the Dallas Fan Expo, where he did a live show with cartoonist Aaron Reynolds and marveled at the convention's bizarre mix of families, hardcore comic nerds, a mobbed Shameik Moore signing autographs, and a startling amount of skin-baring cosplay and pinup-art booths.
From the show notes
Remember Transformers? They're back. In Beast form.
Full transcript
Guest00:00:00For centuries, our kind has stayed hidden on Earth. But darkness has found us again. Prime. This is about the fate of all living things.
Mike00:00:26Welcome to the Sub-Beacon Podcast. I'm your co-host, Mike Warren. With me, as always, are my fellow co-hosts, who are more than meets the eye, Jonathan V. Last and Sonny Bunch. Join us over at SubBeacon.com, where you can become a patron, get episodes the day they are published, comment, interact with other members of this great Sub-Beacon community. So, thanks so much for listening. We're going to be talking in just a few minutes about Transformers Rise of the Beasts. But first, let's talk about how everyone's doing, Sonny. Sonny, how are you?
Sonny00:01:02Um, I'm fine.
JVL00:01:05You're having a great week, aren't you, buddy?
Sonny00:01:07Beth, my wife, who I love a great deal, is in Washington, D.C. this week for work. We both telecommute to D.C., so sometimes we have to go to Washington to do work stuff, and that leaves one of us at home with the kids, and it's always an adventure. It's a double adventure this week, because my daughter... ...is, in addition to doing a day camp at a local high school, a cooking camp. She's learning how to cook. She very excitedly told me about the chicken and potatoes dish that she made yesterday. Unfortunately, I didn't get to eat any of it. She also, however, this is the week that she has the Twilight Camp in Plano. Now, I've mentioned this.
JVL00:01:49Plano or Waco? Plano. This is the third year you've done this? Plano.
Sonny00:01:52This is the third year we've done it.
JVL00:01:54Why do you put yourself through this?
Sonny00:01:56She loves it, and it's great. And it's... You know, I will do anything for my daughter to...
JVL00:02:03You can build character for her by taking away a thing she loves that inconveniences you. No.
Sonny00:02:07I do that enough with them already. They already get that life lesson. I'm trying to give them different life lessons by providing them with outdoors activities. I'm like Calvin's dad from Calvin and Hobbes. Build character by being outside with the mosquitoes and the rain. That's how you...
Mike00:02:24Someplace daddy would never go.
Sonny00:02:26No, I would never, because that's where bears are. Go to the beach with the sand. But the... Anyway, the long and the short of it is I now have to juggle that with all the other stuff that we have going on through the week. Taking my son to his camps and daycares and whatever. It's just a whole thing. Now, luckily, we have gotten... I have gotten help. I've gotten help. We have a babysitter who comes in the evening to put my son to sleep and stay. So I can just stay in Plano, which is like... It's not far. It's not as far as Waco. You say Waco is like an hour and a half away. That would be a sleepover camp. But, you know, Plano is not close to where I live.
Mike00:03:09Plano is in the Metroplex, right? It's in the... It is.
Sonny00:03:11It is. No, it's... Is it really? It is. No, it is. I mean, it's a suburb of Dallas. I mean, it would be like having a camp in Springfield, basically. Would be the... If I lived in D.C. That's where I live. If I lived in D.C., it would be like having a camp in Springfield.
JVL00:03:25Springfield is 12 miles. Springfield is 12 miles from D.C.
Sonny00:03:28Yeah, but it's like...
JVL00:03:29Plano is not 12 miles from Dallas.
Sonny00:03:30But it's like, it's probably 30 minutes from... If you lived in the heart of D.C., if you lived in like downtown D.C. and you had to drive to Springfield, it would be about 30 minutes, probably. Assuming you're not in like total rush hour traffic.
Mike00:03:43Michael, you can disprove that. I'm efforting this. And I have to say, as much as I hate to admit it, JVL, Sonny is right. 30 minutes from downtown Dallas to Plano.
JVL00:03:55Done. It's 30 minutes. 30 minutes. Downtown Dallas. Okay, well, that's not bad. I thought this was a 90-minute each way trip. No, no, no. 30 minutes is fine.
Sonny00:04:01It's like 30 minutes. But it's 30 minutes in rush hour, which becomes like 45 minutes to 60 minutes to get home if I like drive out there. So my options are either drive out there and just... One of us drives out there and we stay out there. And then three hours later, we go back to the campsite and get her and come home.
JVL00:04:21Because it's... You've got the other kid. You can't just leave the other kid at home by himself.
Sonny00:04:24Well, this is why... Can you? This is why... When there's two of us, when there's two of us, it's great because one of us can go to play and one of us stays home. However, there's only one of us this week. So we got the babysitter and she stays with my son, whatever. It's fine. But it just like the whole thing involves... We have like other moms are doing carpools, so I don't have to go to the high school a couple of days. And there's like different outfits. And I got to... And like, do you guys watch? Do you guys watch the... I feel like Mike might watch the Tim Robinson... Tim Robinson show, I think you should leave.
Mike00:04:59Oh, yeah, I'm obsessed.
Sonny00:05:00So, you know, you know, you know, the bit with the guy who can't drive the car in the parking lot. I don't know what I'm doing. And that's how I feel every time I look at the list of things I have to do. I'm just like, I don't know what any of this shit is, man. And I'm fucking scared. That's how I feel. Oh, that's how I feel this whole week. This whole week is just me, like timidly sitting behind the wheel of a car looking around like I don't know what any of this is. And I'm accidentally hitting my horn and screaming because I'm I'm so confused by the events around me. That is my life for this week.
Mike00:05:34It's this is really it's really character building for you.
Sonny00:05:37So it is. It's this is how I learned to become a better planner. So the so anyway, so it's it's it's honestly all fine. It's fine. And I get to spend three and a half hours in lovely Plano, most of which most of which I just I go to a restaurant and I find a place that either has. That I can either sit outdoors if it's nice or sit inside in the air conditioning and read a book for like two hours without getting the stink eye. A lot of the times you go to a restaurant, you just sit down with a book, you get the stink eye. They're like, what are you doing here? What are you?
JVL00:06:09But luckily, this isn't a library, pal. Luckily, no, Texas, they say, put away your devil books. We don't like the written word here, Sean. No, I don't think that's what they say.
Sonny00:06:21I don't think that's what they say. Certainly not where I live. Maybe maybe in like, I don't know.
JVL00:06:26Unless it was a good book. Maybe I bet nobody would give you the stink eye if you opened up the good book.
Sonny00:06:30Maybe in West Texas, like where Hell or High Water is set, but not here in Dallas. Dallas is the Metroplex is fairly cosmopolitan.
JVL00:06:38Anyway, what is the level of stink eye if what he opened up was not a Bible, but the catechism?
Sonny00:06:43I don't know what that is.
Mike00:06:45I don't know. It depends. It depends because, look, Texas is a diverse place. You know, there's all kinds of.
JVL00:06:51Do they have a lot of Catholics out there?
Mike00:06:53Yeah. Have you ever heard of Tejano's?
JVL00:06:55OK, well, I'm sorry. Do they have a lot of white Catholics out there?
Sonny00:06:58I think that I think the the oldest Catholic cathedral in the United States might be in San Antonio. Like, it's it's maybe.
Mike00:07:06Yeah, but Baltimore is the oldest basilica.
Sonny00:07:09Oh, again, I don't know what any of these distinctions mean. I just know it's a churchy building, like with a cross on it, where you go and you do
JVL00:07:17the things with the incense.
Sonny00:07:19I don't know. Anyway, so I most of most of my time now is just spent trying to find, like, places that are somewhat close to the park I have to go to where I can go and sit for like two hours and read without getting getting yelled at. And then I go and I drive back to the park and I sit in the parking lot for another hour and read. That's what that's my that is my evening. I like it's it's it's such a weird time that I can't even really go to the movie theater like the the only I could probably go see across the Spider-Verse because it's showing like twenty seven times a day. And there but I was I was thinking about going to see. The new horror movie, The Boogeyman, just because I got like I got nothing else to do. And the the theater that the draft house that it's playing at is like thirty minutes away. It's starting at seven twenty for some reason instead of seven o'clock, which puts me right at the like edge of being able to get back in time. The whole thing sucks. Anyway, long story short, my week is annoying and terrifying and confusing. That's that's what I'm doing this week.
Mike00:08:22All right. Well, that sounds that sounds terrifying and horrible. Uh, JVL, what's what's going on with you, big guy?
JVL00:08:29You know, I got something, but we can talk about during outtakes. I want to move us along here.
Sonny00:08:33Michael, people like people like the dudes chat every time. It's way too people in the comments are always like, we need more dudes. We should just do a dudes chatting show. It should just no more movies.
Mike00:08:42Good idea. Yeah. No. Yeah. Why are we wasting our time going to see these movies? Let's just let's just chat. How are you, buddy? I'm fine. I figured I I figured I'd tell you about my Sunday, which was the Olive Garden to bed, bath and beyond. We didn't have time, actually. No, but and I know I'm running the risk of like a bragging here and making myself sound like dad of the year, but it's really just it was just kind of a wholesome story that I thought I thought our listeners would like, which was I took my oldest, my eight year old to go see Sonny's favorite baseball team, the Baltimore Orioles. They're good this year. They are good this year.
Sonny00:09:27The whole AL East is good. Like every team in the AL East is above 500, right?
Mike00:09:31That's right. That's right. And honestly, it's it's sort of it's sad because the Orioles are having such a great season and yet the Rays are even better. You know, there's just no beating them. But we went in part because this was a birthday present from my brother who lives in Philadelphia and it was a sort of, hey, let's meet halfway. Let's go see a game in Camden Yards. And so that's what we did. And so I wanted to make, well, it was a birthday present for me. I have a question. I have a question. Yes.
Sonny00:10:02Is Baltimore really halfway between Philly and D.C.?
Mike00:10:05I feel like it's it's closer to D.C., but it's but it is. I mean, it took it took my brother driving from South Philly. He lives in South Philly. It took him driving there about an hour forty five.
Sonny00:10:17I guess. Yeah.
Mike00:10:18And it's about three hours to drive an hour and a half to get to Baltimore. Yeah. Well, right. Sort of. So. What happened was I wanted to make this special for my oldest. We had actually kind of done a dry run the week before because we went to the Nationals game. The Little League gave free tickets to the Nationals game the Sunday before. So I took both of my ball playing boys and determined that really it was only for the eight year old to go up to Camden Yards, not not for the five year old as well. Just good call. Yeah. I knew that, you know, but I just needed confirmation. But I wanted to make it special for for him. And so I surprised him and we took Amtrak up to Baltimore. He's never ridden on the inner city rail. It's like a thrill for him. And I surprised him. And and so we got to ride up on Amtrak. He was like over the moon about that. Then we got to Baltimore. My brother picked us up and we went down and parked near Camden Yards and walked, you know, had the tickets and walked in. It was it was already kind of exciting and fun. Then one of those weird things. So like in D.C., particularly in like the business that I'm in and the business that we have been in, you know, the life that we've chosen, you run into people at Nats games that, you know, it's just you either run into people, you know, or you see well-known people or people in who are in the news. It's just a common occurrence in the way that I don't think is the case in most major league ballparks. But we happen to walk into Camden Yards. The game has just started. So we're about, you know, it's in the top of the first and we're walking to our seats and I turn and I see, of all people, former deputy attorney general and at various times acting attorney general Rod Rosenstein, who is a Baltimore. I knew, you know, sort of the way I all made the connection was I knew he was a Baltimore native, Baltimore Orioles fan, and he had been sort of on my mind with all this sort of legal political news. And anyway, so I just turned and there he was. And I introduced myself and we have a mutual acquaintance and I sort of name dropped that way and was talking to them. And he was with a friend who happened to be a daily reader of the dispatch, which he told me, which was very nice. Anyway, so I take this opportunity. I'm about to sort of. You interviewed him. I did not interview him. But listen, listen, I introduce him to my my my kid and my brother and I'm just I'm about I'm sort of on the cusp of saying, like, so what do you think about this Trump indictment? You know, to see if he'll say something, anything interesting. But before I can, my eight year old, like, right, like we are so close, like we're all like very close in this area. And he just goes, Dad, the game is starting. And like, like screams out loud. And Rosenstein, who could like tell where I'm about to go, goes, he has a great point. And I was like, yeah, excellent. Good job. Thank you. Good to see you, sir. And we walked off and I was like, yeah, he did have a good point. So it was a little embarrassing. It was a little hilarious. I think everybody sort of like got out of that uncomfortable situation. Anyway, so it's just a weird moment. But then we went to our seats. We had great seats. We're on the third baseline, third row. It was a lot of fun. They're playing the Royals, the second worst team in Major League Baseball.
Sonny00:13:54So crowded was the I'm. Sorry, what day was this? Was this a weekend? This was a Sunday.
Mike00:13:58So it was like a 135 game. I was shocked. There were entire sections in the upper section.
Sonny00:14:05Empty Camden Yards is a ghost town. Most it is most days these days.
Mike00:14:09Unreal, which is which is so interesting because Baltimore fans are great fans in the sense that they like they are dedicated and like when you're there, like it's not like seeing a game with Nats fans where like half the people are on their phone, they're like sort of like half paying attention to the game, all the stuff like the net, the Orioles fans are into it and it's great and it's fun. And like I literally a or an Orioles fan was born this day, you know, just by taking my
JVL00:14:40can I get him a Rutschman jersey?
Mike00:14:42No, although we did end up his uncle got him and his younger brother two of the foam fingers because I refuse to say buy don't buy anything more expensive than those eleven dollar foam fingers.
JVL00:14:56Yeah, but fifteen cents of foam in them.
Mike00:14:59Exactly. The paint is already like, you know, scraping off. But so we had a great time. The Orioles hit like we the Royals hit a home run. The Orioles hit two home runs and a ground rule double. They launched the fireworks after the ground rule double. Anyway, the fireworks are great. It was so much fun. The hot dog, all this stuff. He was having a great time. He got to spend time with his uncle, which was which was really great. And we are. And then we we get a ride back to the train station. The train is delayed, which is kind of annoying, but we still kind of had fun hanging out in the train station. We get on the train and we we get off. We actually go stop, just stop to get some get a burger on the way home to our house. And we're coming home. And my eight year old says he goes that that was pretty much the perfect day.
JVL00:15:53Oh, and I was like, this is Nirvana.
Mike00:15:56This is like this is dad Nirvana. Look at you. This is dad Nirvana.
JVL00:16:00Father of the year. Yeah.
Mike00:16:02So good job, Mikey. Of course, all I all I actually care about is like, you know, my five year old would never say anything like that to me. So that was like.
Sonny00:16:11He doesn't have enough life experience to really appreciate.
Mike00:16:14Yeah. He also he also he also does not care for me.
JVL00:16:18So I don't want to take us on too much of a tangent. But is it possible that Camden Yard is the most. Influential building or structure built in America in the last thirty five years. I mean, the whole whole downtowns have been remade in major cities all across America because of the design and then success of Camden Yards. And I have trouble thinking of anything more influential.
Mike00:16:49I I don't know. It's a good thought. I mean, it is. I mean, it's certainly true in sports, right? I mean. I mean, like this, this launched a sort of revolution in in in baseball park design, right? Is that an Arlington in in in Texas? So but no, I mean, you raise a very good point. That's the thing that sort of breaks my heart about being around Camden Yards, because we actually went we went afterward to Pickles Pub, which is like right across from Camden Yards, just like the train was delayed. And, you know, so we were hanging out there. You know, having a little extra time. And it's like, this is such a great idea for kind of downtown revitalization and all this stuff, except it just doesn't actually end up working. But a lot of people have tried, you know, a lot of cities have tried.
Sonny00:17:39The problem with Camden Yards is that it's in downtown Baltimore. Yes, that is the it is still it is not as nice as people would like downtown Baltimore to be.
JVL00:17:49Look, it's worked OK for for twenty five of those years. Right. I mean, where it hurt was when the Orioles got really bad. Right. Well, while the Orioles had a legacy of success, which created a really loyal following, probably also hurt to honestly have the Nationals show up in Washington. Yeah, there were tons of people from Washington who commuted up. This is why Angelos was against D.C. getting a team for Angelos was right to be against Angelos was right to be against D.C.
Sonny00:18:18Getting a team for Baltimore reasons. I mean, he's wrong probably for the health of the game because it's better for D.C. to have a team than than to not have a team. But like it. It was totally, totally a reasonable. Right.
Mike00:18:28Yeah. But I mean, it's it is it actually mostly benefits the, you know, whoever owns the Nationals or in, you know, in New York's case, the Mets. I mean, there's a whole there's a whole, you know, study in sports economics about like markets with two teams in the same in the same league or, you know, in the same major league organization. And essentially the secondary team just like eats up the table. Scraps of, you know, TV rights. I mean, this would be like it actually doesn't benefit the fan base.
Sonny00:19:00This would be like in in where I live now in Dallas, Fort Worth. If you had a team in Dallas and in Fort Worth instead of one halfway in between in Arlington. I mean, like if you had a team in Dallas and Fort Worth, it would be terrible. Like the each game would, you know, have five thousand people at it.
JVL00:19:14That's right.
Sonny00:19:15But you have one and it's it's a little a little little better. I would say I don't know enough about our architecture is one of those things I wish I knew more about, which I was I wish I was better versed. In architecture, because it's a really interesting art form and art, but but the but I my one my one suggestion just from like thinking about it for five minutes here is that whatever the first mixed use apartment building that like had has like the weird kind of boxes design that all of these mixed use apartment buildings have now that you see everywhere with like the kind of like geometric patterns on the side. You know what I'm talking about?
Mike00:19:54There's a term for it. Dicks and something. I'll offer that.
Sonny00:19:58If you if you drive up, if you drive up like 14th Street, you'll see 15 of them in a row, just like these these again, these like mixed use apartment building or condo buildings that all look kind of the same. That is the that is the close second, I would argue, in terms of most influential building. But I don't I wouldn't know where to pinpoint it. I don't I like I don't I don't know where that started. I drove past. So I would have one more one more Dallas note yesterday. I decided to go to this this this like shopping center area, legacy shops or something like that. And on the way there, I drove past what was clearly like a corporate housing development. They're building it like clearly, you know, designed for like long term corporate rentals or whatever. And it looked like a prison camp. It was like it was like these like just awful houses on model. All stacked next. Basically, yeah, like they have they have like houses that were clearly for like executive types in the front, like like townhouses. And then behind that, they had these like, again, like prison block apartment for the workers. And I was just like, that's the saddest place I've ever seen. I don't want I don't even want to drive past this. I'm driving past. This makes me sad to look at it anyway.
Mike00:21:19Well, that's I feel like that's about as highbrow as this episode. Is going to get talking about architecture styles, because let's get to the fighting robots. We we got to get it to the discussion of Transformers Rise of the Beasts. Should we do any do we need to do any box office talk about what's going on in the box office last week? So let's do it. Let's let's talk about the box office very quick. Transformers Rise of the Beast. It was the number one movie in its debut last weekend, followed by Spider-Man Across the Spider-Verse at number two. With a fifty four percent drop, then you have a Little Mermaid Guardians of the Galaxy Volume three and number five is the Boogeyman, which Sonny has did not go see. But what are your thoughts?
Sonny00:22:05I'm I'm a little surprised. I thought Across the Spider-Verse might hold a little better than it did. We'll see how it drops this weekend. If it has like if it has like a thirty five to forty percent drop in its third weekend, then it could go all summer. But if not, then it's it's probably just going to end up, you know, I mean, it's still going to do very well. It'll be in the three hundred three twenty five range dimension. I'm a little softer overseas, but, you know, the the big story, I think, shaping up in the world of blockbusters is the softness of overseas. I mean, you still have things like the Fast and Furious movies like those movies only exist because they do enormous numbers overseas to the extent that the Fast X is already on VOD. That movie came out three weeks ago and it's already on VOD in the United States. So. But that's because the movie is basically topped out, it's it's not going to do much more in the United States and overseas. It is it's still, you know, it's going to do basically it's going to make something like 80 percent of its money overseas, 20 percent here in the States, which but it is it's it's a relic and that stuff doesn't really do that anymore. I mean, Little Mermaid is going to be is going to make more money domestically than it does overseas across the Spiderverse will probably be pretty close. And that is not the sort. Of thing that you used to see from these movies. And I have to I have to wonder if, like, again, Hollywood is thinking like, well, we got it. We got to take one hundred million dollars out all these budgets if if that overseas box office is that because of an over reliance on just like more and more relatively obscure IP, right?
Mike00:23:45Like you go down the Marvel, you know, list of probably part of it.
Sonny00:23:50That's probably that's that's probably at least part of it. I mean, I I don't know. I. I think that I do think that there's just some there's some.
Mike00:24:01Fatigue, you know, but but but Fast X is like vroom, vroom, boom, boom, like everybody loves that. Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter.
Sonny00:24:09Still huge overseas. Still huge overseas. People love Jason Momoa in that movie. All right. Louncing around.
Mike00:24:15All right. Well, that's enough. That's enough box office. Let's let's let's get into it because this is such a important movie. We need to get a kind of high level big boy review that. We come to expect from Sonny Bunch. Give us that review of Transformers Rise of the Beasts.
Sonny00:24:33Transformers Rise of the Beasts stars. Anthony Ramos. Is that his name?
JVL00:24:41Yeah. Broadway legend. Anthony Ramos.
Sonny00:24:44I don't know. Well, I again. Record scratch freeze frame.
JVL00:24:47Sorry. How can you be a Broadway legend? You're probably wondering how I got here.
Mike00:24:50I don't know. How can you be a Broadway legend when you're not 30 years old yet? That's that's what I don't get.
JVL00:24:55Because he originated. Roland Hamilton and then was the lead in In the Heights.
Sonny00:24:58I'm sorry. We were discussing this on text message, but being a Broadway legend is like being a Richmond Braves legend. I like I'm sure it's very important to a small group of people, but like doesn't actually
Mike00:25:07they're the Gwinnett stripers now.
Sonny00:25:09So anyway, I'm not going to run through all the cast because I'm I find I find them boring and starring Pete Davidson and unimportant. Here's here's the plot of the movie. Plot of the movie is a John. Giant planet transformer who is basically Galactus.
JVL00:25:31Thank you for that. I appreciate that.
Sonny00:25:33He's basically Galactus and he is trying to eat the animal transformers planet and they send a thingamajig to Earth and they split the thingamajig into two parts and the heralds of Galactus have to come to Earth to find the thingamajig and put it together so they can bring Galactus to Earth to eat Earth and trying to stop it. To stop this are the Autobots, of course, led by Optimus Prime and the Maximals, which are robots that are also animals, and apparently they have lived on Earth together for all this time and nobody they didn't know it. The two giant shape shifting robot species living on Earth at the same time. They had no idea, which is weird.
JVL00:26:18I think that's weird to think about, but also from the shape shifts into animals. So they live in the wilderness and the other shape. Shapeshifts into vehicles, so they live in cities.
Sonny00:26:28I guess that I guess that makes sense, but I don't know why a robot would change into an animal. That doesn't really make any sense to me. Anyway, long the that's the plot. The plot is you got to they got to put the thingamajigs together to defeat Galactus or they got to stop the thingamajigs from being put together to defeat black.
Mike00:26:47It doesn't matter, but they got to save the thing. It doesn't matter.
Sonny00:26:49Here's my problem. I have I have a lot of problems with this movie. And I'm going to explain them to you now. Problem. The first is that this movie. This movie has no understanding of how dramatic tension works in a film or specifically in
JVL00:27:03a prequel because there are several start with this being pre Transformers one, right? So this is in 1994.
Sonny00:27:09This is set in 1994 in New York City. Twin Towers are still there. 9-11 hasn't even happened yet. And Sam Witwicky is in middle school somewhere in California. I guess that's Shia LaBeouf. The actual box is still hot.
JVL00:27:24She's already hot by 1990. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know if we want to touch on that one.
Sonny00:27:28She's hot, but the but the the long and the short of it is that it's prequel. It's that 1994 New York City. And there are several moments in this film where a character is thought to be dead or is about to make a heroic sacrifice.
JVL00:27:47Which character, Sonny?
Sonny00:27:48And so give us an example. First, there's Bumblebee who dies and they're like, oh, my God, Bumblebee is dead. We're going to have to take him back to Cyprus. We're trying to fix him.
JVL00:27:57Of course, of course, he in the first Transformers.
Sonny00:27:59He's in all five of the Transformers. He's in all five of the Transformers. Bumblebee not dead in those movies. So, you know, in this movie, he's not going to be dead, which again, like is a problem if you actually want to care about anything that's happening on screen. And the second thing is the big climate in the big climactic battle. Optimus Prime is about to sacrifice himself to save.
JVL00:28:19He's in the first movie, too.
Sonny00:28:21And there's a big there's a big moment where everyone's like, you're. Oh, what's the line?
JVL00:28:26Your sacrifice becomes our.
Sonny00:28:29Oh, thank you. And then and then, of course, he doesn't die. And we know he doesn't die because he's in all five of the next movies. He's in all five. So there's no there's no there's no dramatic tension in any of this. And whatever. That's fine. It's a prequel. You know, these things are tricky to do. Maybe it wouldn't matter that much if they, like, killed the random Autobot who's voiced by the annoying guy from Ted Lasso. Or if they killed. Well, they do kill Michelle Yeoh's robot and they kill Pete Davidson's robot. Well, but he comes back to life, though, at the end. No one's ever really. You can't really. You can't expect them to get rid of a high performing talent like Pete Davidson. The I actually like Pete Davidson. I like his show. Bubkiss on Peacock is is more amusing than it has any right to be. Neither here nor there. The so. OK, so the movie lacks dramatic tension. It also lacks any stylistic reason to exist. So here's the thing about the original. The first five Transformers movies, the ones directed by Michael Bay. I actually don't even really like those movies. I don't even like them. I know the first one. I know. No, I know people are like, oh, the first one's good. I didn't like the first one. I didn't like the first one. I thought it was dumb and it wasn't as funny as I thought it was. And everyone was kind of like really excited. Like, oh, Michael Bay is grown up. He's making.
JVL00:29:53And I'm like, I'm a piece on John Turturro. It's playing a man in black.
Sonny00:29:57It's not to love the whole thing. It's not. It's not good. And again, I don't I don't like I don't really like any of them. Some of them I like a little more than others. But like at the very least. At the very least, they have a unique style and sensibility to them that can you could describe it a lot of ways, but it's basically a sort of perverse childhood energy like Michael. The thing about Michael Bay. Is that at heart? He is really a child all grown like the the the the Verizon ad where he's like blowing things up in the background. He's like pure id that is that is Michael Bay, and he brings that energy to these movies. And that's why, on a certain level, they are at least watchable, like the last one, the most recent one, Age of Extinction, which involves dinosaur robots. I think dinosaurs and exactly. Like that movie, I remember I remember I went to a press screening. I saw that movie in IMAX and I left the theater and my legs were like wobbling. I was I was literally woozy after having seen this movie because it is such an assault on the senses. Just visually, things have sound editing. It's it's like a maelstrom. It's a it's it is it's a force of nature. And on top of all of that, like it has like typical Michael Bay things like remember, I can't remember, I don't know if you guys saw the. I can't remember if we talked about it on the show. Oh, I sure did. There's but there's a there's a character in this movie that is a it's like she's an Oxford Don, except she's dressed like a stripper parody of an Oxford Don. And like this is like the intellectual character of the movie and like that's Michael Bay sensibility. And it makes it it's entertaining and it's dumb and it's often overwhelming. And sometimes it like literally made me feel sick watching it on the screen. And like you could say like, oh, well, those movies made you feel sick. How can you like them more? But at least I felt something at least I felt something watching those movies and I watched I watched Transformers Rise of the Beast and I felt nothing about nothing but boredom and annoyance at the brand maintenance and like a sort of quiet disgust at the the calm competence of the film. Like this is not the worst movie I've ever seen. It is a competent piece of action filmmaking. I could if I if I was actually interested in doing so, I could explain to you the plot, but I don't care because it's so boring and I could follow all of the action sequences. And it was, you know, it's not a jumbled together mass of quick cuts simulating energy in a in a way that, you know, you you put together in an editing room like the things this the shots have coherence and momentum. And but it's all just so boring. It's I don't care about any of this. I don't care. I hate watching it and just thinking to myself this exists because Hasbro wants to have a tie in with who G I G. Joe and this is this at this at this moment at this moment in the film. It's I guess it's a mid credit scene. The the Broadway legend supposed Broadway legend who becomes a transformer, by the way, goes to goes to a job interview and the guy credits.
Mike00:33:14It's pre credits because I left the second the credits.
Sonny00:33:16Okay, and as I think I think they expected a lot of people to do that because usually this would be a mid credit sequence. Yes, and and he goes to meets with this guy who's an actor. Who I I want I meant to look up the name before but he's one of those you recognize him you when you see him Michael Kelly Michael Kelly. Thank you. Yeah, I like Michael Kelly. He's great in a house of cards. Love him. Love him.
JVL00:33:36I loved him on house of cards.
Sonny00:33:38Um, he and and turns out Michael Kelly's character has lots of information about this Broadway legend that he shouldn't have and he gives him his business card. He's like, I want you to come work for us and he flips over the card. It says GI Joe on it's like oh shit. The Hasbro universe. It's all coming together. It doesn't even work as a mid. Credit sequence because if you really wanted to get audiences excited for that, you know who that character has to be. That character has to be Willis either Bruce Willis or Dwayne Johnson or Channing Tatum. It could be Channing Tatum because it's a prequel to eat Channing Tatum's out of that series 1994. Well, whatever or Randy Quaid. It could be rain or Dennis Dennis Quaid. I'm sorry. Dennis Quaid. Yeah, it could be Dennis Quaid could be Dennis Quaid.
JVL00:34:18You can have Randy Quaid. It's a very different scene.
Sonny00:34:20You have it or or it could be bear with me here. It could be John Cena with the. Star on his face like from Bumblebee. Remember he was in Bumblebee. Now he could be in the train in the GI Joe movie. He could be working for GI Joe. That would make sense and you give audiences that little buzz instead of just having it be like he flips over a card. It says GI Joe like the whole thing is incompetently done. It's just incompetently done and I I resented that as much as I resented anything else in this movie and I resented a lot of this movie as you can tell anyway, thank you Sonny JVL
Mike00:34:55what do you, what are your thoughts on the parts of the movie that you did see?
JVL00:35:00So I fell asleep and uh, this is not, this is some, so I, I, you know, I'm watching the movie and I sort of put my head back and uh, I think they have just gotten to Peru. Is that where they are? They're in South America. Maybe they've just gone to Peru and I wake up and all of a sudden, uh, the gorilla beast bot. He's killing the, the bird of Michelle Yao beast bot, who I thought they were allies with. I, I guess something happened and there's like some indigenous got infected by, she
Sonny00:35:35got infected by scourge.
JVL00:35:36Yeah, I didn't, I wasn't there for that. And uh, there, there were this indigenous family, but the, the mother of the indigenous family is wearing like a jaunty purple fedora or I, I don't didn't clock any vote, but here's what's important. I realized that I have only fallen asleep in the movie theater twice in my life. And the last time was also during a transformer. And it was during the nightfall. Was that the, the name of the, the war, the last night or whatever, the last night is
Mike00:36:03the one that Sonny was thinking of. That's the, yeah, I was thinking of the last night with the, with the, with the sexy ox,
JVL00:36:09not age of extinction was last night directed by Michael Bay.
Sonny00:36:13Yes.
JVL00:36:14Was it? Yeah. Well, whatever. I mean, I fell asleep in the middle of that movie too. And this was not like, I didn't go to a 10 30 screening. This was a normal, you know, it was not especially late at night. That's just how little interest this entire exercise holds for me. And, you know, I've seen all of these movies in the, I don't know, man, the, the absolute lack of care to attempt to make anything that's happening interesting to audiences. It's kind of stunning to me. This actually opened very well. Uh, it, you know, it looked like, say what you will about Michael Bay. He is trying to give audiences what he thinks they want. This just feels like a book report, like, you know, Hasbro says, we gotta make a Transformers movie, uh, go hire somebody to just do some content for us. And they went out and got somebody to do some content. There's no, I mean, when I say no ambition, I don't mean to make art. There's no ambition to even hold the audience's interest. That's right. And I can't understand who this movie is for, and I can't understand who went to see it. Honestly, like I. I was shocked that it opened to what, $60 million, $70 million, something like that.
Sonny00:37:29It opened, opened to $61 million, uh, which is, so here's, it's better than the last night, but it's, it's much worse than any of the ones before that. Um, it's better than Bumblebee as well, I guess, but Bumblebee, I don't know.
Mike00:37:42Bumblebee wasn't, wasn't labeled Transformers, right?
Sonny00:37:44I mean, right. So yeah.
JVL00:37:46Bumblebee's like the Hobbs and Shaw of the Transformers franchise.
Sonny00:37:49Yeah. So like, uh, so the, you know, the, the first one opens to 70 million and then does, I don't know, 320, uh, which a multiple of like four and a half on that movie. Cause it's a fun movie.
JVL00:38:01Great movie. It may not be a good movie, but it's a fun movie and it works for both kids and adults. It's a multi-generational hit. You can see why.
Sonny00:38:09So the second one then opens, uh, to 108 million, almost $109 million, third one 98, a fourth one, a hundred million. And then the, the series kind of collapses, uh, after the last night that was only 44.6 million. So like, uh, but 61 million is, is okay. But it's not great. Necessarily compared to the rest of the series. I really think I like, uh, my, I, this, I, I'm gonna say something here. It's gonna, it's very sexist and I apologize in advance, but I am, I am convinced that this movie opens 20 million more dollars with a Megan Fox type role in the scientist. Uh, like I'm Dominic, this has a female lead. Dominic Fishback is a strong female character is a very, is a very, is a very good actress. She's great on the wire and, uh. We own the city. She's very good in, but I'm sorry. Like this is a, this is a movie series that is aimed at 11 year old boys and they're looking
JVL00:39:07for a different thing out of their, out of their, they're looking for a sex object.
Sonny00:39:12No, I mean, that's the thing they're looking for Zendaya in it.
JVL00:39:15And this movie opens to 110 minutes.
Sonny00:39:17Totally. Yes. 100%. Um, anyway, I don't know. Zendaya is also like an enormous star. She's an actual enormous star. Right. And when people, when people give their reasons for seeing the new Spider-Man movies, she like, she's like four times more frequently cited than Tom Holland.
Mike00:39:32It's amazing. Same with dude. Right?
Sonny00:39:35Like that's why they emphasized even though she was, that's why she was in all the trailers, even though she's in like five minutes of the movie. Exactly. So people, people were actually like Zendaya fans were actually angry. They were like, why, why isn't she in this movie more?
Mike00:39:46Why did I have Michael, did you, are you gonna swerve and tell us that you loved it? Uh, oh, it's my favorite of the transformers movie. Are you kidding? No, no, no. I've only seen the first one and this one, so I am not, I'm not your typical American. Um, okay. So, well, because Sonny just mentioned it, I mean, let's talk about like the, the sex appeal or lack thereof in this movie, which again, seemed to me to be the whole, uh, special sauce, so to speak of like the first movie, which was like, like a lot of America was introduced to Megan Fox in that movie and they liked what they were introduced to. And it was. So, yeah, it was all the booms and, uh, uh, and the crazy machines going in the cars and all that stuff. But it was also the sex.
Sonny00:40:32And like, that, this is the scene, but I mean, that's, but here's the thing that there's a reason that was in all the trailers and the advertising campaign, like, but, but it
Mike00:40:44goes beyond this, this actress who, who is like, I, I agree with you, Sonny is like, I'm sure is a, a great actress and a fine actress, like the, it's not just that she wasn't what transformers does well at selling. It was, there was no, there was no sex in the movie at all. Like, like the, and maybe this is sort of a broader trend, but like, okay, so you have these like late twenties, somethings like the two main human leads in this movie. And there's like not a spark between them. There's not even like a, there's not even a, there, there's not even a hint that there's any kind of romantic interest between the two of them. Maybe there was, and I just missed it, but it just, no, there's nothing right there at
JVL00:41:25the end. He's watching her on TV. She's off living her own life.
Mike00:41:28That's right. And, and he's sort of like, that's good. I'm so proud of her.
JVL00:41:31They're not even buds or friends anymore. No, they're barely like, they're just, they were in this thing for a moment together and
Mike00:41:37they went their separate ways. So the, the other thing about this particular character that I didn't quite understand is why is she an intern? So she's an intern in this museum of archeology that that's also in the New York harbor for some reason. And like it's at Ellis island.
JVL00:41:53Oh, it's at Ellis island archeology at Ellis island. Oh, okay. Make, make sense.
Mike00:41:57Yeah. That makes a ton of sense. But like she, so she's like, she, she's like an intern for this idiot woman who doesn't know anything. And she has like PhD level knowledge of archeology. It's like, I was like, this is stupid. Why?
Sonny00:42:12What am I watching? The whole sequence? Look, uh, I, I, not to go full Breitbart here, but that whole sequence was like, I it's, it's such political pandering that it like made me, it made me angry at the script. It's like, it's, it's this, it's this very Twitter. It's this very Twitter specific thing. Like white women taking credit for the achievements of, and I was just like, why is this in the movie? Why, why does this exist? But like, uh, fish back again, fish back. I think I, I mentioned the wire, not the wire, uh, the deuce, the other David Simon.
Guest00:42:46Oh, okay.
Sonny00:42:47I was gonna say she's too young for the wire. She's in the deuce. And she's, she's great in that. Uh, but like, again, she, it's just that character stinks. That character stinks.
JVL00:42:56She doesn't have anything to do. She doesn't have anything to do really underwritten, you know, Ramos's character is.
Sonny00:43:02At least has like a human relationship to carry him through the movie. Um, but like, but I also don't care. I don't care about the humans in the dumb robots fighting movie. I just want to see the dumb robots fight. So you know what, you know what I want, you know what I want from a transformers movie. I want 90 minutes of Peter Cullen as Optimus prime spouting Zen phrases about if he's Shakespeare,
JVL00:43:23the. All the other transformers must look at Optimus and think this guy's a total douchebag, right? He's everybody else is like going about their lives and an optimist is he's almost like a character from a Chris guest movie where there's one guy who is so unselfaware that he was speaking in Shakespearean soliloquy when everybody else is just trying to have a normal conversation. Right? Yeah. So I kind of love that, you know, but they don't lean into it. Like I would like a movie that leans into it. They're like embarrassed about rolling their eyes about him.
Sonny00:43:57Exactly. It's at least interesting. It's like it's it's like it's so goofy and corny that it's at least kind of interesting. And again, like he has that voice, he has the Optimus Prime voice, like the whole thing is so is so, as you say, out of place. It's just like, you know, like Mirage will be like, yeah, we got to get back to Cybertron. And I like being a Porsche. It's so much fun driving around the city. And Optimus Prime is like the sacrifices that we have to make to get back to our home world will not be forgotten. This day and every and everyone's just looking at him like, all right, all right, Optimus.
JVL00:44:30It's a little like Thor, the way Thor was originally written in the comics where he would have, you know, if you guys remember this, but in the old days, the lettering on Thor's dialog was different from everybody else's. Yeah. Yeah. You know, his his lettering was in almost like old English to make like a Nordic.
Mike00:44:47Yeah.
JVL00:44:48You know, the other thing funny is that we we have a girl transformer, I think, for the first time, and she even has boobs, sort of, and I don't I think I don't understand this on so many levels. We've got this. She's the motorcycle transformer and she's a former reproduce.
Sonny00:45:09And she's like, are they are they manufactured on Cybertron?
Mike00:45:12Well, no, because they're they're living so far. So I learned this from the rescue bots animated series that my kids like, which is that not the reproduction aspect of it, but they are like they're essentially. They're essentially like neuter blank slates on which any of these vehicles or whatever they can transform to can like be like grafted onto. So I don't know how they reproduce, but they are like like they are. I don't know what I'm saying here. All I'm saying is they are just like they are just like blank objects, and I think they sort of like come out. I don't know. I don't know what I'm saying. I this is not what I want to talk about with this movie. Here's what I want to because I brought and I brought up the the the the show my kids like the the rescue bots to make a point, which is like this movie. I kept thinking I can't bring my kids to see this movie. And maybe I'm much more, you know, I keep them cloistered to the culture relative to relative to, you know, other parents and kids this age. But like. The language, the violence, also the horror, right? Those little spider things that were like chasing after them, like it was like actually horrifying. I'm like, I can't bring my eight year old.
JVL00:46:33I mean, it's true of all of the Transformers. Okay, so. Yeah. Okay.
Sonny00:46:38But they all have this level of PG. 13. They're all very PG 13. They are like strong PG 13.
Mike00:46:42But here's my here's my point is like a movie like this movie doesn't know if it wants to be a strong PG 13 movie or if it wants to be a kids movie because they're like the logic of it and the whole, you know, like, oh, he's dead, but he's back like that is cartoon logic, right? This is like kid kid logic. And like, why? So then so then my mind starts spinning like, well, why why are they even making this movie live action anymore? Like they should just make this a cartoon. They should scale down the violence and make it a kids movie and like it would be cheaper for them to make the use all the voice like again, it's like it's like Sonny, you and I were talking before we started taping. Like, what is the point of the existence? Of this movie? Like what? What? It doesn't.
Sonny00:47:27It makes no sense. I can't. It's to create a Hasbro cinematic universe.
Mike00:47:30But it would make more money. I would take my kids to see a team down version of this and I would take them three times this summer.
Sonny00:47:38It's like, you know, you know how toy biz used to own Marvel. Maybe you probably don't know this, Mike, because you're not a giant nerd toy biz used to own Marvel toy biz, own Marvel. And the whole point of toy biz owning Marvel was they could sell more toys. If they had comic books and animated shows, et cetera, where people were like, oh yeah, I want to, I want to buy some Spider-Man toys. I want to buy some X-Men toys. Um, and that's the whole reason for, I like that's the whole reason for all this Transformers GI Joe stuff. They're trying to sell toys to kids. That's it. That's it. That's the only reason these movies exist.
JVL00:48:13So I would like to share with you guys, uh, I learned an important life lesson from Transformers and GI Joe. Uh, so. The idea of mashing Transformers and GI Joe into a single coherent universe is not new. Marvel comics did this, uh, and, uh, they did this when I was like nine years old or eight years old. And the two most important things in my life were GI Joe and the Transformers. And I read both of their comic books and I collected both of their toys. And when it came out, the first issue of GI Joe and Transformers, my mind was blown. And I, you know, it was like. Seeing boobs for the first time, when it's sadder, but no, but like, it's something, you know, that, that first time when you're like 12 and you'd never thought that you wanted to see boobs and you see them, you're like, oh, that's what GI Joe and Transformers together was like for me. And then I got home from the, the drugstore where I picked this up off the spinner rack, because again, all these things were new. You never, there was no internet. There's no, like you, it just appeared in your, you know? In, in your newsstand or wherever. And I read it and it was so fucking bad. And all of the GI Joe and Transformers comics were so bad. And that taught me that these things that you love, sometimes you can't make them go together.
Sonny00:49:40Yeah. Yeah.
JVL00:49:42They, they just like they're separate things. And if you put them both together, you can't make them what you get is bad and GI Joe and Transformers are not good together. And this is, I carry this on throughout, like, you know, it's one of the reasons I hate sci-fi in my comic books. It's one of the reasons I hate magic in my comic books. I want superheroes. I don't want superheroes plus sci-fi and I don't want superheroes plus magic, right? These things are all fucked up and they mess everything up. If you do it, magic is great. Sci-fi is great. Superheroes are great. Don't make them smush them together and make them kiss.
Sonny00:50:15So that's why Dr. Strange is your favorite superhero.
JVL00:50:17Yeah. But this is, but this is a, a lesson I took from the first GI Joe Transformers because you know, I'm reading it and I'm nine years old and I'm like, this is, this is, this doesn't make sense. They're gigantic robots with giant laser cannons. GI Joe cannot coexist in this universe. I am sorry, but clutch and his vamp are going to get blown up in a half a second by star scream.
?00:50:38It's true.
Mike00:50:39And it's true. Uh, one final thought on this movie or question I should say is, um, the title of it. And I know I'm like, by asking this, I'm taking it more seriously. Then clearly the, the producers of the movie did when they named this, but rise of the beasts, transformers rise of the beast. From where are the beasts rising and to, and, and like, to where are they like that's that's the other way. Never see them again. Well, I grew up in the nineties when the beast wars thing was a thing that like, that was my transformers was the beast wars, which was like, what if it was transformers, but they were animals and like, that was cool. Um, But, but I, well, I never actually, I never actually owned any of them, but I liked watching the commercials on TV. Um, and, but like it was, it was kind of, yes, at the end, like in the core of it, it is dumb. So like, what is the point of putting these, like, like putting this into, it's just, I know it's all about toys and selling more toys, but like, there's no narrative direction for this to go. And also are they supposed to be from the future and they like went back in time to
Sonny00:51:511994 or like, I mean, no, that's, they're just aliens because isn't Optimus Prime, isn't
Mike00:51:58Optimus Prime, like an ancestor of Optimus Primal, who is the gorilla?
Sonny00:52:02No, they say in the movie that Optimus Primal is just named after Optimus Prime, because apparently they all know about the great warrior Optimus Prime, because he's always out there
JVL00:52:10with his Zen cones, but the primes are a whole thing. They're like a family or something, right?
Mike00:52:15The prime is a, there are lots of primes and, but, but I also thought Optimus Primal was the T Rex version of Optimus Prime. So I'm really confused.
Sonny00:52:27My issue with all these is that like in, in the, in transformers the last night, it shows that transformers have been on earth for thousands of years, like hundreds, maybe thousands of years. And then all of a sudden we're supposed to believe that in Bumblebee, they just started showing up. Yeah. What about the wit Wiccans?
JVL00:52:42Oh yeah.
Sonny00:52:45Remember that? Remember, remember, remember the Harriet Tubman photo from the last, do you remember this? In transformers, JBL, JBL is about JBL has got a run here.
JVL00:52:55Yeah.
Sonny00:52:56So I'm gonna be very quick. Um, uh, but in, in transformers last night, there's a, there's a whole subplot about how the, the, there's a secret society that knows about the transformers are called the wit Wiccans. And one of the wit Wiccans is Harriet Tubman, who I guess helped transformers escape from the south. I don't understand. Oh, I don't know. Doesn't make any sense.
Mike00:53:17Oh no. Well, that's all right. On that note, that's all the time we're giving to this episode, sub beacon.com. What Sonny?
Sonny00:53:22Before we go?
Mike00:53:23No, go ahead. Go ahead. Sonny sub beacon.com. Uh, listen, become a member.
Sonny00:53:27Thanks for listening. We lost JBL. He had to go do a real work, um, Mike, uh, outtakes.
Mike00:53:39Yeah. I'll take, I don't know.
Sonny00:53:41Um, I have, I have, I'll take, so I, I mentioned, I mentioned last week that I was, uh, I was going to the Dallas fan expo, um, to, uh, to do the, uh, the boot camp. Uh, the bootleg safari show with my, uh, my friend, Aaron Reynolds, uh, the author of F and birds. If you, if you guys like the F and birds cartoon, Britney Spears approved, um, and it was, it was fun. Like the show itself was fun. Uh, the, the link for it might be live by the time this episode goes up. I don't know. Uh, but it was, it was, it was, it was a lot of fun. I think people enjoyed it. Um, but, uh, the, the fan expo itself is such a weird place.
Mike00:54:18Like the, what is it? It's like a comic con type thing.
Sonny00:54:21Comic con kind of, um, they have, so there were, first off they, they sold 80,000, 80,000 people were there at this convention. Jeez. I mean, it's, it was, it was way more than at the Orioles game. It was packed. I mean like to the, so like I made a very foolish mistake. I just assumed I could drive up there and park, uh, no, can't do that. You cannot drive to the convention center without pre pre-buying parking tickets. Um, and then I tried to buy tickets on the day of, I tried to buy tickets on the day of, I like Googled it. How can I, and they, there were parking passes available. I was like, oh great. I'm gonna get, I'm gonna get one of these parking passes. Turns out I bought a parking pass, uh, for a convention center in San Diego. As I was sitting there on my phone who didn't, could not get that refunded. That was, that was $25 wasted, but I did find, I found, I found a lot. I found actually like pro tip. If you're in Dallas and you're driving around and you need to, you need to park downtown near the convention center, but all the lots are full. Go to, uh, the bank of America Plaza parking. Just Google, Google that. It's, it's like a giant, it's like a 10 story parking garage and it was, it was totally empty. It was only $5 on the weekend. It was amazing. It was like, uh, and it was, it's like three blocks from the convention center. So it was, it was a slight walk, but not, not that bad. Anyway. Uh, point is it's packed and it's interesting because it's like, so they have, they have a celebrity area with, uh, you know, like, um, uh, Vincent D'Onofrio was over there and, uh, uh, Charlie Cox, they were doing like daredevil stuff. Uh, Rosario Dawson, um, uh, real celebrity. So like real, real celebrities, like real celebrities, then they have like voice actors who are again, like very popular, uh, very celebrities in their own right. Celebrities in their own right. Um, uh, the, the biggest draw at this show for a fairly obvious reasons of Shemeek Moore, who is the voice of, uh, Miles Morales and across Spider-Verse. So, uh, his, his line was, his line was still like we left, uh, Aaron and I left the convention center to go get dinner at like seven 30, which was 30 minutes after they like dimmed the lights and we're like everybody get out and he still, he was still signing autographs at his table. He's, he's super into it. Oh, wow. Good for him. Uh, I, I, I like to see that sort of thing. Um, but, uh, but then it's also like a comic book convention. So like they have, they have a bunch of booths with comic books, but also like video game booths and you know, uh, toy, toy booths, whatever. Um, and they have like a, they have a row, they have, you know, a bunch of artists there. So like if you were a child of the nineties as I am. You will recognize, and you were into comic books. You will recognize the name Mark Silvestri, big deal. That's like our booth was like right next to Mark Silvestri's booth, which was kind of, kind of cool for me. I didn't, I didn't go over and say hi or anything cause I didn't want to be a big nerd. But um, but that was fun. So like anyway, and, and they also have like panels and stuff. So we were doing this panel and the whole thing is interesting, but it's such, it is such a weird mix of people and products and uh, it is, it's one of the weirdest, uh, uh, uh, agglomerations of humanity I've ever seen. So I mean, it's like 40% of people are just like kind of standard issue nerds. I, I, I feel very comfortable using that word as a, as a nerd myself, but like standard issue comic book nerds, you know, uh, and then you, you have like 10% who are like the real intense nerds who show up with like a little, no, we'll get to them like wagons of comic books to like go up and down the aisles and get them all signed by people. Um. And so like, then you have, then you have, uh, like families walking around. Then you have the cosplayers and like a solid, like 20% of the people there are in some form of cosplay.
Mike00:57:59They they've got some sort of uniform on and they, is that more or less than you expected to say? Probably more.
Sonny00:58:06It was more. I would say maybe 20% might be high. It's probably like 10%, but like, they're like, I want to, I want to be very, I want to try and be kind here there, there there's a lot of spandex being worn and not necessarily the best choices, but like people are really into it and they're having fun. Good for them. Yeah. Then there's like 0.1% of the crowd, which are like, I don't know how to describe these people as anything other than strippers who happen to be wearing comic book, like costumes wandering the floor. I mean, like I'm talking about like pretty attractive, like pretty attractive women wearing next to nothing. And again, just like intermixed with the families and the, and like the 17 year old boy in his, you know, a Spider-Man outfit. And like, I'm just like, this is very, I feel uncomfortable just looking at all this happening,
Mike00:59:05but you don't see this at a car show.
Sonny00:59:06You don't see this at a baseball game, but this is like reflected also in the product. So like the booths, um, it's very, I mean, again, it's just very interesting. You'll have like a booth that's just like a comic book booth. And then you'll have a booth like the, my, my friend, Aaron had his, his effing bird stuff there. And it's like, he's selling calendars and books and stuff. We were sitting next to the guy who does, uh, who draws Charlie, the tuna on the star kiss cans. Okay. And I almost, I almost got something. I was gonna get something, uh, from him. Like he had, they were Funko pops. I was gonna get a Charlie, the, the tuna Funko pop because I like, I eat star kiss tuna literally every day for lunch. My lunch every day is. Yeah. Tuna fish sandwich. Um, but, but he was gone doing panels and stuff all this. So I didn't, I wasn't able to get it, but, uh, neither here nor there. Um, then you have, then you have booths that are what I can only describe as pinup art. Yeah. Like female comic book characters in various states of undressed with, uh, price tag stickers placed in a way to strategically. Strategically placed to, uh, uh, hide from passersby. What is beneath them? And what's beneath them is usually nipples and, and like, and, and I was just like, this is so weird. This all of this is so weird.
Mike01:00:35I don't, is there a, is there an, is there a social media influencer element to this as well? Right.
Sonny01:00:41Like, like there must be like people, like the big cosplayers, like this is like an actual job. They could go from thing to their, their competitions. Guys, money.
Mike01:00:49But I mean, I mean the sexy cosplayers, like that's a whole, obviously that's like a whole
Sonny01:00:54other level. Well, the sexy cosplayers are, have the biggest followings for, I think obvious reasons for reasons we were discussing with Megan Fox and the, in the transformers movies.
Mike01:01:03That's a weird, that's a weird place to like, like, cuz you wanna take not you, but like you're a parent in the Dallas Metroplex. You wanna take your kid who loves Spider-Man loves miles Morales to this.
Sonny01:01:15And, and there's just, there's like, there's like, uh, I mean like the one. There was this one. One girl walked by and she was wearing what I think was, you know, do you know the character Starfire from the teen Titans?
Mike01:01:29Uh, no, but I'll look her up right now.
Sonny01:01:32So Starfire is not like an overtly sexy character, but the way that this woman was dressed as Starfire, I, I, I it's, it's like the Patrick Stewart line from extras. I could see everything. I could see it all. And like, I was just like, that's not appropriate. You can't walk around like this. You can't walk. There are kids here. There, there are children in this room, madam, please put on a robe or something. I'm sure it was fine.
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