#121. 'Jurassic World Dominion'
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The main event is Jurassic World Dominion, which both Sonny and JVL admit they nearly walked out of; Sonny opens flatly with "Early on, I just wanted to walk out of this movie. Because really, who gives a shit?" and rips into the shockingly cheap-looking CGI for a quarter-billion-dollar movie, while JVL is personally offended by the film's parade of nonsense, from cold-blooded lizards thriving in Alaska to the Dolomites doubling as a "throbbing, humid Cretaceous jungle" to Chris Pratt lassoing a 6,000-pound, 55-mph dinosaur from horseback and somehow reeling it in. Both hosts tear apart the two disconnected sets of protagonists (Chris Pratt and Bryce Dallas Howard's clone-daughter plot versus Laura Dern, Sam Neill, and Jeff Goldblum's Biosyn/locust conspiracy) that only converge near the end, mock the muddled "immaculate conception" backstory of Bryce Dallas Howard's adopted daughter Maisie, and agree Bryce Dallas Howard has strangely "dead eyes" while Jeff Goldblum is the film's only saving grace for visibly refusing to take any of it seriously. Vic delivers his Quadrant verdict — Plot F, Duration F, Action A (he liked a couple of the set pieces), and Sex/Nudity N/A — and notes the movie's A- CinemaScore and $145 million opening despite savage reviews. Before the review, the trio runs through a long opening stretch of banter: Sonny's daughter's Girl Scout "dusk camp" schlepping, JVL five days out from his move to New Jersey and a lengthy tangent about son G-Money's oddly specific new Bon Jovi/Richie Sambora fandom (plus a Kiss detour), and Vic's romantic Charleston, South Carolina weekend with his wife Kate, new kids'-room furniture, and the recurring "hotel channel" bit. They also cover the weekend box office (Dominion vs. Top Gun: Maverick and Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness), riff on the Minions and Bullet Train trailers, and close by teasing a bonus bracket-style episode ranking dinosaurs.
From the show notes
Bad movie!
Full transcript
Guest00:00:00We can't keep her here forever. Why? If they find her, we're never gonna see her again. We gotta protect her. That's our job. Humans and dinosaurs can't coexist. We created an ecological disaster. Ali Sattler. Alan Grant. You didn't come out all this way just to catch up now, did you? You coming or what?
Vic00:00:44Hello and welcome to another edition of The Sub-Beacon. I'm Victor Matus along with Jonathan V. Last and Sonny Bunch. Just a reminder, The Sub-Beacon is now available through Patreon. Go to subbeacon.com, you'll easily find us. Please subscribe. Tell your friends. And don't forget about The Sub-Beacon merchandise store at tpublic.com. Gentlemen, how are we? Sonny, what's going on?
Sonny00:01:10Not a whole lot on my end. My daughter has a Girl Scout, like, dusk camp this week. So it's a lot of, like, driving her out to Plano, which is like 30 minutes. You did this last year, didn't you? Yeah, we did this last year. And it was a pain in the ass last year, too.
Vic00:01:30Is it like a bivouac?
Sonny00:01:32No, it's just like they stand outside in the field while the sun goes down. And then they, like, do, I don't know, Girl Scout campfire things. And then we pick them up at, like, ten. And it's from six to ten. Oh, it's too late. You got to leave, like, 30 minutes early to get there.
JVL00:01:47For little girls, that's crazy. It's crazy. It sucks.
Sonny00:01:50So anyway, that's been fun. Spending a lot of time up in Plano, going to various... Restaurants, just sitting around.
Vic00:01:59It's the home of Frito-Lay.
Sonny00:02:01It is? I did not know that. Yeah, that's where Frito-Lay is.
Vic00:02:04And also, you should check out, there's a great restaurant that I've been to in Plano called the Bavarian Grill.
Sonny00:02:10Oh, you've been to the Bavarian Grill, huh? I'm shocked.
Vic00:02:12I'm shocked. Yes. In fact, in fact, I took the microphone and then I led the restaurant in a chant. I'm just gonna leave it at that.
Sonny00:02:24You're trying to drown out somebody singing La Marseille? Marseille, yes.
Vic00:02:29No, you know, the usual. The usual. Tsikitsaki, tsikitsaki, hoi, hoi, hoi. You know, the usual. Anyway.
Sonny00:02:36So anyways, my week has been very annoying. Just a lot of driving and, you know, whatever. It's fine. It's fine. How have your guys' weeks been? JVL, how are you?
Vic00:02:49This is it. D-Day, D-Day plus, D-Day minus?
JVL00:02:52Yeah, this is D-Day minus five. I'm hoping to make it through this show. I was outside. Flash had a bunch of his buddies over and then they decided to go out and play basketball and then they wanted me to come out and play with them. Me playing pickup basketball with a bunch of ninth grade boys who are all serious athletes. I will say this, I dominated them. Oh, that's reassuring. But they were all having fun and at the end I thought I needed an ambulance.
Sonny00:03:26You needed the oxygen tank?
JVL00:03:28Or a defibrillator or something. It was rough. I would say I was a little more winded than they were. So today we did the pre-closing where we go out to the title company with a real estate attorney and we sign a bunch of papers and stuff and we brought G-Money with us because we just wanted to separate the kids to some degree. He has been really a nudge, just like going on picking at everybody, you know, pick, pick, pick, pick, pick, trying to get them. Is this annoying? Is this annoying? Is this annoying? So we brought him with us. And when he's got one on one time, he's lovely. Yeah. And so we get there and the real estate attorney is like, you know, making little conversations with them. And this isn't so. So what what are you most excited about for for New Jersey for moving to New Jersey? And he says, the thing I'm most excited about is going to go see Bon Jovi because Bon Jovi is from New Jersey. And so I'm going to get to see them in this. This guy looks and he's like, oh, Bon Jovi. And she goes, yeah, yeah. But the thing is, I won't see them if Richie Sambor isn't playing with them. Like if Richie Sambor is not playing, I won't go to the show.
Sonny00:04:40The guy's like Richie Sambor.
JVL00:04:42OK, OK. And, you know, he's like trying to catch up and like she lowers his voice, starts getting a little conspiratorial. He says, you know, Richie left the band when his dad died and and then he had some personal problems. The guy's like, yeah, and she like half whispers to him, I think that means drugs.
Sonny00:05:04It doesn't mean that at all. How old is G-Money? How old is he?
JVL00:05:08G-Money is five. OK, G-Money is five. He just, you know, he repeats everything Flash says. Oh, so this is, you know, he has picked up from Flash that the reason Flash is giving
Sonny00:05:18him the behind the music. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And so I then. Richie Sambor and Heather Locklear.
JVL00:05:24Yeah, yeah. She went from. She traded up from Tommy Lee to Richie Sambor, who is a fabulously talented guy. Do you guys know that Richie Sambor auditioned for Kiss and was turned down?
Vic00:05:39He must have been insanely young then at the time.
JVL00:05:41Yeah, yeah, he was. I think it was maybe the audition before his audition for Bon Jovi and the Kiss guys didn't. They just thought he wasn't a good fit. And they're right. He would have been a terrible fit for that garbage band.
Vic00:05:53Wow, I can't believe it. We're going to have some listeners who could be very upset about that.
Sonny00:05:58Are there really are there big Kiss fans anymore? Oh, sure. I'd say Kiss had Kiss had Kiss. The Kiss Army. Sure, I recognize.
Vic00:06:07I'd say some of the best song names that I wish I came up with. Number one, Lick It Up. Okay. Another one, Love Gun. And the other one is Rock Hard Parentheses You Make Me. So in case you didn't know, what Rock Hard might be a reference to.
JVL00:06:28They were talking that they rock so hard.
Sonny00:06:30Right, Parentheses You Make Me. Rock Hard Parentheses You Make Me. Ah, I get it now. They're right because they're rocking.
JVL00:06:37Do you remember the Kiss dolls? I do. And the Kiss action figures? Yes. And I believe a Kiss animated series. The Kiss guys were I would say this. They were.
Vic00:06:49I remember the TV show. They had a Kiss TV show.
JVL00:06:51They were pioneers in taking their act and it was just an act and and and merchandising the hell out of it. Like that they're not a band. They're a business. They were like a business.
Sonny00:07:05Gene Simmons, Gene Simmons. Lifestyle brand.
JVL00:07:08They were the Limp Bizkit of the 70s and 80s. No, they were not.
Vic00:07:14I don't think they ever sang a song that had the name Kiss in their song.
Sonny00:07:17They were they were better. They were better than Limp Bizkit at selling out than Limp Bizkit. I mean, like Limp Bizkit wasn't that good at merchandising. And and that sort of thing.
JVL00:07:26I think for a while Limp Bizkit Pogs Limp Bizkit was very Limp Bizkit was very big.
Sonny00:07:34My only my only real experience with Kiss is the movie Detroit Rock City, which I've probably watched a dozen times that came out.
Vic00:07:41That's for your time.
Sonny00:07:42Ninety nine or two hours long. Edward Furlong. Edward Furlong. One of Eddie Furlong's last last big movies. But I love that movie. It's silly. It's silly, but it's it's fun. It's like it was in that. Post-American pie wave of like teen sex romps. But there's not really any sex in it. I think Natasha Lyonne is in it. Yes, I'm sure it was. But anyway, yeah, that's all.
JVL00:08:06That's all that's going on with me. Victorino, how are you, buddy?
Vic00:08:09Busy, crazy.
JVL00:08:10It's a big teddy bear you got behind you.
Vic00:08:12Yeah, that was upstairs. That's one of mine. Yeah. Oh, my God. That's a that's a Costco special. Yes. Well, we did a lot of furniture. You know, there's like new bedroom furniture upstairs. So all this stuff, you got new furniture. Furniture downstairs. Well, no, for the kids rooms, like bedroom stuff, like new beds and stuff. So they just brought everything downstairs. Do me a favor. If the teddy bear moves, it starts moving. If the teddy bear's head does this, right? No, if it turns right, please let me know. I'm not going to say anything. Get the frick out of here.
Sonny00:08:41I'm not going to say anything. But if you see me pull up my camera, I'll just start like my phone and just start like taping it down here. That's not a Teddy Ruxpin bear. That's a that's a big Japanese horror movie. It is my big bear. His name is Chucky. Everything's fine. I don't understand.
Vic00:08:58I love those movies with those dolls. Like, are any of them actually adorable when they got them? No, they weren't. They were terrible. No, they're all very busy.
Sonny00:09:04Um, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You have to say. So you just bought new furniture for all the for the kids rooms, like the kids.
Vic00:09:12Bigger beds were not big enough. The beds were not enough. So but yeah, this is stuff. This is stuff that was ordered. Almost a year ago, but because of supply chain, it took this long. Mm hmm. To actually get here. Kate did everything. I didn't do any of this stuff. Well, yeah, but she even measured it so that apparently when the movers came in, they had their doubts about like, it's going to fit. But Kate's like, No, she had it down. Did they assemble it? They did. But she had a time so that the junk removal guys came in with it. 15 minutes before the other guys came in because. Wow. Yeah. I mean, she's she's a pro.
JVL00:09:47Like Operation Barbarossa.
Vic00:09:49Yeah, I know. I thank you for it. So we we in fact.
Sonny00:09:53I gave her a 20. I slipped her a 20.
Vic00:09:55I was like, you know, I don't know. Do you tip? You did a great job.
Sonny00:09:58I definitely tipped her because you did a great job, ma'am. Just the tip.
Vic00:10:01She just the tip. Just the just the tip. Speaking of which, we went to Charleston over the weekend. Oh, we.
Sonny00:10:06Charlestown races and slots.
Vic00:10:08And slots. Now Charlestown, Charleston, Charleston, South Carolina. Never been down there. That is a southern food foodie mecca. I loved it. It is. Have you been down there? It's so amazing. I'd say the ratio of girl to guy is about five to one. Interesting. Lots of bachelorette parties, women dressed to the nines. It's just so many. And certain restaurants were like every woman there was like ridiculously hot. It was crazy. And at some point, including your wife, including my wife. And I turned to her and I said, Is it just me? And she goes, No, this is crazy. What's what's going on over here? So, no, it was we had got it's been like, oh, over a year or whatever, since it was just her and me getting away from the kids. And so we were able to do that. And she was like, I was very excited for this. And she was like, this is so great because then Charleston, there's so much to see. And I said, Trust me, you're not going to see much. Come on. No, does that? No, not even I ran that joke by her first. And then I had other jokes, but they were much worse. And she's not going to let me tell those.
JVL00:11:12Well, I need to hear the other jokes to vote on, which is the best.
Sonny00:11:15Yeah, I don't I don't I don't I don't.
JVL00:11:17You can cut it from Sonny. Can cut it out of the show.
Sonny00:11:22Is the joke. That you have a small dick.
Vic00:11:23I don't even understand what the joke is.
Sonny00:11:26You're not going to see much.
Vic00:11:27What are you talking about?
Sonny00:11:28You're not going to see much. There's not much.
Vic00:11:30Much like when you're movie watching. You're overthinking this. Much like when you're movie watching. I don't know where you're going.
Sonny00:11:36I don't I don't even. I don't understand.
Vic00:11:38Give me the other material. Okay, so you're going to believe it. You're going to believe it and say, well, yeah, well, you'll see if I have time.
Sonny00:11:47Oh, that's a good one. See, that's better. That makes more sense.
Vic00:11:50There was also one worse than that, but I'll leave it at that. But I'm kidding. Jokes aside, we had plenty of time. We had plenty of time to turn Charleston. Believe me.
Sonny00:11:58Well, I mean, I mean, the other thing to take.
Vic00:12:01It was it was so quick. The hotel channel didn't reset. Come on. For those of you who appreciate hotel channel. Thank you, JBL. I wrote that one and then I bolded it on my script because I said, that's a good one. Because I love hotel channel for some reason. And it's just on a loop. It's just on a loop, the hotel channel. And that's the joke was that, yeah, it didn't even get to the end.
Sonny00:12:22That was one of my favorite jokes from the second season. Or maybe it was the first season of Ted Lasso where Keeley is.
JVL00:12:28And she has no memory. She has no memory of having done that day.
Vic00:12:31Done the hotel channel. Yeah, exactly.
JVL00:12:34So, no, we had we had a lovely time.
Vic00:12:37I'm so glad. And that was it. And we were able to, you know, kindle a little a little romance. Speaking of which, over the weekend, Jurassic World Dominion plowed into the box office. Oh, come on. No, yeah, that might have to be. Believe that you have that. I had I had a bottle and a half of wine before getting to this show, by the way, into the bar, into the box.
Sonny00:12:59Well, here's the funniest part on the script.
Vic00:13:02It says I forgot the word office and said it's the box. I'm sorry, honey. I'm sorry. I swear that into the box office plowed into the box office with a hundred. I know with one hundred forty five a hundred. Really? One hundred forty five point one million dollars, followed by Top Gun Maverick, which took in an additional fifty one point nine million. And in third place, Doctor Strange and the Multiverse of Madness still at it, which conjured I wrote this conjured five point two million dollars. Box office thoughts. JVL, you said your theater for Jurassic Park to me was sparse compared to Top Gun Maverick.
JVL00:13:44So what I went to see Jurassic Park on the Tuesday after the opening weekend, I had previously gone to see Top Gun on the Monday after the opening weekend, the Monday after the opening weekend for Top Gun totally sold out giant auditorium. Six people at the IMAX in the AMC on the Monday night for this. And I got to tell you, I look at this and I can't understand that this movie did one hundred forty five million dollars.
Vic00:14:16Same Sonny box office thoughts, because I mean, my I thought also I saw it also on a Tuesday night and it was so, so crowd.
Sonny00:14:25There's there there are there are several reasons for this. One is that people inexplicably love these dumb movies. I mean, remember when the first Jurassic World, I mean, for the first huge, huge Jurassic first Jurassic Park. Very good. All the rest have been bad. But like when the first Jurassic World came out, it was one of these legacy sequels. People are like, ah, do we really want this is the first one.
JVL00:14:45Another Jurassic Park opened like two hundred twenty million dollars. Right. And it's something insane like that. It opened it.
Sonny00:14:50It opened a two hundred million, just like an almost an even two hundred million opening weekend. But it had been projected to do like one ten or one twenty or something like that. And it like kept it kept like leapfrogging over the number throughout the week. It was one of these like real crazy word of mouth hits for again, for whatever reason, because that first one is terrible, too.
Vic00:15:11It's a very bad movie. This is the theme park Redux with Bryce Dallas Howard.
Sonny00:15:15Right. Yeah. But no, I'm not I'm not shocked because. People people love these dumb movies. One forty five is right in line with what Jurassic World Fallen Kingdom did. The the market for blockbuster films has recovered almost entirely at this point. I mean, we've had three we've had three hundred million dollar openings in the last six weeks, which has happened, I think, once or twice before in the history of the box office.
Vic00:15:43So meaning Strange Maverick in this. Yeah, right.
Sonny00:15:47So Dr. Doctor Strange to Matt Top Gun Maverick in this. It all came out within, what, five weeks of each other, five weekends of each other. And all three have opened to more than one hundred million dollars over their first three days. And there are, you know, the again, the very top of the box office has recovered totally. I tweeted something the other day, like, you know, in the last six months we've had the biggest Spider-Man movie of all time. We've had the biggest Tom Cruise movie of all time. We've also had the biggest day twenty four movie of all time, which is everything everywhere. It's all at once. So like the wait a minute, wait a minute.
Vic00:16:22You said it that did better than the lighthouse. Yes.
Sonny00:16:26Shocker. Shocker. But like the top of the the the box office seems to be back. I mean, it like it what the only real issue now is just a lack of frankly, just a lack of new movies every week. And here's the here's here's my my general take on this. I don't think it's actually a bad thing if instead of having a tent pole every week, what we for a while we had that basically from like March through about October, we would have a tent pole sized movie four out of every five weeks. And that was unsustainable. I mean, that that that sort of thing. When you when you're releasing when you're releasing 20 movies a year that need to gross eight hundred million dollars to break even, like that's not a that's not a sustainable business model for anyone. So I think we could see we could see, you know, I think that the box office probably stabilizes around. Seventy five to eighty five percent of what what the annual total was in in twenty nineteen the last year before the pandemic. And that's basically the new normal, which I think is probably enough that most of the you know, most movie theaters can survive. I think you'll see some we are seeing you will see some more contraction. But but the top of the blockbuster marketplace is back. I mean, again, like the fact that this bad, bad movie did one hundred did one hundred forty five million dollars with no problem whatsoever.
JVL00:17:49Sonny, give me a percentage decline for week two.
Sonny00:17:53Yeah. Come on. Give me some 60, 65, 60, 67 to 70 percent. I mean, it's I mean, the thing is, the thing is, it actually hasn't gotten terrible audience. I mean, it got hammered by critics. But, you know, what a critics know. Critics are assholes. And the the audience score, I think it was an A minus from CinemaScore, which is perfectly, perfectly fine. It's better than Doctor Strange's B plus. You think the word of mouth is going to be. Be like, oh, I think the word of mouth is going to be fine. I think the word about it's not going to be disastrous. You're not going to see I mean, like again, you'll probably see like a 60, 60 to 65 to six. I'm sorry. Sixty five to 70 percent drop off somewhere in that range from from first to second weekend. But I don't think it's going to be it's not going to be like Morbius. Right. It's not going to disappear from theaters in four weeks. I think it'll be I think it'll probably get to around a billion dollars worldwide. I would be I'd be a little bit surprised if it didn't. Uh, you know, and good for good for them.
Vic00:18:53Good for universal universal. How about can I ask you this? Did you have anything that you have the same opening to this that I did, which is with the Minions, the Minions? Oh, oh, including the Minions trailer. I can't do it anymore. I walked out of the trailer because of the language. I don't like that.
JVL00:19:14I don't like the language. You want to know something interesting about the Minions language, Xavier? It is different for every territory it is released. What? So the Minions, the Minions language that you get in the French version is different than the Minions language you get in the Brazilian version, which is different than the Minions language you get in the German version because the Minions language is purposefully a pastiche of vaguely familiar words to your home language mixed with like different kinds of sounds. That sound vaguely foreign. And so that mix is adjusted depending on on where you are releasing the thing.
Vic00:19:55That's actually very interesting. No wonder these movies are again, these movies, terrible movies that are huge hits. The Minions and you realize that that means that if they actually played Minions exactly how we hear it in like Hungary would be like, oh, English to them.
JVL00:20:10Oh, yeah. So here's here's my question. Did you guys get the bullet train? Yes. Trailer. Not for this. One, but for Top Gun, I did. Yeah. Brad Pitt in a I can't even try to figure out how to describe it.
Sonny00:20:25Maybe it's Brad Pitt's everything, everywhere, all at once. Well, no, it's it's Brad Pitt doing Deadpool by way of a Bruce Lee movie. I'm kind of there for it. I don't know. I mean, I think it looks I mean, look, it depends on how they oversold it. It depends on how sticky it is, because I think there's like a very. Decent chance that they they go. So originally the script for this movie supposedly was a pretty straightforward action thriller type movie. And then and then as they were shooting it, they like just leaned into the comedy of it. So we'll see. We'll see how that works. I mean, I like that director. I like the I like the Deadpool movies. Fine. The first one is better than the second one. But, you know, whatever. I like Brad Pitt. Obviously, Brad Pitt's great. I like most of the actors in. That, too. I didn't realize that. Is that Sandra Bullock? Who is the. Yeah, I didn't realize that Sandra Bullock was the like, you know, the handler for Brad Pitt, which is. So I'm I'm I mean, I'm there. I'm going to I'm going to see it for sure. I like I like those. All right. Well, let's talk about Jurassic Park.
JVL00:21:35There's a lot to talk about. Sonny, how about a big boy? Is there? All right.
Vic00:21:39Oh, I have some. It's all terrible. I have a lot of notes, but it's all terrible.
Sonny00:21:43Sonny, how about a big boy review? Jurassic World Dominion. Jurassic World Dominion picks up where Jurassic World Fallen Kingdom left off. And I got to be honest with you guys. This movie came out three years ago. Jurassic World Fallen Kingdom came out three years ago. No, no, no, no. I think. Or was it four years ago? Was it 2018?
Vic00:22:02Fallen Kingdom was the the last one we saw, which is where they freed everybody.
Sonny00:22:07Right. They freed all. Really? And also there was there was a clone girl, which I had forgotten about.
Vic00:22:11I forgot about that. The only thing I remembered about the last Jurassic on the show, as I mentioned, I called it Jurassic Fart. It was a guy next to me in the movie theater kept on releasing gas.
Sonny00:22:22Silent Fed Deadlies or. Yes.
Vic00:22:24They're rumbling. No, SPDs. SPDs. It was the worst.
Sonny00:22:28So anyway. All right. So Jurassic World Dominion. Jurassic World Dominion picks up where Jurassic World Fallen Kingdom has left off. The dinosaurs are now merging with the natural wildlife. They're becoming part of the ecosystems. They're running with the Mustangs and whatnot. And in the mix of in the midst of all this, there are giant locusts that have been crossed with dinosaur DNA who are mysteriously only eating crops that were not seeded by Biosyn. Yeah. I don't know if you I'm picking up on the subtle wordplay here, but Biosyn. Sonny, even I got that. Even I got that. Which is run by Tim Cook, apparently. I was going to say Bill Gates, but close. Tim Cook. Tim Cook. But the so anyway, Tim Cook is running this evil biological engineering company that is destroying the world's crops with the locusts and also is trying to get all the dinosaurs has been given a contract by the government to round up the dinosaurs and keep them in a preserve. But there's black market for in the Dolomite Mountains, the Dolomite Mountains, I guess somewhere in Italy. Is that where it's really a weird place to have a dinosaur?
JVL00:23:48It is a dinosaur reserve, but OK, fine anyway, it is a dinosaur reserve filled with incredibly hot, steaming jungles. Yes, in a valley, you know, the valleys of the Dolomites is just like that. I didn't I didn't I legitimately did not fucking things I've ever seen on screen.
Vic00:24:04Not literally. I was not since Back to the Future three where they go out west and like behind Hill Valley is Monument Valley.
Sonny00:24:12It made me angry. It made me angry, viscerally angry watching. I mean, it's it's like the Savage Land from the X-Men. That's I was like, it's like they're in Antarctica. And then all of a sudden it's like, oh, here's giant steamy jungle with all the dinosaurs. Sure. Makes sense. I'm sorry. I'm getting distracted because the plot of this movie is so is so dumb and boring. And I just don't care about it. I mean, like Chris, can I help you here, Sonny? Please, please do.
JVL00:24:37So the entire world is terrified by these locusts, which are eating crops and going to lead to. A gigantic collapse in the food chain and the starvation of billions. And everybody notices that it's crazy that these locusts eat all crops except for crops that are seeded by biosyn. Yeah, yeah. Nobody can nobody can put two and two together except for Ellie Sadler. And she thinks that what they need to do is find proof that biosyn is behind this in order to show people. Because this is not something that every fucking government in the world would have been on.
Guest00:25:18From the very beginning, it's it's like who wrote this?
JVL00:25:25So this is the motivation for one, because what this movie does is it has two sets of protagonists who have nothing to do with one another, who have don't know each other and have no interest in one another and have no shared goals marching along, like not even parallel, like doing their own thing for an hour. Fifty until they finally are brought together in the end for no reason whatsoever. So. Because our other set of protagonists are Chris Pratt and Bryce Dallas Howard, Bryce Dallas Howard, who have a clone daughter that they love for some reason, even though the kid is an absolute brat.
Vic00:26:02And I like to among us among us.
Sonny00:26:06Sorry, I mean, I was just trying to simplify half of the movie for you, Sonny. Thank you. So that's half the movie. So this movie really is. It's the synthesis of the two trilogies, right? You have the Jurassic Park trilogy, Jurassic World trilogy, and it is bringing them together. And it. Doing so incredibly successfully, as you can tell by my ability to relay the plot. But my favorite thing about this movie is that it has Chris Pratt doing his like raptor whispering thing where he just holds his hand out. He stops the raptors like, hey, you listen to me. Eyes on me.
JVL00:26:34Eyes on me.
Sonny00:26:35All the dinosaurs, all the dinosaurs respond to this. Like every dinosaur, not just the one he is like raised by hand since birth.
JVL00:26:43And they respond to it even when his 13 year old daughter does it. She's very good. Or when Sam Neill does it.
Sonny00:26:48Later on, like they're just they're just it's like the force trick, but for dinosaurs. It's like the Jedi mind trick, but for dinosaurs.
Vic00:26:55By the way, this first started with Paul Hogan in Crocodile Dundee. I just want to point that out. He was the master of it.
Sonny00:27:01I hated I hated this movie for a lot of reasons. I mean, one again is that it's just spectacularly stupid. It's a spectacularly dumb movie. Nothing in it makes any sense. It is. It's it's the the effect. The effects work in this movie is shockingly bad. Yeah, I was going to say that. Yeah. For a movie that cost a quarter billion dollars or whatever this movie costs, like the backgrounds frequently look very fake. The dinosaurs themselves are usually fine, but like there's such an obvious difference between the CGI action dinosaurs and the like cute puppet dinosaurs in in the market that it's really jarring. It's not like it's not like Jurassic Park, the original where Steven Spielberg, who's a good filmmaker, was able to merge and meld. The the digital and the puppetry should have started, but you but you just you just you you you go from these shots of these like clearly fake dinosaurs, clearly computer generated dinosaurs to the ones that are like clearly, you know, Jim Amatronic puppy labs. Yeah, like and it is very it's very jarring, very annoying. The only this film's only real saving grace is Jeff Goldblum, who recognizes that it isn't the whole. Thing is absurd and disrespects it every chance he gets. Like, I mean, he like he's he's he's clearly he clearly doesn't he clearly doesn't give a damn about any of this. And he's and his character is written smartly, I think, in such a way to, like, kind of take the piss out of all of it just to just to, you know, I didn't pick up on any of that. Oh, I think I think he clear. I mean, like the lines where he's like, you know, you you made a promise to a dinosaur. It's just like it's absurd. The whole thing is like when Chris Pratt is walking around. The like zonked out baby raptor on his back is like you have a dinosaur on your like it's just it's he's just highlighting how dumb all of this is. And it is dumb, dumb movie, bad. I don't I don't care for any of the I don't care for any of the set pieces. I don't care for any of the characters. I like Chris Pratt a lot. I think I and he's fine in this for what he is. But like the role is a nothing role.
JVL00:29:14It's bad. Everything is shrinking before our eyes. As a actor like that guy gets worse in every movie we see him in. And his frat boy charm that worked really well at age 25 is not working as he approaches middle age. And, you know, one of the things I thought during the Mission Impossible segment of the movie is that when I was watching which which part.
Sonny00:29:40So when I were there hopping over the rooftops of villas.
JVL00:29:44Yeah. During that during that segment. I thought that was a James Bond. Segment. Yeah, I was thinking James Bond. No, no. So I was I was thinking back to Mission Impossible, Rogue Nation and the the thrilling motorcycle chase through an old Middle Eastern type city. Yes. And, you know, I mean, I like the Mission Impossible movies quite a lot, as you guys know. Yeah. But when I was watching Rogue Nation, the one thing I thought is that this scene is missing velociraptors and Jurassic World's Dominion fixes that they take almost the same scene. Almost beat by beat. But they insert velociraptors. And so it's awesome. Ah, ah, ah, ah. Laser guided. Laser. And also, by the way, but they're not velociraptors. They're like hydra raptors. Indo hydra raptors. Those are killers versus the other velociraptors. Laser guided. Because the laser activates pheromones that then allow the velociraptors to track track its target across the globe.
Vic00:30:45Oh, yeah. Well, here's my thing. So after having seen Top Gun. Of course, you know, the weapons officer, you got to keep the laser, the bead. You got to keep it on the target until it hits the target. In this movie, you just click on once. As long as you hit it once. As long as the laser flashed on you. That's it.
JVL00:31:02Well, it's a pheromone laser, Victorino. You're done. It's science. It makes sense if you think about it. Do you guys know the history for how we got this dumb ass set of movies? Please.
Sonny00:31:13Well, the history where they were going to have like the human dinosaur hybrid.
JVL00:31:18Movies? No. Really? No. So so all of this is downstream.
Vic00:31:22Because that sounds like human centipede and I'd be down to watch that.
JVL00:31:25All of this is downstream from a script for Jurassic Park four, which was never made. Written by John Sayles, who is a great indie director who also did a lot of screenwriting for the Roger Corman B movie world. He wrote things like Crocodile. Do you remember the movie Crocodile? Sure. It was, you know, with the idea of the crocodiles in. A giant crocodile in New York City was coming through people's drains to to eat nubile young women in the bathtub.
Vic00:31:54The urban legend is real. Right. As happens. As happens.
JVL00:31:57So John Sayles writes a script for Jurassic Park four in which a Swiss, an evil Swiss billionaire, has assembled a team of velociraptors and implanted neural devices in their heads and turned them into commandos. And he hired. A mercenary to come in and be the team leader of the Velociraptor and the dino. He sends these dino commandos out on a series of missions and they like they do halo jumps from down to rescue somebody from a kidnapping. And they do all these things that that no SEAL Team six could ever do. You know, only only a team of trained velociraptors could do. And and that then the mercenaries, the one who eventually. Realizes that he's got to break his buddies out of this. His buddies, the dinosaurs who he can communicate with telepathically.
Sonny00:32:53Well, I thought so. I thought that I thought that they were supposed to be raptor human hybrids. I thought I maybe that's a different, terrible version.
JVL00:33:01And and this was so Spielberg fell in love with this script, but it never got made. And then this became the entire idea for the Jurassic World Chris Pratt character. But they tried to make it slightly more realistic because, well, he's just a train. You know, and he's got this these he raises the raptors and that's why he could talk. But by the end, he's like making contract, you know, verbal contracts with the fucking dinosaur.
Vic00:33:29Yeah, I'm going to go get her. Well, it's like I made her a promise. I mean, no, it's like I don't know about the book, but it's like the movie Congo, you know, where they put all the device of the gorilla. And not only does it explain some of the gorilla, you know, it'll tell you what it is. Thirsty, hungry. Angry. All of a sudden, you're having a normal conversation and suddenly it's no longer gorilla. You know, it's the same. That makes sense. There you go.
Sonny00:33:55Gorillas, gorillas and humans are very close to each other. Coco. Yeah. A thousand. The name Coco. Yeah. Coco knew fifteen hundred words in sign language communicate. I forget how much you love. Cog. Raptors are lizards. Congo. Congo's a good movie. Congo's a great book. Yeah. Great book. Good movie. Not not a great movie. So Jurassic Park movies, not not Jurassic Park. Good. But it's it's a it's a fantastic, fantastic. So Tim Curry. Delroy Lindo.
JVL00:34:30I feel bad because I'm I'm poised to go full Limp Bizkit. And I don't want to do this just to steal your filibuster of your Victorino. But I damn near walked out of this movie. I hate it so much.
Vic00:34:42You know what, Jamie? You're not going to believe this, but I almost walked out of the movie, too.
JVL00:34:45Isn't that crazy? I I came so close. So close to walking out that I got up and left the theater just to go walk around for a minute to try to to get myself calm enough to go back. And so I went back in and I had to do it again. I had to do that twice in order to, like, strap it on and make it through. And I didn't make it all the way to the credits. Now, I think I sort of got to the climax of the movie. There may have been like a button on the end of it.
Vic00:35:09I got I got to where they freed the the raptor into the wild. And then the older raptor come by and said, thanks. And then that was it.
JVL00:35:17Oh, I didn't make it through. I didn't make it through to that. I got like they're on the helicopter leaving. And so I feel like a great fight. We were at the Damont and Sonny's going to tell us we missed a lot.
Vic00:35:26There must be something there must be like a stinger.
Sonny00:35:29You missed you missed the post-credit scene where where the United States military calls Chris Pratt out of retirement. He's got to come train his hybrid human raptor dinosaur friends friends because we're going to space.
Vic00:35:43It's Jurassic Galaxy. The only thing that's left, by the way, is dinosaurs in space. Because it's now it's just been so normalized from the from the second Jurassic from the second. When when the dinosaurs arrived in L.A. a long time ago, which is like, what, 20 something years ago, whatever it was. I'm like, OK, that's it. And here they are now. You can't talk.
JVL00:36:03I'm just like Jurassic Park. Moonraker Jurassic Moonraker.
Sonny00:36:08Jurassic Moonraker. No, you guys. You guys did actually miss the dumbest. You you left and you missed the dumbest scene in the movie. You did. You did. I will. I will. I will. I will just explain it to you. So as the movie comes to a close, there's a montage of shots of dinosaurs running with like wild mustangs, like running together in packs. And then there's dinosaurs. The big dinosaur that we see at the beginning that eats the crab. Yes. The sea one is swimming, swimming with a humpback whales and they're peacefully. No. Yeah. And and then and there's another one where pterodactyls are flying off with with Canada geese.
JVL00:36:48Canadian geese. It sounds like it would work.
Sonny00:36:51And they're all just living together in harmony because because that's how it would work. That's how invasive species works. That's how it would work in nature. The Nate, the species would come together and they would find an equilibrium. That was humanity. That's like unlike humanity, which cannot come to equilibrium.
JVL00:37:10Oh, I get with the world. I'm sorry. Let's fight.
Sonny00:37:14Fuck that. That is like all of those dinosaurs would eat all of those animals. And there would just be nothing to each other. So and then they'd eat each other. That was then they'd eat us. That was the scene. That was it. That was it. That was how the movie was a happy ending.
JVL00:37:26So it's a happy ending. So I got I got viscerally angry at this movie because I felt as though I was being personally insulted throughout. You were the idea that from the very beginning with the narration in the beginning, the voiceover.
Vic00:37:42The dinosaurs are now literally everywhere. Right. Which is, by the way, everywhere. That's a cheap that's a cheat sheet. That's a cheat to just like, oh, let's just have the reporter just bring us up to speed.
JVL00:37:53But there's also a global black market for them.
Sonny00:37:56All right. William Goldman. How does that work?
JVL00:37:58Right. Oh, black market. Black markets are for rare things that are impossible to find or in danger. Right. But when they're everywhere that we have cold blooded hairless reptiles living in Alaska. There's a Brachiosaurus living on a Brachiosaurus is an herbivore which requires I look this up. Eight hundred and eighty pounds of dry plant matter per day. Where did those two Brachiosaurus get their their dry plant matter in Alaska? How did they get to Alaska? Yeah. Why did they decide to go north where it gets colder?
Vic00:38:28None of this makes any fucking sense. They all got freed from the mansion, right? They got from the compound. That's how it started. They all got free from the compound.
JVL00:38:34This is Ramsey, the genius Dodgson, Tim Cook's Tim Cook's young prodigy. His right hand man.
Vic00:38:40Right. His right hand man. Dodgson. We got Dodgson. Yeah. I didn't even realize that was Dodgson Dodgson until later in the movie. I'm like, oh, come on. This is one of those things.
JVL00:38:48We're just he is introduced as the vice president of communications. I'm sorry that the guy who is at your what he's the he's the VP of comms.
Sonny00:38:58Yeah, he's not. He's not the CEO. Ramsey is the VP of comms. I like the actor. I didn't even miss that. I didn't even catch that again.
JVL00:39:07Just these little little things. Little things. The the the the dinosaur whisperer shit drives me crazy. But then there I mean, just the. I did not care about either set of protagonists. And maybe the movie could have succeeded if it had just had one set. Yeah, right. And it's one set. Give them a journey. Give them something to do. But neither neither set has a convincing set of motivations.
Vic00:39:36We've talked about this. You guys mentioned this a lot over the years, which is the smaller stakes. Some of the best movies have smaller stakes involved. And this one is just everything is interplanetary. Well, it's planetary.
JVL00:39:48But I actually I when they get together, when those two groups get together, they have like negative chemistry. And I feel so bad because it's not like, oh, a bunch of our old friends are together. It's like why these two like did nothing worse.
Vic00:40:03And I so like I so like Sam Neill and to see him just, you know, I don't. And I remember thinking about this when I saw the trailer for this movie, thinking that they're going to. You know, it's it's the whole thing is just jammed in to force us to go to the theater because we want to. See the old gang together with the new gang together and lots of member berries in between. I thought at some point, you know, with the whole thing with Dodgson and the shaving cream. Oh, the throwback, the shaving cream cans, the dilapidators. Where did you get the shaving cream from? It was. Yeah. How did you get it? Because it was in the mud. It was. Was it in Jurassic? Was it in Jurassic World?
Sonny00:40:39Did it did they did they find it in Jurassic World or something?
Vic00:40:42I thought that between that and everything else and the other member berries, I thought for sure. You were going to find out that the female pilot was the daughter of Samuel Jackson.
Sonny00:40:54You know, why not? That would have been good. How did they not connect that? Because how was she not trying to get revenge?
JVL00:41:01Defco Jeff Goldblum's adopted daughter. Yes. All grown up. The gymnast. Yes. Her all grown up. That's what she she left her father who were.
Sonny00:41:10Yeah. Previously, the dumbest scene in the whole series. The uneven parallel bars. Little the little girl kicking the raptor.
Vic00:41:18To its death. To its death. By doing gymnastics. And by the way, the Raptors in this in this movie, the Mission Impossible chase scene throughout the street, the narrow streets of Malta, didn't they seem indestructible? The Raptors, they're animals, aren't they? They're animals.
JVL00:41:33No, they they have titanium exoskeletons like Wolverine and they're unstoppable. And, you know, their their claws are surprisingly grippy on cobblestones. They have no problem with traction or anything like that. And again,
Vic00:41:48there's a lot of this. I thought about this, the CGI and particularly the opening. So, well, first of all, I'll just go through. No surprises, I think, on the the Quadrant scores here. The plot was an F. I said in parentheses, it's just this bioethics clusterfuck. That's what I said. It's insane. Okay. Duration is an F. It's long, isn't it? It's so long. It's like almost two and a half. It's almost two and a half. The action, I have to admit, I graded this. Yesterday, the action, I kind of gave it an A for the action. I kind of liked some of the scenes. Some of the scenes were fun. Okay. I'm just going to say some of the scenes. Give me one. Not the story.
Sonny00:42:28Oh, the with the guy on the scooter who gets eaten by the dinosaur. That that made me laugh. That was good too.
Vic00:42:34Oh, Bryce Dallas Howard in the swamp and the scary dinosaur with the claws. That was really scary. Oh, that dinosaur.
JVL00:42:42That's from the hot dogs for his fingers dimension. That's what that is. That dinosaur was from that dimension.
Vic00:42:48Hot dog fingers. That's a real dinosaur. That's nice. It was blind.
Sonny00:42:54I didn't realize that this was set in the multiverse. I like it more now.
Vic00:42:57It makes more sense. I gave sex and nudity an N/A because Jurassic Park does not have sex. That's not their thing. But I could have given it an F because I thought there was some potential there. With Bryce Dallas Howard. I think she's so pretty. I like her. What? JBL, what are you laughing about? You don't like Bryce? I like her. She's great.
Sonny00:43:15Is it just me or does Bryce Dallas Howard have dead eyes?
Vic00:43:18I was going to say... Ice eyes. The way she looked fluctuated. And I wondered if she was... I don't know if I can say this on this podcast. What? I thought she might be pregnant. I'm not allowed to say that?
Sonny00:43:33I think she was at some point. But other times she looked different.
Vic00:43:36That's why. So, you know.
JVL00:43:39I am certain that Bryce Dallas Howard is a wonderful, wonderful woman. I do not know... Good director. ...that she works really as an actress.
Sonny00:43:48I don't know. I don't think she works as an actress in these movies. She's very good in The Village. Oh yeah. Remember The Village where she plays a blind woman whose eyes don't see?
Vic00:44:00The blind woman who has to go to the towns. For the medicines.
Sonny00:44:06But no, she directed a couple episodes of The Mandalorian. Including the space station one.
JVL00:44:12Did she direct the Jurassic Park one?
Vic00:44:15You know where it's like the AT-ST comes out. And it's a whole sort of reference to The Mandalorian. The Village. Remember they're in The Village? Oh, maybe. She might have. But literally, JVL, I actually I'm going to read the first two sentences of this thing I had here. Which is, "Early on, I just wanted to walk out of this movie." And in the second sentence, "Because really, who gives a shit?"
JVL00:44:45You know, it's not often I mean, we see a lot of bad movies. And you know, sometimes they're bad. It's not often that I take it personally and I feel like it's insulting me. This one, I felt like the movie was making fun of me as like, "Yeah, you're going to take this." Yeah, you're going to take this. You were just going to sit there and watch the cold-blooded, hairless lizards living in Alaska. And you're just going to suck on that. You're going to look at the French Alps or the Swiss Alps circling a throbbing, humid Cretaceous period jungle and just accept that it works. You were going to watch Chris Pratt riding on a horse with a rope lassoing a 25-foot dinosaur. And you were going to believe the physics of a 25-foot dinosaur that probably weighs in excess of 6,000 pounds, moving 55 miles an hour, that Chris Pratt and his whole horse are able to bring it to heel with their rope. That is all going to make sense.
Vic00:45:54And in addition to... He wrapped the rope around a tree. The stump. He got it through the tree branch thing. But you know what else? You know what else? That particular scene, JVL, they totally mailed in the special effects. Oh, yeah. I was like, "Is it just me?" And I wanted to know if it was just me because I thought, "This looks terrible or am I just used to seeing
Sonny00:46:15dinosaurs?" It's weird, too, the things... It looked awful. Specifically, what was bad about it was all the background work. I don't know what it was that they were doing that did not work, but it was like everything that was against a... Like, it looked blurry. I don't understand how a movie that expensive can look so cheap, but man, it looked cheap. Who directed it, Sonny? Colin Trevorrow.
JVL00:46:39Colin Trevorrow? Yeah, well, he did the first Jurassic World. Oh, that's right. And he was an indie darling, right? He was monsters, right?
Sonny00:46:48No, no, no. He did, I want to say, Safety
JVL00:46:51Not Guaranteed. Yeah, Safety Not Guaranteed. Yeah, he was an indie darling who took on Jurassic World and people... I gotta say, I just... This is one of those cases where I feel like we must be missing something because people love these fucking movies. 145 million, yeah. And I don't get it. I never saw Fallen Kingdom. I think I
Vic00:47:12saw... Wait a minute. We did it for the show. Did you not see it? Because it was terrible. Well, maybe I did see it. Maybe I saw it. It's the mansion and they free
JVL00:47:21them all at the end. Oh, you know what? I did see that. I did see it and until you just said that, I didn't remember it. I saw Jurassic World, I think, on an airplane and I could not tell you a single fucking thing about that movie. I remember nothing about it.
Vic00:47:33Well, it's just a theme park rehash. Like, "Oh, this time we got it right."
Sonny00:47:36I understand why Jurassic World was a success. It at least makes some basic storytelling sense
Vic00:47:45and it... Plus, you focused on two characters, which is
Sonny00:47:48Chris Pratt and Bryce Dallas. You're focused on Chris Pratt and Bryce Dallas Howard. You've got the kids who are doing, like, the kid stuff from the original Jurassic Park. I mean, it's a rehash of Jurassic Park down to, like, going to... Remember, they, like, go to the old visitor center? Yeah, that's right. And, like, that is... It's a pure, uncut member berries rehash legacy sequel. I get that being a success. I can understand that. I don't respect it. I don't respect it and I don't appreciate people flocking to this shit because we're just gonna get more of it. But I at least understand it. I understand it. I get it. Like, that movie being a hit made a lot of sense to me. Again, even though I thought it was dumb and bad. But the second one was... The second one was, as you say, JVL, it's, like, not memorable. It's terrible. And this is another very, very bad movie. And yet, A- from CinemaScore, it gives the people what they want. It gets the two groups of trilogies together. And there's a happy ending. That's all people want. That's all people want from movies. They want to remember things.
JVL00:48:51And they want a happy ending. That's it. I'll tell you what the people really want, Sonny. They want a bracket dinosaur face-off. Which is what we're gonna give them in the bonus episode.
Sonny00:49:00At least you get that. At least you get that. Doing a bracket. Doing a tournament-style bracket. Of the dinosaur terror. Are we doing it... Are we doing it dinosaurs we're most terrified of? Is that what we're worried about?
JVL00:49:12Who would defeat which dinosaur? I think it could be that or it could be which would you rather face off against. I feel like that's the same basic... Or it could be who would defeat who. Right? Shark, crocodile...
Vic00:49:27Which of the two? Gorilla. I don't know. Back to this wonderful movie. The whole thing with Biosyn. Was it just basically trying to tell us to stay away from GMOs? Was that the message of that? That was one of the messages. There was a lot of messages, which is why the plot got an F. But one of the things I thought was interesting is this belief that because it's going to be strictly their crops that only people can use and then everybody else is going to suffer unless you get Biosyn crops. And that's basically like the Bill Gates conspiracy about how Bill Gates is all this money and meatless alternatives. And so what's going to happen is our dependency on meat is going to be curbed once the cattle gets poisoned. And then we'll have to go to Bill Gates for his meat products as explained in the World Economic Forum.
JVL00:50:21But the movie is incoherent on this point because when Tim Cook and B.D. Wong are discussing this at first Tim Cook says, you know, "Oh, this locust thing, we need to do this because it's all about establishing control." And then B.D. Wong says when talking about the locust to somebody else that the whole thing was an accident. That they didn't, you know, they engineered these things not realizing what they would do and they got out of hand and they gotta find a way to fix it.
Vic00:50:54So which is it? So which is it?
JVL00:50:57Even within, and B.D. Wong, my god, he looks worse than Laura Dern. What the fuck happened to him? I thought they were gonna
Vic00:51:03reveal that he was ill, like he had some sort of a sickness or something which is why, but you know, that he seems so weary. But in fact, I think he's weary from the weight of
Sonny00:51:12bioethics. Yeah, I think he is intentionally made to look terrible because the weight of all of this is pressing down on him. He's been, do you remember him in Jurassic World? Yeah, he was a villain! He had that awesome black turtleneck, he was like the evil scientist and now he's like the dude. He's dressed like the dude.
Vic00:51:30He's got that nice shawl. I feel so
Sonny00:51:33bad all the time about what I've done. Okay, here's another thing.
Vic00:51:36It's like, okay, so the cloning of dinosaurs, clearly this was a mistake, it's bad, but humans? Is that okay? And also, she's not, okay, we're gonna talk about the daughter, Maisie, who you refer to and people refer to as a clone, but she's not a clone.
JVL00:51:51I wanted the dinosaurs to eat her.
Vic00:51:54So she's not a clone. Her mother gave birth to her without a male. Because, you know, certain frog species do this and certain other species, like the raptor, does not need a man. So without a, so she was, JVL, she was immaculately conceived.
JVL00:52:09So I was wondering if that's what they were saying or if they were saying that she was cloned and then implanted, the embryo was implanted in the womb. Oh, I think that they just
Vic00:52:18implanted the frog thing without explaining it.
Sonny00:52:21Or was it immaculate conception? It was unclear to me. I think it's immaculate conception. I know, it's awful. Well, I think if it's a clone, it would have to be entirely her DNA, right? Well, she looks exactly
JVL00:52:30like her, supposedly, right? Well, it wasn't her, no. So at least she knows
Vic00:52:33how she's going to look like when she gets old, which is... It would be entirely
JVL00:52:36her DNA if she was frog asexual reproduction. That would also be a... This fucking movie makes no sense. It makes no sense. And I, I just wanted I wanted everybody to die in it. Yeah. Fair. Yeah. I don't know why. I don't know why this movie made me so angry, but it really, really did. No, I was really, I was...
Vic00:52:57Because it's stupid. It's aggressively stupid. The pilot, that whole thing with the female pilot, how she comes to the rescue, that was so forced and was not developed at all. Everything just seemed mailed in. You know what I'm talking about?
Sonny00:53:09It just seemed like... You know, our buddy Ben Dreyfuss
JVL00:53:12made a point talking about Jurassic Park. He said, you know, look, you know, not every problem in the world can be solved with a gun, but if dinosaurs were a problem, we could probably solve that with guns, right? I mean, it wouldn't be that hard to exterminate dinosaurs. They're pretty big. If you wanted to, but
Vic00:53:33why would you want to? If dinosaurs were creating a
JVL00:53:36problem, we could probably take care of that. You want to talk
Vic00:53:39about an environmental disaster, think about the brontosaurus's bathroom habits. I mean, massive. Not that we saw them in the snow going to the bath and they looked very gentle. Well, they hadn't been eating because there was
JVL00:53:51no foliage for them to eat. They were just eating snow.
Sonny00:53:54They're just eating bark. Just eating those trees
JVL00:53:57that got cut down. The dinosaur centipede.
Sonny00:54:00Are we done talking about this? Yeah.
Vic00:54:03Make it stop. Do we have any more? I don't know. It'll be interesting to see how this does next weekend because really I hope it just stops.
Sonny00:54:12Please. I mean, there's nothing. I mean, there's Lightyear, I guess. Lightyear could. Yeah, probably.
JVL00:54:18You know, G Money wants to see that and I it looks horrible. I mean, I'm going to go because he wants to go, but it does not look like who cares? Does anybody care about everything?
Vic00:54:30Everything is. I know everything is a prequel. Now there was some other trailer about something else. I saw it. It's again another. It's all prequels. It's all prequels. It's not.
Sonny00:54:39It's not a prequel to Toy Story. It's it's the movie that Andy saw. That made him want to buy a Buzz Lightyear toy.
Vic00:54:48Really?
Sonny00:54:51That's what this movie. This is the movie that the Buzz Lightyear
Vic00:54:54is based on. You know what I thought this was? I thought this was he was real and then he somehow ends up getting zapped
JVL00:55:03and turned into a toy. Yes, it's like
Vic00:55:06he's trapped for the rest of eternity. Like a metaverse universe thing. And all of a sudden he's like, no. And so in fact, when he says that, no, I'm real, he really is real. And then, you know, what he you know, they what he tells you is that you're
Sonny00:55:18just a toy. Did you watch any of the toy story movies from start to finish? I did, but I don't know about that. Because that he goes to the he goes
Vic00:55:24and there's like whole racks. Right. But that he happened to be the
Sonny00:55:27real one. He was the one, the real one.
Vic00:55:30From, you know, it's cosmic. It's cosmic. Okay. Sure. Please tell me we're done. I tried to end this three minutes ago. You did. Corrections, shout outs, anything? Nothing. Okay. All right. Good. That is all the time we're giving to this episode. Questions, comments, compliments. Tweet to us @SonnyBunch @VictorinoMatus. Again, be sure to subscribe to us on Patreon. Just go to subbeacon.com. We're there. Tell your friends. Until next time. You know what we didn't get a chance to talk about and it's too long for this segment is the Disney thing. The hotel. The Star Wars hotel.
JVL00:56:16So, I, you know, I saw a movie. I saw a story on this and it was an unsourced, like, you know, dead Disney watcher. Nonsense story. No, no, no. I do not understand it and it seems based on nothing. The story,
Sonny00:56:30the story was, this was literally, this was the only fact in the story. Disney is doing focus groups of people who have gone to the Star Wars hotel. Okay. And they're paying them for their time. And from this was spun out a whole, like, oh, Disney is terrified that their hotel is flopping, blah, blah. The thing is booked up through, like,
JVL00:56:48August? Yeah. I, like,
Sonny00:56:51I talked to some, I talked to some, like, Star Wars fans. I was like, what do you guys make of this? And they were like, no, no, no. This is, this whole thing is ridiculous. Like, you can't, you, like, the hotel is booked for the next four months. If you want to go there, like, you can't. Or it's, like, super expensive.
JVL00:57:09But, like, I don't know. When we go, it's going to be even better.
Sonny00:57:12I'm not going to that work, work hotel. You're going
JVL00:57:15and it's going to be great. And I'm going to make friends there. And I'm going to be social. And Vic can drink till his heart's content.
Vic00:57:21He can have the milk. Oh, I was thinking of other things, too. You know.
JVL00:57:24We can do that, but we can do that. You can bring Kate and she can maybe wear
Vic00:57:27a brass bikini. And maybe make a friend. Make a new friend. But I can drink and you can make friends. The female Bim Fortuna. If you're into that sort of thing. You know, the people, you know what I'm talking about. Yeah, the tentacle people. Yes, the tentacle people. You can put it that way.
JVL00:57:42Do those things move on their own? It has other...
Sonny00:57:45I don't know. My understanding is they're sex organs, so. I'm sure it's fine.
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