#83. 'After We Fell' (Netflix)
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The main review is After We Fell (Netflix), the third installment of the Anna Todd After franchise (itself a Twilight-to-Fifty Shades of Grey pipeline entry) which Vic pitched and walks the others through plot-wise since it picks up mid-story. Vic scores it a Quadrant plot A, duration A, action/violence C+, and sex/nudity A-, and later rounds the overall to something like a B+, while confessing he's rewatched certain scenes "a bunch of times"; Sonny, baffled by Vic's enthusiasm for what he dubs "a softcore of a softcore," admits he blew through the film at 1.5x speed. JVL is struck that the movie packs in five extended sex scenes that are nonetheless essentially PG-13 (no nudity, tons of simulated grinding), and concludes the whole thing — with its bizarre birth-control fixation and factually dubious hot-tub logistics — is really aimed at 16-year-old girls rather than the 40- and 50-something women who made Fifty Shades a hit, sparking a tangent on Devil Wears Prada– and St. Elmo's Fire–style unrealistic depictions of glamorous young-adult careers. The long opening banter covers JVL's new gig as head coach (and self-funded uniform designer, complete with font and gradient debates) for his son Flash's middle-school baseball team, Sonny being iced in by a brutal Dallas ice storm, and Vic marking his 49th birthday by throwing out his back hauling Girl Scout cookie boxes, dreading his first-ever colonoscopy, and rating cookie flavors (Adventurefuls, Thin Mints, Samoas) at length. There's also a quick box-office check-in (Spider-Man: No Way Home, Scream, Sing 2 still dominating) before the crew teases David Mamet's Heist as the subject of the bonus episode.
From the show notes
JVL designs a jersey. Sonny's living through icy hell. Vic has some cookie talk! And JVL and Sonny have some questions for Vic about why we're watching After We Fell. Make sure to watch Heist , also on Netflix, for Monday's bonus episode! Update: Here's the uni JVL designed. Remember to be nice in the comments lest you risk the ban hammer's wrath!
Full transcript
Guest00:00:00Pain lately I've become very well acquainted with it the type that comes when you've been hurt repeatedly by the same person you've been gushing about Seattle since the day I first met you if he loves you all you I was hoping that we would move to London after graduation and how was I supposed to know that only in those rare moments when he pulls me to his chest and makes promises he never seems able to keep. Does the pain disappear?
Vic00:00:43Hello and welcome to another edition of the Sub-Beacon. I'm Victor Matus along with Jonathan V. Last and Sonny Bunch. Just a reminder the Sub-Beacon is now available through Patreon. Go to subbeacon.com you'll easily find us. Please subscribe, tell your friends and don't forget about the Sub-Beacon merchandise store at tpublic.com. Gentlemen how are we? JVL what is
JVL00:01:06going down? Some some pretty big news and in my personal life I think I told you guys that I have accepted the head coaching position at at Flash's middle school for his his middle school team. Did you say head coach? Head coach. Oh my goodness. Head coach and and I think it turns out I'm also the owner because you know it's a small parochial school they had not budgeted for baseball this year then they decided to stand it up only because I said hey are you gonna stand up a program for him and if not you need to get on the horn to the athletic director at the high school and let him play with the varsity at the high school for this season and and they were like no this would be great would you coach and so I'm coaching and I'm also buying the uniforms. You're like you're like Little Big League. I guess but but what's important about this is because I'm buying the uniforms. Oh. Means I'm designing the uniforms and so my full graphic design is my passion that JVL has erupted and been given full flower and the unis that I have designed for the Crusaders. I'm so
Vic00:02:19terrified. Are awesome. Okay so they have a name do they have was did they have an
Guest00:02:24official color? Yeah okay. They had these teams.
JVL00:02:28They had these teams until COVID and COVID you know blew everything up. Yes.
Vic00:02:32Did you draw any? Do we have any schematics for us? I have a design I could
JVL00:02:38I could I could text it to you if you'd like to see the I'll send it right now. Pinstripes? No so I don't really like pinstripes and and this is so the truth is jerseys that are full button are much better but it doubles the cost. Oh. And I am I am paying for this out of pocket. So we're going with the v-neck pullovers and it's a little bit of a modern look as you see but I can't I spent a lot of time playing with the fonts. Oh yeah look at that. A lot of time playing with the fonts. That's good. And what we don't have yet is I'm gonna get the school crest as a patch on the
Vic00:03:23the left sleeve. You know what it could be it could be like it would be the equivalent of the lightning bolt on the sleeve for good luck. Baseball teams all have their logo. I'm making a reference to the natural. Sorry. Oh yeah anyway I'm very
JVL00:03:41excited about this whole thing and and we are of course getting one getting a jersey for sister Mary Sheila who runs the school. Oh very nice. So we're gonna get one for her and
Sonny00:03:52I'm very. Question. Very excited. Yes Sonny. Are you gonna make the kids go door-to-door selling highlight subscriptions for the hospitals to pay
JVL00:04:01for these? I am not. But here you know so here's a very real question so the the school as as you know non Richie Rich schools do their plan is they're like this is great because then we can have these uniforms and like use them over and over for next year's team the team after and the team after that and I was kind of like yeah okay great part of me is like I don't know I want these kids to like have their jerseys to like be theirs oh right sure but whatever I mean I understand look I don't know about you guys but when I was in high school uniform day was the the coach would bring out a giant canvas sack that was locked away behind some gated closet in the or just dump it out on the floor of the gym be like alright guys find uniforms you just had to go
Vic00:04:51and get like some some other what do you mean uniform day what is this
JVL00:04:56for like basketball and track and cross-country and so you just like go through and pick out like yeah here's one I guess this looks like it could be my size you know like and what you're whatever your number was like you got the number what did you guys do when it was time to like get your uniforms for the season what do you mean gym class you mean for for athletics Victorino the sports ball team you mean my Monsignor Donovan tennis shirt yeah okay for like for the basketball or the football team that I couldn't tell you yeah I wouldn't know if they didn't play basketball or
Sonny00:05:34football well for the talent of him for the tennis team we just we like yeah we we just like bought them it was like they were they were like you know they had the school mm-hmm name on them and they were like 20 bucks piece or something I don't know yeah but it was just like you just like bottom you bought it was like that was that was what we had and we would wear those on game days or whatever and it was fine now that's not how it was for basketball and
JVL00:05:59cross-country at Morristown High School it was it was the the canvas bag and it was dumped on the middle floor and is like go try to find a right side sure that somebody else has been wearing for a decade and that fits you you might
Vic00:06:11have been wearing something that belonged to Keith Elias sorry I know he did good it was just a Jersey reference very very local don't understand that only Jamie and I appreciate and I know he did not go he did go to Princeton he did go he's a alma mater did you did you
Sonny00:06:25did you have did you have a way day outfits and home home day out so like on a way day not different color uniforms what I mean is so when we had an away tennis match we wore like tie you were a tie and like and like yeah you for
JVL00:06:46basketball for a way away games for basketball you would have to wear a
Sonny00:06:50button-down shirt and yeah and it was like it was like basically my understanding was that it was basically a sign to your teacher in seventh period to that when you said you had to leave 15 minutes early to get to the bus you had to prove that they believed you that that was like that was like your your get out of class free card more or less yeah we never really had to leave early for
JVL00:07:12games I don't think we didn't travel real far but Northern Virginia traffic was was different than Jersey anyway the point is I had just assumed that kids these days all had you know everybody gets their own uniform with their name on it with both home and with their name like that everything is different that's all better and and maybe that's the way it is in in rich schools or in big public schools but in this little regional parochial school it's like great we're gonna get the canvas bag out Wow so it is sort of a recall to your earlier days yeah except
Vic00:07:48that I'm the one designing the unis yes also does that mean that future do they get to keep those are you saying or that some future kids are gonna be
JVL00:07:58getting some future kids I am making the design choices they're gonna reverberate through the ages this school for a decade the power make it good question
Sonny00:08:10yeah I'm just the is what is it what would you call that pattern on the shirt
JVL00:08:21that pattern is called digit actually you you so you pick the style of shirt the cut do you want a crew neck a V neck a two button top a full button etc etc then with that you pick a base design which is they're just what the background design is going to be and then from there you design the font of the the words you want on the front the placement the style whether you want them straight across or arched up or arched down and then the plate the height of the font on the height of letters and you know fear where you want your numbers on both the front and the back how big what font you want for those etc etc yeah shadow boxing primary color infill color second or choices
Vic00:09:09it's very exciting you said that they're not going to have obviously they're not going to have their names because you're going to be handing it down if you're not going to have their names you know I don't think we are school didn't do that for the high school teams they didn't have their their names yeah because they
JVL00:09:22use the uniforms over for so when you went to a monsignor Donovan basketball game those kids those jerseys that they were wearing which were tank tops back yes yes they're tank tops yeah you could those things technically you would wear
Vic00:09:35I think you might have had to wear a t-shirt and get the tank top on top yeah
JVL00:09:38yeah the those tank tops at the end of the season went back into the bag and thrown into the cage in the locker room that's lovely yeah
Sonny00:09:46no they offer I mean yeah so I do think I I only wrestled for one season but I'm pretty sure the singlets that the were like owned by the school I think that like people weren't buying their own singlets but also you didn't wear a singlet around the the school all day on on game day right it was not a that was
Vic00:10:08not I thought you did I thought you did like a Greco Roman style wrestling yeah
Sonny00:10:13yeah yeah no it's like you know like Olympic style yeah but the way they did
Vic00:10:17it back in the ancient times naked yes yes yes oiled yes well
Sonny00:10:22that's what that's what yes well there was there were there were some special practices where the 14 year old boys did the Greco Roman the seniors made you do it the seniors yeah they had cameras I don't know whatever happened to those tapes we didn't get we didn't get the feedback we were sunny you went to
Vic00:10:38Holmdel they played they played out of the twister they play twister means man who's gonna get these references and I don't know they're they're good stuff
Sonny00:10:48though I assume Adam I assume I assume that there's like seven people that are just rolling this is important do you remember when
JVL00:10:58we talked about the girl with the frozen hot dog yes yes yes horrible myth that happened in every high every high school will have this and everything it was just an urban legend right well one of the urban legends in Jersey back in the early 90s was that this high school Holmdel had a scandal in which the varsity football team was caught hazing freshman members by forcing them to play naked twister and videotaping them that was true and I am telling you I think it must be true because what they've heard this at his school I heard it my school but it was a hyper who grew up in Holmdel yeah at the same time as
Vic00:11:35us it was by the way and it was Holmdel by the way it was true because when the team came down to play our school one of our one of my classmates brought out the twister like thing and wore it as a cape and the Twister and then the teachers
JVL00:11:51stopped and said no yeah when we went to the to the big cross-country meet and a season meet at Holmdel that's you know every every team brings like a little banner that they hand over their campsite we had our banner and then we hung a twister mat underneath it lovely lovely really sticking it to them well
Vic00:12:10good for you JVL being a designer congratulations it's great I feel like
JVL00:12:14Tom Ford or is there somebody less gay what Tom Ford I guess that's all I could tell you
Vic00:12:21is Tom Ford house one of the Gucci's yes Paolo Gucci Paolo Gucci but you like what I've done here you
JVL00:12:28like my work and I try to keep my cut my total spend on uniforms under a thousand
Sonny00:12:32I just want to my only my one critique if I was gonna if I was gonna make one critique I was a little bit surprised by the pattern on the dots the dots it's a
JVL00:12:43fade it's fading from one fill to it's a gradient to another fill yeah it's a
Sonny00:12:49little bit fancy look I'm old-school I like I would be I would have been simple color I don't I
JVL00:12:54don't like I don't like cotton t-shirt with a vinyl iron-on number I don't I
Sonny00:12:59don't I don't I don't like pinstripes because they're too fancy they're too fancy I want I want like I want like I want like Oriole gray or Oriole white you know with the like the Oriole logo on the front like it just like bold colors just just colors just full just plain solid colors that's all I want
JVL00:13:20these these blues these are the two blues that are the school blues so the
Sonny00:13:25schools colors I'm not saying it's not the school colors I'm just saying that it's it's a little bit it's a little bit fancy for me it's a little you should
JVL00:13:33that's right we don't this is new Jack Fernando Tatis baseball we play as loud as we want we don't go by your stuffy rules old man you should you should
Sonny00:13:41maybe you should maybe just have one color on the shirt
Vic00:13:45that's all I'm saying you need two colors otherwise it can't well I mean you have one
Sonny00:13:49color and then the logo yeah the logo could be dying to see this you're gonna have to put it on the page I don't know I will see it's a very nice like it's a very nice like women's Major League Soccer jersey it's it does look a little soccer the cut actually looks a little soccer yeah I was gonna say kind of it's
Vic00:14:15a little bit Bennett like Beckham I dig it that's good one of my favorite movies uh Sonny Sonny how are you what's going on beanpole tomboy you can't even say that anymore good movie things are great things things are great with me finally you've turned a corner great with me
Sonny00:14:35we're I'm being very sarcastic because uh it's I live in Texas as you know now and there's a winter storm just ice just just sheets of ice just pellets of ice and then it melts a little bit and then it and then it gets a super super icy it's not gonna get above 32 degrees for like four days so anyway kids kids are at home all the children at home again it's just lovely didn't
JVL00:14:59this literally happen last year all Texas froze over and you last hour well
Sonny00:15:03no last last year was really really bad cuz last year it got down to like brought I mean right now it's cold it's cold it's like 25 degrees out so it's cold but last year I got down to like six for like a week straight it was it was crazy it was last year was
Vic00:15:18I saw the pattern for this storm because it doesn't affect JVLNI at all it's going pretty much straight up and then across I again I remember when my good friend Peter Lowe who's from Dallas not probably doesn't live too far from where you are and he was telling us in college at the time about how it snowed in Dallas and we didn't believe him we're just like because when you think I think of like the you know you think of Dallas the show you think of a Texas you think
JVL00:15:43it's hot you think of it isn't like Houston you think well must be right on
Vic00:15:45the Gulf Coast Houston in August and you're like there's no what are you talking about maybe once ever and of course it's like I get these
Sonny00:15:52cold days last I mean last year and last year was a real snowstorm - it snowed like three or four inches it was like it was like you know not I mean it's not like Northern Virginia or Jersey or whatever but it was like a lot of snow for us this year again this this is a more common type of Dallas storm where it's just like a sheet of ice oh it's just and this the there's I mean we
Vic00:16:11don't have salt trucks I was about to ask if you had do they have trucks or anything that's do anything no no so like
Sonny00:16:18so what the crazy I mean the crazy thing about again the crazy thing about Dallas is that like this will happen and the streets will be ice for two days and then it'll be like 60 degrees and everything will melt okay in three hours like you know it goes from like it goes from like a city of ice to just like open roads in the course of one afternoon it's crazy so there's no there's no real point in having you know fleets of snow trucks and snow plows and everything but it uh it just is it's just a real pain real pain in the ass for for the next day today and tomorrow and then then it's the weekend yay the
JVL00:16:54weekend good news because the kids won't have school on the weekends so you get to have them on with you again it's a nice stretch four day weekend so anyway
Sonny00:17:05that's my life okay just trying to just trying to luckily the I was able to go see maybe we'll talk about this next week maybe not I don't know but I was I was able to get to a theater and see a press screening of jackass forever which was just delight really those movies you guys they're there I've never got it
JVL00:17:22into that I've never opened like 50 million dollars the most recent one the
Sonny00:17:28most recent one open jackass 3 jackass 3d open to 50 million dollars it was
JVL00:17:32crazy yeah I think they make a ton of money
Vic00:17:35Victorina how are you buddy I'm fine I'm fine little a little bit older uh yeah one step closer to the grave that's true yesterday was my birthday and thank you for those who who who saw you know so I don't go celebrate Victorino Manistee I don't go lit a candle I don't I don't go on Facebook a lot and then Kate asked if I wanted to have it on Facebook and I said yes that's fine let me but let me just see what the picture is just to make sure because you can't have anything that's you know that makes my head larger than it already is so I do a lot of trickery with the images it was fun I had a lovely dinner last night would you guys go lock oh no not La Colleen La Colleen I think was where Ted Kennedy and Chris Dodd did the smashing of the of the of the frames where they did they might have been the waitress sandwich there no this is a cafe Colleen cafe Colleen right cafe Colleen which is different and that is on the same strip where our wine is in Arlington you probably don't know and lovely little French place it's the same owners that do Shea Billy suit in Georgetown so it was very nice and had a lovely time and didn't drink that much just had a glass of champagne glass of red and and yet that kept me up a little bit at night because that's where I am now also earlier like the day before that I hurt my back lifting up a bag of Girl Scout cookies but it was like for the office so there were like four or five bags so you know a lot it was like oh the big delivery thing Girl
Sonny00:19:12Scout cookies yes yes is your is your is your daughter in girls
Vic00:19:15she you know she was very committed to it for many years and then well she got old right but her friend across the street who's two years younger she was doing the thing so my daughter wanted back in on the action so they can do it together and so they sold so we sold a bunch at the office which was very nice the adventure fools are the big hit is because it's yeah that's that's the new
Sonny00:19:40notice one you thought well so my daughter is also doing Girl Scouts and the lovely Beth is like the troop leader oh so they're they they went to the they went to a Walmart and we're selling cookies adventure full is very big I mean thin mints are still number one then they are the biggest seller
Vic00:19:58almost everywhere frozen thin mint oh yeah that's a good one too you pop those things in the freezer and you know Edie's ice cream used to do the the remember that thin mint licensing fees yes like yes I do like Samoa's I kind of like I'm that mint can only take me so far so I like Samoa's and I like a lot of the peanut butter ones but I can't have them here at the house cuz daughter has the peanut allergy but the adventure falls pretty good stuff pretty good the s'mores
Sonny00:20:27have you had this yes I have all those are good those are very those are very
Vic00:20:31good those are very good welcome to cookie talk I don't okay there's you know what there's one called toffee tastic not so tastic and I think it's a lot of toffee it's a lot of toffee and I kind of have you had
Sonny00:20:44the lemon one yes the lemony yes lemony there's a glaze or whatever the glaze on
Vic00:20:49and if you're into lemon it's crazy kind of nice it's it's it's it's like doing a
Sonny00:20:54lemon drop it's like going to a bar doing we should put we should put the
Vic00:21:00girls links oh man they would have made it by killing it would have made a kill
Sonny00:21:08by the cookies right that's right so did but the yeah but yeah no it's the I like I have to keep them away from me in the house because otherwise I will just go and eat like a half a half a thing of dead mints or what I'm for whatever I'm
Vic00:21:23not eating them at home but like Harrison bought like $75 worth of cookies for the office and so it's a whole wide variety and so in the office like after lunch I need to cleanse the palate you know and in the afternoon so I go in there and I'll eat a box of them no I'll take a little plate and I just a little variety because you know I mean it's like oh but it's great because I get to get I get to try the ones that I have no I no desire to or really wanted it you know try so you try everything which is kind of nice that's it so yeah I hurt my back a little bit and then there's something wrong with my crown now that I'm a year older in my tooth so I think I have to get that checked out next week and then a friend tells me that they've moved up the the the the year to for colonoscopies and such so that that's 49 now yes thank you yes apparently so I have to do that now really and you got to like drink I don't know I have not done it and everyone's telling me gotta do it I know friends already who have had it
Sonny00:22:26done now are you I thought you were sick I thought you were signaling me I was I know it's a single fisting that's later on the show I was trying to make a 50 sign
JVL00:22:43you know what I actually after the local anesthetic is I I interpreted that I
Vic00:22:48interpreted that as some sort of technical difficulty no no 49 if everyone's winning 49 and I like what am I doing so I I'm not really looking forward to that or am I a question yes here's a question victory yes JBL so
JVL00:23:01typically in colonoscopy they just give you a local they just you know they that's rocket says you're not that's right that's right would you rather that or would you rather just leave me out I would like to count backwards from 10 and
Vic00:23:13just wake up when it's over I don't know I'm kind of curious no no I don't want to look I don't want to be like a gem what is it what is it precious what was that show with Adam Sandler in it gems gems uncut jumps the opening is his colonoscopy I don't need to see myself that way but you want to be you view
JVL00:23:36that as a look there's a whole or full of people to make friends with I talked to the doc versus the tech they're all very guys running the scope yeah hey how are you
Vic00:23:47doing you have Vic Mattis nice to meet you all of beds over all of bed over
JVL00:23:50that's no cuz you're on your cell you're on your side on a table don't you can
Vic00:23:55talk to people coming in hey whatever that's true I mean at some point in time you just like gonna use the whole fist doc you're good very good very good moon river because I bet they've never heard that joke what I bet no I bet nobody has
JVL00:24:09ever said move all right during the start of a colonoscopy
Vic00:24:12ever since Fletch yeah I don't know so anyway that that is something I have to look forward to I guess speaking of which over the weekend spider-man no way home clinched the top of the box office with 11 million dollars followed by scream with 7.2 million screams back and in third place sing to with it yet another 4.7 billion so it's just the same three movies is that what's
Sonny00:24:35happening here yeah there's nothing else weekend this box office yeah I mean this was supposed to be the weekend that Morbius came out and I still I remain convinced that Sony pushed it to give spider-man a chance at beating avatar which it's in striking distance I think it's like 25 million away but it's gonna be tough because there's so there are two there are two movies coming out this weekend there's jackass forever which I think is probably gonna do pretty well I would guess that's in the 30 to 40 range and then there's moonfall which I don't know looks kind of dumb and silly I'm gonna people people might go to it you know that might do another 20 20 to 25 butler and moonfall no it feels like it should be a Gerard Butler movie it has geo storm vibes to it yes moonfall has fallen but it is not it isn't it is a Patrick Wilson movie Patrick Wilson is
Vic00:25:34oh the ocean master and Patrick Wilson who where did I just see him in I
Sonny00:25:41can't remember you seem in lots of things yes in everything he's he was in those he's in the conjuring movies yeah he is in he's an Aquaman he was in oh he's a sinister one of those movies he's yes oh you know what he's great in that
Vic00:26:01that movie with Samuel Jackson and he moved into the neighborhood and and Samuel Jackson's the angry neighbor because Patrick Wilson's wife is black and there's this whole thing going on yeah remember that movie Pacific something what's it called in the heights yes Lakeview Lakeview Terrace
Sonny00:26:22Lakeview Lakeview Terrace there yeah there you read in that and Sam Jackson's
Vic00:26:26a cop right yes and terrifying and also Patrick Wilson was in one the one of the great quadrant movies of all time was it little children is that the one it was with with Kate Winslet Winslet hair is it Kate Winslet yeah she's the neighbors and they're having the affair Oh crazy anyway okay so so anyway this is moonfall is with Patrick
Sonny00:26:52Wilson okay yeah so anyway there's nothing new in the theaters which is why
Vic00:26:57we have been relegated to a great a great an amazing an amazing movie reviewing what is the name of this movie after after we fell after we fell so for you know all the all the 40 and 50 some-year-old housewives who are reading this book they're gonna be so excited for this episode our 50 our 40 year old
Sonny00:27:19female listeners this is a very narrowly targeted can't believe that we're doing this so I want you to I might I want you to do I want you to what one thing I would like yes funny or we before we get started oh yes is there is there any way you could explain what has happened in this series before this movie starts because it starts in media res it starts with like it just picks up from where the previous movie after we collided dad homeless drunk dad has come home yes yes and the kids who
Vic00:27:52are in college yes in college in college and are we sure they're in college oh
JVL00:27:57they're in college okay in that amazing loft with the subway tile and the stainless steel appliances the gigantic reclaimed wood barn door is so hard I
Sonny00:28:09thought I thought they were living I thought they were living in one of their
Vic00:28:13parents homes no I think they are there it's like they're self-hating rich people you know in this world because life is hard okay you know and and like the scenes and quote-unquote Seattle and other locations and there's just like they're not living in Seattle per se they're living closer to where Bill Gates lives you know near Bellevue or wherever very fancy and they're living
Sonny00:28:33in Toronto is where they're living oh I'll tell you actually I believe it's
Vic00:28:36Bucharest it is Sophia Bulgaria that's exactly where I filmed it sorry Victorino Toronto
JVL00:28:45Bulgaria should we have Victorino do the big boy review he should do the big boy
Sonny00:28:49review and any other reviews that are going to be coming audiences audiences
Vic00:28:57will fall for after we fell the sizzling sequel to after we collided and boy did they job opportunities threatened to split apart Tessa and Hardin but only them only one of them will get split apart Hardin nobody says split a lot anyway that's not that's a rare one mmm stop stop breaking character Hardin Hardin assures Tessa he's got her back in the hot tub and the to work out their frustrations in the gym it gives a whole new meaning to the clean and jerk the movie is based on Anna Todd's best-selling books reading them made my hand cramp I read them on the phone because she wrote it on Wattpad I give after we fell three stars and that's the critics corner all right what this is you study you out you wanted to know what this is what is what has happened what has happened in this
Sonny00:30:01series before we get to here because I again when I when we were talking about reviewing this I was like I don't really know if I want to review the third installment the third installment of like teenage 50 shades of grey which is itself like a knockoff of Twilight we're so we're back to Twilight basically with these with these this age group and I I just didn't understand what was going on I didn't really understand what's going okay so
Vic00:30:30Anna Todd who is like a younger version of EL James you know the woman who did 50 shades and also rose to fame similarly with online erotic fiction basically but this is it mixes it mixes why a and erotic fiction together so
Sonny00:30:50it's really the best of both worlds and second favorite genre after the
Vic00:31:07one into Ilsa the s no I was gonna say why a erotic fiction taking place in World War two okay so the so she does this on something called a platform called what what pad what pad what is this it's a platform for like you're writing your fiction and whatnot and she got like a billion downloads a billion for her series from around the world and it's the the story of this budding romance between Tessa and Hardin and he is the bad boy and of course she's the good girl but they both have daddy issues you know her dad's a drunk and his dad well we find out who his dad is although we I think I always thought it was the dad in the
Sonny00:31:50first place because here's okay so here's here's here's the thing that he seemed very obvious in the movie and was treated as a big reveal oh it's it's it's his dad that's that's who the guy who's true blood is yeah okay good so you so
Vic00:32:06he is somebody familiar okay so I would say what happened in the previous episodes is they met they fell in love and there was this amazing shower scene in after we collided and that's all you really need to know us all I needed to know in order to get to the current movie so tell me what was amazing about the shower scene Victorino well it's just wet and wild and really is there any nudity in it does it need to be I it was up here right here that
Sonny00:32:36worked all right okay what sir we're skipping around give us the big boy
Vic00:32:42review of this okay okay okay everything as you know as you know I write out a script for everything in this you're catching me off guard so I don't have a script for this just explain the plot okay all right well Tessa and Hardin are both sort of in college he's not really in college anymore and she was working for a publishing giant and they tell and because they say to her that her writing is amazing and he thinks that she only got the job because of him because you know he has this connection in any event she has an opportunity to go up to Seattle and work with the take her job over there in Seattle doing this publishing thing and he doesn't necessarily want to go with her to Seattle she didn't really mention it to him because there's this awkwardness they like each other not really he's extremely jealous of her he wanted to once he finished school bring her back to London so he didn't bother to tell her that too so that she is also friends with this other guy who he thinks wants to get it on with her as well and that's a very true thing because it's a very when Harry met Sally thing when he says these guys don't want to be your friends that's actually very very true so he's wildly jealous and then at the end he follows her to Seattle they have a great time then they don't have a great time and then he has to go to his mother's wedding in London hesitantly he brings her with her and in the process he goes up to London and the day the night before his mother's wedding to this new guy he finds he finds the mother in the kitchen doing it with this guy that he works for and the guy turns out to be his father and so they were his parents and he had no idea the end okay so I do have a
JVL00:34:42quadrant score if you want oh I'm dying to hear the quadrant score I couldn't
Vic00:34:47tell if I couldn't tell the study froze or if he's just oh no he's I'm so I'm still trying I'm still trying not much to understand with this when I will say the plot is an a there's a wild twist at the end he's the dad okay duration is an a it was like an hour forty something okay action violence is a C plus there's some brawling but sex nudity I give it an a minus because it's all in there you yes there's no nudity and I'm not sure why there isn't because they go far enough they go far enough that you see them simulating it and doing it like why doesn't something just pop out I don't
Sonny00:35:22know we need we need to really dig into this yes it is because look it's on
Vic00:35:29Netflix so it doesn't really have a rating to it because you you told us
Sonny00:35:34you told us as you were pitching this review choice you're like you know there are parts of the movie that I've watched a bunch of time very quickly very
Vic00:35:44quickly I had happened to come across it not the implication being that you you were watching these I legitimately did not mean to say that sorry and and I'm I'm fanning myself it's so hot in here now actually I haven't
Sonny00:36:09playing in the background right there behind the because I I was disappointed you were confused oh I was just confused because the way you had described it you made it sound like a soft core late-night Skinamax type movie okay yeah that's true
Vic00:36:28I was that's what you made this I did I texted thoughtlessly it was a thoughtless text
Sonny00:36:33and and what I'm watching it I'm like so like if you it but it's but it's weird it's weird because it's like so the acting is the same level as the soft let me all right so let me let me just so in in in in the world of you know pornography right you've got the hardcore stuff you've got the hardcore stuff that's on browsers right browsers back in the day you would have there's like the Skinamax stuff right they're like soft core stuff and like a tweet
JVL00:37:03Red Shoe Diaries or right Beverly Hills Bordeaux I've seen none of it and it would
Sonny00:37:08be you would you would it would be a lot of like top nudity you would see breasts and buttocks right but no like I love the detail of this description there's no but there's no there's no like penetration okay it's no as Ozzy Osbourne
Vic00:37:23actual sex yes as Ozzy Osbourne famously said on Howard Stern's show there's no meat and potatoes right there's no meat and potatoes it's
Sonny00:37:29just like it's like kind of they're grinding together but also she's like topless you can be like oh this is really hot all right but this is like so if this is like the Skinamax version of a Skinamax movie in that in that there's all the grinding and there's thrusting but they've got all their clothes on they've got all their clothes on and and there's a lot of skin but no you don't see you know you don't see anything you think now look I'm not I like I'm studying volume is getting louder and louder but I'm very I'm just I'm so confused I'm so confused by this because you were you were you were again you were like I've seen parts of it a bunch of times and so I'm and so as I'm watching this movie I'm like alright eventually there's gonna be some nudity scenes yeah and I texted you I was like and you were like no there's no it's really disappointing must be something in her contract and then I and then I thought I was like wait wait Vic do any of the other movies have any nudity in them and you're like no no it's all it's all very disappointing and I'm like how many times have you watched these ridiculous softcore softcore scenes it's a softcore of a softcore it's a it's a derivative of a derivative we're on we're on a softcore of a softcore and it's it's I was I was frankly baffled I was baffled by your attraction yeah I'm still attracted I still
Vic00:39:01find it hot I still find it hot the the gym scene the pool see the bat the hot
Sonny00:39:06tub scene there's some good stuff in here you complained about this you complained about the sex scene in Eternals and this is just a series of those scenes not at all not at all they're not doing
Vic00:39:15anything in that in the in Eternals for two super people for two for two superheroes they're barely moving things are happening in this and it's interesting and it's it's just you know very few movies that we see that the three of us see for this show show things like this JVL enough of enough of us speak there are five extended sex
JVL00:39:40scenes in this movie all of which are essentially PG 13. it's it's as Sonny said it's a very strange it is thing to have something that is so graphic without anything graphic graphic it's like that's the weird what's yeah I think and so I I just I found myself thinking who is this for now I think Shades of Grey was for like 50 year old women that's right I do not think that any 50 year old woman would look at this with anything but utter contempt because this looks like what a what a 14 or 12 year old girl pictures College adult life has oh there's I would say older settle down what they picture called right so that you know where do I where does when you're old and you live in a college you go to college what does
Vic00:40:41that look like the subway tile right visually visually the you know what does it look like
JVL00:40:46getting a first job out of college uh well you are told that you can have any job you want in the publishing industry and then they give you a gigantic office uh there so these things are so unrealistic that I think anybody over the age of say 20 or 25 would look at it with utter contempt because there's nothing hot about it to them they're like I have been around the block you or this is trash right I can't imagine uh younger women wanting to that that this is
Vic00:41:19geared to them it's very great it's graphic for them I don't think it's appropriate for
JVL00:41:22there is this weird fixation on birth control in the movie yes where they are frequently showing into like getting the condom and the condom yes and so this is again I think about like practice is about how I can be very careful here younger tween type or young teen girls
Sonny00:41:46uh have you just texted something to me no no no no this is what I said last night well
JVL00:41:52how they who are we hope God willing not sexually active yes look at and think about the sex world right and where where the funny thing is you know they are so far removed from the reality of it that the big pregnancy scare there's a moment where yes do it yes and then she's like the next morning she's like ah you know we didn't have protection and instead of being freaked out like holy you could wind up pregnant the pregnancy scare in this idealized version of sex is that she finds out when she goes to get the pill that maybe she can never get pregnant that's right and you know what this is not a thing that like you know girls who are banging it out at age 22 would look around and think is a realistic view of sexual activity thank God there's something wrong with my cervix because
Sonny00:42:39I think that's what the doctor says yeah no no this is this is what I texted you guys uh two nights ago Victorino this is a movie aimed at 16 year old girls no that's why this is that's why the scenes have no actual nudity it's all female girl wish fulfillment I think it's way too graphic
Vic00:42:57for 16 year olds no I don't think so oh my gosh I gotta be very very careful I mean they're moving you know I
JVL00:43:05think that this is a gypsy fascinating look into what constitutes as erotica for teenage boys versus teenage girls because teenage boys need Shannon Tweed right they they want skinamax they want something which there is absolutely no plot and it's just you know it's like it's a girl taking her boobs out every 10 minutes right that's that's what they want actually he's okay I know he seems like a jealous bad boy but it's okay and we have you know there's there's some career ambitions involved in it and there's family dynamic and they'll oh my gosh what's happening to them is the right like that's what they're into are you telling
Vic00:44:04me I have fascinating are you telling me I have the mind of a 16 year old girl is that what it's
Sonny00:44:08fascinating it's fascinating that Vic is into this oh I was I was very fascinated no it definitely
Vic00:44:14can't be it definitely what was the overall quadrant score Vic oh it's like an a minus a b plus b plus b plus b plus yeah it was good um you know what you know you gave this movie with no actual nudity with just a bunch of teasing it's called sex it's sex it's not sex and nudity it's sex slash nudity and they're having sex I mean you clearly need to see the ins and outs Sonny I know that you know what you know good luck great that would be on the Brazzers podcast which by the way those those those quadrants completely different duration is like the reverse it has to be longer you get you get negative points for shorter it's got to be longer so I think action violence or certain acts that can be interpreted as violence this is the yes this is the step between Twilight
JVL00:45:03and Fifty Shades as as girls are graduating up into adult right so because Twilight remember I I have not read the Twilight books but I remember talking with a friend who was a parent of a teenage girl who was reading the books as her as her daughter was reading and I remember her saying to me you know by book five I was just like won't you two just already like you know like this
Vic00:45:26is ridiculous the the because all will they won't they will they won't they this forget the will
JVL00:45:33they want they're just doing it all you know it is planned out again almost like porn with we're gonna have five standalone sex things those are the set pieces of the movie that everything else is fitted in around but it still is it's it's sex from the from the perspective of somebody who is very unfamiliar with actual sex and adult life well it's like it's and then you get to then you
Vic00:45:54get to uh to
JVL00:45:56the Fifty Shades in Fifty Shades is for is an idealized version of somebody who missed out on all that and had a normal life who wants to look back and imagine what it what it could have been
Vic00:46:08could have been if they just had something beyond normal traditional sex right it took it to the
JVL00:46:13next level if they didn't just marry the nice guy when they were 29 what what could it have been like and I find that a fascinating it's very fascinating very sad Journey for for women I hope that this is not I I would like to think that this is a sign of the patriarchy uh disserving
Vic00:46:32women in terms of what their entertainment choices are the I also think it's interesting the I can see how they they would have where does sex in the city fall into this I think it's different I mean
JVL00:46:45sex sex in the city is I think it's like a different within the shades of gray universe right but also it's it's ongoing and it's not the books and you know honestly the only the realest version of all this stuff is actually Bridget Jones like Bridget Jones is honestly the highbrow version of this because it's they don't show anything in that life no I know they don't show it's just because it's a because it's a romantic comedy it's not a erotic I I need no the books the books the Bridget Jones books yes yes they're like you know girl books they're not they're not like erotic or anything but they are
Vic00:47:25you know they're relationship books for girls I what I think is interesting is that I wonder how they pitched this on that to Netflix like listen she's had a billion downloads and so there's it'll cost three million dollars and it's a built-in audience and it's gonna cost nothing because what we're gonna do is we're gonna hire actors who actually look like other actors so it'll remind them of because they can't actually afford the big-name actors that girl Josephine I forget her name who plays how does she look like she looks like she looked like Brie Larson that's oh yeah yeah and he looks a little bit like
JVL00:47:59a young Christian wow all right so Victorino get out of my head and and no and then and then her
Vic00:48:07dad kind of looked like Hugh Jackman in a weird I was like wait but are they kind of made what's
Sonny00:48:11happening here I thought her dad was I thought her dad was Julian McMahon it's not the guy from Nip Tuck and the Fantastic Four the Fantastic Four movies he played Dr. Doom okay it's actually Australian well fatter version of that but then the other dad his dad his secret dad is the guy from True Blood that was his okay he was
Vic00:48:31like the lead on True Blood for eight years or whatever also the very beginning of that movie uh when you see when she's a little girl the mother that's Mira Sorvino that's Mira Sorvino
JVL00:48:43I did not know Victorino don't talk in hushed tones like that that's insulting
Vic00:48:47what do you what do you what do you she's the same age as you Mira Sorvino is the same age as you and
JVL00:48:54she looks great she does not has not done Femke Janssen level stuff to her face oh you know what
Vic00:48:59she don't look too bad Femke Janssen so uh yeah don't bring her into it she's fine uh no so that that's what I thought is how they sold it is because they were able to get people who look
JVL00:49:09like other actors I have to say I don't know about you guys um so I did not enjoy college I hated college the worst four years of my life yes but I very much enjoyed my 20s my 20s was great 30s was great my 40s been great this made your 20s I understand they're in college but this made that look so exhausting and unappealing yeah I just thought a lot of self-absorption good lord this looks hideous you could not pay me to go and live in this world I was reminded when
Vic00:49:42they talked about how oh she's this bright you know star in publishing oh did you know her writing is really good and I could two things came to my mind one is uh Anne Hathaway in Devil Wears Prada where she wants to be a serious journalist so she doesn't want to work for the Anna Wintour character but rather she wants to work at you know like a hard newspaper like a real newspaper doing gritty reporting and the story they keep on mentioning in Devil Wears Prada is oh your piece on the janitor's Union oh you know that piece on the janitor's Union and I'm like wow that must have been some piece on the janitor's Union and the second one which is even uh more ridiculous is Saint Elmo's fire um it's a great movie about Georgetown but Andrew McCarthy of course is the sort of the struggling artiste writer right he's got all these thoughts and he wants to be an author and a writer and at the end and he just graduated from school right he just graduated from college and at the end of the movie they that he's like they finally published my column right he has a column a column on the front page of the Washington Post because that's what they do they publish columns on them for Georgetown kids it is for the Georgetown kids that was below the fault but still and then and then when they should when they show his his column the headline of the column is the meaning of life that's it just the meaning of life it's just so ridiculous okay I do have a question for you for you because yeah because I have a question as well I have question okay uh the hot tub scene which I think is again I you know it's they don't show it but it's pretty good and I would say that hot tub scene uh is factually also um it's misinformation isn't it JVL in what sense well you you don't
JVL00:51:22actually need to wear a uh oh yeah you can't get pregnant when you do it in a in a hot tub
Vic00:51:26that's a just like you can't you can't get pregnant when you're upside down you can't get pregnant when you do it sitting up two reasons one the water is normally very very hot which is why they tell you it's not good for guys to spend a lot of time in a hot tub because the temperature is too high it's very bad for you right down there temperature is high and chlorine so I think it was completely unnecessary that's the other thing the other thing is I did get a I was amazed by first of all the writing is amazing in this movie and right before it happens what does he say to her because she's he has her back and he says trust trust me trust me I wonder does that mean he's going back door on it no you know what let me just no I I'm gonna say no I didn't wonder because that's a weird there it is a dialogue choices in this dialogue choice and let me let me say this though I've used that line and trust me it did not work out well for the victim so there was there was another scene in this where they're in a restaurant
JVL00:52:21and we get 45 seconds worth of dialogue with them ordering off the menu we're gonna people they literally go around the table like you have the cedar plank salmon with the potatoes
Vic00:52:31this is a good idea we should have known this five different people ordering food in a restaurant I
Sonny00:52:51have written this sunny what were you saying I why I was just saying that this is the only Netflix movie I've ever used the 1.5 times speed option on I just got I got through this thing in
Vic00:53:01like an hour because I actually yeah I just fast-forwarded to like three scenes which is
Sonny00:53:08apparently what you've done with all these movies what you do with all of them all the time apparently cuz you don't want to watch them over and over again these no soft core
Vic00:53:15soft core scenes all right here's my question just created a term yes both of you if you could
JVL00:53:21only lock either Tessa or Harnden into a saw style murder room which would you choose you can't do both you only get to lock one of them into the saw the guy easily he's he's way more
Vic00:53:36annoying although he is the nephew of Rafe and Joe finds just so you know for him because that's why his name is his name is Roe hero finds Tiffin or something yes and he clearly takes more after Joseph that Rafe I'm sorry that's not fair okay thank you thank you this was good this was good I will say this I started watching Pam and Tommy on Hulu yeah do they they cheat you on the meat potatoes for that of course but it's amazing just my thought Nick Offerman's in it and he's fantastic I was in stitches okay who knows what we will do next week very exciting stuff anything else you guys fingers crossed for moonfall you know literally anything people were talking about Nightmare Alley and if it's not too late that's also something I'd be willing to check out okay I feel like we're gonna need to keep we're gonna
Sonny00:54:39need to keep things in reserve because so much stuff is being held out of theaters again you
JVL00:54:45know it's a good movie that we're gonna talk about on the bonus episode David Mamet's heist heist so you guys should stick around for that because the bonus show on heist is going to be lit
Vic00:54:54yeah exciting the plot quadrant is I don't know we'll stay tuned okay that's all that's all the time we're giving to this episode questions comments compliments tweet us at Sonny Bunch at Victorino Matus again be sure to subscribe to us on Patreon just go to subbeacon.com we're there tell your friends until next time
Sonny00:55:19I got nothing what do you I got nothing wow heist should we just go to heist heist is going to be
JVL00:55:30amazing uh hi you know we need to talk about this briefly about heist yeah heist is a devil's peak no Dante's volcano because deep impact uh Armageddon movie because there were two movies called heist right one was not hero no no no and then but there was another there was a movie
Sonny00:55:56almost exactly like this the same year right heist and the score came out the same either the same year or like six months six months on the on different sides of different years but like uh yeah it was like one of them starred Marlon Brando and Ed Norton and Robert De Niro and then the other one starred Gene Hackman and Delroy Lindo and Sam Rockwell and then like shockingly the Robert De Niro Marlon Brando one got more play even though I think I think heist
Vic00:56:24is generally accepted to be better I did not see the score did you like it uh I mean I saw
Sonny00:56:30it 20 years ago when yeah yeah I liked it it was yeah it was fine okay I'm sure it's fine
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