#15. 'Barb and Star Go to Vista Del Mar'
Listen to this episode ↗on Substack, where the show lives now
The main film is Barb and Star Go to Vista Del Mar, the Kristen Wiig/Annie Mumolo comedy about two Midwestern women vacationing in a Florida town targeted by an albino supervillain (also Wiig). Sonny is its lone defender: he pitches it as an SNL-skit movie without an actual skit — closer to Austin Powers or early-2000s adult-swim absurdism than to Bridesmaids — insists he laughed several times (the Morgan Freeman–voiced beach crab dispensing wisdom is a highlight), and is baffled that critics are handing it five stars. JVL and Vic are underwhelmed for once agreeing with each other: it lurches off the rails into absurdism the moment a robot owl scans a paperboy, runs far too long for what it is, stacks in two or three musical numbers despite not being a musical, and wastes a not-funny Jamie Dornan. All three grant that Wiig and Mumolo commit fully. The framing gag of the whole episode is that Vic recorded drunk — three martinis plus a Hatozaki Japanese-whiskey nightcap at Bourbon Steak, celebrating a new American Conservative associate editor — and keeps drifting. The hangout also covers Vic discovering 1984 at 48 (his Lenten Civ-abstinence reading project), the Texas deep-freeze (Sonny's frozen pipes; he offered to shelter a powerless friend), JVL's militant inbox-zero philosophy, a subtitles-vs-dubbing debate, and Sonny's ecstatic recommendation of MacGruber as maybe the best SNL movie.
From the show notes
Vic's feeling more alive than ever before! Sonny's not dead! JVL is filled with the joy that comes with cutting someone out of your podcasting life ... forever! And the guys talk about Barb and Star Go to Vista Del Mar , a movie that feels like it's based on an SNL skit that never existed. (That's a good thing! If you're Sonny, anyway. Not so much if you're Vic and JVL.)
Full transcript
JVL00:00:00Hello, everyone, and welcome to another edition of The Sub-Beacon. I'm your host, JVL, along with Sonny Bunch and Victorino Matus. Just a reminder, The Sub-Beacon is available exclusively on Patreon at subbeacon.com. We also have a store where you can buy Sub-Beacon merchandise ranging from onesies to headache shirts. Just visit tpublic.com and search Sub-Beacon. You'll easily find us. Buy shirts. Tell your friends. Leave reviews, suggestions, bad ideas, comments at subbeacon.com. Victorino, are you pickled? Hello. How are you? Before you get started, I would just like to read from our text. Here's a text from Victorino Matus at 7:35. I'm at Bourbon Steak on my third martini, but I promised to be home by 9:30.
Vic00:01:18And I'm here. I told you. How are you? Don't know how I got here, but I'm here. Oh, did you use the autopilot? I did. No.
Sonny00:01:30The autopilot was... The autopilot named Brent Scherr?
Vic00:01:32Yeah. My Uber driver, Brent Scherr, brought me home. And then I couldn't resist but offer him a nightcap of the Hatazaki Japanese whiskey. Have you had that, Sonny? Hatazaki. Hattori Hansa. Hattori Hansa. It's very sharp, this whiskey. And yes, it was to welcome AO. We have AO. A new associate editor, Tim Rice, who's also happens to be a listener to the show.
Sonny00:02:01Hey.
Vic00:02:02All right. Big fan, Tim Rice.
Sonny00:02:04We'll have to get Tim's debrief in the comments on the Patreon.
Vic00:02:08Well, I'll tell you that I was very well-behaved and yeah, I'm doing fine. I only had three martinis and the Hattori Hansa, four, Sonny says. Was it four? I lost track.
Sonny00:02:19I know this because as soon as I saw what was happening, I texted Vic and I was like, who are you with? Tell me who you're with. And he replied to me. I'm here with Sonny and Eliana. And I was like, oh, well, this is going well. This is already going well. Eventually, I found out that it was Brent and I started texting Brent to figure out what...
Vic00:02:39Oh, wait.
JVL00:02:40Did I say Sonny?
Sonny00:02:41Yes. That's why I replied to you. I'm Sonny.
Vic00:02:44I didn't know. I didn't understand why you were saying I'm Sonny.
Sonny00:02:48Jeez.
JVL00:02:49It's going to be a great episode. We have done shows in which Vic was lit while watching the movie and did not realize it until after the fact.
Vic00:02:57That was embarrassing.
JVL00:02:58But we've never done a show where Vic was lit during the show.
Vic00:03:02No, only Sonny, by the way. That was Sonny's special on a few occasions. I'd like to point out.
Sonny00:03:07On a handful of times. Well, I mean, this is what happens when I would come over to the Weekly Standard at like 10:00 in the morning and I'd just start drinking scotch. In that little closet. Because that's what we would do.
Vic00:03:19Where we would record in that little garret.
JVL00:03:22So Victorino, how are you? Yes.
Vic00:03:24You all right there, big guy? I am doing fine. Straighten up and fly right? Yes, I'm doing good. Doing fine. And I did actually have a little bit of some notes about my week. Not just tonight. Tonight was very nice. Oh.
Sonny00:03:38Please tell us. Well, tell us about what did you eat at the ... You went dining indoors at Bourbon Steakhouse. I did. The one in Georgetown, I assume?
Vic00:03:45Yes.
JVL00:03:46Yes. And this is what's crazy.
Vic00:03:48What was the total bill? Oh, it was over a grand, I think. But there were six of us, I think, four.
JVL00:03:53But you guys were treating the new guy. You split it?
Vic00:03:56Yeah. No. Six ways. It's not a problem. It's not a problem.
JVL00:04:01Right. Because this wasn't a work thing. Because that would be crazy to spend $1,000 on dinner at a non-profit.
Vic00:04:04No. No. No. I didn't ... No. It was not a ... We're an LLC. But the thing ... Oh, right. You would never do that. It is not $1,000. I was kidding. But the ... But what was I going to say? It was all for a good cause.
Sonny00:04:20What did you eat? Oh, what did I eat?
Vic00:04:22I want to know what you ate.
JVL00:04:23It was for what you ate. We had ... Oh, were you donating money to the people in Texas? No. Is that what you guys were doing? No. No. Donating to Sonny? No. It was ... You spent $1,000 on dinner and then you gave $1,000.
Guest00:04:33It was not.
JVL00:04:34It was not.
Vic00:04:35You matched your ... Six people. It was a one to one match. There were six people. It was not 1,000. I was kidding. I had some shellfish. I had some shellfish. Did you get the Wagyu? No. No.
Sonny00:04:45No. Oh, please.
Vic00:04:47I got an appetizer. Did you get the tower? Did you get the seafood tower? It's unclear. It's unclear. But I had oyster, which is great.
JVL00:04:53Boy, Kate's in for a night.
Vic00:04:55Yes. Oyster she is. Did you pound ... I wish she falls asleep.
Sonny00:04:59Did you pound some cherry liqueur afterward to make sure it counts?
Vic00:05:02No. I'm not an animal. No. No. No. No. Didn't flare up? I stuck strictly to the martini, which canceled out the oysters and the Alaskan king crab. That's how it works. Which is the ... It is the apex of the tower is the Alaskan king crab. Do not ... If anyone ever offers you stone crab, don't get the stone crab. Trash.
Sonny00:05:22It's a racket. Stone crab. Trash. Stone crab. Stone crab. I was going to say, has the Joe's guy hearing you right now? Always.
JVL00:05:29Are you going to ever be allowed back in?
Sonny00:05:30I have a little more. Yeah. No, but here's the thing is I love Joe's. I would go there. Me too. Me too. I love Joe's too. It was my go to business lunch establishment in DC. Oh, I'm sure it was. But I've never, ever ordered the stone crab because the stone crab, the legs are so small. No, no. They're expensive.
Vic00:05:45You know what it is? It's thready. It's thready. Yeah, and it's thready.
Sonny00:05:49You're always like, I can't ... Give me a whole chunk. The food there is great. The food there is great. The restaurant is named after the worst thing on the menu.
Vic00:05:55Which is, I mean, it's noble. It's wonderful. The crab, you don't kill the crab. You break its leg and you throw it back in the water and then it regenerates like Wolverine. But the amazing thing is, I see JVL with his eyes, it's true. It regenerates its arms. The best thing on the Joe's Stone Crab Menu, in my opinion, is one of the cheaper things, which is the fried chicken. And it's like for $18, you will get four enormous pieces. You will not finish it. You'll take it home. You'll have two meals in one. It's delicious.
Sonny00:06:25Yeah. That was good.
Vic00:06:27The steak salad is really good there. It's strange to get steak at a seafood place, but they do a good steak. I just can't get myself to.
JVL00:06:33So you didn't do the Wagyu. Why not? Is that how you pronounce it? No, no, no. Is it pronounced Wagyu?
Vic00:06:38Wagyu. Wagyu. Wagyu. Wagyu. The grade. The grade, whatever the grade is. Wagyu. No. I did not do that.
Sonny00:06:47No. You were there. You remember. You have Wagyu steak. JVL, you remember.
?00:06:52We were all there. See, now you're pushing it.
Sonny00:06:52I'm pushing it. I'm pushing it. I'm pushing it. I'm pushing it.
Vic00:06:56I'm pushing it. I'm pushing it. I'm pushing it. I'm pushing it.
Sonny00:07:00I'm pushing it. I'm pushing it. I'm pushing it.
JVL00:07:03I'm pushing it.
Sonny00:07:04I'm pushing it. I'm pushing it. I'm pushing it. I'm pushing it.
JVL00:07:08I'm pushing it. I'm pushing it.
Vic00:07:10I'm pushing it. I'm pushing it. I'm pushing it. I'm pushing it. I'm pushing it.
Sonny00:07:15I'm pushing it. I'm pushing it.
Vic00:07:17I'm pushing it.
Sonny00:07:18I'm pushing it. I'm pushing it. JVL.
Vic00:07:21I'm pushing it. were oppressed by them uh no so i did not no no no your people were oppressed by them so now you get to make racist jokes about them all the time absolutely that is totally allowed i think that's how it works i think that is actually that is speaking of stereotypes i do want to bring this up so over the weekend it's the best show ever i was in jersey uh we had a belated birthday for my dad which was lovely hey happy birthday dr man yes what kind of watch did you get him oh my goodness no so we went up to we had a lovely dinner at charlie's and bayhead which is a fantastic restaurant in a really nice part of jersey bayhead you know bayhead oh my gosh i'd love to live there
JVL00:08:01it's yes mullers does the best crumble cake or as we call it in my family bumble cake oh my do you
Vic00:08:09do mullers no i mean no i i don't but you know uh i'll have to check it out it bayhead is this
Sonny00:08:16where they tape the jersey shore the mtv show oh how
JVL00:08:19dare you that's in seaside uh bayhead is really how dare you that's three towns over from bayhead at least three towns it's like past lavalette so anyway that's a good seven miles away sonny
Vic00:08:30good so it's a totally different world too uh but we went there but the funny thing is so i did a lot of driving back and forth when i was in uh thomas river and the area and uh and to see my sister and such and you and i know that i'm sure there are these names in other towns across the united states of america but when in when you're in jersey you just have a feeling that it's a very jersey name so you come across certain street names that seem to be like like when you come across like these new developments and one of them where is like the main drag is called dino dino boulevard you know d dino and then another one vincenzo vincenzo drive and there's one and there's one you know near my near my uh good friend todd up in freehold there is a street that leads to this new development of fancy big homes mcmansion types homes and the name of the street is aristocrat drive and all i can think of is like the developer the land the the developer for the property saying okay this is what we're going to do yeah i got it's gonna be classy that's right that's right jv that's gonna be
JVL00:09:37it's gonna be like one of those tractone places right it's gonna be beautiful so you're gonna
Vic00:09:41make out the big main drag and we're gonna call it sal we're gonna make it we're gonna make it aristocrat drive this way when they say hey tommy hey tommy look up the name
Sonny00:09:49of the what we can this counts we can't call it this count no no no no this count no no
Vic00:09:56i'm gonna say hey tommy where do you live because i live in aristocrat drive that means you must be an aristocrat oh so you know i mean that's the sort of feeling when i pass a risk and i thought it was such a jersey thing especially aristocrat drive and how they must have thought oh you can make it's gonna make you feel like an aristocrat if
Sonny00:10:12you live on aristocrat drive oh and of course it's actually the aristocrat from the joke the aristocrats that's what that's what it's actually
JVL00:10:19named after could be the aristocrats okay i'm done thank you wow victorino you know i don't want you to stop i just want to know don't you know what no you don't you drink
Vic00:10:28any water that don't you drink any water till after the show is over because i don't want you diluting anything other than that i want you flying high we came up short last week so i'm going to extend my monologue here happy lent jvl and i want to find out what you gave up i gave up uh civilization as i always do so the invasion of greece has been postponed until sunday number one number two i have been spending that other time instead of playing the game by reading doom that was a great game uh by a reading and i am like 80 80 pages into 1984 and wow is it a large print book it's like a third of the way through the book i want to do it's like mind blown i want to do what ezra klein did remember when ezra klein did his discovery of uh on the waterfront and tweeted out you all have to see this movie that you've never heard of and i do not remember that and it's like oh and the line sounds like a very ezra klein yeah i could have been a contender you don't know where it came from but it came from this movie you must see this movie i just discovered it called on the waterfront that's me with 1984. you need to find big brother 36 years old that's right big 48 discovering big brother the memory hole thought police it is wild it's dark it's depressing it's
Sonny00:11:49coming together it's the last the last 30 years of your job all the references you know
Vic00:11:54it's so funny and i think about like dinner parties where i've been with like irving and b crystal and i could have brought it up but i could have said no here's a book i've never read before called 1984. what do you think about it you know but uh and here we are now and uh the proles i really could identify i'd like to be them i think but it's fascinating on so many levels you'd like to be the proles because they were left alone they were left there with their victory gin and their lottery tickets you remember that that's amazing i've
JVL00:12:25read it more than once vic so uh i i remember a story from the the weekly standard days where dr joseph bottom our friend said to you and i one afternoon while we were sitting around because jody would do this sort of thing he would say oh will you remember reading and he'd you know toss off some obscure french philosopher from the seventeen hundreds right and and we would just be like nope and i remember one day you know jody had mentioned four or five people in a row who neither you nor i had ever heard of one and no i mean i've heard of him and so and he says you know this is the this is the difference between your generation and my generation in my generation we'd be so embarrassed that we'd pretend to know who i was talking about and we'd pretend to read it and you and i both were like haha yeah and then when jody left you and i both said no there is a whole class of things that we do pretend to have read yeah totally but there's then a third class like there's the things you've actually read i'm going to say
Vic00:13:33no then they're the things you have you pretend to have read and then they're the things that are so far out that's a whole other level that would just like you know jaw-droppingly
Sonny00:13:44ignorant yes absolutely that happens to me more frequently with movies as you might imagine just being like somebody somebody will say something like you know have you seen like you know relative gone with the wind do you remember that used to be a running joke with you sonny oh god i hate that movie uh no but i mean it just like it it it is always one of these awkward things where it's like yeah i've seen that sure have not have not it's
Vic00:14:10easier it's easier to say you have because when you admit that you haven't then there's a whole to do of what you haven't oh
JVL00:14:19it's just avoiding the conversation yeah it was it was a thing for us though to be judged as wanting not just because we were so poorly educated that we didn't know these philosophers totally judged for being dullards because we wouldn't even pretend yes that was a whole other level that was a that for me because i love i love jody no i love jody and he would
Vic00:14:39say this to me about gk chester and cs lewis i mean like who you know i mean come on now that's great i went to georgetown you think do they have names would we read them okay
JVL00:14:49this is santino are you okay we uh one of our with sunny but i so i talked to lara mason one of our one of our good friends who is in houston houston houston how do you pronounce the name of that town and uh they got their water back today they were very lucky because when things started going bad they turned the water off and then uh opened up the taps to empty out the pipe so that their pipes would not freeze very smart and uh i just did that five minutes ago oh oh god uh but she was telling me that it's so everything's a mess there's no food anywhere in houston
Sonny00:15:31but next week it's going to be 70 yeah that's about right that's it's going to be 60 in dallas by monday um so that's weird the pattern is like this and then it just gets pushed back up yeah it we we have been very very lucky uh in the bunch household we never lost power um we've only had one uh we've had one pipe freeze uh it one of the one of the pipes in the uh in the master bathroom like for the sink that does not work right now uh but the one that's right next to it does i i not clear to me if it burst or not i mean there's not water everywhere but there might be some water in the crawl space i gotta i gotta check that the crawl space um uh but the the you know uh i don't know like do they make basements in texas
JVL00:16:27i think basements are pretty unusual in texas and even like houses with stairs are unusual right there's so much land that like there's just ranchers everywhere well it's definitely there's
Sonny00:16:41definitely a lot of ranch homes uh we live in a ranch home we live in a one-story that is like you know it's spread out it's right it's not and so
JVL00:16:49the the land cost so because the construction costs for ranch homes are much much lower than homes with multiple stories and so you only you only undergo the extra construction costs when that is less than the land cost right and so the the and when you're in texas or you know any place that's not the east coast or the west coast land is so cheap that nobody needs to bother
Sonny00:17:12like building up you just build out yeah that's uh less the case now certainly in my neighborhood like in my neighborhood you know all the ranch homes when they're sold get torn down and people put up like two-story farmhouse style like fixer-upper you know or whatever uh but still no basement hgtv still
JVL00:17:33no basements why don't they build basements generally i think it has something to do with
Sonny00:17:37soil the the soil in the land it's like it's not it's not going to strike oil for no if we dig we can get a gusher like something to do with clay or limestone i don't know i don't know how it works frankly black gold so yeah i don't know we've been we've been very lucky here we have not lost power we have where our water has been on the whole time uh as best as i know we do not have any burst pipes but i'm i'm you know kind of delaying uh you know making making 100 sure of
JVL00:18:06that we'll see uh we'll see how that goes i was listening to another one of your podcasts sonny and you you first started talking about a friend of yours who had not did not have not had power in it was like 13 degrees and i thought to myself huh why doesn't sonny just invite him over and then i thought oh because he's sunny but then five minutes later you said on the show uh and i invited him to come stay with us wow and i thought to myself really well because i mean
Sonny00:18:35it's it's like it's like an actual how close is this friend it's an actual emergency this like
Vic00:18:40people are like freezing to death no i understand that i understand that but on the other hand it's
Sonny00:18:44you i know this is a good song like i didn't i didn't i didn't you know you sure my door's open is your heart opening up my heart my heart my heart has grown one size i wouldn't go three sizes but like one one side no i mean like we he uh you know he lives in in a condo and like they lost their power they had no power for two days like i kept being like i i know that it's an ice rink out there i can't come get you in my car but if you want to like risk it and drive here we'll happily put you up i mean it was it was look at that that is good humanitarian of
JVL00:19:19the year victorino yeah the humanitas award i'm the best person that anybody knows that's that's
Vic00:19:26i would only do that if i knew 400 sure they would not take me up on
Sonny00:19:31well there was there was that because you know it's not like anybody could get around anywhere he's not actually gonna come bring your whole family yeah sure he's got a dog you know the dog he doesn't want the dog to get hurt in the car you know driving over it's not happening it's fine uh no but it's it's bad here i mean it's it's like it's actually really it's actually like kind of terrifyingly bad uh just in terms of again like i it's it's not just the cold and it's not just the snow it's like the two things happening at the same time like this this this sort of city this city this southerly of a city is not really designed to handle this sort of thing it just isn't and like i can't i can't get too worked up about my street not having been plowed uh because i don't you know expect dallas to have do you plows at the ready but i but i am like i am like kind of annoyed by the general response
Vic00:20:26to it i don't know do you feel like uh jake gyllenhaal and day after tomorrow
Sonny00:20:31i i don't i don't often but every once in a while i will see every every once in a while i see a photo of of like people who live in like apartment complexes where the power has gone out and the pipes have burst and then like there's literally like uh like chandeliers of ice essentially hanging down from the light fixtures i mean it's like it is actually kind of like uh
Vic00:20:54day after tomorrow style cold well we're glad that you are safe we are i uh we've been keeping
JVL00:21:04worn over here i i we have just completed the high school musical trilogy did you watch it all in one day no we've done it over the course of a week and i gotta say part of me wishes that we had been doing this show when high school musical came out because the substandard episodes on high school musical would have been unbelievable on the other hand vick would
Vic00:21:32now be in federal prison oh for goodness sakes that's just so unfair um this is a have you done this has has your daughter not like wanted to like dip back into the because it's a whole collection on disney plus is this disney plus has a whole high school musical collection watch it show but is oh will you is it vanessa hudgens is that isn't it oh okay sucker punches vanessa
JVL00:21:57hudgens there you go okay ashley tisdale a russian girl who wow i'm all i'm saying is victor who's very talented they're all very gifted very gifted performers i'll zach afron
Vic00:22:11zach that's right they all became famous from that uh victorino this thing has you written all over i don't know quadrants what about the quadrants i don't know well in your
JVL00:22:25mind in my mind the quadrants would be a plus trust me by the time you when you go to sleep
Vic00:22:30yes that fourth quadrant a plus and a nap okay uh jvl i happy let what are you giving up um are you giving up powdered cheese that was my prediction i like to talk about my
JVL00:22:42lent wow i don't know because it has to be more than good deeds right it has to be more
Vic00:22:48than good deeds you
JVL00:22:49supposed to give something you have to do good deeds uh that's more than but no but
Vic00:22:55you have to actually give something up right because it's about yes you do have to give
JVL00:22:59something up my for lent i'm gonna be at mortification for lent i am gonna be at inbox zero every single night when i go to bed no matter what how about that that's good does that count that's good because i'm not about inbox i picked up my wife's inbox oh the other day 2768 so my my i don't understand how that is because my wife is very similar i don't
Vic00:23:26just wait just let it go because there's lots of stuff in there so i said to her i said
JVL00:23:31what do you do she's like do you just and she said you know i i don't really check email anymore no no i said what she's like yeah i just have to keep it yeah just i'm not going i decided i'm going to work this week bob yeah i'm just not gonna go yeah and you have
Vic00:23:49to keep at it every day because i have arranged my life stuff stuff will get in there it'll
JVL00:23:55be like tax documents i don't know if you guys know this but in gmail when you hit inbox zero they give you a little picture and it says nothing to do here like a i've never seen really what really like a hidden reward that only those of us who are inbox zero type people because there are only two types of people in the world people who are inbox zero and people who are not and i am an inbox zero guy and if anybody who's listening to this just starts emailing me for fun which is something that you have done ryan and thomas and christopher and flag don't don't you do it don't you go and sending extraneous little bear ass grab ass emails just don't screw up my inbox i don't want any any emails and if you want to reach me to be friendly send me a text because i don't care how many texts i have wait how many boxes
Vic00:24:54do you have well zero but no label on red and then you find things i mean i don't understand
Sonny00:25:02i don't i don't understand the non-inbox zero people because all you have to do in gmail is go to the mark all is red tab just do it like that if you want to do it but it's fine
JVL00:25:13you know and it's but they're still there even if they're red they're there you oh you delete everything after you delete or filed oh me too delete delete or file i can so i
Sonny00:25:25can search it if i need to delete except you're an animal uh you're an animal well can i can
Vic00:25:32i dispute that can i can i can i throw something in here i know we have to discuss a show but i i didn't want to talk yeah do we no do we are do we really are people really champing at the bit really awful to hear about but before hold on to everything jpod is jpod's throwing right now he's like i told them this movie's great 25 minutes and i give up uh i would like to discuss very quickly if you will i hope you don't mind i'm doing this uh listener and friend seth root talking about um uh what you prefer versus uh subtitles versus dubbing and it was really interesting on twitter the reactions of people because i i would have thought that without question it's subtitles because you want to hear the language and i don't mind reading
Sonny00:26:18you had a more interesting take on that well for me it's subtitles on live action stuff dubbing on animation um because i i find that i i think i my my general theory on subtitles is that subtitles are a necessary evil um because you dubbing is always bad it like you you always you have that mismatch between the lips and the words and it becomes intolerable to watch after a while your brain just like doesn't like it so subtitles are a necessary evil but necessary evils are still evil and you should avoid evil whenever possible and that is why i prefer the the dubbed uh cartoons the dubbed animation if i'm watching an anime uh picture i would i prefer
Vic00:27:02to have dubbing to to something yeah yeah i might just even mute the anime is that good sometimes but you know the uh but but like movies i and i mentioned this on twitter uh that i remember when abroad they were watching in the common room uh the godfather but it was in german and derpata and they loved it they loved it that was really good but it was dubbed in german and it was just like oh you know i mean and a lot of these guys i remember reading articles about it where the guy you know the the the dubber is good is a guy who's like oh yes i'm the voice of robert de niro in all his movies and they've become famous in their own right that's just weird or eddie murphy you in german it's just it doesn't work but um they that's how they like it over there it's just a really yes jvl it's just a weird thing i mean i think about coming to america speaking of which coming up in a few weeks i mean i wouldn't want to watch that in german that just would be terrible so anyway pro if you watch the lives of others that is great to watch uh with the subtitles because they speak amazing german east germans uh they don't have they have very clean accents there you know what i mean it's like the mid version of like a midwestern or a peter jennings type i mean it's just very clean and so you listen to them and it's quite enjoyable anyway speaking of accents
JVL00:28:30barb and star go to vista del mar i'll give you i'll give you an a for that one i just because i threw you off thank you so we're watching this movie because john told us to it's i sonny okay do
Sonny00:28:48say something to set up this conversation okay so here's what you have to understand about barb
JVL00:28:53and star go to vista del mar it is with julie newmar thanks for everything it is a it's it is
Sonny00:29:00a movie that is it is a movie that is best understood as one of those snl skit movies but without without an actual snl skit to base it on like to the point to the point where it is hitting the actual beats of an old snl movie like it's pat or wayne's world or whatever roxbury night at the roxbury where you could see what the skit is the skit on snl is these two women uh played by kristin wig and i forget what the
JVL00:29:30other one's name is um the other one the other one that's great that's great annie mamulo
Sonny00:29:36kristin wig and that lady uh sitting on a couch in the store where they work just kibitzing and ignoring customers that's the skit that's the skit it's them on their couch talking to each other the customers ignoring their bosses and it's funny because they they have weird accents and they're kind of they're kind of ditzy you know middle class or i'm sorry middle-aged women um
JVL00:29:58they're from oklahoma but they have minnesota accents yeah they have like upper midwest nebraska upper midwest whatever but they're they have minnesota minnesota they sound they sound
Sonny00:30:08like they're they should be in the movie fargo which is not set in fargo uh so the uh the what you have to understand about this movie is that it is basically an snl skit movie and if you if you watch it on this level as kind of a parody of snl skit movies it's it reveals itself in funny ways i actually enjoyed this movie more than than you two i i actually i enjoyed this movie i laughed several times uh at it i don't think i don't think it's i don't think it's great shakes the fact that this movie is getting five star raves from from all of the critics drives me totally bonkers i don't understand what's going on there but it's funny it's funny enough in places um uh so the the the basic uh setup of this movie like in any good snl uh skit movie the premise of the skit is undercut in the opening minutes because the store in which these two ladies work is shut down it's closed they're out of a job they're trying to find something to do with their lives and they decide to take a vacation to this florida beach town that has been targeted for destruction by an albino woman also played by kristen wigg i believe uh who what um yeah i'm pretty sure that's kristen wigg as the albino she plays herself yes i mean she plays the villain yeah oh yeah i guess she does doesn't she so uh who who wants to destroy this town for for being slighted as a as a young so now it is it is it is absurd and it is absurdist and in its absurdity and in its over-the-topness where you have things like a uh morgan freeman impersonator voicing a crab coming up to the beach to impart life wisdom to her i found it pretty i actually found it kind of entertaining in in that sort of again like almost um adult swim cartoon network style the kind of absurd over-the-top uh meta humor that that so thrived in the the early aughts on on the cartoon network um uh whether or not any i i i would i'm i'm kind of curious to get your guys take on it just because i could tell that you you hated it uh and i i i am uh i i i want to know exactly what didn't work for you well hold on because
JVL00:32:18before we get to vic's hatred uh so this is one of those movies where it'd be very interesting if only we had cinema scores because so i had never heard of it before john mentioned it to us i watched the trailer and the trailer is a goofy they start out by making like a stranger things reference and then it just looks like goofy girls on a vacation you know like saying silly things and you know big drinks and whatnot that works but the actual movie itself begins very normally until all of a sudden this asian kid who's delivering newspapers is being scanned by robotic owl and then he goes into a hidden tree lair yes which is an evil fortress and then all of a sudden you're just off the rails into a
Vic00:33:08land of the absurd what am i watching and how am i supposed to watch this right and
Sonny00:33:12so it's but this is what i like about it but this is this is what i like about it i like the absurd over-the-top quality to it this isn't this isn't uh like bridesmaids right this is not a movie this is not a movie that is trying anything like realism it's it is
JVL00:33:28it is attempting it's basically attempting a a again austin powers it's it's yes i literally wrote down austin powers on my little notes so more austin powers than bridesmaids uh but with like weird stuff thrown with we was the beach bum was that the the matthew mcconaughey there's a little bit of matthew mcconaughey the beach bum in it and there there are a couple moments of genuine humor the when the one of the two is lost in the everglades or something and meets this man who you know has all the answers great andy garcia my name is is that andy garcia there yeah tommy tommy bahama fantastic it's hysterical like you know this is tommy jp meeting jp you know it's very funny uh but man this thing goes on it's so it's it's not that hour 48 but that was too long but it feels like it's two hours 20 minutes and it is way too long for what it is i multiple musical numbers but it's not a musical it
Sonny00:34:40has like two or three correct yeah and they went on but it's not but it's not again it's
JVL00:34:48yes and i don't mind so i don't mind absurdism i don't mind not knowing where the ride is going but at the end of the day i do feel like movies need to have some cohesion to them and there is no cohesiveness to this it is it's all over the place in every sense of the word in ways which are not ultimately super satisfying uh is it okay to say that justin wigg less as time goes on wow well is that okay by like i'm sorry i don't mean that as a i'm not assigning value to her as a human being but as a i find her performances
Sonny00:35:30less compelling the longer time goes on i have always uh been of the opinion that her movie work is better was better than her snl work i always thought her snl work was overly broad and not particularly funny and when they when she left the show she left the show at the same time as if i remember correctly jason tudeikis and andy sandberg both of whom both of whom carried that show uh in my opinion from like a creative stand standpoint and kristen wigg was always just doing these like things where she would make funny faces be like and i i hated it i hated i hated her on the on snl but i've always liked her movie work i've always thought she was very good in uh she was very good she pops up in things i like her i thought she actually was very good in this even though it is the throwback to that kind of snl shtick that i hated before i i don't know i thought this worked on again on a very weird and and meta and and uh absurdist level yeah it didn't
JVL00:36:39didn't do it for me any mamula was mamulo mamalo whatever the other one uh i thought was quite right she's good too yeah she was she was quite good victorino you know who is bad is
Sonny00:36:54jamie dorman oh and i want and i'm rooting for him not very good not funny not funny
Vic00:37:00i remember i well i i saw him in 50 shades of gray no well i know shades freed famously for shade freed i had to go to the theater for that in my sweatpants had to had to trench coat it's right because i was there was some other movie and i chose not to see that movie and instead i went to see that one and it was interesting uh and so i'm rooting for him because you know everyone you you know like you don't
JVL00:37:22you know how marlon wayans gets fourth billing in this for like five months you ready for
Vic00:37:26this one on the way what is that junior junior it's like the sun i think it's the sun damon wayans jr it's damon wayans jr so one of the wayans guys wayans son and his part is terrible
JVL00:37:36in this and it's it's a it's basically an extra part it is and there's five lines there's
Vic00:37:41a scene where he is delivering the information and he says and i get it he's supposed to be you know very obvious and inept and obtuse and then and then and then he goes into the kitchen and there's a big crash but it was so he was like and so i agree with jonathan on this doesn't often happen where usually we're on the other sides of different things i agree with jonathan 100 on this and uh it was really the expectation of what am i watching here and you get yourself into this mode okay this is going to be this you know and this would have been a c- sentiment cinema school yes and this had been in the theater and i think from the moment that the owl scanned the kid i'm like okay what's happening here and it's austin powers and then there's some sort of airplane in uh element to it as well and so you know and it's not bright but you have this expectation as brightness because i love i love bright i think bridesmaids is great and so uh you're hoping for that but it's not that and it just seemed to be all over the place and the musical numbers the ones with jamie dornan they went on forever
Sonny00:38:48on and on and it's like you could have saved six minutes of this movie just by cutting
Vic00:38:52all the music it's it's you know you're sort of cringing and i know sonny you were the expert on cringe and uh it just felt like you know like oh i just wanted to get out but of course you couldn't because we're watching this movie and you know it was just like when something is not funny and you're left sitting there to have to see the whole thing is awful there are funny bits in this movie uh there's no question about it they they do this funny skit you're right it's a skit where they're talking on the airplane about their imaginary friend trish and then by the time they're in the airport go and they're they're leaving and they're going down the escalator it's a terrible ending for the life of that's funny that that works but there's so much of it that did not work and also i i don't know you can say it's absurd but also there's kind of a cheat in terms of how are they going to get out of this mess oh they're culottes or whatever help them parachute down or oh you know
Sonny00:39:48is like a mermaid you know i mean all of these things pay off they're all set up earlier in the film and they pay off the non sequiturs all pay off no they pay off in the wrong way
JVL00:39:58yeah yeah and like reba mcintyre is a it's just sort of meaningless cameo i mean having cameos for no reason yeah well no i mean like what it's okay so if you're gonna go with that why is that why is the character of trish the mermaid sea sprite being played by reba mcintyre right
Vic00:40:18they could have had her distracting because they could have also had her narrate the opening to the movies just have it oh okay here she is at the end you know but in fact it's just
JVL00:40:26there yeah did you guys stay for the post credits because the whole post like the whole credit sequence toward the end is this this is what i don't really so this seems to be a throwaway movie the type of movie that is saved by the pandemic because had had we been in a normal year this thing would have had to have opened on 2 000 screens and it would have said oh kristen wigg can't open a movie right and instead it's like oh pandemic it's just a throwaway thing that gets you know lost but the the filmmakers seem to have thought they had gold inside this thing and this is the this is one of the things that i find kind of interesting about it is it's weirdly self-assured produced by will ferrell and adam mckay yeah i saw that oh yes uh it's a weirdly self-assured thing and so maybe anchorman is a better better parallel for it in terms of model in terms of the absurdity i i never loved anchorman oh if i can say that bad opinion there are many there are many scenes i like in anchorman there there are like 15 great minutes in anchorman but uh the whole but it's 115 minute movie 150 minute right 115 is it that are you sure is that short oh it can't be 150 no it's no
Sonny00:41:56it's it's like it's like an hour and 40 minutes something like that anyway hour 50 minutes
JVL00:42:01the point is that i this has the feeling that the the the filmmakers here do not seem to believe that this is a misfire the the whole thing even the and again even because of all of the credits the antics and the incredible yeah the incredible elaborate uh like graphic design done in the in the just in the credits just replays the whole movie essentially right
Vic00:42:28it's really by the way you know they're singing they're playing that background music uh hot hot hot right and they're doing this thing all i can think of is the much more far superior credits uh where they use that song in bend it like beckham thank you okay
Sonny00:42:48uh i know i mean i i again i uh tomboy beanpole i think i think this movie works better than than you guys give it credit for and i think there was a reason that the filmmakers were so self-assured about it because the only way you can sell this movie is if you if you sell it 100 if you if you commit to be committed to it exactly you have to commit to the absurdity of it uh it will be i i have a feeling that this will become a cult classic in the in the mode of zoolander um and and other uh similar similar movies i also watched this this weekend i i was i was telling you guys this i watched um the mcgruber movie um which is a hard r adaptation of the uh the the mcgyver skit mcgruber on uh on snl that that will forte did for for many years and it is it's it's legitimately the funniest thing i've seen in in i i have not laughed this hard in watching a movie uh in in a very long time and like the way the way it the way it made me laugh specifically was its use of music so it like it has a lot of these like 80s callbacks and 80s references and the music is like an 80s mixtape um but there's one moment in particular and i don't want to spoil it but there's one moment in particular where they cut from like the gauzy 80s over overbearing soundtrack to what the characters who are engaged in an activity are actually hearing and it's the funniest smash cut the funniest audio smash cut i've ever heard in my life i would like was doubled over with laughter so um hard recommend mcgruber which is free on amazon prime right now am i gonna like it even if i don't like will forte how can you not like will forte will forte is great i'll tell you how i don't like
JVL00:44:32it i have no feeling either way that's what i'm curious about taste and comedy so will for so one of the things lauren michaels does uh historically in snl is pit his cast members against one another and he will often bring in somebody who is a younger version of somebody who is an existing star just a pitta you know make them fight and uh will forte was that for for will ferrell so as will ferrell was becoming the will ferrell and was the biggest star snl it had since maybe bill murray um will forte was brought in and it was so obviously johnny doe to dirk digler that i just thought yeah i don't know how like really all of his shtick was the same as as will ferrell's shtick the idea of the absurdist stuff where he just commits super hard to it and but done without any of the deep cleverness that they were doing very
Sonny00:45:37different things though they were doing they were doing will ferrell was much more over the top will forte was much more subdued um and like kind of quieter and more inside of himself than than will ferrell i find him insipid wow you're terrible ouch god you're terrible he's literally the only bad thing
Vic00:45:55in good boys of as the dad what was he in good boys he's the dad in good boys the thing
JVL00:46:01is with with christian look he's sexually masturbating like that that is quintessential a quintessential will forte line read and it's horrible yeah you might not like mcgruber
Sonny00:46:18since he's the star since he's on he's on the screen in it in basically every shot and also has val kilmer though you like that i do like val kilmer wow and it has powers booth up oh helping the annie jeez like and it has kristen wick i know before you hated kristen
Vic00:46:33wick i do not hate not hate that's that now you're interested but she's really you know but kristen wick is great and and you have this sort of set of expectations of her for this movie and she was fine in certain parts of uh barb and star but man you know you compare it to bridesmaids and she was just fantastic in that and and i think about a couple of of scenes obviously the sex scenes with john ham are hilarious uh but also um when she takes the um uh the the anxiety medication plus the plus the alcohol on on the plane and you can go see it on um on youtube and she's just fantastic and she's saying this thing about parting down to the river and she's making fun of rose burn and the whole thing i mean she's just really good and there's another scene that i liked from bridesmaid which is when the irish cop gives her the radar gun chris o'dowd yes great guy from the i.t i.t crowd i think
Sonny00:47:29from the i.t crowd love that show great show and uh somebody described that once as as bbc oh what's the what's the terrible show with the nerds that's off the air now kids in the hall no with um uh it was on cbs for like 15 years it was the most popular bang theory big bang theory yeah yeah somebody described that as bbc big bang theory and i i like i i think that's probably right but it's funnier because it's on the bbc that's
Vic00:47:52right that's right that's right the accents make it funnier well he gives her i'm one of those americans he gives her the uh the radar gun and they're doing a thing and it's just perfect and it's great chemistry and she's fantastic in it so i don't know i mean it was just kind of a disappointment because i liked her in those things she was even great in her little cameo in uh forgetting sarah marshall do you remember she was the yoga
JVL00:48:13instructor just fan roseburn no no no no no no roseburn is the
Vic00:48:18christian wake i i had fantastic so this thing here was like ah i don't know my money
JVL00:48:22roseburn who is a fantastic dramatic actress is also funnier than almost anyone hugely underrated she is insanely funny you could put her in anything and she's neighbors neighbors
Vic00:48:37is better than you think it's gonna be and part of it is part of it is her but the other part is of course uh ike baron holtz why isn't roseburn a bigger star
Sonny00:48:48i don't know i honestly don't know it doesn't make any sense it doesn't make any sense to me she's she's she's the funniest thing in um and also the spy movie with uh with melissa mccarthy yeah she plays the villain in that she's she's the best thing in that yeah i don't know she should be she should be a bigger comedic actress than she is or a bigger dramatic i mean because again she
JVL00:49:09should be a huge star if i were the showrunner on some giant prestige tv show i would cast her and give her the show and let her carry it because she's she's just fabulous and everything she does uh is there anything else to say about barb and star what else what is there gonna be snl movies oh boy that's a good question uh i mean the obvious answer is wayne's world yeah
Sonny00:49:37you can't say wayne's what are the other ones i'm gonna say something else i don't think wayne's
JVL00:49:41world is the best snl movie okay well then you pick one god put me on the spot i can't i can't put me on the side here hold on let me let me effort this anyone else sonny what else you got coneheads no okay oh coneheads didn't coneheads also tommy boy tommy boy tommy boy's not an snl movie no it just stars a guy
Vic00:50:05from snl the ladies man oh man now we're getting down there yeah okay now uh hold on it's actually
Sonny00:50:12the answer is mcgruber because that that is literally one of the funniest things i've ever
JVL00:50:17we'll take your word for it it might be mcgruber honestly okay uh it might be mcgruber that's fine you don't like did you know that did you know that the stewart smalley movie the al franken movie was directed by harold ramis oh big miss there by harold wow the late great isn't that something
Sonny00:50:39yeah that is something because that's a that's a shit burger of a movie that is a big that's a wrapped up in a poppy seed bun we've done this pick one pick one mcgruber there you haven't even seen it pick one you've seen what about wayne's world 2 i guess how could you not like
JVL00:51:01the wayne's how could you not like wayne's i'll tell you i'll tell you why because i had a bad viewing experience for wayne's world do tell uh i saw wayne's world as a college senior doing a prospective freshman college visit to the university of rochester and the assholes who i was staying with at rochester at rochester were like frat pro types who just wanted to get bombed and so i went to see wayne's world with these guys and 20 of their fraternity brothers every one of whom was drunk out of their mind and i was just sort of being pulled from they're just
Sonny00:51:47trying to show the high school kid a good time yeah yeah i guess jvl's like i just want to read books where's where's the library fellas i didn't want to hang out with those douchebags i'll tell
Vic00:52:00you that much you know uh what do you call those weekends what do you call those it's the weekends where they have the the high school kids visiting right uh i forget what you call that because we i
Sonny00:52:08never i was never a host on any of those we did the same thing they tried hosting but then it was
JVL00:52:13outrage that they wanted to put a guy with them
Vic00:52:17we did that we took a bunch of them to the the mexican cafe and these high school kids to the mexican cafe and it was great all right was it that was it one that didn't card yes that's right which is now if you're wondering where the mexican cafe is on m street it's where pizzeria paradiso
JVL00:52:35is now i had all bad experiences on these things when i went to oberlin the the first of all you
Vic00:52:42could stop there because that was the first mistake funny the the the guys i i had to stay with
JVL00:52:47just wanted to to sit in their dorm room and get high again again i'd like to i don't see what's
Vic00:52:57wrong here what's happening what am i missing here where's the park where was i not park my car on the campus show me the why was i not there that's what i that's my question i didn't do any of those
JVL00:53:09i didn't do any of those things and and well you know what it worked out for you of course everything works out for you but the fatal mistake is that i did not do one of those weekends at hopkins because had i gone and stayed over i would not have no fucking way i would have gone there no way i would have gone there i would have taken a gap year and then applied to rutgers
Vic00:53:27or something yeah you would have been maybe trenton state yeah trenton state or uh the college of new jersey as it's now called yeah all right victorino spirit of the week tell us
JVL00:53:37oh yeah tell us about your drinks what when you ordered your martinis what sort of martinis did
Vic00:53:42you order uh as always i like to go with the plymouth uh martini up with our olives and they were delicious they were blue cheese blue cheese no regular but they were small this is an interesting thing about olives because you want to get them for yourselves when you're doing your own martini you can get them you go to the store you can get them in a jar but some of those jar olives are not great and the best thing to do is get the fresh olives if you can find fresh olives just get them stick them in do them yourself you know what i mean the ones that have been bottled up not really great sometimes and i've had those i was up in jersey and i could so the ones at bourbon steak were delectable and so i had a few of those and then of course the japanese whiskey i had back at the house is the hatazaki excuse me about the burp and it was
Sonny00:54:31really uh uh quite tasty thick is thick is barely hanging in there we gotta we gotta wrap this up
Vic00:54:38let's wrap this up i i i what are you are you drinking anything sunny yeah i'm drinking i got
Sonny00:54:43uh bush mills black bush friend of the show once you go black bush robert robert robert little uh got me this robert little guy and he uh he always wants to remind me to remind you vic that i'm drinking the black yeah of course yes yes he gave me i
Vic00:54:58think he gave me the red bush uh i would i do want to say uh listener wyatt uh has sent a very thoughtful email and asked uh and he goes to a school he doesn't drink and he goes to college but he is going to graduate and then he is going to want to drink and he asked what should be his post-graduation drink if he's never had a drink really before malibu no this is a very interesting question and you both have very good answers because one of them is you go hardcore like this is like sonny's saying or do you go silly crazy college drink like malibu that you did not have in the last four years of your life and there are different ways to go about it i mean you could do that you could say oh because you know i didn't go to a school that you know where you were drinking because i can't order these drinks as a mature adult so i'm going to get a long island iced tea or yeah you gotta or or uh you know uh malibu bay breeze or or tom collins that was my drink of tom collins uh you know or uh do you go do you go or do you try to do a pro move and say i'll have a i'll have an old-fashioned or a martini you know a plymouth up with olives but you might not like
Sonny00:56:11it because it's too strong you don't want to start you don't want to start you don't want your first drink to be a martini very good that will that will that will end it good answer my recommendation honestly no just just drink i mean drink drink some wine drink some white wine you don't get used to the the sensation of being drunk my recommendation don't get drunk on white
JVL00:56:29wine you'll have a horrible hangover just have a beer my you can have a beer have a beer like
Vic00:56:35have some miller lights i would say nope my get a six pack of miller lights drink my recommendation is some sort of a highball so like a gin and tonic uh doers and soda oh gin and tonic doers and soda
JVL00:56:47who doesn't like it that's it corrections additions shout outs i have one if you guys don't i just mere moments ago received a text message from mr flag taylor who says oh hi vic and this is not this is a light live we're not live are we and we are not live and he sent me a tweet which i am going to show you guys the tweet is from at the sports drop ultimate throwback photoshop pics of celebrities posing with their younger
Vic00:57:23selves let us know who still has it stop that's ridiculous that's ridiculous the one on the left is obviously the hotter one okay jbl your left or mine we'll never know thank you
JVL00:57:42sonny would you like to tell the viewers at home what you are staring at absolutely not something from hogwarts the sorcerer's stone just came out by the way that's the most recent movie that was like 2019 yeah that's right all right that's all the time we're giving you this episode questions comments complaints compliments tweet us at sunny bunch at victorino mattis or leave a comment at sub beacon dot com just don't uh don't go insulting me because i will fucking ban your ass from the show that happened again it happened again it did i never thought that it would be cool to come onto our website and call me a prick
Sonny00:58:21how well i'll have to use a different name next time well i mean are we is it are we since when do we when are we against the truth here oh yeah after after in a previous comment
JVL00:58:35saying i couldn't believe these assholes let me subscribe for a dollar here i'll let them have a dollar a month sonny you'll have to bleep that
Sonny00:58:47what oh we're bleeping at 58 52 until next time yeah we still haven't gotten to the do do do do do do do do do until next time i have an outtake wow that's all messed up okay
JVL00:59:08go ahead for it go for it jvl unless you guys have something no i got nothing so uh my in-laws were down to visit us this weekend and uh my father-in-law jack pruden big duke fan yeah that's going to duke tough season i was going to say right now oh oh right here right
Vic00:59:30here
JVL00:59:31and he said what he's like yeah they're seven and eight they may not make the tournament i said what what what so yeah they're they're terrible i said what are they not are they not playing the right way dad is that is that the problem they're just not playing the right way now but here's here's the funny part uh we we believed that my mother-in-law and father-in-law would really enjoy ted lasso yes and so he put ted lasso on for them and my mother-in-law loved it my father-in-law who is a little hard of hearing and does not wear his hearing aids he does not like his hearing aids in fact he does not like his hearing aids so much that he accidentally left them at our house when they went back to new jersey who could say uh but he he said to me is there a button that you could use to make that play slower i said well you know it's funny actually netflix will let you watch it faster if it's a terrible movie like that that stupid uh docu-series we did on uh the night stalker but nobody has yet gotten a slowdown feature to to let us watch things at say 75 speed sonny what do you think uh david lynch would say if somebody wanted to watch his movies at 75 it's fucking bullshit i'm sure it's fine
Spot something wrong in this episode? Suggest a correction →
Comments
Loading…